And for what? What she could not seem to convey to Claudia was that she did not need to be introduced to society. In fact, she abhorred the idea, particularly since she wasnt to be in London long.
Soon, Arthur would determine where she would go next, and soon she would leave here.
Claudia was very good at waving a dismissive hand at her when Kerry insisted the supper party was an unnecessary expense, and immediately resumed the planning of an affair that was sounding less and less like supper and more and more like one of the grand events they used to read of in school. The cold fist
of dread was already gripping her heart.
Her clothing for the evening was the first major issue. Claudia produced a gown of violet satin trimmed delicately in green. It looked like something Kerry was certain the Queen should wear, and she said a?
much, along with her hesitation to don it. What followed was a bit of an argument, with Claudia insisting that the gown was perfect for her coming out, and Kerry insisting just as adamantly that she was not coming out, that she was merely dining, and reluctantly at that.
Claudia won.
Even the choice of her clothing was not her own.
When Arthur called that afternoon, Claudia had kindly left them alone under the pretense of searching down old Tinley, the senile butler Julian kept in his employ. Once they were alone, Kerry rushed into Arthurs arms, seeking comfort from the only thing familiar about her life anymore.
Kerry, sweetheart, you must allow me to at least breathe, he said with a chuckle.
Arthur, please tell me now, when will you take me from here?
He kissed her forehead. As soon as Alex returns from the country When? she interrupted.
A fortnight, not more, he said, stroking her cheek with his knuckle. Have you any idea how much I miss you? I think about you constantly. His gaze dropped to the blue diamond around her neck. Lifting it in his hand, he smiled. The moon last night was so bright, I could have sworn I was in Glenbaden again. But it couldnt beyou werent with me. There is no Glenbaden without you.
There was no earth, no heaven, no world without him. How could she make him understand how out of place she was here? With a weary sigh, she laid her forehead against his shoulder. Arthur, please, will you listen to me nowI doona belong here.
Its just a while longer.
I canna make you understand that I am not like Claudia. I am not like anyone in London. I doona belong in these clothes or this house. I should be home, in Glenbaden.
I miss Glenbaden, too, he said, missing her point. But I cant let you go back to Scotland I doona ask to go back, she said wearily.
Then what are you asking, Kerry? Can you not endure it another fortnight? Is it truly so unbearable?
You have every comfortwhat would you have me do instead?
The question silenced hershe had no idea what she asked. To be taken back to Mount Street? It was really no different than Kettering House, the sole exception being that Arthur was there. She loved him desperately, but even he couldnt shield her from this life every moment of every dayhe was as much a part of London as she was an outsider. So what, then, did she ask?
Dont look so despairing, will you? It wont be long now. He folded her in his arms and kissed her fully.
Kerry could not help herself; she clung to him, wishing she could somehow crawl inside him and hide there. For a few blissful moments, she felt as if she had almost succeeded, felt the security and comfort in his arms. But when Claudia rejoined them, and Arthur moved away, he fell into an easy conversation about the supper party the following evening, the invited guests, the menu, and the seating arrangements, paying particular attention to protocol. He seemed to understand the many nuances, the intricate network of introductions. They were speaking another language altogether that Arthur understood and she didnt.
Kerrys anxiety grew to such monstrous proportions the night of the gathering that she feared she would be ill. The credentials and social standing of the dozen invited guests had been thoroughly explained to her, so that, presumably, she might understand how important they were to her. It did not help her understand, it made her feel faint. The list sounded like royalty, and as Brenda helped her dress in the elaborate costume, Kerry felt more than inadequate to the task. Although she had been taught some high-society etiquette in school, most of it was lost to her memory.
What will I do? she frantically asked the maid.
Brenda blinked. I dont know, muum. I suppose you should do as Lady Kettering does.
As if she could ever be so beautiful and cultured.
When Brenda finished with her, Kerry looked in the mirror. The gown of violet and green was very nice, but she moved woodenly, unaccustomed to the weight of the skirts and petticoats and slippers with heels.
