The Big Fat Truth: The Behind-the-scenes Secret to Weight Loss (17 page)

Some of the best promise-keepers are soccer moms and dads. Maybe this will sound familiar. You pour yourself into doing things for your kids
. I promise to pick you up from school and get you to the field on time. I promise to spend the whole weekend traveling to and from tournaments. I promise to get you to your tutor, your music lessons, your community service.
While you’re making good on all these promises to your kids, the pledge you made to yourself to stop eating chips in the car in between dropping off the fifth grader and picking up the high-school junior falls by the wayside. The vow to work out on the treadmill for an hour every morning gets broken as quickly as it gets made. And I get it. I’m devoted to my kids, too, but there has to be balance in family life or, ultimately, no one comes out ahead. And remember, using those reasons as a way to explain why you didn’t stick to your promise to yourself falls under the category of
excuses
!

It also goes back to what I asked before: What are you teaching your kids by eating chips in the car or not going to the gym? If it’s okay for Mom and Dad to hit the snooze button, it’s okay for me to do it, too! But if your kids wake up at 6:00 a.m. to a note that says, “I’m in the garage riding my stationary bike, get ready for school, I’ll take you when I’m done,” you’ve just taught them a lesson about healthy living without them even knowing it. Wow! Your kids won’t listen to a word you say, but they watch every move you make. That mental imprint is something they will have forever. So help them make a positive impact that will pay dividends to their future.

Of course, it’s not only people with busy family lives that break promises to themselves. There’s the single woman who promises to go out for hot-fudge sundaes with a friend crying over a breakup—sending her own vow not to eat ice cream down the drain. And the recent college grad who promises to watch the game, drink beer, and eat pizza with the guys—even though he’s sworn off beer and pizza. Once again, promises to others, kept—promises to oneself, broken.

The Best Surprise Is When You Surprise Yourself

Happy Thursday!!!!!

I’m ba-a-a-a-a-ack! Finally back in L.A. and I started my day at CrossFit and then a hike with some of the crew!

I still can’t believe Monday’s weigh-in—I lost 6 pounds on freakin’ vacation! Who does that?!? This girl! Finally living a life of no excuses and true transformation!

Thanks for all your undying support!

—Cheyanne,
Fat Chance
cast member, via email

In my 12 years as a producer of weight-loss TV, I probably never met anyone who sacrificed themselves for the sake of others as much as Raymond and Robert, whose generosity toward their family knew no bounds. These identical twins have been the backbone of their family since they were 12 years old. It was then, while they were living with their three sisters, their father long gone, that their drug-addicted mother first went to jail. For the next few years, while she cycled in and out of prison, the boys got the other kids (including their older sibling) up every morning, bathed, dressed, and off to school, all the while hiding their parent-free existence from social services. “We knew that if we went to school every day, no one would think twice about us,” says Raymond. So they did, and they did well. These kids were savvy enough to know that if their grades were good, the teachers would never ask to speak with their parents. The fear that social services would come in and split the kids up into multiple foster homes was enough for the twins, at age 12, to become the heads of their household.

At first, their grandmother tried to help them, but after she went through two bankruptcies trying to support them on her salary as a cashier at Wal-Mart, Raymond and Robert started mowing lawns after school and taking other under-the-table odd jobs on the weekends to buy groceries for the family. Just a houseful of kids with no parent in sight! It’s inconceivable to me how two 12-year olds could figure out how many lawns to mow in order to put food on the table, but somehow they kept doing it. And in a way, they still were when I met them at age 26. Working without pause for 14 years—most recently at a windows and doors manufacturing company—they were still helping to support the family. One of them had even become a supervisor.

Health-wise, though, they were a mess. The social stress of hiding the fact that their mom was in jail, trying to keep the kids together, scheming to earn money for food, and having to be adults at such a young an age took its toll emotionally and, by extension, physically. They were so busy worrying about everyone else (and working so hard to pay for everything, including the babies their sisters had without other means of support), that they pushed their own needs to the side. “At a younger age, we were athletic and played sports so we didn’t think the fact that we were a little bigger than everyone else was any big deal; we were in shape,” says Raymond. “But once we graduated, we just got bigger and bigger. I got up to 450 pounds by the time I was 21, and Robert was 422.”

I ask you, would it be bad for the brothers to turn their attention to themselves for a while? Two guys who had been through everything, including homelessness and sleeping in their car? Of course not. Fortunately, they finally did decide to do something to better their own lives, and what happened in the lead-up to joining the cast of
Extreme Weight Loss
simply amazed them. To attend Boot Camp, the twins would need to stop working for 90 days. Given the financial impact, three months off could have been a deal-breaker, but the family banded together and agreed to pay Raymond and Robert’s bills while they were away. The twins couldn’t believe that, for the first time in their lives, the tables had turned—somebody was actually going to help
them
. Had they never taken action to help themselves (by trying out for
Extreme Weight Loss
), they would have never even known that kind of help was an option. That was their blind-faith moment. When they finally sought help, it brought the family even closer.

I think you, too, might be surprised that all those people you’ve been helping might like the opportunity to help you for a change. Not everybody, naturally, but in my view, people are more generous than you might ever imagine. Before anyone can promise to help you, however, you need to make a promise to yourself that you are going to get healthy, mentally and physically, then keep that promise as if your life depended on it (because it likely does).

Sometimes—make that often—keeping promises to oneself means being self-centered. That might go against every instinct you have, but it’s necessary, at least for a while.
You
are your priority right now. If you feel that you can’t do that, take a page from Mitzi’s playbook.

