The Alpha's Temporary Mate (Fated Match) (20 page)

He ran a hand down his face, wishing he’d had time to rehearsal this bloody train wreck. “I pushed her away, Chloe. She wasn’t the woman I wanted.”

For a brief moment she paused, as if caught off guard by his words before shaking her head once more. “Not the woman you wanted? We both know that’s not true. She’s the love of your life. A wolf that can put you back together and you’ll ride off into the sunset together. I know how this story goes.”

“Lisette doesn’t know how to heal,” he said, taking a cautious step forward. “Though she’s excellent at destruction, case in point this lovely conversation we’re having.”

“Don’t blame this on her,” Chloe snapped. “You’re the one who made promises you didn’t keep.” She turned away from him, tunneling a hand through her curls. “I can’t give you absolution,” she said. “If you’ve come for forgiveness you’re out of luck.”

“I do want forgiveness,” he replied, “but not for Lisette. I didn’t touch her other than to push her away. What I want you to forgive me for is driving you back here. Letting you think for hours that you were second best.”

A cold laugh escaped her mouth, one he’d never heard coming from her before. “Second best is getting to be a really familiar feeling.”

“That’s not what you are to me.”

There was no hiding from the mockery in her eyes. “I’m the beard you bought for a month. Maybe at one time I deluded myself into thinking it was more but we both know the truth.”

“The truth that you smashed through all my carefully crafted barriers? That you pulled me out of my monotonous, isolated world and brought me back to life?” He reached for her and she spun out of his grasp.

“Do not touch me,” she said, her voice flat. “You do not have the right.”

“Then tell me. What do I have to do to earn the right? Name it and it’s yours.”

She shook her head, backing away from him. “I won’t let you do this to me again. You’re not drawing me into another fairytale that will smash at my feet. Go away, Kieran. Go back to your pack and make your peace with Lisette. I’m done being everyone’s consolation prize.”

“I didn’t choose her,” he argued. “I didn’t want her.”

“For the love of God, man. You got the love of your life back. Go figure out how to make it work and leave me alone.”

He growled aloud at the thought. “Lisette and I had a tempestuous relationship, it’s true. But she’s not the love of my life.”

“Then who is?”

And then he knew. He knew exactly what he needed to say to win her back. Three little words, and his generous witch would forgive his transgressions. All he needed to do was be what she needed.

Except the words stuck in his throat.

His wolf whined, knowing they were headed for a cliff.

“Who, Kieran?”

His mouth opened but all he could think of were the times he’d heard his pledge of love tossed back in his face. Those little words had turned into daggers that had ripped into him again and again. They brought nothing but destruction and ruin to all they touched.

Speak up. Be what she needs.

Silence stretched.

Chloe looked away. “I’m done, wolf. Be with Lisette or don’t. It no longer has anything to do with me.”

“Anything else,” he said, lunging forward. “Ask me for anything else. I care for you, Chloe. I want you by my side. You make me think of spending a future with you when I’ve never entertained such thoughts before. You’re the one I want.” He took a deep breath. “Be with me. Please. If you want me to beg, I’ll beg. Just be with me.”

For a long moment silence reigned. His heartbeat filled his ears as he waited for her response. He’d never thought he could ever want a true companion again, but that’s what Chloe was. She was the one for him. He couldn’t lose her now. His pride was a small price to pay for her forgiveness.

“You can say that,” she said, her voice softer, “but you can’t love me?”

“You don’t want me to love you,” he said, desperation tingeing his words. “Look at what happened when I loved before. It ruined an entire pack and sent my lover fleeing across the globe. I destroy the things I love.”

The softness vanished as rage lit her eyes. “Bullshit. We are not your sordid past and I am not Lisette. You are more than one bad experience, Kieran, and if you felt for me the way I feel for you then three little words wouldn’t be your Everest.” She backed away from him. “I’m not going to keep fighting you. I can’t. Let me go heal so that when my mate finally comes along, I do not push him away because of the scars you left.”

The pain in her eyes froze the protest on his tongue. Again he was hurting someone he cared about. Being with him had turned his vibrant, happy witch into the desolate woman before him. His love was more curse than blessing, just as he’d always known it was.

