The Blessed (26 page)

He might have already gone if not for Brother Asa. And the new sister. He shook away that last thought. Nothing but trouble lay in that direction. It was best not to wonder what had made her smile so completely vanish this morning. Better to think about his work duties and find the missing heifer ready to calve.

“She may have wandered into the woods in search of a spot of solitude for calving,” Brother Asa told Isaac as he handed him a coiled rope. “Here, you may need this. It’s the young heifer’s first calf. I had thought to put her in the small pasture the end of this week where there are no trees for hiding, but it could be we miscalculated her time. You’d best search her out.”

The sun, hot for late May, beat down out of the cloudless sky on Isaac as he crossed the pasture field, counting the cows grazing there. Still one short. The heifer hadn’t come back to the herd. He’d done plenty of cow hunting while working for the McElroys. Those cows, scrawny stock compared to that of the Shakers, were prone to wander far afield in search of better pasture.

The herd bull the Shakers imported from England was the difference, according to Asa. “Whichever brother picked the name ‘Shaker’ for him must have had a bit of a sense of humor, don’t you think?” he had told Isaac with a smile spread across his face. “Considering the animal’s purpose. But old Shaker has made our cows throw some mighty fine calves.”

Isaac stepped into the deep shade of the woods, took off his hat, and wiped the sweat off his brow. With no Shaker brother around to upbraid him, he didn’t bother shoving the hat back on his head as he moved through the trees, keeping an eye out for cow signs. Squirrels chattered at him overhead, and he spotted the bushy tail of a fox slipping out of sight behind some trees. He needed a dog. A good herd dog could make the search easier, but that was something the Shakers didn’t keep. No dogs. No cats either.

“A Believer has no need of pets,” Brother Asa had told Isaac. “An animal has to earn his keep. Like the cows and the horses.”

“Dogs could help with the herding of the cattle and cats keep down the mice.”

“It is not our way to turn the violence of one animal on another.”

“But how do you keep the mice from eating up your corn?” The McElroys had several cats to keep the mice out of their barn.

“We have traps for the mice.”

“Seems it would be better to let the cats kill them for food than to do it with a trap.”

“Nay, you don’t understand. Our traps are not lethal. One of our brothers made them so we can capture the mice to turn them loose far from the barns.”

Such a strange people,
Isaac thought as he made his way between the trees. Not wanting to pet a dog on one hand and not killing a mouse on the other. Claiming peace while warring with the natural impulses of life. Shouting and dancing in worship. Not saying a word during meals or prayers. Planning to the point of excited frenzy to have a pretend feast and to take a pretend bath in a pretend fountain.

The rustle of a bush caught Isaac’s ear and he stood still to listen. At first he thought he might have come up on the missing cow, but then he caught sight of a white cap. A sister out in the woods. Probably gathering roots for their potions. Isaac stepped off the path behind a tree to keep from startling the sister. Or sisters. She wouldn’t be in the woods alone. He peered around the tree but saw only the one cap coming through the trees. She had her head bent, watching her step, but then she stopped and looked up to get her bearings. The new sister. Lacey.

He stepped back up on the path and waited for her to spot him. Perhaps Elder Homer would not consider it too great a sin for Isaac to ask the sister if she’d seen the lost cow. Or if she herself was lost. It would surely be wrong not to offer help to a lost sister.

26

A cloud hung over Lacey the morning after her visit with Rachel. No matter how much she told herself Rachel was just angry at her for deserting her to the Shakers and that love remained underneath the anger, Lacey’s heart broke a little more every time she heard the echo of Rachel’s words.
Sister Rella loves me more.

Who was this Sister Rella? Lacey tried to recall every word Rachel had said about the sister who came to her in the night. One minute Lacey would be sure there was no real Sister Rella. The next she wanted to guard Rachel’s retiring room door to watch for the woman who was whispering lies in Rachel’s ears.

The few times Lacey had fallen into a fitful sleep the night before, she was beset with nightmares of sisters surrounding her bed, taunting her. In her dreams, when she tried to rise up off her pillow to see who the sisters were, hands pushed her down as they intoned the word “woe,” just as she’d heard it at the meeting after she’d knocked poor Isaac off his feet. She tried to peer at their faces, to know who they were, but she could see nothing but dark shadows under their caps.

The morning bell had rescued her from the nightmare sisters. She had risen and knelt by her bed to pray as was required.
Blessed are the meek.
The words came to her mind, but they were no help. She didn’t want to be meek. She wanted Rachel.
Blessed are the merciful; for they shall obtain mercy.
Maybe that was the Beatitude she needed to let rest in her mind.

But she wasn’t feeling merciful or meek or pure in heart or like a peacemaker. Poor in spirit. That sounded right. What was it the poor in spirit were promised? The kingdom in heaven. Lacey had never understood why being poor in spirit should get a body anything. Miss Mona had been some puzzled by that one too but had ended up telling Lacey she supposed the Lord didn’t want anybody to get all puffed up and proud of how fine they were for believing.

