The Amish Way (17 page)
Authors: Donald B. Kraybill,Steven M. Nolt,David L. Weaver-Zercher
The popularity of this book and similar ones used in other communities signals the growing use of English and four-part harmony in Amish singing, although unison singing remains the standard in church services. Unison singing welcomes everyone’s voice, reinforces equality, and unites the entire community.
Some Amish people can read music, but most sing without any musical training. “Singing for the Amish has never been a question of singing the pitches accurately or ‘in tune,’” musicologist Hilde Binford observes. “What has been important is that
everyone
sing, from the special children, including the severely disabled and deaf, to the elderly and infirm. They look to the martyrs, who sang on their way to death and believe that all should sing what is in their hearts.”
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For Jesse, “Singing is a really important spiritual expression. I’ve heard it said already, ‘It’s the best antidote to depression.’You can just feel the power of community when you’re singing, everybody together, everyone participating. Each voice is just as important as others, even if you can’t sing.”
everyone
sing, from the special children, including the severely disabled and deaf, to the elderly and infirm. They look to the martyrs, who sang on their way to death and believe that all should sing what is in their hearts.”
3
For Jesse, “Singing is a really important spiritual expression. I’ve heard it said already, ‘It’s the best antidote to depression.’You can just feel the power of community when you’re singing, everybody together, everyone participating. Each voice is just as important as others, even if you can’t sing.”
Sunday-evening singings are gatherings where young men and women meet and often begin courting. The Amish church does not arrange marriages, but both the bride and groom must be church members before a bishop will consent to marry them. This restriction is rooted in the apostle Paul’s warning, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Only couples planning to leave the church would ever consider a nonchurch wedding.
Next to baptism and communion, weddings are the most important church ritual because they underscore the spiritual status of marriage and its promise of procreation. The bubbling excitement and festive atmosphere surrounding a wedding highlight its significance.
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Yet at nearly every turn, Amish weddings resist the practices of the larger culture. Unlike customized ceremonies crafted by modern couples—with the help of wedding planners, caterers, photographers, and a teeming wedding industry—Amish weddings are the spiritual property of the church, not the couple.
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Yet at nearly every turn, Amish weddings resist the practices of the larger culture. Unlike customized ceremonies crafted by modern couples—with the help of wedding planners, caterers, photographers, and a teeming wedding industry—Amish weddings are the spiritual property of the church, not the couple.
Weddings are typically held on weekdays in a house or shop at the home of the bride or a nearby relative. In some instances, communities hold Saturday weddings to accommodate Amish guests who work for non-Amish employers and have a hard time taking off a day in the middle of the week. Friends and family from out of state may travel by train, van, or bus to attend. There is never a rehearsal, because the ceremonial steps are well known and require no practice.
The actual wedding ceremony comes near the end of a three-hour worship service, and it lasts only five minutes. Two couples who accompany the bride and groom constitute the entire wedding party. Although the participants wear new clothing, it is the same style they wear to church. The music consists of
Ausbund
hymns sung by the congregation. During the first song, the couple meets privately with the ministers for twenty minutes before returning to the service to wait for the five minutes that will launch their married lives.
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Ausbund
hymns sung by the congregation. During the first song, the couple meets privately with the ministers for twenty minutes before returning to the service to wait for the five minutes that will launch their married lives.
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At the core of these five minutes lie the wedding vows. These promises seal an eternal bond because divorce, considered a sin, is forbidden. And, in keeping with the dictates of 1 Corinthians 7:11, the Amish believe that if a person ever leaves his or her spouse, the remaining one may not remarry until the death of the wayward one. The vows are based on these two questions:
“Do you promise that if he/she should be afflicted with bodily weakness, sickness, or some similar circumstance, that you will care for him/her as is fitting for a Christian husband/wife?
“Do you solemnly promise with one another that you will love and bear and be patient with each other, and not separate from each other until the dear God shall part you from each other through death?”
