The Arrangement [Box Set] (4 page)

—You’re all right, honey, Walter was saying.

When she finally calmed down and caught her breath she looked up at him and hugged him as tightly as she could and refused to let go.

—What is it, April?

—I’m just scared that this is all a dream, Walter. My mother always said if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

—And where did that get her?

—I know, Walter. It’s just, how can all this be ours? It’s too much. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and find it’s all been a dream.

—It’s not a dream, honey. What did Herb say to you at the restaurant the other night?

—He said that we’re family now.

—And he meant it, honey. I’m his partner. I’ve been signing documents all day. You wouldn’t believe how comprehensive the partnership is. We’ve never been so secure in our lives.

—It’s just so much, she said, indicating the house and the furniture with a wave of her arm.

—I know it seems like a lot, but think of how hard we’ve worked for this. Do you know what I’ve gone through at the firm?

—Of course I don’t, she said, smiling.

Walter pinched her on the cheek affectionately.

—Of course you don’t, and I don’t even want you worrying about things like that. Just enjoy it, darling. We’ve earned this. Believe me.

She smiled at him. He looked so dashing in his blazer. His confidence had gone up a hundred percent since they’d told him he’d made partner and it suited him. It was true, he
had
worked hard for this, they both had. He’d spent years working his butt off for the firm, doing things no one else would do. Maybe it really was their time. This was their reward for all that hard work and they deserved it.

—Come out and look at the car, Walter said.

She followed him out to the driveway. It was a beautiful car. It even had fins.

—It’s beautiful, honey.

—I traded in both of our cars today. I figured you don’t need one now that we have use of the service.

—Oh, she said. The car service? But what if I want to go for a drive?

—Call the service. They’ll always be ready to take you out. Plus, I don’t want you coming up and down that windy forest road with the girls every day. It’s too dangerous. You shouldn’t be on a road like that by yourself.

—Oh, she said.

It was happening again and she was determined to keep control of her emotions. She always got like this, sabotaging her own happiness because of some hangup or other from her past. Having a car made her feel independent, in control of her life. All her life she’d been afraid of being abandoned and having a car made her feel independent. It was like, no matter what happened, she’d at least have somewhere she could take the girls and be safe. That security had just been pulled from beneath her feet and it was making her panic, but if she thought about it rationally she knew she had nothing to fear. She was in no danger of being abandoned, she told herself. And who wouldn’t want a chauffeur to drive them around?

It was just another of her hangups that she would have to learn to control. She told herself to stop living in fear and to embrace all the great things that were happening in her life.

VIII

I
T WAS ALMOST MIDNIGHT BY
the time all the new things had been unloaded from the delivery trucks and put in their final positions. At least they were in what April hoped were their final positions. She might still do a little rearranging, there were some items she really didn’t know where to place, and others that Mark had placed but which she still had doubts about. There was so much new furniture, and it was all so beautiful and expensive that she was overwhelmed by it.

The house looked great though. It was like something out of an architecture magazine. The girls had loved their rooms and they’d even jumped into the swimming pool in their underwear when they found it on the back patio. The house was a dream come true. She was surprised at the furniture she’d picked out with Mark. Things she would never have had the confidence to buy, even if she could have afforded them, she’d picked out by the truckload with his encouragement. There was an entire room that was upholstered in real zebra skin.

She fell into the bed next to Walter and intended to be asleep in minutes. Walter held her affectionately as soon as she got there. It seemed he’d been waiting for her to join him. She wondered if this was yet another new thing in her life she could start enjoying. The bed was brand new and it was achingly comfortable. It was the biggest bed she’d ever owned. It had a down featherbed, down duvets and pillows, everything was the best, selected from the fanciest stores in town just that day.

Walter whispered in her ear.

—I know it’s already been quite a day, but I have one more surprise.

April’s heart started beating, and she didn’t know if it was excitement or worry. It really had been a big day for her.

Walter turned on his bedside lamp and handed her an envelope.

—What’s this?

—Just open it.

She ripped it along the serrated opening tab and took out a brochure. It was for a school, a boarding school.

She felt tears filling her eyes. Oh no, she was going to ruin this too. It was probably one of the best schools in the country. She knew that, and yet she just couldn’t trust it.

—They’re too young, she said and burst into tears.

Walter sighed. —You know, nothing’s ever right for you, is it?

—Walter.

—No, April. I mean it. Everything I do, and it’s never good enough.

—That’s not it at all, Walter.

—Yes it is. I could bring a hundred other women here and they’d all thank me for it. They’d kill to be here, to be in your position. Look at this place. It’s amazing. And now I’m showing you a brochure for one of the best preparatory schools in the country and you haven’t even looked inside it but already you’re fighting it.

—It’s in Greenwood Springs, Walter.

—That’s barely two hours away.

—They’re four and six years old. They’re too young.

—Herb’s kids went there at that age.

—I don’t care what Herb’s kids did.

—Pete’s and Frank’s too. And they’ve all turned out to be shining successes.

—Oh, Walter, please don’t do this. They’re just babies. They need us. I need them.

—It’s already decided, April.

—What do you mean, it’s already decided? They’re our kids.

—It’s already decided. Now please drop it.

April’s head was swimming. How could this be? How could he be taking her babies away from her? How could it already be decided?

IX

A
PRIL SPENT THE NIGHT WATCHING
the girls sleep. They had their own rooms of course but they’d wanted to spend their first night in the new house together so they were both in Lucy’s bed.

Lucy was the older of the two, named for April’s mother.

