The Billionaire's Voice (The Sinclairs #4) (19 page)

Tessa held her breath, hoping Xander hadn’t changed so much that he’d rebuff or kick an innocent dog. She let out the air as she saw Micah’s youngest brother put his hand on Homer’s head and stroke it absently.

“You know you’re hurting your brothers. Were you trying to die, or was it an accident?” Tessa figured she had nothing to lose by asking. Xander could throw another temper fit, but he was out of ready ammunition since she had her fingers through the handle of her mug, and she’d put the cream and sugar away while she was cleaning up the mess he’d made.

He ignored her question and slumped into the chair as though he’d rather be anywhere but there. “I won’t stay on the wagon, if that’s what they’re hoping. Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

“Because they love you,” Tessa told him sternly. “You’re their brother. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing.” She paused before adding, “I tried to kill myself once. It was after I came back home. My parents died, so I really did lose everything I loved.”

He looked at her with a slight bit of interest. “Then why are you still alive?”

“I stopped before it was too late. I thought about my brother, my only living relative, and I didn’t want to leave him alone and feeling guilty because he couldn’t save me. That’s what would happen if you died. Neither of your brothers would ever forgive themselves.”

“I’m not trying to die, okay? I just need to escape. The alcohol and pills help.”

“No, they don’t. They’ll ultimately be what kills you,” Tessa shot back at him.

“Then maybe I do fucking want to die. Christ! I wish everybody would just leave me the hell alone. My brothers would still have each other and our cousins. They don’t need me.”

Xander emanated a darkness that Tessa could feel. “I can’t say that I know how you feel. It had to be horrible seeing your parents die. But there will eventually be light. I promise you.” Her heart squeezed as she looked at the man Xander had become.

“My brothers don’t know everything, and because I’m a goddamn coward, they never will. But there is no light at the end of my long-ass tunnel. It’s fucking infinite.”

“And you’re dragging Micah and Julian along with you,” Tessa informed him. “Did you know Micah’s headaches are back, probably triggered by stress? Can’t you at least try?” she begged.

“I’ll fail,” Xander said nonchalantly. “The nightmares get me whether I’m awake or asleep, without my pills or my alcohol.”

“You can get past that,” Tessa told him, desperately wanting to reach the old Xander that she had liked so long ago. He was still there. He had to be.

“No, I can’t.” He rose. “I’m going to bed. Tell Julian I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

Tessa knew Xander was going to get a nanny whether he wanted one or not. Julian was staying here with him.

“Maybe if you tried to tell them everything—”

Xander glared at her as he spoke. “I don’t need to talk. I need to be stoned. So either bring me a willing woman or a drink, or shut the hell up.”

She stopped talking because he walked away. He was right. If he didn’t solve his underlying problems, he was going to fail rehab.

A tear slid down her cheek, wondering what had happened to Xander to make him so bitter and angry. Maybe he did just want to forget what he’d seen the night his parents were murdered, but there was more to the story. He’d admitted as much.

Homer moved over to her and put his head on her lap, and Tessa stroked his silky head as she wondered what or who could get through to Xander.

She knew it wasn’t her.

Unfortunately, she’d just failed miserably.

CHAPTER 18

“He’s going to break your heart. When he’s ready to go, he’ll leave and he won’t look back,” Liam told Tessa as they sat at one of the sadly worn tables at Sullivan’s Steak and Seafood the next evening.

Tessa had filled in for one of their waitresses who’d needed the night off. Micah had texted that he’d be home the next morning, and she couldn’t wait to see him.

Honestly, she knew that her brother was right. She
would
pay for indulging herself in Micah’s passion. But even now, she wouldn’t trade the experience to avoid the inevitable pain. “It will be my issue to deal with,” she told her brother sternly.

Liam shrugged as he took a gulp of the beer in front of him. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Her heart squeezed forcefully in her chest as she looked at her forlorn sibling. “You can’t protect me from everything, Liam. I’m almost twenty-eight years old. I like Micah, and he’s the first guy I’ve wanted to spend time with since Rick.”

“He’s the first guy who ever got the chance,” Liam argued.

Tessa shook her head. “He’s the only one I wanted.” Desperate to change the subject, she told him, “I finally looked in my bank account. Liam, there has to be a mistake. Where did all that money come from? Is it yours?”

