The Boundless Sublime (26 page)

The longer I watched them, the less real they seemed. They were shells, empty meat cases, like the butchered carcasses of pigs hanging up at the market. Were they even breathing? What if they’d died in their sleep? What if every toxicant out here in the real world had suddenly dropped dead, and only me and Daddy and the rest of our family were left, in the whole world?

Would that really be so bad?

He twitched and snorted, and I stepped backwards into the hallway, making my way to the sliding door and slipping out into the night. Fox wasn’t out there waiting for me, and I returned to the Institute alone.

15

As I crossed the courtyard the next day, I heard the roller door at the front of the Institute groan, signalling the return of the latest Outreach team from the Red House. Daddy had announced that there would be no Outreach program for a while after this, because the risk of being captured by the Quintus Septum was too great.

I paused to watch the white van rumble in. Three Institute members climbed out, then two strangers, dressed in ordinary street clothes, blinking in the light and holding their blindfolds.

They were older than me – maybe late thirties or early forties. They were holding hands and looking around nervously. I remembered my first glimpse of the Institute – how bleak it had seemed. I hadn’t heard the laughter of the Monkeys. Hadn’t felt the love radiating from Daddy’s Sanctum. I hadn’t understood anything.

The man took a few steps forward, eager to see it all, learn our secrets. His partner seemed less sure, holding back a little, but allowing him to pull her along. I wondered whether many couples had joined the Institute over the years. It would be hard to sever yourself from those yearnings of the flesh when your partner was there with you. How could you
become boundless with someone tethering you to the earth like a lead balloon?

I headed back inside, but paused in the doorway to the mess. Lib and Fox were standing in the entrance to the kitchen, their voices raised in anger.

‘If Daddy is sublime,’ Fox was saying, ‘why does he wear glasses? Shouldn’t he have perfect eyesight?’

‘You need to stop this,’ said Lib. ‘Stop the questions. Stop the attitude. It won’t do you any good.’

‘You can’t tell me what to do,’ said Fox. ‘I’m not a Monkey anymore. I’m a whole person. I want to make choices.’

Lib’s mouth was pinched pale with anger and worry. ‘Perhaps you’d like me to fetch Daddy.
He
can tell you what to do.’

They stared at each other for a moment – Lib furious, Fox stubborn and glowering. But finally Fox looked away. His shoulders hunched over defensively.

‘Fine,’ he said, and slunk away.

Fox was clearly fascinated by the new sublimates. He sat next to them in the courtyard the next morning as we waited for Daddy’s Hour to start, bombarding them with questions. He asked them where they were from, how old they were. Were they married? Did they have children? Any pets? The sublimates answered, charmed by Fox as everyone always was.

‘Why didn’t you have children?’ Fox asked.

‘It seemed irresponsible,’ the man said. ‘Overpopulation, global warming. We didn’t want to contribute to that.’

Fox frowned, considering this. ‘I get it,’ he said. ‘But if there are no new children, then who’s going to fix the world?’

I glanced sharply at him.

‘Fox!’ Pippa hissed. ‘What are you
talking
about? You know it’s Daddy who will save us.’

The sublimates looked from Pippa to Fox. For a moment I thought Fox was going to respond, but he ignored Pippa and turned back to the newcomers.

‘Have you been to the ocean?’ he asked.

The woman laughed. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘It can’t be more than an hour away from here.’

Fox shook his head, smiling in disbelief. It didn’t seem possible to me either, even though I knew it was true. At the Institute, everything seemed worlds away.

I mechanically spooned salted quinoa into my mouth, making sure I only ate half my allocated ration. That was all I needed. Soon, I wouldn’t need any more fuel. I’d be like Daddy, surviving on air and sunlight.

When Daddy arrived, he introduced the sublimates to us as Ashmole (her) and Tausend (him), and by lunchtime they were known as Ash and Toser. Against my will, I remembered Fox telling me about how new sublimates usually came with money. But perhaps he had been mistaken. After all, I hadn’t brought any money with me to the Institute, and Daddy had never mentioned it.

