The Amish Christmas Sleigh (10 page)

“Shouldn't you be getting ready for bed?” He wasn't going to make this easy on her.

She ran trembling hands down the front of her plain white nightdress and took a couple more cautious steps toward him. “I'm ready.”

“What do you want to talk about?” Jess took off his glasses completely and used his finger to hold his place in the Bible. He gave his daughter his full attention.

“I've done something wrong, and I'm sorry.”

“Oh?”

She nodded, inching closer still. She was near enough to touch, and Jess had to resist the urge to reach out and pull her into his lap. She needed to face what she had done. There would be time for forgiveness and love later.

“I—When Bernice—I mean—” She shifted from one foot to the other as he patiently waited. “Hope, Lilly Ruth, and me, we've been getting dirty on the way to school. On purpose.”

Jess leaned back and pretended to think on the matter. “
Ach,
now, why would you go and do something like that?”

Constance shifted, studied the ground, then bravely lifted her gaze to his. “We—I thought that maybe if we were dirty enough, then Bernice would come back out here. And maybe if she did, you might notice how pretty she is. And sweet and kind.”

He had noticed, all right.

“And maybe then . . . she would make a good
fraa,
no?”

“No. I mean, Constance, you cannot go around dirtying yourself in hopes of finding me a wife.” Actually hearing her say the words was more painful than he could have imagined. Did his daughter think him that lonely? Or desperate? Or maybe it was that they needed a
mamm
far more than he needed a companion.

“I know,
Dat,
and I'm sorry.”

“I'm not the only one you should apologize to.”

She nodded.

“And what of your sisters?”

“They had no hand in this. Only did what I told them to do.”

“And you take all the blame.”

“Yes,
Dat
.”

Jess sighed. He had raised a noble daughter to be sure, but his younger two were not without blame.

“Tomorrow you will go to school and apologize to your teacher.”

“Yes,
Dat
.”

“All of you.” He bit back another sigh. He was too tired and confused to think about this clearly tonight. Maybe after a good night's sleep it would all look clearer. “Go on up to bed now.”

“That's all?” Constance's eyes held a gleam of hope.

“I'll decide what other penance you should serve tomorrow.”

“Yes,
Dat
.” She turned and headed for the stairs, her footfalls heavy. But before she climbed up to her room, she turned. “I truly am sorry.”

So was he. “I know. Good night, daughter.”

“Good night,” she said, then made her way up to her room.

Jess watched her go, his heart sad, his breath heavy in his lungs. The lengths his children would go to in order to see a plan through. It was admirable and disturbing all at once. And he couldn't help thinking: She wasn't the only one who owed Bernice Yoder an apology.

C
HAPTER
5

J
ess walked up the steps leading to the schoolhouse dreading what was to come. Two days ago he'd walked up these very steps never imagining that he would be returning so soon with his hat in his hands, so to speak.

Since the program, Bernice had placed a sheet of plastic over the door. It was decorated with a snowman and winter scene, across which she had written
All ye who enter, come with Christmas cheer and a joyful heart.
The message was surrounded by hand-drawn sprigs of green holly complete with bright red berries. The writing was neat and orderly, much like the woman herself, but seemed to have a flair that belied its tidy nature. Maybe there was more to the woman than he realized.

He snorted at his own thoughts. What was he, some sort of handwriting expert now? He needed to get a grip and soon. Maybe after this talk with Bernice, he would head over to the general store and see about putting an ad on the bulletin board. The sooner he got some help on the farm and with the house, the sooner these crazy thoughts would abandon him. And that couldn't happen soon enough.

Without another hesitation, he pushed his way into the schoolhouse.

Unlike his last visit, the desks were all in their proper place. Four neat rows ran the length of the room. Two large chalkboards covered most of the far wall and the one to the right. Various assignments were written there, waiting for the scholars to complete them. Paper candy canes hung from the ceiling on lengths of yarn. A chain of red and green construction paper looped around the perimeter of the room and added to the festive décor.

The children were reading and writing. The two eighth-grade girls were helping some of the younger children with their lessons, while Bernice worked with another group. None of them had heard him come in.

He cleared his throat and all eyes turned toward him.