Brenda had done very well with her hair, too, she noticed, sweeping it up and fastening it to the back of her head. Soft wisps of curls trailed down her neck, one wrapping around one of the earrings Claudia had loaned her. The blue diamond sparkled like a star above the low-cut bodice of the gown. Perhaps if she didnt open her mouth all evening, no one would know that she was a fraud. Oh God, what a catastrophe!
A moment later, Claudia came sailing in, but pulled up short when she saw Kerry. Oh my. Oh my. You are beautiful, Kerry! How stunning! Oh Lord, Arthur shall strut about like a little peacock, wont he, especially since he is bringing that cousin of his, Lord Westfall. They are quite the pair, you know.
No, she didnt know. She didnt know he even had a cousin.
Julians sister Ann is absolutely beside herself in anticipation of meeting you, she continued as she walked around Kerry, assessing her from all sides. She is quite desperate to meet a true Scot.
Why? Kerry asked.
Claudia laughed. I suppose she thinks it rather exotic.
Exotic. Hardly certain what that meant, the vise of fear tightened a little more. W-what will I say? she asked, her voice growing fainter.
Say? Oh, something shall come to you. You mustnt worry about thatchances are you wont have much opportunity to speak at all, Claudia said blithely, and flashed a charming grin at Kerry. There are many of our guests who rather delight in hearing themselves talk. You shall merely have to nod and smile at the appropriate moment.
Kerry forced a smile.
Oh, I am so pleased! Claudia chirped, clapping her hands. This shall be the perfect evening, mark my words!
Aye, a perfectly disastrous one.
Many of the guests were already gathered in the gold salon when Kerry entered behind Claudia. The sight of so many people, so much finery, glistening jewels, crystalmuch to Kerrys horror, she realized that her hands were shaking as the earl of Kettering introduced each guest to her. It was hopelessher tongue tangled so badly that she might as well have been speaking Gaelic. She was curtseying wrong, ton, at first dipping to everyone, then fearing it was all wrong and dipping to no one, then again when Claudia whispered sharply in her ear, curtsey!
Arthur was, as usual, a rock of strength for her. He was the first to greet her and introduce her to his cousin, then was never again very far from her side. Honestly, he did not seem to notice how terribly awkward she was, and it was a blessed relief when he answered questions posed to hersuch as when Lord Farlaine asked how long she intended to visit London.
Aha, you must be asking in the event she might like to see your theatrical debut? Arthur quickly interceded. Lord Farlaine blushed. I suppose the thought did indeed cross my mind. And he proceeded to explain to her in detail how he had stumbled into a role in a play that would be playing on Drury Lane for a period of two weeks. He went on explaining, in spite of Arthurs increasing scowl, right down to reciting some of the lines he found particularly moving.
At supper, she was, thankfully, seated directly across from Arthur, but across from the watchful eye of Lady Pritchett. Arthur was, of course, very engaging. She admired the easy way he regaled the guests around them with meaningless chatterhe was a master at turning the conversation around so that whomever he had engaged was suddenly talking about themselves and not asking pointed questions of her. Throughout the meal, he laughed at the droll wit of his supper companions, complimented the host and hostess profusely, and charmed all of the ladies with his easy banter. Frequently, he caught her eye and smiled reassuringly. It was plain he was very much at home at such affairs as this.
And it was outlandishly clear that she was not. Kerry began the first course with the wrong spoon, fumbled with the serving utensil when the Scottish footman tried to serve her. He whispered harshly to her in Gaelic to put it downmuch to the considerable interest of Lady Pritchettand only then did Kerry realize she was to be served by him. And she was the only one who did not seem to understand the apparently very funny joke Lord Reynolds made that had the entire table laughing politely. Feeling clumsy and oafish, she found herself sinking farther into her seat as the supper wore on, praying no one would speak to her or God forbid, try and serve her anything, and catching the watchful eye of the Scottish footman more than once.
She foolishly believed the worst had passed when the dishes were cleared after the last course.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she smiled at Arthur, answered Lady Billingslys questions about the weather in Scotland Aye, it is rather cold in the winterand even chuckled when Claudia made a face that only Kerry saw.