Daddy gathered us together in the afternoon for a special meeting.

‘I’ve been in my laboratory,’ he told us. ‘Working around the clock on a new technic.’

I thought of our element drills with Welling, and Daddy’s quest to find the secret of aether.

Daddy held up a small glass beaker, filled with a clear liquid.

‘It looks like water, doesn’t it?’ Daddy said. ‘Harmless. Pure. But it isn’t. This is a deadly cocktail of aconite, mercury,
lead and cyanide. One drop of it mixed with our drinking water could kill everyone here in a matter of seconds.’

I felt a stab of fear at the suggestion, realising how vulnerable our bodies were. How permeable. This was why we had to work so hard. This was why we had to become sublime. To save us from these useless bodies that could be felled with a single drop of clear liquid.

‘Valentius is going to drink it all,’ said Daddy. ‘Every last drop.’

I looked around at the others. Lib’s face was utterly expressionless, as was Welling’s. I swallowed down my panic. Daddy knew what he was doing. I trusted him.

I glanced at the new sublimates. Ash had gone white, her brow creased with concern. But Toser’s eyes burned with a fierce intensity, almost as if he wanted Val to drink it, to die.

I looked at Fox. His cheeks were pink and his eyes were wild, as if he was fighting to stay composed.

Daddy held out the flask to Val, who took it.

‘No!’ Fox burst out, leaping forward with his arms outstretched.

Welling and Stan caught him. Fox struggled against them.

‘Don’t make him do it!’ Fox yelled. ‘He is a person, with dreams of his own. Don’t make him die.’

Val drank the liquid in the flask without hesitating for a moment.

Daddy smiled, and patted Val kindly on the arm. ‘Thank you, Valentius,’ he said. ‘You may sit down now.’

Val handed the flask back to Daddy, and sat down.

‘You must understand,’ said Daddy, ‘that everything I do, I do to protect you. Sometimes my technic may seem cruel. Sometimes you may not be able to avocate my intent. But you must trust me. I will not let you come to harm. You are
my children, and I would give my life for you in a heartbeat if I thought it would keep you safe.’

I glanced over at Val. He seemed completely fine.

It had been a test. Daddy had been testing us. To see if we trusted him. Had he done this sort of thing before? Lib and Welling didn’t seem surprised, but everyone else looked shaken. Had Val known? Had Daddy let him in on the secret beforehand? Or was he really that loyal?

‘There is a plan,’ said Daddy. ‘A plan to defeat the Quintus Septum and all their toxicant meat-followers. A plan that will elevate us all to the sublime, to cast off everything that binds us to this muddy rock. I cannot tell you what it is, yet. But you must trust me. Daddy’s going to make everything okay.’

I believed him. What choice did I have?

Daddy turned his gaze to Fox, who was still being held by Welling and Stan, his eyes bright with tears. ‘Furicius,’ he said, his face solemn. ‘I’m disappointed in you.’

He opened his mouth as if to say more, but then evidently thought better of it, shaking his head as he walked away, disappearing inside.

Welling and Stan released Fox, who shook them off with a resentful glare and stalked off to B Block.

Lib’s eyes turned on me, and I saw hatred festering there.

This is because of you
, her look said.
You did this to him. You ruined him
.

And I knew she was right.

Everyone headed off to their allocated work, but I made my way to the site of the destroyed kitchen garden. Garden trellises, pots and other implements had been organised to make a kind of obstacle course that we trained on whenever we had a spare moment. I didn’t want to be around the others. Around Fox.

I threw myself into the course. I sprinted and climbed and crawled until my body ached and my clothes were soaked in sweat. Daddy said dampness was weakness. That to be sublime we had to shed every last drop of moisture. That our actuality must be dry in order to call forth the Scintilla.

‘I need to talk to you.’

It was Fox. I ignored him, and ran the course again. My lungs burned for air, and I felt dizzy and nauseated. But I didn’t stop. I was in control.

I thought he’d go away. But he didn’t. He just waited.

I ran the course again.

And again.