“
Dat!
” Constance and Hope managed to keep their seats, but Lilly Ruth jumped up and flung her arms around him, dancing in place as she did.

Bernice straightened and nodded toward him. “Good morning, Jess. This is a surprise.” Her eyes were guarded as she studied him, as wary as a deer in late November.

“I was hoping that I might have a word with you today.”

She swallowed hard, but nodded. He could find no fault in her hesitancy. He hadn't actually been receptive the last two times they'd talked. Which were the only times they'd ever spoken. It wasn't like they had a good record.

“We have to sing first.” A girl he thought was one of the Miller kids stood up next to her desk, gaining the teacher's attention. “We always sing for visitors.”

He knew that was one of the school traditions, but one look at Bernice's face and he thought she might protest. Instead she gave a quick nod and the children all filed to the front of the classroom.

Jess eased down into a chair and smiled as the children sang. It had been so long since he had simply sat and enjoyed himself. Every night he read his Bible, but somehow that wasn't the same as letting the children's sweet voices wash over him. He really needed to get some help at the farm so he could relax just a little. That was the problem with dairy farming; there wasn't a slow season.

The last song ended and the children made their way back to their seats.

“Here.” The same little girl who had announced that they had to sing to him thrust the visitors' notebook under his nose. Apparently she had appointed herself as keeper of classroom traditions. “You have to sign our log.”

He took the book and the pen she offered, flipping through the plastic-covered pages. He would sign the book as quickly as possible so he could talk to Bernice, then get on back to his farm. But as the pages turned, one in particular caught his attention. He stopped, his gaze running over the brightly drawn picture. A house sat in the middle with smoke coming out of the chimney, a man in a blue shirt with a black hat stood to one side with three girls next to him. It didn't take a man with more schooling than he had to figure out it was his family. A brown-haired angel floated in the sky close to the smoke. Linda Grace.

He trailed his fingers over the image as tears stung his eyes. A person might not know if they were destined for heaven when they died, but he was as sure as the artist that his wife was with God.

He had seen the school's visitor log in the past. All the standard questions were there: name, age, parents' names, pet peeve, likes, and wishes. It was the last one that captured his attention.
A new
mamm
to help my
dat
and to love me and my sisters, Constance Schmucker.
His gaze settled on the pet peeve.
My
dat
works too much and doesn't have time to spend with me and my sisters.

“Jess?”

He jerked his gaze from the book to the woman standing next to him. Was she the woman his daughters thought would be a suitable
mamm
for them?

He cleared his throat. “Can we talk outside?” He didn't need to add that he wanted privacy away from the many little ears that could overhear what he needed to say.

“Of course,” she said. “Let me get my coat.”

They walked out onto the small porch together. Instinctively he held her elbow as they made their way down the steps. That one touch made him miss being a husband, having a woman, a companion. The soft to his tough. The beautiful to his rough edges.

“I need to apologize to you,” he said, reluctantly releasing her just this side of the playground.

“You get right to the point.”

“It's cold out here.” But in truth he didn't know what else to say. He wasn't about to explain his daughter's actions and plan to get herself a new
mamm
.

She nodded. “Accepted.”

“You're making this too easy on me.”

She smiled, then sniffed in the cold air. “I'm hoping that you will accept my apology, as well.”

“What do you have to be sorry over?”

“Jumping to conclusions about your family.”

He frowned.

“Your sister explained the situation to me. That your daughters thought to get us together.” She smiled, a bit shyly. Or was that understanding? “And the girls apologized this morning.”

“You're not mad?”

She shook her head. “It was a very nice compliment.” She really was very pretty when she wasn't reprimanding him for one thing or another.

“You shouldn't have to worry about anything like this happening in the future.”

“Oh?” she asked. “Why is that?”

“Because I'm going to find myself a wife.”

 

Jess couldn't believe his good fortune. It wasn't the easiest thing he had ever done, going to Bernice Yoder and apologizing for his behavior. He wasn't sure how he felt about his sister telling off on his girls, but it was done now.

He tromped up the porch steps leading to his
eldra
's house and let himself in. “
Mamm,
” he called, watching for her to come out of the kitchen as usual. And she did. That was one of the most comforting things about his
mamm
; she could always be depended on to be the same time and again.

