The Banks of Certain Rivers (42 page)

“So they’re really busted?” he asks. “Who was
it? Do I know any of them?”

“I didn’t really know any of them. Well, Steve Dinks was
one of them.”

“Oh man, that so figures. I should—”

“You should not do anything. Just let it go. I’m sure his
dad will deal with it just fine.”

“But, Dad—”

“Chris, really. It’s done. I’m home, you’re
home. We’re all good here, right?”

“Yeah,” he says. “We’re good.”

“How’s it going with Lauren?” I ask, lowering my
voice just a little.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, here she is. In our house. Is it weird?”

“What’s weird is how not weird it is. If that makes any
sense. I didn’t realize she was so cool.”

“I should have told you sooner.”

“Yeah, you should have. But, whatever. We’re all good
now. Really.”

“What are you making for dinner? It smells good. Spicy maybe?”

“Just wait, Dad. It’s a surprise.”

My eyes remain closed, and Christopher heads back to the kitchen to
resume his work with Lauren. I’m so close to dozing off,
so
close, but my brain is half tuned-in to the banter coming from
the other room.

“So next step, you’re supposed to flip it, but I always
blow this part.”

“Here, watch. You do it like this, back and forward, and the
wrist like…taadaa.”

“Oh my God, how did you do that? How do you make it look so
easy?”

“I can do it with my left hand too. Watch.”

“How are you so good at that?”

“My little brother is a sous chef in Pittsburgh.”

“No way?”

My phone rings from the pocket of my hanging sport coat, and I will
myself to my feet to grab it. It’s Leland.

“Neil,” he says.

“Yes?”

“Peggy Mackie told me what you said to them.”

I blink. “What I said to them? What I said about what?”

“The board. About not expelling the kids.”

“Well, I meant it. I don’t think what they did quite
rises to the level of expulsion. It was maybe more stupid than
malicious. I was kind of surprised to see you guys there—”

“Steve was acting weird all week. Really weird when I asked him
if he knew anything about what was going on. When we got back last
night, he told me what was up, how he was there when the thing got
rolling. I told him he needed to do whatever he could to make it
right.”

“That was pretty big of him to speak up like he did tonight.”

“He did that on his own,” Leland says. “I’m
surprised you’re not more angry about all this, Neil.”

“You know, compared to everything else, the video thing is
pretty minor. It’s just not that big a deal to me at the
moment. Chris is okay, he’s home. That’s all I need to
think about. And on top of everything, I’m dead tired. Maybe
I’ll have some energy to be angry about it after I get some
sleep. Let me get back to you later about being angry. Maybe tomorrow
I’ll find it in me to be pissed.”

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

“No, shut up. I should be thanking you, Lee. For the plane. For
all your help.
That
was a big deal.”

“It was nothing. If something was up with Steve, you’d
have done the same.”

I tell Leland we should talk again soon, and I mean it. Not about
real estate, not about bickering. We should catch up. He agrees.

I put the phone on the floor by my feet, and I close my eyes and
listen:

“I don’t get how you do it.”

“Watch me again. Back, forward, flip with the wrist. Here. Do
it. Just like…you did it! See? Easy.”

“Sweet. Let me do it again. Sweet! Dad, I flipped something in
a pan!”

With my eyes closed, I smile and nod. They cook together, and they
laugh. I cannot help but smile as I hear it. They are together, I am
part of them, and in my home something is complete.

I will remember this, precisely as it happened, for a long, long
time.

Neil my love,

I was so so so sad you couldn’t make it to my graduation
party but I understand how that stuff goes. And hey I couldn’t
get to yours either so I guess we’re even right? But it doesn’t
really matter now because it's only five more weeks (well four weeks
and five days but I haven’t been counting REALLY) before a
certain family comes to stay at a certain beach house and a certain
boy will be with that family. Do you have a guess who that boy might
be? I bet you do. I think I like being with him very much.