“No. The money is yours. Tessa, Mom and Dad were far from being poor. And they got the restaurant and money from Grandma and Grandpa when they passed away. Plus, we make a good profit here. That’s your half of your inheritance and the profit from the restaurant. Once I sell the house, you’ll get half of that, too.”

“But there’s almost a million dollars in my account. That can’t possibly be right. I almost had a heart attack when I looked earlier today.”

Liam lifted his eyebrow. “You just noticed? Tessa, we’ve had the joint account with the inheritance and profits for years. How in the hell did you not notice?”

“I didn’t look. I didn’t want to look.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “Never mind. I
do
know. I think I was making excuses not to try to have the implants again. I wanted you to take the inheritance from Mom and Dad. I didn’t care how much it was. Neither of them talked much about money. I wanted to believe we didn’t have the funds, and whatever we had needed to go toward refurbishing the restaurant.”

“I already have a fund set up for that, Tessa. I’ve been saving from our profits. I got an estimate over the summer. It’s covered. I just need a slow period where we can get the work done.” He hesitated before he questioned, “Do you
want
to try again? You’ve been pretty adamant about not doing it. I thought you didn’t want to take the risk. To tell you the truth, I don’t know if I would, either, if I had been through all of the shit you have in the last six years.”

“I think I might,” she ventured hesitantly. “Sarah has a doctor friend in New York who’s one of the best in the country with the procedure. I’d like to at least see her when I’m in the city. What happened to me was rare. I can’t blow off the chance to at least find out all of the facts.”

Liam rose quickly to his feet and scooped her up and swung her around. As he set her on her feet again, he looked excited. “That’s my brave sister. I think it would be fantastic if you tried.”

She hugged him back. “I was scared, Liam. I’ve been scared for a long time of so many things.”

He took her by the shoulders. “And you’re not anymore?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” she answered drily. “But I won’t let my fears rule my life anymore. If I don’t try it, I’ll never know if I could have had my hearing back again.”

“You are brave, Tessa. Hell, you’re one of the gutsiest women I know. I may not be too sure about your choice in men, but you’ve always handled things better than I would have done.”

She put a hand on his shoulder, Liam’s support and the way he’d always been beside her bringing tears to her eyes. She wasn’t about to tell him about the times when she was weak, when her world was pitch-dark. He didn’t need to know, and she was over her past. Tessa wanted to move forward, and she wanted Liam to do the same.

She smiled through her tears. “You’re the best brother a woman could ever ask for. Everything I’ve gone through, you’ve suffered right along with me. It’s time for us to be happy, Liam, and it’s time to let go of any notion that you’re responsible for any of the tragedies that happened in the past.”

“But what if—”

She quickly covered his mouth with her hand. “No more what-ifs for either of us. Please. Our life is good. And I’ve suddenly become a millionaire.” She giggled as she removed her hand from his mouth. “Looking at my savings was like winning the lottery.”

“Did you really think you had to work those other jobs?”

She shrugged. “I guess I did, but only because I chose to believe it. Besides, I get bored when you won’t let me work here more.”

“Somebody would lose their job,” he warned her.

“I know. That’s why I find other things to do. Even now that I know I’m loaded, I’ll still do those jobs. But I’m not moving back home,” she warned him. “I’m too old to live with my brother. It’s not much different from still living with parents. I’m independent and able to function just fine on my own.”

She could buy her own place now, own property. The shock of finding out that she actually had a lot of money still had her head spinning.

“You’re always going to be my little sister,” Liam said, tugging her ponytail playfully.

Tessa laughed, knowing she could handle Liam being the protective older brother. What she couldn’t deal with was his guilt and over-the-top need to keep her safe.

“So I guess this means my brother is even a better catch than I thought,” Tessa said thoughtfully.

Liam frowned. “Don’t even try to set me up again.”

“But you have as much money as me, right?”

He smirked at her. “More. I told you that I developed some products early in my career. I sold some of them and I collect some fat and happy royalties. I also get paid very well for consulting. I am the best in my field.”

“So you’re rich?” Tessa asked bluntly as she gaped at her brother.

“Not
Sinclair
type of rich, but yeah, I’m not hurting for cash. Jesus, why didn’t you ask me before?” he asked, sounding frustrated.

“I don’t think I was ready to face reality,” she admitted. “I guess I was content just to work when I could and convince myself that I was okay the way I was.”