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After making their vows, the couple returns to their seats without a kiss or any other display of affection. The long service concludes with a lengthy kneeling prayer, and then the post-wedding festivities begin.
Despite the sober tone of the ceremony, the day is a joyous time of food and fellowship for the couple and their several hundred guests. A bounteous noon meal, eaten in several shifts, is followed by visiting, games, and singing throughout the afternoon. After supper, the festivities, which in some locales include square dancing for unmarried youth, may continue until midnight. To orchestrate this large gathering and prepare two meals without a catering service requires an enormous outpouring of free labor. Family, friends, and members of the local
Gmay
prepare the property, provide food, and take on various roles—cooks, ushers, waiters, dishwashers, table setters, and hostlers—throughout the day.
Gmay
prepare the property, provide food, and take on various roles—cooks, ushers, waiters, dishwashers, table setters, and hostlers—throughout the day.
Without rehearsal dinners, photographers, candles, flowers, gowns, veils, tuxedos, rings, and expensive clothing, Amish weddings underscore the most important things in Amish life: community, simplicity, and faith. The absence of special clothing and fancy decorations on such a significant day may strike some as strange, but the Amish are convinced that these absences direct their affections toward life’s most important things. To them, simple weddings are sufficiently special.
Gender roles are well defined in Amish life and are based on their reading of the New Testament. The Amish take literally Paul’s admonition to the Ephesians that “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23). According to one Amish handbook, this means that husbands are responsible “to provide for the material and spiritual nurture of their wife and children” and “to be an example of Christian conduct.” The same handbook adds that the husband is to be “the primary decision maker” in the home.
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“My husband would not do anything without my okay,” says one woman, “but I still think he’s got the final say.”
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“My husband would not do anything without my okay,” says one woman, “but I still think he’s got the final say.”
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Except in cases where the husband has died or become severely disabled, the head of an Amish family is always a man. Amish men demonstrate their family leadership in a number of areas. As we have seen, family devotional practices such as prayers and scripture readings are typically led by the father, except when young children are the focus. The husband usually takes the lead in dealing with outsiders. Although most schoolteachers are women, the trustees who oversee the schools are invariably men. Most other committees in Amish communities are composed entirely of men.
An Amish wife is to be “subject to her husband” and “help and support her husband in every way.” Much of her help comes in the domestic sphere. Women perform an array of household activities: growing and preserving fruits and vegetables, making meals, sewing clothing, and tending the house, lawn, and garden. Most wives give birth to numerous children and care for their spiritual and physical well-being. Some own and operate businesses, though usually not until their children have completed school. Until that time women are “keepers at home,” devoted to the welfare of their families and responsible for the day-to-day management of their households. One Amish handbook on the Christian life notes that “it is one of Satan’s lies to make us think that a career outside the home would be more fulfilling” than a life devoted to homemaking.
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Many non-Amish people find such a comment offensive and wonder whether Amish women feel restricted in a culture of such close-cinched gender roles. Some may, but for most, their lifelong schooling in this aspect of the Amish way means that girls—and boys—are socialized into what to expect for their lives as adults. After conducting interviews with thirty Amish women in eastern Ohio, one research team concluded that all the women believed that men and women were intended to fill different roles. “Face it, men and women aren’t the same,” said one woman whose views were widely shared. “There are things that men are better at and things that women are better at. So I don’t really understand what supposedly is the advantage of getting the roles mixed up.”
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Although each woman in this study approved of distinct gender roles for men and women, some admitted that male headship took oppressive forms in certain households. “It definitely depends on the husband,” said one woman. “Some men just have the idea . . . you know, they interpret the Bible wrong. . . . It says the husband should be the head of the household, and they think he should be the lord of the household.” These particular Amish men, she concluded, “have no respect for their women. . . . And that gets passed down from generation to generation.”