Speaking of the beach house my dad was doing work on it and he
offered me five dollars an hour (WOW) to help him paint inside and
when I was inside of course I had to think of the times we spent
there (like the “ice storm” event HA HA) and when you
came up for spring break (I promise promise promise the next time we
do that I will be 100% better at it and I will be perfect and
wonderful for you like you are perfect and wonderful for me and it
will be the most incredible thing either of us have experienced.
Okay? It’s a deal.) Did your parents even have a clue that you
came up here? I was scared my parents would see your mom’s car
in town and we would get in trouble but I guess I was just being
paranoid.

Oh guess what in the news a boat sunk just outside of PM! It was a
fishing boat for tourists and it sunk in less than two minutes the
paper said but everyone was okay because other boats were close and
got everyone out of the water. My dad knows the guy who the boat
belongs (belonged?) to and said he wasn’t surprised that the
boat sunk which I thought was pretty funny.

I am still waiting for MSU to send me the housing stuff for my
dorm. Kelly Kramer from track is going there too and we are going to
try to be roommates. It's funny because we were never really friends
even though I have known her since she moved here in 3rd grade but
last year on track we got really close and now I am excited to live
with her. CRAZY. Most of all I hope you and I end up in the same dorm
complex so I can see you as frequently as possible!

My graduation party was mostly a lot of fun. Again I was SAD that
you weren’t there but I guess you know that and I don’t
need to tell you again right? We had the party at the beach house my
mom decorated it and Uncle Art and my cousins showed up (surprise!)
and Uncle Art gave me a check for $200!!!! My dad had a guy come to
play music which is not like him AT ALL but it was really fun. We had
a bonfire and things got a little crazy because after the adults went
to bed Tim Smith (I told you about him) showed up with a bunch of
guys who had all been at another party where there had been drinking
and Tim had three cases of beer in his car so everyone on the beach
started drinking (yes me included) and things got crazy Tim and these
two other boys were trying to jump over the fire and Kelly threw up
next to someone’s car and I had to find a place for her to lie
down. It was like a college party even though I have no idea what one
is like but I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Tim kept talking to me which I thought was weird because he’s
had the same girlfriend for nearly two years and he knows how I feel
about you. A couple times he tried to put his arm around me but I
asked him “where’s your girlfriend Tim?” and he
would feel guilty and stop. But then he kept doing it and it was just
easier to let him after a while. This is the part I feel really bad
about and I am scared you will hate me but I need to write it out and
I don’t even know if I’ll send this but at least I will
write it down and see how I feel about it. I walked up the beach with
Tim and he kept his arm around me and I didn’t tell him to
stop. Then when we got to where the Little Jib River lets out we
started kissing and I asked him to stop so we sat down but we started
kissing again. I always thought of Little Jib as OUR place but it was
so strange and I don’t know why I even let us go there or why
once we were there I didn’t make him stop when he started to
kiss me again. I felt so terrible I still feel terrible but I was
curious I guess and I didn’t stop. He wanted to do some of the
other things too and we sort of did but only a couple of them (not
any of the bad bad ones those things are ONLY for you) but I felt so
horrible I got up and said I had to go home.

God I feel awful about this I just needed to write it down. I
don’t know if I ever can send this. I don’t even like him
and I don’t know why I did any of that. I love you so much and
the only thing I want is to be with you at MSU and be your girlfriend
and have you be my boyfriend and we can do everything and be happy.
I’m scared if I send this none of that would happen and my life
would be empty and nothing because I know in my heart you are the
only one I will ever truly love. I know that sounds ridiculous and
some people say you’re too young how could you even know? But I
do know and the weird part is that what happened with Tim Smith makes
me know it even more.

Maybe I will never send this. I don’t have the courage. But
if I do send it I hope you have the courage to forgive me.

I love you so much. I know I say it so much but I love you. Please
please don’t hate me if I send this and you read it.

Your love

(and favorite running/sailing/everything else partner sorry I
had to say it and if you hate me don’t ever forget that part at
least)

Wendy

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Theodore Hamilton Kazenzakis
arrives in the spring, on
May the nineteenth. Just shy of
seven pounds in weight, he mews like a kitten after he’s born,
and struggles to latch onto his mother’s breast.

