The Blackbirds (38 page)

Ericka's voice softened and trembled. “Oh, my God.”

“You and my dad, Ericka Stockwell? You and my dad? You had sex with my dad?”

“No, no, no, no, no.”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes you did.”

“You saw us?”

“High. Sleeping. Naked. Really? What kind of fuckery is that?”

“Are you mad? Are you angry?”

“Do you think this is my happy face?”

“Jesus, you're mad.”

“Yeah. I am mad. I am disappointed. I feel betrayed. I am angry. I feel used and stupid.”

“You hate me, don't you?”

Destiny wiped her eyes. Ericka wiped her own eyes.

“How long has this affair been going on, Ericka?”

“No one is married. It's not an affair.”

“How long have you been screwing my dad?”

“We're having a relationship.”

“How long has this
relationship
been going on behind everyone's back?”

“Not long.”

“How long?”

“Before Indigo's birthday.”

“How long before Indigo's birthday?”

“Started the night I took him the medicine, the first time I went there alone. It wasn't planned.”

“This feels like an
Inception
moment. Like I'm in a dream in a dream in a dream.”

“But, to be honest, I pushed the relationship, so I have to take responsibility.”

“You're telling me that all of this happened not too long ago.”

“Not too long ago.”

“My dad came on to you?”

“He didn't. I just said he didn't. Are you so angry you can't hear?”

“You initiated it?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“You're joking.”

“I feel so bad about it now.”

“It's not as bad as I thought.”

“What did you think?”

“I was scared that this had been going on since I was a child, that it started out as some Humbert Humbert and Lolita shit. If my dad had been with you when you were my sitter . . .”

“What? You thought your dad was a pedophile?”

“I didn't know what the hell was going on, but I didn't like it. I was thinking you were with him while he was with my mom, and you were the reason he pulled away from my mother.”

“Are you crazy?”

“What would you think?”

“Nothing like that ever happened. We did this as adults.”

“I can only take your word as the truth.”

“I'm not a home wrecker. It's not about sex, but it's become a sexual relationship.”

“Gross.”

“I'm just saying.”

“No.”

“I fell in love with Mr. Jones.”

“You can't be in love with my dad.”

“I fell in love with your dad.”

“Well, I was thinking my dad had been the one who . . . you know . . . got you in trouble.”

“Wait. You thought Mr. Jones was the one who . . . when I was thirteen?”

“When I saw you in dad's bed, that came into my mind.”

“That's a horrible thing to think about me, Destiny.”

“Plus you've never said who you were with, not that it's my business, so I assumed the worst and thought . . . Dad. Well, I'm friggin' glad that you weren't with my dad way back then.”

“Gross. That would have been so wrong and gross.”

“Yeah. Gross then. Still gross to me now.”

Ericka laughed like it was the most ridiculous thing she ever heard.

Destiny laughed a little. “That would have been horrible. Yeah, I would hate you for that.”

“I love your dad, Destiny. I loved him from afar. And . . . things have suddenly changed.”

“I know. This is awkward. I wish I hadn't told you I know.”

“I feel stupid right now.”

Destiny whispered, “You were afraid of rejection.”

“Yeah. I was. I was afraid of it most coming from you. I respect you more than anything. But nothing happened until recently. Your dad, not one touch, not one kiss, not one hug that was of the wrong kind, and not one inappropriate comment ever came from him.”

“I don't get it. My dad saw you as his other daughter, at least that's what he told me.”

“He did. But I was goo-goo-eyed, wearing braces, and never saw him as a dad. Even then I had a crush on him and looked at him the way little girls looked at the Jackson 5.”

“There were five Jacksons?”

“Five Jacksons and five Osmonds.”

“What's an Osmond?”

“Stop it.”

“So this happened right under my nose. Who made the first move?”

“Serious, I did. I am the one to blame for this. Be angry at me, not at Mr. Jones.”

“Unbelievable. You fucked my dad.”

“I make love to him.”

“My dad was in your no-no. No wonder you keep getting Brazilians.”

Lips pulled in, again feeling thirteen, Ericka looked at Destiny.

Ericka said, “I'll stop seeing Mr. Jones.”

“It
never
should have started.”

“I won't tell him you know.”

“He'll know I know because he's my dad and knows me too well.”

“He won't know if we don't tell him. I can tell him I don't want to see him anymore.”

“We? So, now you've lied to me and you want me to fucking lie to my dad?”

“What do you want me to do? And lower your voice.”

“You've lied, and now you want to hurt my dad?”

“Fine, then call him. FaceTime him and we will break the news together.”

“I should have taken him that medicine my-damn-self.”

“I'll break it off today.”

“How could you be with my dad and think I'd never find out?”

“We can go back to being friends, me and Mr. Jones.”

“It never goes back. It won't go back for me and Hakeem, it won't go back for me and Dubois, won't go back for Kwanzaa and Marcus, if Olamilekan and Indigo can't get it sorted, their shit won't go back to being friends, and, Ericka, it won't go back for you and my dad.”

“You're cursing a lot.”

“I'm fucking angry.”

“Me and your dad, we understand how it goes. We've both had marriages and divorces. This isn't our first rodeo, albeit he's had more than I have had. We're realistic about this.”

Silence wedged between them.

“You fucked my dad.”

“That's been established.”

“You fucking fucked my dad.”

Ericka shook her head, rubbed her temples, chewed her bottom lip.

“Don't hate me, Destiny. If you hate me, that would kill me on the inside.”

“Ericka, you are my friend, one of my sisters, and I don't want you to be alone.”

“What does that mean?”

