The Arcturus Man (51 page)

Maine? There is no hurry. In a few months perhaps.”
“I will make it so. Don’t concern yourself with this.”
“Thanks. We’ll see you soon.”
Jared and Jenny waved good-by to Idel and walked back down the beach and out

on the rickety pier to their boat.
They climbed on board and went into the cabin.
Jared
glanced at Pandora’s box and saw that Jenny had put a new padlock on it. He smiled but
said nothing.
Jared glanced out the port hole and saw that Manuel had already arrived
with the Land Rover. He waved at Manuel. He pulled the curtain shut.

“Come here,” said Jared.
He pulled Jenny close and kissed her hard and passionately.
“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me, Big Boy.” She feigned

He began to pull her clothes off.
Jenny was excited that he wanted her so badly.
She let him do all of the work in undressing her. They fell on the bed and began to make
love. Jared was fast and rough. Normally she didn’t like rough love making, but this was
different. He wanted her so much. She invited more. She pulled him even closer.

“Jared, it just occurred to me. I don’t have a passport. How am I going to get into
the United States without a passport, let alone get out of Panama?”
“You don’t need a passport to get into or out of Panama—just proof of U.S. citizenship. Your driver’s license is enough. You should really also have a birth certificate,
but I am sure we can get cooperation at the airport in Panama City. I’ll buy a tourist card
from the airlines for both of us. That’s enough for an entry visa which will also allow us
to exit.
It will be a little more complicated in Miami with our immigration people, but
not to worry.”
He took her hands and drew her to him.
“I love you Jenny.”
“I love you too Jared.”
He still wasn’t sure he knew what love was. He still didn’t understand what Zarathustra knew.
Did he love Jenny?
He didn’t really know but he did understand that it
was important to Jenny that he loves her. He picked up their overnight bags and carried
them off the boat.
“
Venga aquí, Mujer
,” said Jared.
Jenny kind of liked that. She felt like being a little submissive today.
Manuel was back, patiently waiting for them. There was a broad grin on his face.
Jenny had to smile too. It was just a little embarrassing for her. What had Jared said?
“Let’s go,” said Manuel.
“How long will it take to get to Panama City?” asked Jenny.
“It’s only about a 160 kilometers, but the roads are not good. It will be quite a
while before we get to a paved road.
We’re lucky that it hasn’t rained much.
It should
take us about four hours, but it could take longer,” said Manuel. His English was excellent.
As they pulled away, Jared looked back. Mary Thomas was standing on the pier.
She didn’t wave.
Her face was expressionless, as it always was. He knew she would be
there. The wind picked up and in minutes the sky opened up. It was a torrential rain. A
great storm was coming. Jared knew it was coming. It would arrive soon.

It was cool for June—even for Massachusetts. The late morning wind was gusting
to fifty miles an hour at times.
Stuff was blowing across and down the street.
Jenny
wished she had a scarf with her. Her hair was a mess. She entered the old brick building
and climbed two flights. Krissy’s door was wide open. How many times did she tell her
to lock her door?
She couldn’t remember.
She walked in and dropped her book bag on
the floor. The bag blended in immediately. The place was a disaster. Clothes were everywhere.
There were sneakers, pants, shirts, bras, and socks scattered across the floor
and on the couch. There was a disgusting jock strap draped down one kitchen chair.
Running shorts and grungy sneakers were piled on the floor beneath the chair.
The coffee table was brimming with empty beer cans and tomato sauce-stained pizza boxes. She
counted four. The beer must be Jake’s.
Krissy often has wine, but beer only now and
then, and rarely at home. Worse, the place reeked of Jake’s 1818 cologne.
An ash tray
was balanced half off the edge of the coffee table. It had a stinky cigar. The combination
of odors was gagging.