But then the footmen advanced like an army, laying small crystal goblets in front of the men. Before anything was poured, however, the men stood and the women came to their feet, filing out of the dining room in twos and threes. Kerry thought this practice was another indication of the great divide between her and them. In Glenbaden, the men went directly to bed after their evening meal so that they might begin anew with the sunrise.
Claudia caught up with Kerry as they filed out. Its wonderful, isnt it? she whispered excitedly, and slipped her arm through Kerrys. You are very much complimented.
That brought the first real laughter from Kerry and a roll of her eyes. Thats absurd! Ive not spoken but a word all night!
Claudia shrugged. What matters is that they think you did.
In the salon, they joined the other women in a cozy gathering of furniture in the center of the room. One of the women asked Claudia about her school for girls. Surprised, Kerry listened with rapt attention as Claudia described the school she had built for young girls of the factories. Fascinated with a side of the countess she had not seen, Kerry was humbled by the knowledge that Claudia was apparently the force behind many charitable endeavors.
And what of you, Mrs. McKinnon? Is there a particular charity you enjoy?
The question, from Lady Darlington, startled Kerry. She sat up, looked around at the faces turned toward her. Ah charity, she said. Lady Darlington nodded. Ladies Filmore and Barstone leaned forward as if they were afraid they might miss her answer. Umm there are no charities in Glenbaden.
Why, Mrs. McKinnon! You must give yourself credit where credit is due. You told me how you helped the people of the McKinnon clan.
Confused, Kerry looked at Claudia. Claudia eyed her hopefully, trying very hard to help her, but she could not, for the life of her, take credit for her clan. The McKinnon clan, she said uncertainly. Claudia nodded eagerly. I, ah well. I really canna take credit there, for we all helped one another. We shared responsibility for the land and worked it together.
The room was so silent one could hear Lady Barstones stomach disagree with her supper.
You worked? asked one woman.
Kerry realized her great mistake. She tried to laugh it off. Oh, I doona suppose Id be so bold as to call it work, really, what but a bit of cooking now and then Mrs. McKinnon enjoys cooking as a hobby, Claudia quickly interjected.
Aye, that I do. At least she had the presence of mind to agree with Claudia, in spite of it being an enormous lie. She detested cooking.
Lady Phillipot wiggled her enormous body forward and eagerly thrust her hands onto her knees to steady herself. This is quite fascinating, Mrs. McKinnon! What other hobbies do you enjoy?
Milking cows? asked someone, and all the women tittered.
Kerry felt her blood begin to race through her, heating her skin, uncertain if she was mortified or angry.
Did these women think milk magically appeared on their table? Actually, I have milked a cow, she said softly.
Ooooh, how wonderful! Lady Phillipot crowed. Do tell us more, Mrs. McKinnon!
She was about to tell Lady Phillipot that they did not have an army of splendidly attired footmen to feed them, but Claudia said sharply, Honestly, Olympia, one would think you had never seen a cow milked before! Come then, would you be so kind as to share your lovely voice with us in song? I am sure Lady Boxworth can be persuaded to accompany you on the pianoforte.
I should be delighted, Lady Boxworth said and was at once on her feet.
Very well, if you insist, Lady Phillipot said, and somehow managed to hoist herself from her seat. As the two women made their way to the far end of the room, Kerry smiled thinly at Claudia. I should like a wee bit of air, she said, and stood, walking away from the group before anyone could call her back and expose her further.
She slipped out one door at the opposite end of the room and found herself in yet another, darkened room.
Using her fingers to feel along the wall, she slowly moved along the perimeter of the large room until she found another door, and opened it, thankful to see a thin ray of light at the end of what looked like a corridor. God in heaven, would she now be lost? It was rather fitting, she supposed, as she made her way toward the light. She had been wandering around without direction or purpose since the morning Charles Moncrieffe had laid his dirty hands on her.
As her sight adjusted to the darkness, she realized that the light was coming from a door ajar at the end of the corridor. When she reached the door, she pushed it open wider, and walked inside.