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Authors: Debbie Howells

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BOOK: The Bones of You
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“Please. You should see my house. And it’s just me.” She follows me in.
“Have a seat. I’ll finish throwing this together, and we can eat outside.”
“Great.” Laura perches on one of the battered wooden chairs, tanned legs neatly arranged, skirt reaching just above her knees.
“So, how are you getting on? Are you finding out what you need?”
“Slowly . . . There are always people who want to talk for ages about nothing of relevance to Rosie. And others who don’t want to know me.”
Like me,
I’m thinking.
“It isn’t personal,” she goes on. “But just by nature of being a reporter, some people think you’re the devil’s spawn.”
The spoon I’m holding slips out of my hand, clattering to the floor.
But as we sit outside, lunch laid out on the table under the shade of our old oak tree, as the spark of our old friendship is rekindled, I start to relax. I’m curious, too, about Laura’s life.
“So, tell me. Why did you move?”
“They offered me a job. Ten years ago.” She helps herself to salad and slices of ham. “It was a job I couldn’t refuse. You see, I went back to school and studied psychology.
Lifetime
wanted someone to write about mental health issues. At that point, I just wanted to get away from here.... It was the right job at the right time. I was lucky.”
“No children?” I’ve already noticed the absence of a wedding ring.
She shakes her head. “There was a guy. It’s a long story. . . . Anyway, as it turns out, I’m better off without him. I have great friends. And I love my work.”
But as we eat, I have to ask. “So . . .” I hesitate, not sure how to put this. “How is what you write different from everyone else?”
“Well”—her voice becomes more businesslike—“forget everything you’ve ever thought about the gutter press. I’m not interested in hitting the headlines. There’s always a story, but I want more than that. I guess, with Rosie, I’m looking from her parents’ angle. Trying to find out not just what but why it happened. Was Rosie already a victim in some way even before her death? I suppose you could say it’s what’s behind the story that interests me.”
As she speaks, suddenly I have goose bumps, realizing that aside from wanting to see a murderer caught, I, too, want to know.
Why?
“Okay,” I say quietly. “Ask me anything you like.”
She looks surprised. “You’re sure, Kate? I completely understand if you’d rather not.”
“No. It’s fine. I’ve thought about it. And I do trust you. It’s not like it will hurt Jo. It might even help.”
Laura looks grateful. “Thank you. Do you have time . . . if we make a start now?”
I nod as she reaches into her bag and pulls out a leather-bound notebook.
“Okay. So, why don’t you tell me how you know the Andersons.”
I tell Laura what I told the police, including about the necklace, while she takes notes, only at the end pausing to ask a question.
“Isn’t your daughter a similar age?”
I nod. Laura’s been doing her homework, but then, what did I expect?
“They weren’t friends?”
“Not particularly. It wasn’t that they didn’t get on. They were just very different.”
“And they didn’t spend time together with the horses?”
“No.”
“Did that surprise you?”
“I never used to think about it. It was a hot summer, and Grace used to ride out early in the morning. Her social life took up her evenings. It’s just how it was.”
An echo of Grace’s words bounces back to me.
She never comes when I’m around, does she? It’s as if it’s not just the horses she wants. It’s you.
A frown wrinkles my forehead. “Grace commented on it, though. Just the once. That Rosie came over only when she wasn’t around.”
Laura writes it down, then sits thoughtfully, her head slightly tilted to one side.
“I’ve talked to a few people,” she says quietly, “who, in all honesty, probably didn’t know her as well as you. I’m trying to build a picture of the people in her life. Her relationships. What she did, where she went, who might have seen her . . . One or two mentioned seeing her with a boy. No one has a bad word to say about her—or any of the Andersons. One or two bitchy comments about Jo, perhaps, but she’s incredibly beautiful. People are jealous of that.”
“Grace told me there were some boys hanging around. Druggies. One of her friends bought some weed from them.”
Laura looks at me questioningly.
“I just keep thinking . . .” I hesitate.
“Kate, there will always be someone selling weed.”
“It’s not that so much. It’s just, well, I keep wondering if maybe Rosie knew them. Or got caught up with them because of someone else. Like Poppy, her friend.”
“That’s the other thing.... There are all these rumors, Kate, about a boyfriend, but no one seems to have come up with who he is.”
“Jo told me ages ago there wasn’t one.”
Laura frowns. “Maybe she didn’t know. I should try and talk to Poppy. Do you know where she lives?”
“I can find out from Grace. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up. And be careful. Her family is quite . . . intimidating, I guess you’d say.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Laura reaches into her bag and passes me a card. “If you think of anything else, could you call me?”
 
