Authors: Alex Coleman
“Jackie? It’s Eddie. Hand. From work. “ “Hello.
”
“Oh. You sound upset, are you all right?” “I’ll be fine. In a while.
”
“Do you feel any better today? No, of course you don’t, what a thing to say. Have you –
”
“Never mind me,” I cut in. “How are you? How did it go last night?
”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. Oh – sorry. I didn’t – sorry.
”
“Hello?
”
“Sorry, Jackie, I just stood on a wee boy’s toe.” “Where are you?
”
“I’m in the Jervis Centre. Buying clothes.
”
That sounded significant, but I chose not to pursue it for the moment. “I’m in Stephen’s Green,” I said. The next sentence was out before I was aware that I’d even had the thought. “Why don’t you come up and meet me?
”
“
Yes
. Yes, I will. I’m done here anyway. Where are you exactly?
”
“On a bench to the right of the bandstand as you come from Grafton Street.
”
“I’ll see you in twenty minutes. Is that too long? Can you wait?
”
“Sure. But give me a clue. Was it okay, the date?” “I don’t know. That’s what I want you to tell me.” “Oh. Okay. See you soon.
”
“Great. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks very much. Bye.” He hung up. I put my phone away and realised that I was greatly looking forward to the distraction of seeing him and would have stuck around if he’d been an hour away. Eddie
.
Hand. From work. Strange, strange days
.
CHAPTER
13
Eddie
arrived
less
than
ten
minutes
after
we
got
off
the phone
.
“Jesus,” I said. “Did you fly?
”
“I ran,” he gasped, which was patently the truth. He was badly out of breath and his entire face was covered with sweat. There was a little droplet hanging from the tip of his nose. “I’m not used to running.
”
“Sit down,” I said and made to get up
.
But the bearded man beside me waved a hand in the air and said, “Don’t get up, stay where you are. I’m away to watch the match.” With some difficulty, he got to his feet. “You shouldn’t be tearing around the place like a blue-arsed fly,” he said to Eddie as he turned to leave. “Man in your physical condition.
”
Eddie looked down at his heaving belly. If any counter- slurs occurred to him, he kept them to himself
.
“Come on,” I said. “Sit down, tell all.
”
“What about you, first,” Eddie said as he took a pew. “Are you sure you’re all right?
”
“Yeah. I just met my daughter. Didn’t stay long.” “Oh. Right. Taking it badly, is she?
”
“You
could
say
that.
I’d
prefer
not
to
talk
about
it.” “Okay.
And
what
about
the
car?
Did
your
husband
pick
it
up?
”
“He did, yeah.
”
“He must have hit the roof.
”
“Nope. He sent me a text saying he understood.” “Really?
”
“Yup.
”
He gazed off across the park, lost in thought. “I suppose you felt awful guilty.
”
I spun towards him. “
Yes
. What made you say that?
”
He shrugged. “You’re a good person. Doing bad things wouldn’t come easily to you. Not that I think you did a bad thing! I mean –
”
“I know what you mean. And I’m glad to hear you saying it. I’ve had nothing but grief from everyone else.
”
“Who?
”
“My son, my daughter, my sister. They think I’m being too soft.
”
“Don’t mind them.
”
That,
apparently,
was
the
beginning
and
the
end
of
his advice.
Still,
it
made
me
feel
a
bit
better.
I
shouted
down
the
voice
in
my
head
that
told
me
I
didn’t
deserve
to
feel
better because
(like
everyone
else)
Eddie
was
comforting
me without
knowing
all
the
facts
.
“You’re right,” I said. “I should … not mind them. Come on, tell me how it went with … eh …
”
“Margaret.
”
“Margaret. Start at the start. Where did you take her?” “The Firefly.
”
“Eddie! Big spender.
”
“One of the papers had a write-up about it last week. Said it was fantastic, so I thought I’d push the boat out.
”
“And?
”
“Well, I’ll never see the boat again, that’s for sure. It’s gone over the bloody horizon.
”
“Worth it though?
”
“Oh yeah, it was lovely. Very elegant and all, but they didn’t make you feel like you didn’t belong there. I’ve been to a few other nice restaurants, on my own I might add, and they all treated me like a bloody competition winner.
Eat
this and
clear
off
.
”
“Were you nervous?
”
He held a hand in the air and quickly shook it back and forth. “I could hardly do my shoelaces before I left the house. But she was nervous too. It was one of the first things she said to me, so that helped.