The sink was overflowing with dirty pots, dishes and glasses.
The floors were
hardwood. They shined but were filthy. Jake had enough dough from his parents to hire
maid service every day of the week but said he didn’t like strangers going through his
stuff and stealing.
Jenny always suspected the real reason was that Jake was smoking
pot.
Krissy always denied it of course.
Jenny stared at the squashed flies on the wall
above the futon in the living room—the guest bed. Those were the same flies she saw in
the Spring. How could they bear to live like this?

The apartment was big enough to potentially be a fairly nice place. It had high
ceilings. The paint was good and there were no cracks in the plaster ceilings. All of the
walls were painted off-white, but the bedroom had weird wall paper. There were multiple, massive color reproductions of
The Scream
that went from floor to ceiling and covered two of the four walls. How could they wake to that in the morning? The other two
walls had regular museum and movie posters.
The movie poster for
Sneakers
was in
German. Krissy didn’t speak German and Jenny suspected that Jake didn’t as well. There
was a gorgeous large photograph of a black butterfly above the bed.
It glowed in weird
colors if you turned off the room lights and turned on the UV light. Jenny assumed that
was how Krissy got the idea for her tattoo. Krissy did all this during that short period
when she had decided she was going to major in art. The motivation for art didn’t last
more than a semester or two but the wall art persisted. The apartment had no family photographs—not even of Mom or Mormor. There were no books—not even from Krissy’s
classes. Jenny assumed that she left them in her car.

There was a living area that opened into the kitchen, separated by an ugly beaded
curtain.
The kitchen then opened into a small laundry area that led to the rear hallway.
The kitchen had a breakfast nook that Krissy and Jake used for dinners for guests, which
wasn’t that often.
They did party a lot, however.
The living room had an expensive
home theater system. A 50-inch plasma TV hung on the wall across from the overstuffed
couch.
A state-of-the-art desk top computer and desk were wedged behind the sofa.
It
had everything you could want, a scanner, copier, video camera, UPS, two printers, big
speakers, and other stuff Jenny didn’t recognize. She pushed the cans aside on the coffee
table and was just about able identify a laptop hidden in the mess.
It was mostly hidden
by an empty pizza box.

They had one bedroom and one bathroom.
It was tough being a guest. Jenny did
that once or twice, but finally gave up on it.
To get to the bathroom you had to go into
their bedroom.
Although Krissy said not to be shy and just walk in, Jenny always
knocked. It was awkward. She didn’t want to see someone making love to her little sister.
To make matters worse, there was no lock on the bathroom door, or at least it didn’t
work. Jenny didn’t trust Jake not to barge in intentionally. All in all, Krissy’s apartment
was an odd mixture of wealth and poverty. To be fair, Jenny had to admit to herself that
it didn’t look all that different from many student apartments.
It may be the filthiest,
however. It didn’t look anything like Jenny’s apartment. Jenny was neat and orderly.