Shortly after she leaves, a knock at the door startles me.
“Mrs. McKay?” It’s Sergeant Beauman, and I notice another uniformed figure sitting in the police car that’s parked outside. “Sorry to disturb you again, but would you mind if we had a look round your stable yard?”
“Of course not. What, now?”
She nods.
“Okay. I’ll just get my boots.”
I go to fetch them, wondering what they think they’re going to find, deeply unsettled just at the thought.
 
As if that’s not enough, that evening, before Angus gets home, I hear another car pull up, then footsteps running up the path and a loud hammering at the back door. Through the kitchen window I see it’s Jo.
I hurry to the door and open it, horrified. She looks distraught. Her eyes are puffy and red; her hair is all over the place; her body shaking with huge, racking sobs.
“Jo . . . what is it? What’s happened?”
I hold out my arms, and she falls into them, an awful animal sound coming from her as finally her grief vents itself.
Much later, when at last she quietens, I get her onto a chair, still clinging to me, then seize both her arms.
“I’m so sorry,” she sobs. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“It’s okay, Jo. Really it is.”
But she raises her tearstained face. “It isn’t, Kate. It never will be.”
“What is it? What’s happened? Have the police found Rosie’s murderer?”
She shakes her head, then whispers, “
Neal.

As she says his name, I’m struck by the chill of fear, because this family has suffered enough, too much. “Has something happened to him? Jo?”
Her face is stricken, her words blurring into each other. “Had a row. Neal said . . . I’m a bad mother. . . .”
I’m horrified. They’re both suffering, both hurting. How can he be so cruel?
“Oh, Jo, that’s an awful thing to say. Of course you’re not. You loved her. She was your daughter.”
But she wrenches herself back, away from me.
“You don’t understand.” Her eyes are wild, darting all around, as though she’s looking for something. “I should have been able to protect her. . . .”
DELPHINE
Everyone has a destiny. Rosie told me that. A future that already exists—hidden from us but still there, in the future—and each thing that happens to us, each choice we make, each person in our life takes us closer to it.
Rosie told me she knows what hers is. She’s known for a while.
She told me she’s going to die.
ROSIE
There are pictures of other towns, other houses, other schools—so many now I don’t remember what order they came in or the names. The fact that I’m used to walking into strange classrooms, feeling twenty pairs of eyes on me, being the subject of teachers’ questions doesn’t make it easier, just predictable.
This time, the house is in Bath, a city of honey-colored stone and mellow light. Of music, art, and beauty on every street corner. Of warmth and life. The house is old, with three floors, close to the river, so that you don’t hear traffic, just the water over the weir, endlessly flowing despite whatever happens around it, as it always has.
I work hard in school and get good grades, and Mummy says how happy she is. She has a friend, Amy, who has red hair and wears crazy clothes and makes us laugh; who hugs me tight so I can feel how soft she is and breathe in the scent of flowers she wears. My father is busy with his new job, and for fleeting seconds, the shadows lift, the dark patches fade, and our house is full of light.
It lasts a year, nearly. Long enough for one memorable Christmas, but not a second. A Christmas of garlands twisted up the stairs and a tall, sparkling tree under which presents are piled. Of people and laughter. It even snows. A Christmas that holds the promise of happiness.
At the end of the school term, I’m allowed a party. I have a soft velvet dress with silver buttons, and Amy curls my hair. For one afternoon, all my friends come over. We play games, sing carols while Amy plays her guitar. Then we have tea, and it’s proper party food. Sausages on sticks, mini cheeseburgers, marshmallows dipped in chocolate, jelly and ice cream. “Because parties should be special,” Mummy says. It is the most perfect, beautiful afternoon, and at the end, as they all leave, she gives everyone a tiny present tied with ribbon.
