The Boy Next Door (30 page)

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: John Trent

Subject: Mel

What do you mean she’s at the mercy of Max Friedlander? What’s Max doing to her???

John

To: John Trent

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: Max

Jeez, calm down, will you? Max isn’t doing anything to Mel. He’s just being…well, Max, near as I can tell (I mean, it’s not as if I know him). One of the cats turns out to be diabetic and Max is not being real cooperative about taking care of him, is all. And you know Mel.

Listen, will you think about what I said? If you care about Mel at all, there’s got to be some way you can make all this up to her. Can’t you think of SOMETHING?

Nad

To: Max Friedlander

From: John Trent

Subject: Diabetic cats

Hey. I hear those pesky pets of your aunt’s are proving to be more trouble than you expected. Want me to give you a hand with them? If you gave me permission, being Mrs. Friedlander’s next of kin and all, I could move back in. You could have my place. What do you say?

John

To: John Trent

From: Max Friedlander

Subject: Diabetic cats

What would I want to move into your place for? Don’t you live way the hell in Brooklyn? I hate the subway.

Plus, if I remember correctly, you don’t even have cable. Aren’t you doing that whole bohemian writer thing? You know, milk crates and a futon and all?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Max

To: Max Friedlander

From: John Trent

Subject: Diabetic cats

Okay, how about this? I’ll pay to put you up somewhere—anywhere you want—if you’ll let me move back in.

I’m serious. The Plaza, if you want. Think of all the supermodels you could impress….

John

To: John Trent

From: Max Friedlander

Subject: Diabetic cats

You are pathetic, man. You’ve really got it bad for this girl, don’t you? It must be the red hair.
I
certainly can’t see it. If you ask me, she’s a nosy bitch. Worse, she’s one of those weird cat women who think animals have feelings and all of that.

God, I hate that crap.

Anyway, nice try with the hotel offer and all, but if things go the way I’m expecting them to, I’ll be living in my own place not too long from now. So, thanks, but I’ll pass.

Max

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: John Trent

Subject: Max

Well, I tried to see if I could get back into 15A. It didn’t work. Sounds like Max has some kind of grand scheme in the works. It doesn’t seem like he’ll be in Mel’s hair for much longer, if that’s any comfort to you.

John

To: Tony Salerno

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: Men

Why are men so stupid? I mean, excluding you, of course?

I write to John Trent—I take time out of my busy schedule to write John Trent a moving and deeply felt e-mail asking if he can’t think of anything, ANYTHING, he could do that might make Mel forgive him, clearly hinting that if he proposed, she might very well say yes—and what does he do? What does he do?

He e-mails stupid Max Friedlander and tries to get him to let him move back into the apartment next door to Mel’s. How STUPID can he be? What do I have to do to get the message across to the guy? Take out a stupid sign???

What is WRONG with you people???

Nad

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: Tony Salerno

Subject: Men

Nadine, when are you going to learn not to get involved in other people’s business? Leave John Trent alone. Let Mel work out her own problems. She doesn’t need your help.

Tony

To: Tony Salerno

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: Men

>Let Mel work out her own problems. She doesn’t need your help.

That is a typical male response. Plus I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong it is.

Nad

To: Dolly Vargas ; Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: All right everybody

Mel is returning and I think we should plan a little something to welcome her back, since she is feeling really down about this whole thing with John. So, let’s have a party with some cake and ice cream (I will supply that).

Tim, why don’t you put your decorative flair to good use and tape some streamers around her cubicle?

George, I think a small gift would be appropriate—and this time, how about something you didn’t purchase at the newsstand downstairs? I mean, Jujubees are nice and all, but not exactly special.

Dolly, since you’re so good with the phones, why don’t you spread the word about the time and place. That way we’ll be sure to get a good crowd.

And, above all, try to act positive. I’m telling you, she’s so low
these days, I wouldn’t be surprised if she turned tail and slunk back to Illinois. And we can’t have that. DO NOT, whatever you do, mention the words John Trent. I’m telling you, she’s on the edge.

So be there or be square!

Nad ;-)

To: Mel Fuller

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: Welcome back!

We missed you so much! It was completely dead around here without you. No one to tell us what celebrity weddings were coming up or keep us posted on the latest Leo sightings. I nearly expired from boredom.

So, where are we going for lunch?

Nad ;-)

To: Nadine Wilcock ; Dolly Vargas ; Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: Thanks

for the welcome-back party. You guys really outdid yourselves this time. I was completely surprised. I bet there isn’t another employee
at the
Journal
who got a party after returning from a mandatory suspension. Let alone with cake and ice cream.

I really love my plastic Statue of Liberty earrings with the torches that actually light up. They are obviously something every girl needs. You shouldn’t have.

Now I’d appreciate it if everyone would let me get back to work, as a lot has happened in Hollywood and beyond, so I have tons of work today.

Fondly,

Mel

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: I’m going to kill you

I mean, the party was sweet and all, but you know I’m in no mood for parties. I practically split my face in two, pretending to be happy about it.

And what’s the deal with you and the cake? You must have had four slices.

No offense, and I don’t mean to be your diet police, but I thought you’d finally gotten down to a size 12 and intended to stay that way until the wedding.

Mel

To: Mel Fuller

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: What’s the deal with you and the cake?

I can’t take it anymore, all right? This stupid dieting thing is for the birds! What is the point of being alive if I can’t eat what I want? I don’t care about fitting into my mother’s stupid wedding dress anymore. I’m buying my own wedding dress, one in which I can actually breathe. And I won’t have to starve myself for the next six weeks either.