Jenny sat in the large sofa.
She heard water running in the bathroom. That told
her that Krissy was home. Krissy walked out of the bedroom.
“Hey, Jenn. Thanks for coming over,” said Krissy.
“Jake the Snake out?”
“Yea, Jake won’t be back until late.”
Jenny was relieved.
“Jenn…I’m keeping the baby.”
Jenny leaned forward and kissed Krissy and then gave her a long hug.
“I promised Mom that I wouldn’t meddle, but that is so great Krissy.
It really is
the right thing.”
“Yea, like having a baby’s no big deal. Millions of women do it every day,”
“How does Jake feel about that?” asked Jenny.
“He’s cool with it. He said we can get married…if I want,”
“And, are you?”
“I don’t know.
I change my mind about that almost every day. I know that he
loves me but I sometimes don’t see us growing old and grey together.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not certain, but I think he’s sleeping around.
He’s a good looking guy and
really good in bed.
You know…the strange thing is that it doesn’t really bother me that
much if he’s alley catting.
I do worry about catching HIV and that kind of stuff from
Jake, but what bothers me most is that I don’t care all that much if he’s cheating. Like
maybe I don’t love him enough. Maybe that’s it.
I don’t know why I don’t feel jealous.
Or maybe I am jealous but suppressing those feelings.
It’s really confusing.
All those
new hormones floating around inside my body are making me crazy.”
“Krissy, you have to trust your instincts. That’s what Jared always tells me.”
“I would if I knew what they were,” said Krissy.
“Mom always tells me not to meddle but honestly, if he’s sleeping around you
need to tell him to take a hike.
Life is tough enough. You don’t need to marry an adulterer.”
“Like I said, Jenn, I don’t have any proof that he’s doing that.
I just have feelings. Like I have no idea where he is tonight.
All he said was that he was going to be
home very late as he was walking out the door this morning.”
“Jared could find out.
You know!
Jared can sense what people are thinking
about.”
“NO, I DON’T WANT JARED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. And don’t be telling
Mom all this stuff I telling you. This is something I have to work out on my own…and
with you, of course…that’s what sisters do.
And for Gods sakes don’t tell Lars.
He’ll
beat the shit out of Jake and never tell me he did it.”
“Ok, Ok, I promise. I won’t tell a soul,” said Jenny.
“It’s really good that I can talk to you about this. I’ve been keeping these feelings
inside and I sometimes worry that it could hurt the baby,” said Krissy.
“Babies are tough. Don’t worry about that.”
“I can’t help it. I know I’m changing. I can feel it.”
“And that’s the way it’s supposed to work.
Your mommy genes are kicking in,”
said Jenny.
“Yea, I know.”
“If you decide to ask Jake to leave, call me and I will be here with you when you
do it.”
“Maybe! I need time to think about it some more,” said Krissy. ‘Jake would never hurt me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Don’t be sure of that.
Guys can get really psycho when their male egos are
wounded.”
“I’ll think about it. I promise I won’t say anything to Jake until after I’ve told you
first. OK?”
“OK! That’s a promise.”
Jenny and Krissy locked pinky fingers, just like they’ve done since they were little girls and the one or the other made a pledge.
“That’s enough about me. How are you doing with your guy?” asked Krissy.
Jenny hadn’t considered that they might be discussing Jared. Not at all. This was
all supposed to be about Jake and Krissy, but mostly about whether or not Krissy was
going to have an abortion.
Jenny thought that abortion was murder, although she would
have never said that to her only sister. She loved Krissy so much it hurt sometimes. She
couldn’t imagine Krissy living with the knowledge that she killed her own baby. But,
coming over this morning was never about Jared.
“Well…you know…like I said over the phone…things aren’t that good right now.
Life was really rough for us while we were on the boat and in Panama, especially for
Jared.
There were people with guns looking for him. Our relationship was a little
strained…some days…before all those horrible things happened on Eagles’ Head…I
don’t need to talk about that…you know what happened…but while we were escaping
and these bad people were chasing us…chasing Jared…we sort of bonded. It felt like
love.
Now that I’m back in the real world again, I don’t know if we fell deeper in love
with each other or if I clung to him because I was so damned scared.
I honestly thought
that he needed me too, but I’ve always known that Jared doesn’t need anybody.
I don’t
know anymore if I’m important to him.”