“Because you want people to like you, Rosanna, don’t you? To remember how lovely your party was, how pretty our house looked,” she says. “Now, when they look at your present, they will.”
Then, when everyone’s gone, Amy comes into my room and gives me a present, too. A tiny silver horse.
She places a finger to her lips, and her eyes sparkle with secrets. “I had a charm bracelet when I was your age,” she tells me. “This was the very first one my mother gave me. And now I want it to be yours.”
I hold it tight, feel the tiny hooves digging into my palm, the most precious thing anyone’s ever given me. A piece of Amy.
“You better hide it. It’s our secret.” Then she winks.
A few days before Christmas, my parents throw their own party. From my room, the little horse on a ribbon round my neck, I listen to the music, the hum of voices, with Della. Then we spy from the top of the stairs, marveling at red-carpet dresses, diamonds, and dinner jackets. Only, of course, now I see there’s more. That behind the glamour and the opulence, the lacquered hair and the fabulous clothes, there’s the preening, the alcohol-induced flirting, the dabbling on the edges of promiscuity.
And in their midst, reflected in the friends clustered round her, Mummy shines, a beautiful jewel, attentive to each person in turn, making sure they’ll remember that this is the best Christmas party ever. Remember her.
But even through the cluster of friends who love her, Mummy sees her. Amy sees, too. Another moth to my father’s flame, with her spun-gold hair and berry lips. Who doesn’t dabble but dives right in.
I remember watching from my window, seeing her leave before everyone else, not aware of my father slipping out the back door, still buttoning his coat as he jogs up the street, catching up to her.
“We can’t,” she tells him, her whisper-breath small frosted clouds, when he pushes her under the shadow of a tree. “Your wife is lovely. You have a family, Neal. . . .”
“It’s just a kiss,” he tells her, his face an inch from hers so she can see how bright it is. “One kiss.”
Even out here, in the cold, she wants him. I can tell from how she looks at him sideways from under lowered lashes, from how the scarlet lips are parted, how an visible hand pulls her to him. And this time, it is just a kiss. But there’ll be a next time, they both know that, planned in secret, in low voices, in lies.
When he comes back, the party in full swing, do I imagine the hum of voices stills for about 0.0005 seconds, then restarts, brighter, decibels louder than before? Heads turning, then turning back? Pretending nothing is different? Do they even care?
But it is different. The sparkle is tarnished; the tree dying; the promise of happiness broken. Mummy isn’t shining now. She’s powder white.
 
First the shadows, then the packing boxes are back. Amy comes round, begging Mummy to let him go without her. To stay here.
“You can’t go on like this.” Amy’s eyes are serious. “Please, Jo. I’ll help you—you know I will. You and the girls can live with me. We’ll get you a good lawyer.... It’ll be a fresh start. You’ll be fine, honey, I promise.”
For a moment, for the only time, Mummy hesitates. Thinks about it for a nanosecond, imagines life without my father, having her own house, and a future that only she can see and I can only guess at. But I can see the words forming behind her eyes.
“You don’t know him the way I do. He can’t help the way he is. He needs me. I know you only see the worst of him, but really, he is an amazing man.”
Not seeing the tears in Amy’s beautiful green eyes as she walks away.
That’s when I learn how fragile hearts are. That they can break only so many times. The living, breathing cells that hold them together turn to cold, dead scar tissue, which can’t feel. Which isn’t able to love.
We don’t see Amy before the lorries come and we leave, again, for another town, another house, another school.
And when I unpack, the silver horse has gone.
BOOK: The Bones of You
9.63Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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