Mamm
dried her hands on a towel, her smile stretching so wide it nearly ran off her face. “Jess. What a surprise! Come, sit, and have some pie.”

He smiled and followed her into the kitchen. Before long he had a fresh cup of coffee and a slice of
snitz
pie in front of him.

“What's on your mind, son?”

He shrugged, then swallowed a bite of the delicious treat. “Why does there have to be anything on my mind?”

“You haven't been for a visit in months. Why would I not think you have something to talk about?”

He pushed his plate away. Suddenly the pie wasn't quite as tasty as it had been before.

“Well, there is one thing.” Was he really going to do this? “I've decided to remarry.”

His mother jerked away so fast Jess was tempted to ask her if her neck was hurt. “Remarried?”

“
Jah
.” He took a sip of his coffee for something to do, then gave an awkward nod. “It's time, I think.”

“When's this wedding, and who are you planning on marrying?”

“I don't know.”

“You don't know when the wedding will be, or you don't know who you are marrying?”

“Both,
jah
.”

She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms, that
mamm
look on her face. “If you don't know who or when, how do you know it's going to happen?”

“Because it has to.”

She raised one golden brow at him, but otherwise simply waited for him to continue.

“The girls need a mother. Linda Grace has been gone for a while now.” He even said her name out loud without those stabbing pains in his chest. Yes, it was definitely time to move on. But the one person who kept popping into his thoughts was the one person who suited him least. “Bernice Yoder.”

“You're going to marry Bernice Yoder?”

He shook his head. “No-no-no-no.” Had he said her name aloud? He waved his hands around as if to erase the thought, but it was still there, lingering in the kitchen like the smell of baking bread and his mother's lemon furniture polish.

Marrying Bernice Yoder. The thought did not warrant such study, but it worked its way into his mind and wouldn't turn loose. But that was the last thing he needed, to marry a busybody who wanted to stick her nose in his business at every turn, challenge all of his methods and all the hard work he put into his family.
Jah,
she had accepted his apology, but how long would it be before she came to the house again?

Just because she was pretty and smelled nice . . . well, that didn't mean a thing. He was just overworked and tired of the smells that surrounded him. Seven days a week of smelling nothing but bovine was enough to make almost any other scent pleasing.

“Are you still with us?”

Jess snapped to attention and cleared the tangle of thoughts from his head. “
Jah
.”

“Would it be so bad?” she asked.

“Would what be so bad?” Reba asked as she swept into the room. Whereas he took after their mother, his sister was the image of their father, sleek brown hair, soft gray eyes, and impish dimples that framed both sides of her mouth. She pointed to his abandoned plate and the half-eaten slice of pie. “Are you not going to eat that?”

He shook his head and pushed it toward her.

“So?” she asked around the first bite. “What would be bad?”

“Nothing,” Jess muttered.

“Marrying Bernice Yoder.”

Reba dropped the fork, her mouth hanging open. “You're marrying Bernice Yoder?”

“No!” The word exploded from him.

“Close your mouth, Reba.”

He turned toward his mother. “See? This is exactly how rumors get started.”

“Don't look at me. You're the one coming in here and talking about getting married,” Reba said, finally recovering her bearings.

“She does have a point.” As usual his mother took Reba's side. He guessed that was what happened when there was only one girl in a family of boys.

“I didn't say I was marrying Bernice Yoder. You did,” he protested.

“But you did say you were getting remarried,” Reba said. “
Jah?
”

He nodded.

“So why not Bernice Yoder?” she continued.

“That's what I said,” his mother added.

Jess pushed his chair back and rose to his feet.

“Where are you going?” Reba asked. She set the empty saucer on the table.

Away from here.
“I've got milking to do.”

His mother frowned. “You just got here.”

“It's only two-thirty,” Reba added.

“
Jah,
” he replied. What else could he say?

“Are you going to see Bernice?” his sister asked.

“No.” He pulled on his coat and hat and reached for the door.

“It might not be a bad idea,” his sister teased.

“Bye,
Mamm,
” he returned.

“Good-bye, son,” she said.

He let himself out of the house, certain he could hear his sister's laughter trailing along behind him.