“So what does he say about this?” asked Krissy.
“What do you think he says? He says he loves me. All guys say that if they want
to jump your bones.”
“I didn’t think Jared was like that,” said Krissy. “He seems to be pretty kind and
considerate.”
Jenny had to look away from Krissy for a moment. They were sisters. They were
as close as any sisters could ever be, but there are still things that can never be said, even
by sisters.
Jenny knew that Jared was sexually attracted to Krissy—it was so obvious—
all men were attracted to Krissy—but she also suspected that Krissy—deep down where
she might not even be aware of it—was attracted to Jared.
It was just human chemistry
but it was hard not to take it personally. Krissy had stolen a few boy friends from Jenny
when they were in their teens. Those long buried feelings surfaced from time to time.
“You don’t know him like I do.”
“Then wise me up,” said Krissy.
“He might be the smartest guy in the world, but he likes to play kid games. He
watches reruns of TV programs like
Smallville
and
Battlestar Galactica
all of the time.
He can be playful beyond belief…you know…he’ll chase me with a wet towel and crap
like that.
The next minute, he won’t talk.
He can sit in his study in his chair for
hours…not doing anything. He just stares.
Sometimes for hours.
If I try to be nice, he
snaps at me. He gets sarcastic and insulting.
He has these mood swings all the time and
they’re unpredictable. They can come on in just a few minutes.
Sometimes it lasts for
days.
That’s when he does dangerous stuff, you know, like the free climbing up cliffs
that I told you about.
Father O’Connor thinks that Jared may have suicidal tendencies
that come over him sometimes.
He said that all real geniuses are crazy, one way or
another. There are times I’m convinced that Jared is paranoid—maybe delusional. A lot
of the things he said might happen, did happen, but there are other times when I think it’s
all in his head. And when he gets mean, he can be real mean and cruel.”
“Are you shitting me? Jenn, like I had no idea. I’ve never seen him like that,”
“He’s always on his best behavior whenever you’re around.”
Images of Krissy and Jared…together…whirled in her mind. She couldn’t sweep
them away. She wanted to, but she couldn’t.
“Maybe the worst thing is that Jared thinks I’m stupid.
Krissy, I’m in the top of
my graduate class. I’m a doctoral candidate. I’m not stupid.”
“Of course you aren’t. Has he ever called you stupid?”
“Well, no, but he often says I do stupid things.
He says that a lot. To me that’s
the same thing.”
“How are you guys…like…how are you guys doing in the sack?”
Jenny didn’t want to talk about their sex life. It was too personal. Jared’s fetishes
were in large measure what might be driving them apart and causing Jenny to question if
he loved her with all his heart or stayed with her because she went along with the kinky
stuff. Many women would have balked. But she wasn’t sure of that either. She wondered
is she was too prudish. Maybe other women did like it. It was eating away inside of her
and it needed to be freed.
“He’s
beyond
great.
I
don’t
want
to
get
clinical,
but
Jared’s
superman.
But…there are problems. He never tires…you know what I’m saying.”
“That’s every girl’s dream.”
“No its not! I am saying that he NEVER tires,” said Jenny.
“What could possible be wrong with that? Is he like, too big?
Is her hurting
you?”
“No, that part’s fine. Its fetishes, Krissy! He is always playing with sex.”
“You mean like sex games?”
“Yes, as long as he’s not in one of his deep blue funks…he calls it his Black
Dog…when he has no interest in sex whatsoever…he’s into all kind of sex games.”
“For instance? Maybe Jake and I can get some pointers. We do that stuff. You
know, role playing. Sometimes it’s really cool and keeps it from getting boring.”
“I’m embarrassed to talk about it Krissy, even with you.”
“So who else are you going to tell?”
“Well OK! A lot of times I have to take off my underwear…and then go into public places.”
“I think that’s cool. I wish Jake thought of that some time. Maybe I’ll drop a few
hints,” said Krissy.
“Not cool, Krissy.
Not all the time and not in public.
It just isn’t normal and it
makes me feel cheap.
We were at Old Orchard Beach when he had me do this and I
swear he was hoping that strangers would…you know…see me.”
“Yea, that’s not cool,” said Krissy.
“Does he make you make love in pubic?
I
know a lot of guys are into that?”
“No, he’s never suggested that.”
“Well maybe then it’s not as bad as you think it is.
You two being the only
people who know your naked underneath is sort of exciting. I’ve got to try it some time.”
Krissy flipped up the front of her skirt and laughed.