In addition to shaping household realities, the authority invested in men by scripture and tradition has, in some instances, slowed church leaders’ willingness to address instances of domestic violence. In fact, a few years ago, a group of Amish women in one community, calling itself the Sewing Circle, compiled a booklet offering help to women in such situations.
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The existence of this publication is a poignant note that this community, known for its gentle ways, is not completely free of violence.
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The existence of this publication is a poignant note that this community, known for its gentle ways, is not completely free of violence.
Still, most Amish women with whom we spoke attest to feeling validated by their husbands and their communities. This validation derives both from their contribution to their families’ economic well-being and from their recognized status before God. One study confirmed this validation of personal worth. It found that 97 percent of both Amish and non-Amish women surveyed in the same region agreed with this statement: “I am a person of worth, at least on an equal basis with others.”
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Although a wife is to be subject to her husband, her first commitment is to God. At Council Meeting, she decides as an individual if her heart is ready for communion. She has an equal vote in church business meetings and nominates candidates for church leadership roles. With these things in mind, two scholars assert that Amish religion both supports patriarchy and blunts its most damaging aspects. For although Amish women are limited in terms of opportunities, they are “generally protected from the abuses often suffered by their non-Amish sisters, and their voices are heard and respected.”
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Moreover, Amish couples demonstrate many signs of love and affection. One couple cites these humorous lines in praise of hugging:
Hugging is healthy. It helps the body’s immune system. It cures depression. It reduces stress. It’s invigorating. It’s rejuvenating. It has no unpleasant side effects.Hugging is all natural, organic, naturally sweet, and is 100% wholesome. It contains no pesticides, no preservatives, and no artificial ingredients.There are no movable parts, no batteries to wear out, no periodic checkups, no insurance requirements, and no monthly payments. It is inflation-proof, non-fattening, theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully returnable.
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Although some Amish marriages are devoid of warmth, bound together only by the church’s no-divorce policy, most people find their marriages satisfying—clear, if somewhat imperfect, reflections of Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25).
One day we were guests of an Amish grandmother, who lives in a
Dawdyhaus
apartment attached to the home of her married daughter. During our visit, her granddaughters knocked on the common door several times. “Grandma, may we borrow some of your cinnamon?” the six-year-old inquired at one point. “They come over a lot,” Sally told us, “but it’s probably a little more today because they’re always curious to see my visitors.”
Dawdyhaus
apartment attached to the home of her married daughter. During our visit, her granddaughters knocked on the common door several times. “Grandma, may we borrow some of your cinnamon?” the six-year-old inquired at one point. “They come over a lot,” Sally told us, “but it’s probably a little more today because they’re always curious to see my visitors.”
It’s impossible to exaggerate the sweep of the extended family’s influence on the spiritual life of Amish society. A typical thirty-five-year-old married woman is rooted in an extended family network of about 250 adults—parents, siblings, in-laws, first cousins, aunts, and uncles. Children grow up in this thick family web, which plays a crucial role in fortifying Amish faith.
Not all Amish grandchildren have the easy access to their grandparents that Sally’s grandchildren do. But those who live within walking distance spend time together tilling the garden, weeding flower beds, working in the shop, or helping with a hobby. Because Amish grandparents do not live in retirement communities, most of them see some of their grandchildren or great-grandchildren on a daily basis.
“Since Daddy is on the minister’s bench at church,” says one mother, “the boys sit with Grandpa [on Sunday mornings]. At his side they learned to follow the lines from the
Ausbund
. How thankful I am for our children’s grandparents!”
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Sixty-year-old Sam’s grandparents lived in the
Dawdyhaus
at his home when he was young, and he remembers, “Grandmother often told us about God and Jesus. I can hear her like yesterday, singing hymns in German and English.”
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Ausbund
. How thankful I am for our children’s grandparents!”
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Sixty-year-old Sam’s grandparents lived in the
Dawdyhaus
at his home when he was young, and he remembers, “Grandmother often told us about God and Jesus. I can hear her like yesterday, singing hymns in German and English.”
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