For certain, Lacey wasn’t puffed up with believing anything as she bent her head over her clasped hands resting on her narrow Shaker bed. She was poor in spirit on this morning. Did that mean there was no chance of her finding happiness this side of heaven? She tried to reach for some prayer words.
Our Father in heaven.
Then nothing came to mind except Rachel. Rachel turning away from her.

She was glad when Sister Drayma shook her shoulder to let her know prayer time was over. She couldn’t stay on her knees praying this or that blessed all day. She had to stand up and put on her Shaker dress. She had to take the broom and sweep out the retiring rooms the same as every morning she’d been in the village. She moved by rote and without any awareness of the sun rising in the east.

The morning meal was no better. The faces around her all kept chewing, lost in their silent thoughts. Perhaps thinking of no more than whether the eggs were cooked the way they liked them or of how sweet the new jam was from the berries just picked. Or perhaps like Sister Drayma with their eyes casting about for some wrong to note. Or like Lacey with too much sorrow in their hearts to speak even if no rules of silence were in place in the eating room. Lacey slid her eyes past the ones who looked as sorrowful as she felt.
Blessed are the poor in spirit
, she repeated in her head as she stared down at the biscuit on her plate. In time they would all be happy in heaven. As happy as she’d been the day before when she was looking forward to seeing Rachel. But the happiness in heaven would endure. Strange, unknown sisters wouldn’t steal it away.

When Aurelia nudged her with an elbow and nodded a bit toward Lacey’s plate, Lacey realized all the sisters around her had cleaned their plates and were waiting for her to finish. Why ever in the world had she put that biscuit on her plate when the last thing she felt like doing was eating? A Shaker wasn’t allowed to leave anything uneaten on her plate, so Lacey picked up the biscuit and bit into it. The morning before she’d eaten the biscuits with pleasure, but today her body rebelled against the thought of food. She wallowed the doughy bread around in her mouth, not wanting to swallow, but she did anyway. She had to. Didn’t she always do what she had to do?

She looked at the biscuit in her hand. It looked bigger than when she’d picked it up, and her stomach heaved at the thought of forcing more of the biscuit down her throat. She pretended to take another bite and then, when Sister Drayma looked away, quickly palmed the remainder of the biscuit and dropped her hand to her lap while chewing the air in her mouth with a seemingly hearty appetite.

A moment later when they rose from their chairs and knelt for the after-meal prayer, Lacey slipped the rest of the biscuit into her apron pocket. Do what she had to do to follow the rules or at least pretend to until she found a way to break the rules and talk to Rachel.

They were on the way to the strawberry patch when Sister Aurelia threw all the rules to the winds as she pulled Lacey off the path. “Come with me,” she whispered.

When Sister Drayma glanced back at them, Aurelia smiled and waved vaguely toward the privy. None of the other sisters paid them much mind as they passed by on their way to their assigned chores for the day. Their eyes on the path, minds and body ready for work. Following the Shaker rules. Doing their duty. But Aurelia’s mind wasn’t on duty. Or on any call of nature.

“What are you doing?” Lacey asked her.

“You look peaked this morning. You don’t really want to pick berries all day again today, do you? I know I don’t.”

“You didn’t pick many berries yesterday. You spent the day in the infirmary.”

“Yea, so I did. Berry picking might have been better. Sister Drayma hovered over me all day, trying to get me to tell her about the angels.” Aurelia made a face.

“Why didn’t you tell her then?”

“I did tell her. Over and over. But she wants me to make her see them, and the angels only dance with those they choose. They have not chosen Sister Drayma.” Aurelia veered off the path and through a gate into a field. “Come on. Hurry.”

“Why the hurry?” Lacey asked as she walked faster to keep up with Aurelia.

“We don’t want to keep the angels waiting.”

“How do you know they’re waiting?” Lacey peered over at Aurelia, who had an odd shine in her eyes.

“They told me, of course.” Aurelia spun around in the middle of the field until her skirts stood out in a circle, before grabbing hold of Lacey to keep from falling from the dizzy spin. She laughed out loud, a sound so unexpected in the quiet village that Lacey jumped.

“You don’t have to fear the angels, Sister Lacey. They like you. They want to dance with you.”

Lacey looked around. “Here? Now?”

“Nay. Not yet. We have to go meet them in the woods. They like dim places.”

“I thought angels were bright, glowing.”

“Very bright. Very glowing. But an angel has no need of the sunshine to stay that way.”

Aurelia started walking toward the trees on the other side of the field. Lacey hesitated before hurrying after her.

“Does anyone see angels other than you?” Lacey asked.

“They say they do.” Aurelia looked over at Lacey with a bit of a smile before she added, “I’m sure they do.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“Don’t I?” She raised her eyebrows at Lacey and laughed softly. “Maybe I should say I believe them every bit as much as you believe me.”

Lacey looked down at the lush pasture grass under her feet. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

“You must turn loose of your fearful worry.” Aurelia threw out her hands and shook them as though such worry could be shaken off as easily as dust. Then she touched Lacey’s shoulder. “The angels will tell you what to believe. That’s why they want to dance with you.” She grabbed Lacey’s arm and pulled her toward the trees.

