The Bass Wore Scales (41 page)

“
My work is done here,” I said to Meg. “I’ve got to get back.”

“
I’ll come with you,” said Meg. “Can we get out without being seen?”

“
Yeah. Everyone will be consoling Kimmy Jo. We’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

* * *

We made our way back down the path, got into my truck, started it up and pulled out of Wormy Acres and onto the highway.

“
Hey,” said Meg. “What do you have in the back?”

“
Nothing. Why?”

“
I saw a tarp in the back of the truck when I got in.”

“
I didn’t notice,” I said, looking in the rear view mirror. Meg was right. There was a dark green Army tarp in the back of the truck and as my eyes darted back and forth between the rear-view mirror and the road in front of me, I saw it move. Then I saw a face—Moosey’s face. When I looked again, there were two faces, and they were both laughing.

Chapter 24

I turned around slowly and saw The Minimalist standing in the door. I’d seen him before and I racked my brain like a set of elliptical billiard balls trying to figure out where. He had a Tommy gun trained right on my

boutonniere and suddenly I felt as dumb as a box of rocks with all the good ones taken out. Behind him was Moby Mel,

smiling a fishy smile and smelling like last week’s relatives.

“
Where’s Betsy?” I asked.

“
Don’t you worry about Betsy,” smirked the Minimalist. “She’s about to sleep with Davy Jones. We got her some cement Manolo Blahniks. She always did like to be stylish.”

“
I wouldn’t mind a pair of those myself,” said Marilyn. “Not cement, though. I wouldn’t have anything to

wear with them. And really,” she added, “it’s nobody’s business who Betsy sleeps with.”

The Minimalist’s mouth dropped open in surprise, revealing an underslung jaw, and two outer mandibular barbels--”whiskers” in laymen’s terms. I knew I’d seen him before. It was Carpy. Carpy Deeum. The Minimalist was a bottom-feeder.

I dove behind Moby Mel’s aquarium, just as Carpy cut loose with the Tommy gun. I grabbed Marilyn and pulled her down beside me. The gun clattered like a bunch of lug nuts being thrown into an open grave.

“
Whadda we do now?” she squealed, as the aquarium burst into a thousand pieces and covered us with water, angelfish and extra-fancy guppies.

“
Something will come up,” I said, lighting a stogy and brushing a Delta Red out of my hair. “It always does.”

“
Brilliant work, detective,” Meg said, leaning over my shoulder as I sat at my typewriter and giving me a smooch on the cheek. “I especially like the thing about the lug nuts. Any word from the Bulwer-Lytton competition?”

“
I checked on-line this morning,” I said. “Nothing yet.”

* * *

“
You should have seen it, Pete,” I said. “It was spectacular!”

“
Well, I haven’t watched it yet,” said Pete, “but I taped it. The whole thing was on ESPN2, and the gorilla swinging on the car made it to the top ten sports highlights.”

Dave and Nancy came into the Slab, saw Pete and me, and joined us at our table.

“
Hi there, Casanova,” said Pete, when Dave sat down. “Have you heard from Collette? I need her to get back to work.’

“
I called her mother, and she said that Collette had gone to Spartanburg to stay with her cousin for a while,” said Dave. “Then she cussed me out.”

“
Oh, that’s just
great
,” said Pete. “I
need
Collette!”

“
Speaking of girlfriends,” Nancy said. “How’re you and Molly doing? I haven’t seen her around for a week or two.”

“
We broke up,” said Pete. “She didn’t appreciate my manly lifestyle.”

“
You showed her your bathroom, didn’t you?” I asked.

“
Not on purpose. She walked in without permission.” Pete shrugged, then changed the subject. “Well, since I’m the only one here, what’ll you have for breakfast?”

“
Surprise us,” I said. “Make it easy on yourself.”

“
No problem there. You’re all getting oatmeal. It’s already made.”

“
I love oatmeal!” said Dave.

* * *

“
Okay,” I said. “Let’s figure this thing out. What do we know?”

“
Brother Jimmy Kilroy was killed when he was hit on the head, fell into the water and drowned,” said Nancy.

“
The killer was a man,” added Dave.

It was Nancy’s turn, and she had her pad out. She flipped a couple pages and skimmed them quickly. “The door was locked from the inside with a key. The key was in the lock, and there wasn’t another one. Kokomo was the only other person…er…animal in the office. He was being baptized by Brother Kilroy, and he was freaked out when we got there,” added Nancy. “No tunnels, no air vents big enough to crawl through, no false ceiling. The room was sealed.”

“
And Kokomo couldn’t have locked the door from the inside,” said Dave. “Because he’s a gorilla, and gorilla’s wrists don’t work that way.”

“
So, we only have one witness,” I said. “Kokomo.”