Jenny laughed too, but it was an insincere laugh.
“Now that I’m talking about it, I guess it doesn’t sound so bad…which is why I
suppose I went along with it,” said Jenny.
‘Did it turn you on?”
Jenny thought about it for a second.
“I guess, but not after the first few times.
Later it just made me feel slutty, especially if he had a mood swing and we didn’t make love later. That would kill it.”
“Yea, I guess that would.”
“He want to tie you up and weird stuff like that?”
“No…none of that.”
“So…what else?”
“He’s got this computer-generated girl named Ginger.”
“You told me about her.”
“Did I tell you she’s naked or that she’s shaved…completely?”
“No, you missed that tiny part.”
“I’m pretty sure he takes care of himself watching her. I think he has her programmed to do stuff too. Krissy, I’m jealous about a computer program.”
“That’s nothing. Jakes does that a lot before he comes to me. He says it cools him
off so he won’t come too quickly. That’s nothing. All guys jerk off. And getting rid of
the fuzz is in right now. Like didn’t see the Britney Spears pics on the Internet?”
“Ginger is almost human, Krissy.
HONEST TO GOODNESS.
If you think
you’ve seen video games, you haven’t seen anything.
SHE CAN THINK.
She thinks
like a person. She talks to you like a real person. When I was in trouble, she talked to me.
I think she has feelings.”
“That’s rad, Jenn. Can I see her some time?”
“Jared is very protective of Ginger. I don’t think he would have let me see her if
it hadn’t been an emergency…you know…that night,” said Jenny.
“Ask, huh?
You know Jake’s into that kind of stuff. He would kill to see something like that,” said Krissy. “Not because she’s naked…I guess he’d like that too… but
Jake’s a computer genius, for real.”
“Maybe.” said Jenny.
Jenny hesitated a minute, but then blurted it out.
“I guess what really did it for me…you know…the proverbial straw…was he
asked me a couple of months ago if I would bring a girl friend into our bed.
That is so
repulsive.
It makes me sick. It’s like telling me that I’m not enough.
That he’s bored
with me.”
“Jenn, two or more girls is every guy’s fantasy.
You know that. Hell, Jake has
mentioned it. I just punch him and he shuts up. Why do you think lesbo porn is so popular with men? It’s no big deal. Like whatever floats your boat,” said Krissy. “And it has
nothing to do with him being bored with you. Guys are dogs and just like stuff like that.”
“You would never do that.”
“Of course not,” said Krissy. “Well, probably not.”
“It’s degrading Krissy. You would never do that.”
“You’re making too big a deal out of this, Jenn.”
Jenny wanted to tell her that she suspected that if she had gone along with it that
Jared would have suggested that Krissy be the other girl.
Jared never said that but she
was pretty sure that it was something he was thinking about. And considering that Jared
often knew what she was thinking about…at least in general…he must have sensed those
images in Jenny’s mind.
She wanted to tell Krissy, but she couldn’t make herself do it.
The danger was that Krissy might have liked the idea.
She honestly didn’t believe that
Krissy would every do it, but learning that Krissy might like it…if it really did happen…would be unbearable.
She could lose her only sister over something like that. It
could drive them apart. When Krissy stole her favorite boy friend in high school, it took
her almost a year to get over it. This time maybe she would never get over it. She wasn’t
going to risk it.
Except for maybe how Krissy felt about Jared, all in all, Jenny was feeling better.
Talking openly about all of this was good. She felt cleansed. She certainly couldn’t have
had this conversation with Mom, and definitely not with Father O’Connor. It was good to
get this off her chest. She wasn’t talking about the most hurtful things, however. Could
she reveal everything?
No, not everything.
She could never tell Krissy that she saw
Jared kill men…in front of her. It was self defense, but it haunted her dreams sometimes.
She loved Krissy too much to curse her with those kinds of visions.
Or…maybe she
loved Jared too much to tell Krissy about what Jared was capable of.
If she and Jared
stayed together, Krissy would never feel the same about him if she knew that Jared could
be like that. Krissy could be an aunt some day. No, that had to stay buried. Maybe that
was something that she could discuss with Father O’Connor.
Maybe?
But there were
other things too. There were other hurtful things that were worse than stupid fetishes and
kinky sex.
“The biggest thing…the thing that hurts me the most…has nothing to do with sex.
He won’t talk with me unless I nag and almost interrogate him. He won’t open up to me
Krissy.”