“You
are
okay,” Liam answered quickly. “More than okay.”

“No, I wasn’t. I was scared, but I was safe in my small little world where I couldn’t do much.” Where there were boundaries, there was security.

“So you aren’t going to be brokenhearted when you’re staring at the backside of Sinclair?”

She thought for a minute. “I
will
be sad. Maybe I’ll even fall apart for a while. But I wouldn’t trade meeting Micah for any reason. He’s the reason I’m skating, he’s the reason I’m trying. He’s the reason I want so much more than I’ve had before.”

“You’re in love with him,” Liam stated flatly.

She nodded as tears began to flood her cheeks.

Liam put his arms around her and pulled his little sister tightly against him, then kissed her on the top of her head. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”

Tessa didn’t hear him; she just continued to cry.

Later that night, she awoke to Homer rolling against her body as the mattress beneath her compressed.

Tessa sprang out of bed and flipped on the bedside lamp. Her heart continued to race in surprise, but she couldn’t help but laugh.

Micah was sprawled on the bed facedown, Homer sitting next to him looking affronted and unhappy.

Tessa took her time admiring Micah’s nude body, his tight ass and ripped biceps flexing as he slowly rose on his hands and knees and flopped with his back against the headboard.

Man and dog glared at each other before Micah finally asked, “You let the dog sleep on my side of the bed?”

“Well, you weren’t here,” she answered logically. “And he likes the bed.”

“I like it, too,” Micah answered, looking disgruntled.

She bit her lip to keep from laughing before asking, “Why
are
you here? I thought you were coming in the morning.”

He grinned at her. “I decided I needed to
come
now. I missed you. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep, so I decided to just fly back.”

Her body melted, and liquid heat flooded between her thighs. Micah was sitting on her bed, looking tired but gorgeous, and she wanted to touch him . . . right now.

She patted her bare thigh, and Homer immediately left the bed and jumped to the floor. Absently, she stroked his silky head, realizing she was wearing very little clothing herself. The nightshirt she wore ended at the tops of her thighs, and the matching panties didn’t exactly qualify as underwear. They were more like a thong, barely covering her pussy and leaving her ass bare.

Clambering back into the bed, Tessa put her arms around Micah’s neck, and his arms immediately wrapped around her. She laid her head on his chest, warmth flooding her soul as they stayed in that embrace, simply enjoying the feel of each other.

“Jesus, I’m glad I came back,” Micah told her as he pulled her head back so she could see him. “If I had to wait until tomorrow, I don’t think I would have been worth a shit.”

Her heart skipped a beat and then accelerated as she saw the covetous look in his eyes. “I missed you, too. How was your inspection?”

“There were a couple of minor issues or I would have been back yesterday. But I’m done.”

She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. God, he was warm and inviting. Her body craved him, while her mind knew they needed sleep. “I’m sure you’re tired.”

“Not
that
tired,” he denied. “I was pissed off because all I wanted was to be with you.”

“I probably got more sleep than you, so move down and let me do the work.” He’d promised to give her control, and she planned on taking him up on that offer. “You did promise.”

“Baby, all I want is to be inside you as quickly as possible right now.” His face was dark with need.

“I’ll get you there.” Tessa wanted the same thing, craved it.

He moved down so his head hit the pillow, never taking his eyes from her. “Now,” he demanded, running a hand down her belly and stroking her saturated pussy through the skimpy panties. “You’re already wet for me, sweet Tessa?”

She was beyond wet; she was desperate. “Yes.”

Anxious to feel his body skin-to-skin, she pulled the cotton nightshirt over her head and tossed it to the floor.

Homer moved as the nightie landed near his body. The canine promptly got up and scampered out of the bedroom, finding a safer place to lie in the living room.

Micah ran a frustrated hand through his hair as Tessa shimmied out of her barely-there panties. “I need this. I need you so damn much that I can’t think straight.”

The smoldering heat in his eyes caused her core to clench almost painfully as she straddled him, her moist heat connecting with his muscular abs.

“Oh, God. Me, too,” she confessed. “I’m glad you’re here.”

How did she explain that when he was there, she felt ravenous, her body and soul longing to crawl inside him and never come out?

Micah got to her like no other man ever had.

Unable to stop herself, she lowered her head and kissed him.