For a minute Lacey wanted to dig her heels into the ground and not follow Aurelia into the shadow of the trees. She should be doing her duty, picking strawberries, thinking of how she was going to talk to Rachel again, anything but chasing after Aurelia and pretending to dance with angels. That’s all it would be for Lacey. Pretense. Even if she believed Aurelia could call down the angels, she would never believe that she could see them. Hadn’t she already messed up enough of her life by pretending to be someone she wasn’t? Like the preacher’s wife. Like Rachel’s mother. But no, she was Rachel’s mother. The Lord had given the child to her. She had to believe that. She had to.

“Are you thinking of Sister Rachel?” Aurelia’s hands still held Lacey’s arm. “Your visit didn’t go well?”

“She was angry with me for bringing her to the Shakers.”

“But it wasn’t you who brought her. It was her father, wasn’t it?”

“In her mind, I was the one who deserted her. Preacher Palmer, I mean Brother Elwood has never acted as a father to Rachel. Miss Mona had to talk him into letting her keep the baby when we found Rachel on our doorstep.”

“Who talked Miss Mona into keeping the baby? You?” Aurelia stared at Lacey as she tightened her fingers around her arm. “Or the angels?”

Lacey frowned at Aurelia. The woman’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes so glassy that Lacey wondered if she was being overtaken with a fever. “Perhaps we should go back to the infirmary. I’m not sure you are well, Sister Aurelia.”

“You are not sure of many things, Sister Lacey. Me. Brother Elwood. The angels. They frighten you, don’t they? But you don’t need to fear them. The angels bring joy. Peace. Understanding. You’ll see. The angels will open your mind to truth. You have no reason to be afraid of the truth.” Aurelia paused for a moment before she asked, “Do you?”

“Nay.” Lacey was surprised the Shaker word came so easily to her tongue. Was that because it was easier for her to lie when she was pretending to be a Shaker sister?

“Then come with me. The angels await.”

She let Aurelia pull her into the trees then. A shiver walked up and down her spine as she went from the bright sunlight into the deep shade. She thought again of turning and going back to the village. But Aurelia had let loose of her arm and was running down a faint path through the trees. She couldn’t leave her there alone when she was giving every indication of being ill. “Wait, Sister Aurelia!”

Aurelia looked back over her shoulder. “Hurry, Sister. The angels are impatient with our slowness. Run.” Aurelia started running faster.

“I’ll trip on a rock,” Lacey called after her.

“Nay. The angels will lift you up and keep you from dashing your feet on the stones. Such is the promise in the Scriptures.”

“I don’t think that meant when you were running through the trees like a fox with his tail on fire.”

Aurelia’s laugh drifted back to her. “Trust me, Sister Lacey. Let go of your fear and run.” She was already almost out of sight ahead of Lacey.

“I’m not afraid,” Lacey muttered. “I am
not
afraid.” She gathered up a thick handful of skirt and took off down the trace of a path after Aurelia. She kept her in sight for a while, and even when she disappeared into a thicker stand of trees, Lacey chased after her by following the sound of brush rustling as Aurelia made her way through the woods.

But then the angels must have run on ahead with Aurelia and forgot to leave somebody behind to lift Lacey up and carry her along. Lacey stubbed her toe on a rock in the path and fell flat. Her cap flew off as she caught herself with her hands. If this was what it was like to dance with the angels, she hoped the music would end soon. She sat up slowly and bent her wrists to be sure they were still in working order as she tried to catch her breath. She pushed up off the ground. She wasn’t hurt except for a little scuffed-up skin on the heels of her hands. Nothing to be bothered about, but where was her cap?

“Sister Aurelia. Wait,” she called as she spotted her cap in the middle of a patch of poison ivy. She gingerly snatched up the cap and hastily stuffed her hair back up under it as she called out again.

Lacey listened for an answer but heard nothing but birds singing and the chatter of a squirrel high over her head. She shut her eyes and concentrated on listening. Surely Aurelia couldn’t have gotten so far ahead that Lacey could no longer hear her running through the trees, but nothing except the whisper of a breeze rustling through the leaves came to her ears. Aurelia had to know she was not behind her anymore. She’d come back and find her. Unless she was so entranced with dancing with the angels that she had no thought for anything else.

Lacey let out a long breath and looked around. What she’d thought was a path earlier when she’d been running after Aurelia seemed to melt away before her eyes. She had no idea which way to go to follow Aurelia or to return to the pasture field. She wasn’t exactly worried about being lost. It might take some time, but she’d find her way back to the village even if Aurelia didn’t come back for her. It might be good to be lost and alone for a while to have time to think.

Blessed are the lonely and lost for they shall be comforted. She could almost see Miss Mona frowning at her and telling her it was a sin to add or take away from the Scripture. So many sins to watch for. But it shouldn’t be a sin to seek comfort. And being lonely and lost wasn’t that much different than mourning.