“What do I do?” Lauren whispers to the midwife, crying in
amazement at this thing that’s just happened, this tiny life
she’s just produced and is now holding against her bare chest.
She’s asking for advice on getting him to nurse, but the
midwife takes a broader view.

“First you love him,” she says, stroking the back of the
newborn’s head with her fingers. “And everything else
will fall into place.”

Like his father, my
new
son has a mouthful of a name. Hamilton is Lauren’s middle name,
a family name, and Theodore….

Let’s just say
my
father is thrilled.

Still, though, there’s that mouthful of a name. I hope he grows
to bear it well.

In December, I drove
down to Lansing to give a videotaped statement to the Michigan State
Police about the threatening emails I’d received in the fall.
They’d arrested a graduate student in the Computer Science
department at Michigan State, Viktor Tereshenko—also going by
the name of Victor Tesh—who, along with some online associates
in a hacking collective known as “TeshCo,” had admitted
to waging an electronic vengeance campaign against me by breaking
into the Port Manitou School District #1’s computer network and
flooding me with abusive messages.

TeshCo’s motivation to harass me was unclear at first. I
had
lived in East Lansing for a great portion of my life and the video
had received a lot of press there; Viktor sometimes claimed,
according to the police, they’d barraged me with emails and
images to rectify a great injustice. Other times, he said they’d
acted just for the fun of it, ‘for the lulz.’

When Tereshenko’s sister, Irina, was arrested at her job as a
Certified Nursing Assistant in Port Manitou, Michigan in January, his
true motivation began to make a little more sense.

Their trial is scheduled to start in October.

The Port Manitou Girls
Cross-Country team had a stellar season. Counter to my earlier
predictions, however, they did not win the state championship,
finishing instead in third place. Cassie Jennings had a personal best
performance, taking first place individually, but Amy Vandekemp,
having suffered an ankle injury the week before, was not able to
compete, and we lost on points. It will be tough to lose Cassie, but
we’ve got deep talent for next year’s squad.

Entropy in the system is constant. But there’s always next
year.

A few days after
the
state championship, while Chris and I were working on installing our
fireplace, I got a frantic call from Kristin Massie. “Neil,
please, come quick, it’s Alan, come quickly!” I ran to
their house as fast as I could, certain, for some reason, that my
friend had suffered a heart attack. I flew through the front door to
find Kristin sitting on the floor cross-legged and crying; Alan, on
his side with his knees pulled up, had his head resting in her lap.

“What happened?” I said, kneeling in front of them. Alan
blinked and looked at me, and when I saw the absolute sadness in his
eyes and the lamp that had been knocked from the end table, I knew my
friend had not experienced a cardiac event. I also knew he would
never sit in the captain’s seat of an airplane—commercial
or otherwise—again.

“I had another,” he said quietly.

“Oh, Alan,” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder.
“Jesus. Alan, I’m sorry.”

Theo is six days
old
when we bring him to see Carol. It’s a gray spring day, and the
sky seems low as we arrive at the place we’ve moved her. My
mother-in-law’s condition has declined and her needs have
become too great for in-home care. She understands this; the great
paradox of her fading life is that as her body has become frailer,
her mind has gone the other direction and opened up with clarity. I
think she’s happy that she’s clear-headed as she
approaches the end. She has a lot to remember as she goes. The
memories keep her company.

I also think she was holding out to see Theo.

We visit her—Chris, Lauren, Theo and I—at the nursing
home, in the hospice wing where she’s been living for nearly
the past two weeks. The staff, none of whom I know as well as the
gang in Long Term, gathers in around the baby’s car seat to coo
and take in the tiny joyous thing that, for a moment at least, has
superseded the usual grim nature of their work. Theo wakes and starts
to fuss and squawk at all the attention, and Lauren takes him from
his carrier to nurse him in a chair in the corner of Carol’s
room. After a few rough days of struggling at it they’ve both
figured out the feeding routine, and Theo calms down quickly. Chris
kneels next to Carol’s bed.