And when it comes time for the cake during my reception, I’ll actually be able to eat a slice without having to worry about splitting my seams.

There. Are you happy? I’ve said it. I AM A BIG GIRL. That’s all there is to it. I will never be a size 6, or a size 8, or even a size 12. I am a size 16, and that’s all there is to it. I won’t give up spinning class, because I know that’s good for me, but I will be damned if I’m going to eat salad with dressing on the side every meal for the rest of my life just so that I can squeeze into a dress that some magazine says is the right size for my height. How do THEY know what the right size for my height is?

They don’t. They don’t know me. They don’t know that my fiancé happens to LIKE the way I look, that he says I’m the sexiest woman he knows, and that when I walk down the street, garbage-men and truck drivers whistle and ask for my number.

So I can’t be doing too badly, can I?

Now, where are we going for lunch?

Nad

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: Lunch

Um, sorry, Nadine, but I already have lunch plans. I’m going to Applebee’s with Vivica, the supermodel.

Please don’t hate me.

Mel

To: Mel Fuller

From: Nadine Wilcock

Subject: Lunch

Applebee’s? With a supermodel?

There are so many things wrong with that sentence I can’t even begin to describe them.

Hate you? Why should I hate you? Just because you’ve chosen to lunch at a place I wouldn’t be caught dead in with a size 2 supermodel?

Sure. Go ahead. See if I care.

Nad :-(

To: Nadine Wilcock

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: Lunch

Oh, get over yourself. You know I’ll always prefer size 16 food critics over size 2 supermodels.

Mel

To: Mel Fuller

From: [email protected]

Subject: LUNCH

DEAR MEL,

YOU ARE THE FUNNEST PERSON. THAT WAS THE BEST LUNCH I’VE HAD IN A REALLY LONG TIME. I’M SO GLAD I MET YOU. I HOPE WE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS. I HAVEN’T HAD A BEST FRIEND SINCE I MOVED HERE FROM SANTA CRUZ.

ANYTIME YOU WANT TO GO OUT, JUST CALL ME. EXCEPT NOT NEXT WEEK, SINCE I WILL BE IN MILAN, WHICH IS IN ITALY.

OKAY, BYE!

LOVE,

VIVICA

To: [email protected]

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: Lunch

Hi, Vivica! I had a great time at lunch too. Between the two of us, we really managed to pack it away, huh? I can’t think about jalapeño poppers without wanting to throw up.

I would love to get together with you again. Maybe we could invite my friend Nadine next time. I think you would really like her. She is a food critic here at the paper, and she knows of some restaurants that are even better than Applebee’s. What do you think about that?

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about something you mentioned at lunch. Remember when I told you where I live, and you said you’d been there before, the night before you and Max left for Key West? When exactly was that? And did you meet Max’s aunt then?

Just curious.

Mel

To: Mel Fuller

From: [email protected]

Subject: MAX’S AUNT

DEAR MEL,

I WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOUR FRIEND NADINE!!! FOOD CRITIC? THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HARD JOB. LIKE, IF I WERE A FOOD CRITIC, I WOULDN’T KNOW WHICH I LIKED BETTER, FRIDAY’S POTATO SKINS WITH CHEDDAR AND BACON BITS OR APPLEBEE’S POTATO SKINS WITH CHEDDAR AND BACON BITS.

ANYWAY, THE TIME I WENT TO MAX’S AUNT’S APARTMENT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE I LEFT FOR KEY WEST. MAX WAS SUPPOSED TO GO WITH ME, BUT AT THE LAST MINUTE HE GOT A SHOOT IN L.A., SO I ENDED UP GOING DOWN FIRST, AND THEN HE MET ME ABOUT A WEEK LATER.

WHAT HAPPENED WAS, THE NIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT, HE SAID HE HAD TO GO PICK SOMETHING UP FROM HIS AUNT’S APARTMENT, SO I WAITED DOWNSTAIRS IN THE CAB WHILE HE WENT AND GOT IT. I NEVER DID GET TO MEET HIS AUNT. MAX SAID SHE IS KIND OF A BITCH AND WOULDN’T LIKE ME ON ACCOUNT OF ME BEING TOO YOUNG FOR HIM, WHICH HAPPENS WITH A LOT OF MY BOYFRIENDS.

ANYWAY, AFTER A WHILE MAX CAME BACK DOWN AND WE WENT TO CHILI’S. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE? THEY HAVE THE BEST ARTICHOKE DIP. WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME!

WELL, THAT’S ALL FOR NOW!

VIVICA

To: Mel Fuller

From: George Sanchez

Subject: I just walked by your desk

and noticed you were deeply immersed not in today’s column, as one might hope, but in your e-mail. I know this might come as a surprise to you, but we don’t actually pay you to correspond with your friends, Fuller. We pay you to work. WOULD YOU MIND DOING SOME?

Or would that be asking too much of you?

George

To: George Sanchez

From: Mel Fuller

Subject: Jeez, George

No need to SHOUT!

Look, something is bothering me. I can’t put my finger on what it is, exactly, but it might…I don’t know. Lead to something big, George.

But the only way I’m going to find out if it’s true is if I ask the right questions of the right people.

So please let me do my work and STOP LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER AT WHAT I’M WRITING!

It might very well be about you.

Mel

To: Mel Fuller

From: George Sanchez

Subject: Guess what.

If it doesn’t go on Page Ten, I’m not interested.

George