“Good-bye,” she said, with a finality that ripped into him like claws.

Spinning on her heel, she headed for the door.

He watched her go, unable to voice the words that would bring her back.

When my mate finally comes along
, she’d said. Which meant she didn’t view him as a possibility. Even though their relationship had started to heal the pack. Even though their touch calmed his wolf in a way he’d never experienced.

Even though he wanted her more than he wanted his next breath.

He ran a hand down his face. Chloe wouldn’t waver. He’d seen her stubbornness first hand. And being unable to give her the words she needed, he had no right to fight for her.

Hell, she’d be better off with a mate who was whole. One that didn’t carry damage from the past.

And him? Maybe Lisette was right. They kept circling back to each other. Maybe that was the best he could ever hope for. Not a real mate but at least a partner to help protect the pack.

The idea of doing his duty left a bad taste on his tongue. Not even for his people would he participate in a mating ceremony.

Not if the woman at his side wasn’t Chloe.

Chapter Twenty

P
ounding filled her head.

Chloe groaned, pulling the covers up to cocoon herself. The sound dulled under the blankets.

Which meant it must be from the front door and not her brain.

“What?” she called, kicking her legs out of her cozy bed.

“Open this damn door.”

Jessica. She sighed, shrugging on a housecoat. “Coming.”

Padding to the door, she flipped the latch and let her friend in.

“Two days of silence,” Jessica said, pushing in with a pair of coffee cups in her hands. “No texts. No calls. Nothing.”

“Sorry.” She grabbed one of the cups and led the way into her small kitchen. “I told Vivian I was taking her up on her offer of time off. Didn’t think more needed to be said.”

“The bastard broke your heart,” Jessica replied. “Good girlfriends show up with chocolate and offer a sympathetic ear while you bad mouth the ex.”

“Where’s the chocolate?”

The succubus pulled a bag out of her purse and handed it over.

Selecting a Mars bar from the stash, Chloe gestured to the table. “You can stay.”

“So who do I need to kill?” Jessica said, dropping into one of the empty chairs.

“No one. I’m fine.”

“Yes, you look it. Three-day-old eyeliner is all the rage.”

She stuck out her tongue before taking a sip of the decadently sweet coffee.

“What happened?”

Chloe opened her mouth to lie then caught herself. She’d been doing that too much since Kieran came into her life. The deal was over, the check cashed, according to Vivian. There was no need to continue the charade in her personal life.

“It’s a long story,” she said.

Jessica shrugged out of her coat and tossed her purse on a chair. “I’m all ears.”

With a sigh, Chloe launched into her escapades with the world’s sexiest wolf. She left nothing out. Not the relationship lies. Not the fact that she’d fallen hard, and definitely not the reality of Lisette’s return.

When she finished, both their coffees were cold, and Jessica was silent.

“Say something,” Chloe tried.

“Processing,” Jessica replied. “On the one hand, I want to chew you out for lying to me for weeks.”

She winced at the accusation.

“On the other hand, I want to hug you and tell you things will get better.”

“Can we say the two cancel out?”

“I can’t believe Vivian allowed this to happen.”

“Kieran can be persuasive when he wants to be.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “His bank account can be.” She leaned forward on the table. “One thing I don’t understand.”

“Shoot.”

“You said you loved him.”

Chloe looked down at her drink. “I do.”

“Not much.”

Her head snapped up. “How dare you?”

Jessica shrugged. “The Chloe I know is a force of nature. She never gives up on those she cares about. Do you remember when we first met, and I found you annoying? You freaking wore me down until I admitted defeat and liked you.”

She smiled at the memory. No way she was going to let her new co-worker keep her at arm’s length.

“You fight, Chloe. That’s one of the reasons your wolf picked you, is it not? So why aren’t you fighting for him?”

“I don’t fight battles I can’t win. Lisette spent forty years with him.”

“And that went down in flames. Did he say he was going back to her?”

“Of course he is.”

Jessica just leveled a stare at her.