”
“Good.
”
“And I followed your advice. Asked her lots of questions, found out loads. There wasn’t one awkward silence, not one.
”
“And what exactly did you find out?
”
“She’s thirty-three. Shares a flat with a pal of hers. Works for Aer Lingus. Loves cats. Hates spiders. Big into music but nobody I’ve ever heard of, except Elvis and Johnny Cash. Oh, and Frank Sinatra. Hasn’t travelled much but wants to. Had her appendix out last year. Only child, just like me. Very close to her mother and father. Reads a lot. Loves Roddy Doyle. She met him a few times and thought he was very nice. She tried to write a book herself once but gave up after a few weeks. Plays the piano a little bit. Can’t stand Bertie Ahern. Her favourite film is
The
Shawshank
Redemption
. When she was little girl, she had a hamster, but her cousin stood on it. She once got burgled three times in a fortnight. She doesn’t believe in UFOs, but she does believe in ghosts. She hates
Big
Brother
, but she always watches it anyway. She has very little interest in learning how to cook. And she’s always liked older men.
”
He allowed himself to smile when he came to this last detail. I melted a little bit. It was just so cute
.
“Wow,” I said. “You did a lot of listening.
”
“I did a bit of talking as well. But not too much. It was going so well that I didn’t want to ruin it.
”
“Is there a ‘but’ coming, Eddie?
”
“Yes. Well, no. Kind of. That’s what I want to talk to you about.” He put his hand to the back of his head and gave it a vigorous scratching
.
“Did you say something you shouldn’t have or –
”
“No,
not
at
first
anyway.
I
was
really
proud
of
myself, Jackie.
And
grateful
to
you.
God
knows
what
I
would
have
been
like
if
I’d
gone
in
there
armed
with
a
load
of
old
guff
I got
off
the
Internet.
I
did
fine,
honest.
Right
up
until
the very
end.
”
“Oh? What happened then?
”
“We finished up in the restaurant and went outside, still chatting away, still getting on great, getting more comfortable, you know? Taking the mickey a bit. At least
she
was taking the mickey out of
me
.
”
“About what?
”
“My shirt. She said her grandfather had one just like it.” “Ah. Hence the shopping. I don’t see any bags …
”
“I didn’t buy anything. I was halfway to the counter with a shirt when I realised it was almost exactly the same as the one I wore on our date, only the check was a bit bigger. You and her would get on great. She laughs at my shirt, you laugh at my tie.
”
“For the last time, I
like
your tie.
”
“Anyway. So there we were on the street, chatting away good-o. It wasn’t too late, so I thought maybe we’d go and get a drink, you know, keep the thing going.
”
“But she wanted to go home. Eddie, you shouldn’t read too much –
”
“No, no, it wasn’t that. Just the opposite. I suggested going for a drink and she said ‘Wouldn’t you rather come back to my place?’ Like, she stepped all close and everything when she said it.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t quite believe that such a thing had happened
.
“I’m not sure I see the problem,” I said. “You like her, don’t you?
”
“Oh yeah! Yeah.” He smiled. “She told me this great story about a chap at work who went to Greece with his wife … Well, I’ll tell you some other time. But she’s … lovely, she’s really lovely.
”
I
took
a
deep
breath.
“I
think
I
know
what
you’re
telling me,
Eddie.
Are
you saying
that
it’s
been a
while?
Since
you
…
y’know.
With
a
woman.
”
He rolled about on his hips and clasped his hands together. “This is a big, it’s a big … I don’t know why I’m telling you. Sorry, sorry, that’s not true. I do know why I’m telling you. Because you’re helpful and kind and … knowledgable. But you can’t laugh.
”
I patted his knee, confident that I had his number. “I didn’t laugh at your Internet printouts, did I?
”
“No. You didn’t.
”
“Eddie, maybe it’d be easier if I said it for you.” “Maybe.
”
“Are you telling me you’re a bit … inexperienced?” He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “You could say that.” I gave him time to elaborate
.
He leaned forward and stared down at the ground. “Jackie, I’ve never even kissed a woman. Let alone … anything else.
”
My first thought was that I should be very quick about saying something supportive. But nothing came to mind. I peeled my tongue from the roof of my mouth, where it had suddenly lodged, and made a noise along the lines of “
Uhwehuhum
”
.