Nancy consulted her notes. “Kokomo says, and I quote, ‘Tiger man friend hit. No like tiger man. Kokomo dream tiger man devil scared. Water red. Friend red. Devil tiger,’” she concluded. “We just need to find the Tiger Man.”

“
Will Kokomo’s testimony hold up in court?” asked Pete, who walked up to the table carrying a tray with three bowls of oatmeal. “Here’s your oatmeal, but you can get up and get your own coffee.”

“
Snookie-Pie, would you get the coffee?” asked Nancy sweetly. Dave grunted and got to his feet.

“
Kokomo’s testimony wouldn’t be allowed in any court that
I
know of,” I said. “But we have a definite DNA sample from the pipe. We just don’t have one to match it to. If we knew where to look, we could find the killer without any problem.”

“
The killer doesn’t know we found the pipe,” said Nancy. “That’s a point in our favor.”

“
Then he doesn’t know about the DNA either,” I said. “As far as he’s concerned, the police suspect that something is not kosher, but we don’t have any evidence. He also doesn’t know that we talked to Kokomo, so he probably still wants to shut that gorilla up.”

“
Suspects?” asked Pete.

“
Hard to say,” I said. “There’s Mona. She is singularly unlikable, but she’s not the killer. The DNA on the murder weapon—an iron pipe—is from a male. There’s Burt Coley, the second officer at the scene. He was trying to get into a Bible College and Brother Kilroy was keeping him out.”

“
Burt didn’t do it,” said Nancy. “I know Burt. I’ve known him for years.”

“
I tend to agree, but we can’t rule him out,” I said. “Then there’s Sergeant Todd McKay, Burt’s uncle and partner. He’s been looking out for Burt since his father died, and I heard that he was a whole lot madder at Brother Kilroy for blackballing Burt than Burt was himself.”

“
Mad enough to kill him?” asked Pete.

“
Maybe. I haven’t questioned him yet.”

“
How about Bootsie Watkins?” asked Dave. “The church secretary?”

“
She’s out of town until Monday. She knows something that she’s not telling, that’s for sure,” I said. “And don’t forget Bennett Shipley, the head deacon.”

“
How about Dr. P.A. Pelicane?” offered Dave. “Let’s say she found out that Brother Kilroy had stolen Kokomo. She’d try to go over there and get him back. She might have been so mad that she hit Kilroy in the head with the pipe.”

“
She’s a woman,” said Nancy. “The killer is a man.”

“
We
think
she’s a woman,” said Dave.

“
Oh, she’s a woman all right,” Pete said. “I can vouch for it.”

“
And then there’s Tiger Man,” said Nancy. “It may be someone we know, but it may be somebody else entirely.”

We sat in silence for a long moment, looking down at our breakfast. Then we all picked up our spoons.

“
We’ve forgotten something,” I said, tasting my oatmeal. “Hmm. Needs a little salt. Oh yeah—the miniature Bible key fob. We never found it.”

“
So?” said Pete.

“
It’s relevant,” I said. “It couldn’t have just fallen off. It was attached with a short chain and a key ring. The chain might have broken, but the ring would have stayed with the key. Now, why would it have been removed? The Bible wasn’t in the dumpster, so someone took it out of the office. I’ll bet that person is the killer.”

“
Makes sense,” said Nancy, with a nod. “But why?”

“
Why, indeed?” I said.

“
Do you know where Kokomo is?” asked Pete. “Billy told me he ran into the woods.”

“
I think he’s safe enough for now,” I said. Pete looked at me and I gave him “the eyebrow.” It was enough.

“
I hope so. I’d hate to see him stuffed and holding umbrellas in someone’s entrance hall.”

“
What about ‘tiger,’” I asked. “Could Tiger Man be someone that reminds Kokomo of his cat?”

“
I thought of that,” said Nancy. “I was trying to come up with descriptive words for the cat that maybe we could apply to the suspects. Look.” She pulled a piece of paper out of her notebook, unfolded it, and handed it across the table. It was a printout of one of Kokomo’s website pages. He was sitting in his cage, holding a gray cat. “How would you describe that cat?”

“
Furry,” I said. “Gray, Green eyes.”

“
Short hair,” contributed Pete. “He’s got claws…he’s cute.

“
Hey,” said Nancy. “
Burt’s
cute.”

“
That’s not funny,” said Dave. “
I’m
cute.”

“
No help there,” I said. “If only I could figure out why that miniature hymnal was taken off the key.”

“
You mean ‘Bible,’” said Pete.

“
Yeah. Bible. What did I say?”

“
You said ‘hymnal.’”

“
Hymnal…” I was quiet for a moment. “The question is, how did the killer get out of the office and relock the door from the inside…?”

“
What’s he doing?” whispered Dave.

“
Shhh,” said Nancy. “He’s thinking.”