“He might not have stated it explicitly.”

“What did he say when you told him you love him?”

She squirmed in her seat.

“Good God,” Jessica muttered, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “You’re a moron.”

“Hey!”

“A loveable one. Listen up, witch. You are dealing with a man who was burned badly by love. Not only that, he’s an alpha. A be-in-control-at-all-times wolf. If he did fall a second time you can bet he wouldn’t go easily. Might not even be aware it was happening. He’s certainly not going to say the words first.”

“So what do you want me to do? Crash the retreat and declare my undying devotion to him?”

Jessica said nothing.

“He’s not going to say it back.”

“If that’s true, then at least you know you tried every option. When you get back, I’ll come over and bring you all the chocolate ice cream you can handle. But you’re not allowed to fall apart until you try everything.”

Chloe ran a hand through her hair. “When did you get so pushy?”

“I’m trying to channel what you would say to me if the positions were reversed. You always see the best in people, Chloe. It’s your gift. Give him a chance to meet you halfway before you toss in the towel.”

“The mating moon is tonight,” she said. “For all I know he and Lisette will be officially declaring their relationship.”

“Then I suggest you drive fast.” Jessica’s gaze flicked over her, and she added, “Maybe take five minutes and wash your face first.”

She rolled her eyes even as she headed for the washroom. Was she really going to do this? The odds were sky high that she’d make a fool of herself.

Her reflection stared back at her from the bathroom mirror. Raccoon eyes aside, the witch looking back at her appeared as uncertain as she’d ever been.

Because nothing had ever mattered as much as this decision. If it worked the way she wished, she could end up with a mate. If it didn’t…

“Chocolate ice cream is always there,” she whispered to her reflection. “Men like Kieran don’t come around very often.”

One in a lifetime in fact.

She needed to make it count.

I
t had been easy to surf Jessica’s enthusiasm until she was in the car. The drive to Clearwater lands had even been smoother than she’d anticipated, the hours filled with her talking to herself as she practiced how to make a last ditched effort to get him to love her.

But when she parked at the edge of the campsite, her courage deserted her.

The whole pack would be there tonight. Everyone would see if Kieran turned away from her and picked Lisette. Her heart would break all over again.

Already the full moon was rising overhead. If she was going to crash this party, it needed to be now before Kieran promised himself to another woman.

“You can do this,” she whispered to the rearview mirror. “You are a strong, sexy witch who fights for those she loves.”

Even if she did feel like an ant about to get squished.

Drawing in a breath for courage, Chloe pushed from the car.

The cabins were deserted as she walked down the dark paths. Though the lights were on in the main hall, no one was around.

The field.
It was the only place close enough that could handle the whole pack all at once.

Her heart thundered in her ears as she changed course. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, fluttering so hard she felt queasy.

As she drew closer, she heard the chatter of a large group of people. Firelight flickered through the trees, guiding her path.

When she caught her first glimpse of the field she drew to a stop under a tree.

The pack formed a ring around the clearing with Kieran standing in the middle. A woman stood by his side that Chloe assumed was the pack priestess able to perform the mating ceremonies.

A couple stood in the center of the circle, holding hands as they grinned like loons at each other. Chloe couldn’t hear what was being said but she saw the priestess’s lips move. The smell of burning sage filled the air as the priestess bowed and stepped back.

The couple threw their arms around each other in a kiss that was so earnest it made Chloe smile, despite her worries.

The pack cheered the newly mated couple. Clapping and howls alike rose into the night air, the excitement palpable.

Moving closer, Chloe scanned the circle until she spotted Lisette. She wore all white again, standing out against the dark background. Her eyes were on Kieran but Chloe assumed if they’d been mated she would be by his side blessing the couples instead of relegated to the sidelines. She was in time.

If only she could figure out how to interrupt the wolves’ most sacred ritual in order to steal their alpha away and declare her undying love.

This was a stupid idea.
Just wait until the ceremony is over and speak to him after. As long as Lisette doesn’t walk into the circle you’re fine.

Not a bad plan, actually. She walked toward a tree where she’d be obscured but able to see the proceedings.