Mitzi, as you might remember, actually got on
Extreme Weight Loss
by accident when she accompanied a friend who was trying out. The staff encouraged her to fill out the paperwork, so she did; next thing she knew, she was in Colorado for a week of finals casting. At one point, Mitzi packed her bags, thanked everyone, and asked to go home. But we saw something in her, and we wanted her to stay. I personally spoke to her about continuing on and joining the show. Mitzi works for a nonprofit that helps homeless families living in transitional homes and domestic violence shelters. Every day of her life is selfless, so it was hard for Mitzi to take the time to work on her own problems. “Mitzi,” I asked, sitting down next to her and looking her right in the eye, “don’t you believe that you deserve this? You deserve just as much as what you give to others. You have the golden ticket, and you deserve it and so much more. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to live in a safe home.” I promised her we would deal with her issues respectfully. She was still not ready to say yes. I told her to go back to her hotel and sleep on it.

Several “aha” moments followed. For one thing, the old airline mantra—“Put on your own oxygen mask before you help others” started to run through her head. “I always felt I had a purpose in life and that purpose was to help others help themselves,” says Mitzi. “But I really felt that I couldn’t do it to full capacity if I wasn’t helping myself. I kept thinking back to the oxygen mask metaphor.” Yes! You will be a better worker, friend, sibling, child, parent, member of society if you are a healthy, happy person. Even if you are the ultimate promise-keeper and humanitarian, you will be even
better
at it when you take care of yourself.

So that was one lightbulb that went off in Mitzi’s head. The other one was this: It was time to start practicing what she was preaching. “I had been teaching the children I work with to be okay with who they are and to let their emotions be out there, yet I wasn’t applying that advice to myself.” She was acting like life was superfantastic when that was far from the case.

Keeping your promises to yourself means being authentic. It also means not cutting corners. If you say you’re going to work out for an hour, don’t work out for 59 minutes. Because the next thing you know, 59 minutes will become 58 minutes, then 57. You get the picture. There are no shortcuts. And don’t let anyone else take them when it concerns your well-being. Don’t let your spouse toss your salad with the cheesy Caesar dressing because it’s easier than putting your portion in a separate bowl before tossing. Don’t let a trainer let
you
show up late for your workouts. If she’s letting you get away with stuff, she’s not the right trainer for you. Be an advocate for yourself. And, by the way, if a trainer is not a good fit, try another one. Keep trying until you hit gold! When you go shopping for that perfect outfit, do you try one on and quit? No! You might try on dozens before one feels right, so why would you not do the same thing with your life?

Even the most minor of promises like, “I promise to do laundry today,” needs to get done! If you put it on the list, you have to get it done. In my house, we have a saying we live by: “Do what you have to do before you do what you want to do.” I tell my kids if you
want
to watch TV, do the homework you
have to
turn in tomorrow first. Putting things off, or only doing 80 percent of something never leads to success. And the resulting feelings of failure can be toxic. Shame creeps in with the potential to put you into a downward spiral. So instead, make those promises to yourself, and do what you have to do. Say it out loud to yourself as you are taking off your shoes and kicking your feet up on the couch instead of going for a walk.
Do what you have to do before you do what you want to do.
It will train your brain to prioritize and help you get the important things done—like exercise—before you’re too tired to do them. You want to go home and hang out with your roommates or family? Fine, but first do what you have to do—that is, go to the gym.

Approach promise-keeping just as you would any other aspect of weight loss—one step at a time. Don’t take on a giant promise—“I’m going to eat only fruits, vegetables, and white meat chicken from now on” or “I’m going to ride my bike 20 miles every morning”—on day one. And don’t make 20 promises at once. It’s too overwhelming. Just make one small promise—“I’m going to pack my lunch today instead of going to the Thai place with my work friends”—and keep it. Keep it for a week. It will feel good. Add another promise. Keep it for another week. It will feel even better. Build on all your victories, and each successive promise you make will be easier to keep.

Honoring promises you make about exercise and eating right is going to feed into other areas of your life. Those continuing education classes you promised yourself you were going to take so you can get that promotion at work? You’re going to finally enroll. The vow you made to stop letting your sister take advantage of you? This time you’re saying no. Breaking up with a boyfriend, telling a girlfriend it’s over? Done. Looking better naked in the mirror is great, but the real goal here is to improve your life.

There’s a famous guy I know who trains Special Forces, the military unit that performs dangerous and unconventional missions. In one of his classes, to use combat as a metaphor for life, he takes 20 guys and lines up 10 on one side of an imaginary line, 10 on the other, facing one another. Then he puts a bag of ice and a rag next to each of the first 10 men. To the 10 guys on the other side of the room, he says, “I’m going to count backward from 10 and when I get to zero, you lean over and hit the guy across from you as hard in the face as you possibly can. Knock him out cold.” Crazy, right?

Now the guys that are about to hit someone don’t know if he’s serious. If he is, they’re thinking that if they don’t throw the punch, they’re probably going to get kicked out. Meanwhile, across the room, the other guys are freaking out because they’re about to get punched in the face for absolutely no reason. As the instructor’s count gets down to 2, and sweat is literally dripping from the potential aggressors’ faces, he stops and asks, “What’s wrong? Are you guys nervous? You don’t want to hit someone in the face?” And, of course, they start saying things like, “I don’t even know the guy. I don’t want to hit him.”