The Bridesmaid's Best Man (12 page)

She lowered her gaze. “I don't think I can do that again,” she whispered.

He held on to the steering wheel and squeezed as the pain rushed through him. “Because I made one mistake.”

“No, because I can't be with a guy who won't share his life.”

“I just did this morning,” he blurted out in frustration. He shared something about his past and it did not go well. “Look at what happened.”

“That was one time and you're still holding back,” she accused. “You don't trust me. Not enough.”

“That's not true,” he insisted. “I trust you more than anyone I know.”

“You don't trust me enough to talk about yourself. I don't know about your past, I didn't know about your dream of opening an agency and I don't know how you feel about me. And I was with you for over a year.” She took a deep breath. “Cole, I'm done with this. This was a mistake.”

Cole closed his eyes as her words ripped through him. He was not a mistake. “Angie...”

“Just take me back to your office. I parked my car there,” Angie said. Her voice was dull and tired as she looked out the car window. “We got caught up in the pretense. Let's forget this ever happened.”

12

A
S
C
OLE
PARKED
in the front of his office building, he felt the weight of this moment. He knew he had to do something or Angie would never be his again. Angie, the only woman he loved and if he were honest, still loved.

Angie had been the most loyal person he knew. She didn't agree with everything he did, but she was there for him. She cheered him on when he needed encouragement and gave him advice when he asked. When he made a mistake, she called him on it. This was a woman he wanted at his side. Yet he never thought she would reach the point where she called it off. But he had found her limit.

That was his specialty. Driving people away.

“We need to talk,” he said as he put the car in Park.

“Cole, I'm done talking.”

“It won't take long,” he said as he watched her unbuckle her seat belt. “Just come into my office. There are a couple of things I need to tell you.”

“Like what? About your case?” She exhaled sharply. “Face it, Cole. The whole thing was probably an accident. I can see how it happened after wearing these stupid heels all night. Heidi likely spilled her drink and fell. She hit her head. I don't know why she was facedown. She could have tried to get up but failed.”

“That makes sense.” His instincts told him something different, but he had no proof. It was time to stop and move on to the next assignment.

“Your case is over,” she continued. “Heidi's family reconnected with her. You don't have to investigate anymore. You don't have to go to the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. It's all good.”

There was something about Angie's voice that bothered him. She sounded tired. Disappointed. She sounded like she was giving up on him. “That's not what I want to talk about,” he said, his voice rough as the fear clawed his chest. “Come on, let's go inside.”

Angie paused before she gave a sigh of defeat. “Fine. But you have five minutes.”

He helped her out of the car. The rain was now a mist, clinging to their skin and clothes. Angie didn't touch him or hold on to his arm as she navigated the puddles. She didn't say a word as they walked into his office suite. She didn't look around but headed straight for the other room, slapping the light switch as she entered.

“Well?” Angie asked once he stepped into the room after her. “What is so important that we had to discuss it here?”

He took a deep breath but it didn't diminish the nervous energy coursing through his veins. “You're right,” he said as he started to pace. “I didn't trust you enough. I didn't realize it until you said it just now.”

Angie didn't say anything. She stood by the sofa, arms crossed, as she watched him walk around the small room. She glanced at her wristwatch and the fear gripped him harder. He needed to explain himself and reveal his darkest moments, but he didn't think he could do that under the clock.

“I didn't tell you some things about me because...” He floundered, trying to come up with the right words. He wasn't much of a talker and what he said now would have a great impact on his future. “Because it would open some old wounds.”

“It was more than omitting a few important facts,” she pointed out. “You lied to me. You led me to believe that you didn't have a family. Why would you lie about something like that?”

“I felt...” He stopped and gathered all the courage he had. “I felt that if you knew all about me, saw the real me, you would leave.”

“Okay, that's kind of what you said before. I'm not really sure where this is heading.” She sat down on the sofa. “Is there something you've done in your past that I should know about?”