Eventually my legs gave way beneath me, and I collapsed, gasping for breath. The lead in the soil seeped into my hands and knees, and ordered my body to stand.

My stomach heaved, but I swallowed hard. I was in control. I was strong.

Cool hands touched my shoulders and helped me to my feet.

‘I need to talk to you,’ Fox said again.

I yanked my elbow from his grasp and composed myself. ‘Furicius,’ I said, my breath still strained.

‘Don’t call me that.’ Fox pushed his hair away from his face and frowned.

‘Furicius,’ I said again. I had to be cool. Formal. I couldn’t let him see how he made me churn inside.

‘You can’t avoid me forever,’ he said. ‘I know you too well.’

It was true. Fox knew me better than anyone. But I had changed. I was strong, now. I was in control. I started to walk away.

‘I’m worried about the Monkeys,’ Fox said.

I hesitated, then turned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘They’re hungry. And scared. They’re only allowed outside once a day to exercise, and they have to be totally silent. Daddy tells them stories that frighten them. They have nightmares, and they don’t play and laugh. They’re getting … quiet.’

‘Daddy’s only doing it to keep them safe,’ I told Fox. ‘The Quintus Septum
broke in
. They went for the Monkeys.’

‘Did they?’ asked Fox, levelling a flat look at me. ‘Did anyone else see them? Is there any evidence?’

I scoffed. ‘Do you think Daddy would lie about it? Who do you think destroyed our crops, then?’

An image flashed into my mind of Daddy, leading me out of my imprisonment, telling us about the attack. His hair had been wild, his usually pristine white clothes smudged. Dirt under his fingernails.

‘He would never do that,’ I said firmly.

Fox’s head snapped up, and he looked at something behind me, his eyes narrowing slightly.

‘Heracleitus.’ It was Daddy, crossing the courtyard to stand with me and Fox. ‘Heracleitus, I wish to speak with you.’ He glanced at Fox and nodded, expecting Fox to obediently slink away so we could speak in private.

But Fox just nodded back. His jaw was set stubbornly, his eyes fierce. After a moment’s pause, Daddy turned back to me.

‘Heracleitus, I wish to speak to you about your role in the upcoming Boundless Family plan. I have a series of tasks which must be handled delicately, and you’re the only one I trust enough to carry them out as I intend.’

I warmed a little under his praise. ‘Yes, Daddy.’

Daddy’s eyes flicked back to Fox. ‘But perhaps this is not the time for talking strategy,’ he said. ‘In any case, I must return to my laboratory. I have an important experiment I must conduct.’

He turned as if to walk away, then turned back, holding up a finger, as if something had just occurred to him. ‘You know, Heracleitus,’ he said to me with a smile, ‘soon you’ll be old enough to join me in the Inner Sanctum in the evenings.’

I heard a sharp hiss of breath from Fox, and felt him tense beside me. I thought of the women following Daddy after Family Time most nights. When I first learnt about it, I thought it was just sex. But now I knew Daddy better, and avocated the path to sublimation. I needed to receive his actuality in order to become sublime. I’d never be boundless without it. Was I ready for that? To give myself over to Daddy? The other women spoke of it as something magical. They said they glowed from within, that they flew around the Sanctum and could project their actuality right up into the stars.

‘Yes, Daddy,’ I said.

Daddy reached out and patted me on the cheek. ‘Good girl.’ Then he turned to Fox. ‘Was there something you wanted to say, Furicius?’ he asked, his voice mild.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fox’s hands clench and unclench. ‘No,’ he said at last. ‘Not yet.’

Daddy’s eyes narrowed slightly, but his smile didn’t waver. ‘Very well. Good morning.’

Once he was out of sight, Fox wheeled around on me. ‘You can’t,’ he said. ‘You mustn’t.’

‘It’s none of your business.’

‘You can’t let him do it. I couldn’t bear it. Don’t let him force you into it.’

‘The only person who is trying to force anything is you, Fox,’ I said, forgetting to be cool and calm. ‘If I go to the Inner Sanctum with Daddy, it will be because I choose to. You don’t get a say in it. You don’t have a claim over me.’