The Big Over Easy (33 page)

Sophie Muffet-Dumpty
was written out of an early draft of this novel and does not appear.

Friedland Chymes
’s infamous “tactical withdrawal” from the attack on the Jellyman led to his retirement from the Oxford & Berkshire Constabulary. He is now president of the Most Worshipful Guild of Detectives.

The Goose
was spirited away to a top-secret government research station. It contained only what you’d usually expect to find inside a goose and died on the operating table.

The Stubbs
was real after all. Mr. Foozle is helping the police with their inquiries.

Mr.
and
Mrs. Grundy
now live in Eastern Splotvia, which conveniently—and
coincidentally,
claim the couple—has no extradition treaty with Britain. They are doing well, and Mrs. Grundy is expecting their first child.

Otto Tibbit
never worked with Jack again. He left the force and became a goose breeder, gold dealer and president of a charitable trust. He is currently writing a palindromic book entitled, predictably enough,
D’neeht.

The Sacred Gonga Visitors’ Center
was opened to the public after prolonged decontamination. It attracted half a million visitors in the first six months and remains Reading’s number-one tourist attraction.

Prometheus
and
Pandora
were married six months later. Prometheus gained British citizenship and permanent political asylum. A bolt of lightning hit the church during the ceremony, setting fire to the congregation and badly burning eight people. The event was described as “an act of God,” although no specific gods were mentioned.

Castle Spongg
was given to the National Trust. It is open six days a week, ten until four, excluding Tuesdays and Christmas Day. Wheelchairs welcome; visitors to the revolving room please bring soft shoes.

The Nursery Crime Division
was not disbanded and is still active to this day.