“No.” He crossed his arms tightly. “It's about the personal stuff I was going through when we were together. You suggested moving in and that—”

“Scared you off, I know.” She leaned back into the sofa and crossed her legs. “You didn't want to make that kind of commitment.”

“No, you're wrong. I
wanted
to make a commitment.” When she had made the suggestion, he wanted to instantly agree before she would have changed her mind. “But I didn't want to make the mistakes I'd made in the past.”

He saw the hurt and surprise flash in her eyes. She pressed her lips together. “You lived with someone before me?”

“No, I didn't want to before. I'm not easy to live with. I never have been.” He made a face. That was an understatement. He had chosen not to live with anyone, not even a roommate when he was younger, because he knew they would grow to resent and hate him. He hadn't been interested in living with a girlfriend until he met Angie.

She made him want things he told himself he couldn't have. She showed him a world that sounded almost too good to be true. He knew it wouldn't last. He would ruin it just like he always did.

“I wanted...” He paused and tried again. “I wanted to know where I went wrong before I moved in with you. In the past, I had pushed away the people I love. Like my parents.”

Angie frowned. “So, what did you do?”

“I tracked them down.” It had been incredibly easy. They weren't trying to hide. Not from the government or the rest of the world. Their goal was simple: they wanted to be rid of him.

“Your parents?” She glanced at the family dinner picture on his wall and then back at him. “How long had it been since you'd seen them?”

“Fifteen years.” He looked at the floor as he remembered that horrible day. He usually tried not to think about it, or relive that sense of absolute rejection and fear. “One day I had returned home from school and they were gone.”

She blinked and leaned forward. “I'm sorry, what?”

“My mom and my stepdad had left me.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he felt the heat flood his skin. “There was no note or any contact information. They had taken all their stuff and took off while I was at school.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don't understand.”

“I wasn't a runaway, Angie,” he said gruffly as he felt the dark emotions welling up inside him. “I was a throwaway. They kicked me out of the family because they didn't want me. They left and started another life.”

She stared at him. “What did you do? How did you survive?”

“My friends helped me a lot. But there were nights when I had to live on the streets. I kept going to school because it was warm and I could get a meal. It took a while before I got enough jobs and could support myself.”

“Why would your parents leave?”

“My stepfather and I always fought. He was bigger than me and would hit me often. One day he hit me and I hit back hard.” His mouth twisted as he remembered how powerful he had felt. He had believed that his stepfather couldn't hurt him anymore. How wrong he had been. “The next day my parents were gone.”

“It's taken you this long to track your mom?”

“No.” He went and sat next to Angie on the sofa. He felt weary and old. Thinking about that time in his life always dragged him down. “I found out her information a long time ago but I didn't go searching for them. And they definitely weren't interested in looking for me.”

“They told you that?” she asked, clearly horrified.

“They didn't have to.” He saw it in their faces when he found them. They asked no questions about him or his life. They just wanted him gone. “But when you talked about moving in, I knew I had to find them and answer some questions.”

“Did they give you any answers?”

“No.” He regretted looking for his mom and stepfather.

Angie was quiet for a few minutes before asking, “Where do they live?”

“Across the country. Virginia.” He shifted as the image of his mom's new home bloomed in his mind. It was tiny but well-loved. It was a house he would have been grateful to grow up in. “They're doing better than when I lived with them.”

“I can't believe your parents didn't look after you.” Angie curled in closer. She wrapped her arm around his chest. “They messed up. Not you. What mother would do that?”

“My mother never wanted me. I was an accident.” She had ranted about it so many times. How his biological father abandoned them when she got pregnant. How no man wanted her because he was part of the package. How he had better not mess it up with his stepfather. “I was a mistake that changed the course of her life.”

“You're not a mistake.” Angie leaned her head against his shoulder. “When your parents left you to fend for yourself? That's a mistake. That's a crime.”

“I survived.” Barely. There were times when he wanted to give up, but pride kept him going. He had been determined to show his parents that he could take care of himself. He had carried the fantasy that his parents would eventually come crawling back to him begging for forgiveness.