April thought of her mother and what she would have done in a situation like this. She often found that she thought of her mother when her back was against a wall. If nothing else, at least her mother had been a survivor. And despite all the hardship they’d gone through she’d always managed to pull her family through it together.

There were periods when April and her sister had been taken into public care but their mother fought tooth and nail and always, always found a way to get them back to her. April didn’t know if she had the same strength of purpose. Walter was signing her babies up for boarding school and she was just letting it happen. She knew her mother wouldn’t have stood for it. She took out her mother’s earrings and looked at them. They made her feel closer to her mother. She wished she could call her up on the phone and talk to her. She wished she had any family, somewhere in the world, that she could call up but there was none. Her sister, Kathy, she didn’t even know where she was. After their mother died they’d each gone their separate ways and had never managed to get back in touch. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. There’d been a few quiet phone calls, usually from police stations or motels, but they’d frittered out since April’s marriage. Kathy had picked up on the fact that Walter didn’t like her calling and had fallen out of touch with her sister. April wished now that she’d maintained the connection.

She looked at Lucy sleeping so peacefully, and at little Mary next to her, and she prayed for them. She prayed for their future, and that they wouldn’t end up as alone and helpless as she was.

Then she started to let them go. It wasn’t like she would never see them again, she could see them every weekend if she wanted, but she already knew that things would never be the same for any of them again. The school would be their home from now on. That’s how it was with those schools. They were cold and harsh but ultimately they gave children what they needed to succeed in the world and become strong, determined people. And maybe that was more important to her girls that what she could give them.

She knew though that she would never really be able to forgive herself for the decision she was making that night. There was no point arguing with Walter, he’d do whatever the firm told him to, but she still had choices. She could take the children from their bed right now and make a run for it, take them to a place where she’d always be with them and be able to care for them, but was there really a place like that? And would they even thank her for doing it. She’d be taking them away from everything money could buy, all the comfort and security in the world, just so that they could drift from motel to boarding house to motel for the rest of their childhoods. She’d take them away from all of this just so that they’d have the childhood she’d had.

No. She knew she wouldn’t do it. She wasn’t even certain she could do it, not with the security at the gate and her without a car now. And then there was the firm. Walter had all sorts of connections. She didn’t stand a chance going up against people like that. Walter would take her to court and win custody and then she’d never see them at all.

Even if she could, she knew in heart that she didn’t have the strength to go up against Walter. She’d have to do what he wanted and that was the end of the matter.

She told herself it was for the best, and that she had no right to take this opportunity away from them. And it would be a while still before they had to start school. And there’d be weekends and holidays and she’d make it up to them during those times. She’d make sure they knew she loved them and that she would always be there for them. And then she cried till the sky reddened with the first blush of dawn.

In the morning her eyes were swollen and red but she did her best to clean herself up and look her best for the new day. She had a job to do, and that was to be the wife and mother that Walter expected her to be, and she was going to do it.

X

A
PRIL SLEPT THROUGH MOST OF SATURDAY.
Walter spent the day showing the girls around the new neighborhood. There were trails in the forest and he took them for a little hike. Then he drove them into town for lunch and they came back with ice creams.

When they got home April bathed them and dressed them. They were all invited to the Prentiss’s for dinner.

When the children were ready she set them down in front of a movie while she got herself ready. She felt an enormous pressure to look good, especially since the other wives would be there tonight and would no doubt be judging her.

It wasn’t just Walter who’d been made partner she realized, but she had two. While Walter would have to prove himself in the office, she would have to do the same here, in this privileged miniature community of four families.

She wondered what the women spent their time doing. They’d all sent their kids away to school and now they were grown up. Maybe they worked. Maybe she’d get back into photography. She’d just been making a name for herself when she met Walter and she was sure she’d be able to get in touch with some of her old clients.

Maybe sending the girls away to school was just what she needed. She felt guilty as soon as she had the thought but there were many wealthy women who weren’t occupied full-time with raising their children. The fact was, it did open up a whole world of new opportunities that she’d thought she’d closed off to herself.

Somehow though, she doubted that the wives worked. They probably busied themselves with more traditional roles like getting involved with charitable causes and hosting dinner parties.

She went and found Walter in the bathroom. He was shaving.

—Didn’t you shave this morning?

—Yes but I want to make a good impression.

—I’ll say. And I thought I was the only one worried about that tonight.

He smiled at her. —You’ll look great, April. You always do.

—I hope so.

—What dress are you wearing?

—I was thinking of the blue one you gave me for my birthday.

Walter shook his head. —If I’m not mistaken, there’s a box for you on the bed.

She looked back into the bedroom and there was a pink dress box tied with a black ribbon. Why hadn’t she seen it earlier? She recognized the name on the box. It was from one of the most expensive boutiques in the city.

—Walter, you shouldn’t have.

—I didn’t.

She went over and read the card attached to the box. It was from Herb. That was strange, she thought.

—Why did Herb buy me a dress?

—I guess he wants us to feel welcome. Open it.

If April was surprised when she read the card, she was even more so when she saw what was inside the box. It was very revealing. It was short and beautiful and the bodice was made of intricate lace-work. It almost looked like lingerie.

—Oh my, Walter said when she held it up. Put it on.

She took off her jeans and shirt and pulled the dress over her head. It was a perfect fit around her breasts and thighs and the neckline was flattering, but it was just so revealing. The material was exquisite. She’d never seen such beautiful lace.

But it was too revealing. She couldn’t possibly wear it to the Prentiss’s.

—It’s a bit naughty, isn’t it?

—Nonsense. He wouldn’t have sent it if it wasn’t appropriate.