“Don't hurt my dad, Ericka. He's my best friend. I can't be there for him all the time, not the way I want to. If you're going to be there for him, be there for him. I know he's going to be okay, I know he is, but I don't want him to be alone. I want him to find himself a good love.”

“And I repeat, what does that mean?”

“I don't want you to be alone. You should be with a good man for a change.”

“So, you think you might be able to be cool with this?”

“Not all at once, not right away.”

“This is another joke.”

“This has to grow on me. This has been planted, so it takes time to take root.”

“I see the light of the Lord in you.”

“Don't push it.”

“Understood.”

“Why my dad?”

“He makes me feel beautiful.”

“That's all you got?”

“Mr. Jones looks at me and sees what is beautiful. With him I don't feel lonely. I don't have to be with him all the time, and not in a sexual way, but just knowing he exists, that he's there for me, and I can be there for him in some way, on some level, because he's been there for me while I was sick, on this journey, well, I love him and I want to be part of his journey as well.”

“He's older. The age difference, Ericka.”

“We feel connected. You know women, Destiny. I'll be honest. I'm physically attracted to him too. Women want sex just as much as men want it, but we want love as well. We want to have sex with someone we can love.”

“You can stop talking now. We're talking about my dad. That's TMI.”

“So, what do we do now? Are we no longer friends?”

“You and my dad have been slick and sneaking out the window on me on this one.”

“We're still sisters, Destiny.”

“No, we're not.”

“I don't want to lose that. That matters the most.”

“You've messed that up.”

“We are sisters.”

“When you say that now, it sounds like incest.” Destiny paused. “Do me a favor? Until I can handle this, can you do me a favor?”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Just let me know when you're with him, so me and you don't bump heads.”

“Okay. Wow.”

“And don't tell him we had this conversation.”

“Wait.”

“I don't need to be over there when you're with my dad.”

“Did you just give me permission to keep seeing your dad?”

“I walked in on you naked with my dad and that scared the hell out of me. It looked like y'all had been robbed, stripped naked, and the bodies tossed on the bed every which-a-way.”

“Sorry. We had had some top-shelf Kush.”

“I'm just glad I didn't walk in any sooner.”

“Yeah.”

“If I had seen you and my dad . . .”

“That would have been traumatizing for all of us.”

“You and my dad were cuddled up like fraternal Siamese twins in a red cocoon.”

“I guess we were knocked out.”

“Snoring. Drooling. Buck naked. I have to bleach my eyeballs now.”

Ericka took a breath. “Should we tell Kwanzaa and Indigo?”

“That's up to you.”

“I will.”

“Now that I think about it, nah, I wouldn't.”

“So, don't tell them?”

“Nah. Let's see how long before they figure it out.”

“Should I tell your dad that you know, that you walked in on us sleeping?”

“I just said don't tell him. I'm not ready for that conversation.”

“Will you put him on punishment?”

“I might ground him for life. No television, no Internet, and no Malcolm X recordings.”

Ericka paused. “I just want to be sure that you are sure that you are really sure.”

“I sure in the hell ain't gonna tell
my dad
I saw him
naked
with your yellow ass.”

“We had too much Kush. And my ass is red, not yellow.”

Destiny hesitated. “You're amazing, Ericka.”

“This is a joke, right?”

“You're pro-women. You stand up when it's time to stand up and let your voice be heard. You're an educator. You cultivate the life you enjoy. You make your money to get what you want. You have self-deprecating humor, but in reality you never put yourself down. You worry about what other people feel. You know when to walk away, even when you're sick and people think you're down for the count. You hang out with three amazing women and never try to compete. You're generous. You invest in yourself. You're beautiful and never act like a diva.”

“Wow. Is that how you see me?”

“That's how I see you and the Blackbirds.”

“You are that way too. You are the same way, Destiny.”

“I'm the weak link. I'm afraid. I lie. I hide behind a helmet so no one can see my face. I was raped. I shot a man and blinded a woman. I had a relapse and damn near choked Hakeem to death. I'm out of control again. I doubt if I'm worthy of being in the group at times.”

“I'm the weak one. You're the strongest link, and you don't even realize your strength. You don't take no shit. You wear a helmet not to hide, but to avoid conflict, and that's different. You wear a helmet to protect stupid people from winning a Darwin Award by messing with you.”

“I need to get used to being alone.”

“Don't say that. You will have success.”

“I'll have to leave Los Angeles, maybe leave America and go somewhere where English isn't their primary language. The people here say they forgive you, then feed you to the lions. Even after you have done your time, you leave whatever form of institution and you are constantly treated like a criminal. These so-called Christians are Romans nailing folks to the cross every chance they get. I wish you could have heard the disgusting things Hakeem said that night.”

“That bad?”

“If I had been able to carry a body and knew where to bury it . . . yeah. That bad.”

“You're awesome and you want a partner. We all do. We can be as feminist as we want to be, we can march and protest, and sky-dive, and snorkel, and sing karaoke all night long, but at the end of the night, we all want a partner. Not a part-time lover, not a sometime lover.”

“Not everyone will get that. You're better at dealing with relationships than I am.”

Ericka said, “I've had wrong, I've married fake, and now I am experiencing something real. What I feel now, this was on my bucket list. I feel what I have never felt before.”

“Maybe you and my dad can see how it works out, or just keep doing whatever you're doing. Maybe it's none of my business. Maybe I never should have said anything.”

“Destiny.”

“I'm here for you, and I am here for him, no matter how it turns out.”

“Jesus.”

“You're adults. What you're doing is as legal as the Kush you two smoke.”

“So, we're still friends.”

“No.”

“Okay.”

“You're still my sister.”

“Did we just have a fight?”

“Sisters fight. Say their piece. Make up. Keep it moving.”