“Why didn't you tell me when you found them?” Angie asked. “You didn't need to keep it a secret.”

“All this time I thought they were incapable of loving anyone. But I was wrong. They were incapable of loving me. There was something wrong with me.”

She pressed her hand against his chest. “That's not true. Don't ever think that.”

“It is true. I know because when I tracked them down, my mother was still married to my stepfather. They were happy and doing well.” The pain tightened his throat and it hurt to tell the rest of the story. “And they had more children.”

She lifted her head. “No.”

“Two girls, not yet teenagers.” It had been a jarring discovery when he met his half sisters. He had been devastated. “My mom and stepfather take good care of them and are very involved parents.”

And if their desertion had been the wound, seeing his parents transform into good parents had been the twist of the knife. It was as if they wanted to start from scratch instead of a do-over. They were able to give those girls a secure and stable home life. Why couldn't they have done it for him when he needed it the most?

“Oh, my God.” Angie's eyes held of sheen of tears. “What did your mom say when you found her? Was she ashamed of what she did?”

“No.” By the time he had realized that, he had been numb. “She had to make a decision between my stepfather and me. She picked him and she doesn't regret it. And she made it very clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me.”

* * *

A
NGIE
DIDN
'
T
KNOW
how long she sat with Cole as they held each other. She wished she could do something to take the pain away. She wanted him to know that he was loved, but she knew he wouldn't believe her.

She gave him a light punch on his shoulder. “You should have told me.”

He reached up and covered his hand over hers. “It's difficult to talk about it. My friends' parents would let me stay for a while but they were suspicious. People looked at me differently when they learned the truth. They wanted to know what horrible thing I did to cause my parents to leave. I was a lot of trouble. I wasn't an easy child to love.”

“Are you kidding me? You're still taking the blame for what they did?” What kind of mind games did they play on Cole? The anger boiled inside her. “You should have taken me with you. We had been partners. We were in this together.”

He squeezed her hands. “I didn't know what I was going to face.”

“So you went alone to protect me?” That shouldn't surprise her. He made decisions, dealt with problems and took actions by himself. “Don't do that again.”

“Again?” he asked in a teasing tone. “I thought you were done with me.”

“Stop throwing my words back at me,” she said in a grumble. “I can't believe they left you alone to fend for yourself. That is not acceptable. It's a good thing I didn't meet them or I would have kicked their asses.” She glared at Cole when he smiled. “What? This isn't a laughing matter.”

“I love seeing this side of you. It's sweet.”

“Sweet?” She didn't feel sweet. She was enraged and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't shield Cole from the hurt his family had caused him. “You should have told me.”

“It's not easy to share. I was ashamed. I still feel like there's something wrong with me. Something...”

Unloveable
. She pressed a kiss on his cheek. “You shouldn't be.”

He looked away. “You don't know my mom's side of this.”

She cupped his face and looked into his eyes. “It doesn't matter. I know who you are. I know what kind of man you've become. I will always be on your side.” She touched her lips to his. “Thank you for telling me. It explains a couple of things.”

Cole winced. “Like what?”

“Your interest in finding missing persons, the pictures in this office.” His inability to commit, she added silently. He wanted to, but there was no way he would overcome his family's desertion.

“I don't like the sound of that,” Cole said.

Angie realized that he was feeling exposed. He was a loner who felt more comfortable in the shadows. She awkwardly patted his shoulder and moved to get up. “I should go now.”

“Stay.” The one word sounded more like a plea than a command. His hands were still on her back but she could easily leave.

She wanted to stay. She loved him—always had, always would—but it wasn't right. She should get up and go before she got too attached again.

“Please,” he whispered as he brushed his mouth against hers.

She'd stay, Angie decided as she leaned into him and kissed him. She wanted him for one night. She wanted everything and was willing to take the risk. Starting now.

As she kissed him softly, Angie felt an overwhelming need to touch him. Caress his chest and hug him. Hold his hand and take away his pain. She wanted to protect him and show him love. But a part of her knew that kind of slow intimacy would scare off Cole.