And stepped on the loudest cracking branch in the whole damn forest.

The wolves closest turned to investigate the sound. Everyone’s jaw dropped when they saw her.

So much for subtle,
she thought, as they started to whisper amongst themselves, drawing more attention to her.

“I’m just going to watch,” she said in a loud whisper. “Don’t mind me.”

But it was too late. The damage was done. The rumor of the alpha’s returned ex spread like ripples in a pond.

Chloe cringed when Niall crossed into the middle of the circle and said something to Kieran.

The brown eyes she’d grown to love swung in her direction, finding her even in the darkness.

Couldn’t let me catch a break, could you, Fate?

An entire field of people turned to look at her. There was no escape.

Well, if I’m going to do this, might as well get this show on the road.
Squaring her shoulders, she stepped forward.

The ring of people parted around her, in utter silence letting her pass. She glanced at Lisette to see the other woman watching her with what looked like resignation in her eyes. Not the expression she’d expected to see from her gorgeous rival.

The distance to the middle of the field seemed a thousand miles, yet all too soon she was closing in on her lover. His gaze had never left hers, but his expression gave no hint as to whether he was pleased or annoyed to see her.

The priestess gave her a gentle smile before retreating a few steps to give them the illusion of privacy, as if Chloe didn’t know full well every wolf present would be able to hear them.

With no room left to walk, she stopped before Kieran. Though she’d practiced what she’d say hundreds of times, looking up at him wiped all the words from her mind.

“I forgot something,” she said.

Kieran blinked. “What would that be?”

“Me.” She drew in a deep breath for courage. “I was so focused on being what you needed me to be this week that I forgot something about myself.”

The entire field waited for her next words. Words that would decide if she crawled away alone or took her place at Kieran’s side.

“When I love someone, I fight for them. No matter the odds or the barriers. I don’t run. But that’s exactly what I did when you came to me in New York. I ran. Because I was afraid.”

He took a step forward. “You’ve faced down far more fearsome opponents.”

She nodded her agreement. “They didn’t have the power to crush me.” Drawing in a deep breath, she met his gaze. “I’ll say it first. I’ll say it a dozen times if you need me to. I love you, Kieran Clearwater. I don’t care that you’re a wolf or that you have a perfect woman waiting in the wings to make you happy. She can’t do as good a job as I can.” She reached out to touch him before thinking better of it. Her hand fell back to her side as she said, “I love you and I need you to tell me how you feel once and for all. Do you love me, Kieran? Can you ever? Or have I made yet another mistake?”

The entire forest seemed to freeze for the endless minute it took for him to respond. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. A frown crossed his face and a growl rumbled from his throat.

Her heart froze. She’d been wrong. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t love her.

Reaching out, he hauled her into his arms, pressing his mouth to hers.

Chloe clung to him for balance, reveling in the sensations she hadn’t expected to feel again. When his lips left hers, the sweetest words she’d ever heard dropped from his mouth.

“I love you, witchling.”

She blinked, sure she’d imagined the halting words. Though she’d practiced and planned, she’d hadn’t really thought she’d succeed in this venture. But Kieran had said the words she needed to hear.

“Again,” she breathed, her hands twining in his shirt.

“I love you.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to say that again. Didn’t think I had it in me. But when I heard the words from you…” A surprised laugh escaped him. “Then you said them, and it didn’t seem quite as hard.”

“You mean it?” she said. “Can’t take it back, you know.”

“Never.” He drew her close, leaning his forehead against hers. “Though you’d made it clear we were over in New York, I kept wracking my brain for a way to make it up to you. I’ve fought bloody battles and three little words stumped me.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I know it’s fast,” she said.

He shook his head. “Mates always know each other, even if it takes them a little while to clue in.”

“Mates?” she whispered.

“The first time I stepped into your office, my wolf knew you were different.” He drew back to meet her gaze. “You’re not a wolf, though. How do witches find their mates?”

She smiled, running her fingertips along his jaw. “I don’t know how others do it,” she said. “In my opinion, we sign up for ridiculous bargains and then fall for the last man we should ever want.”

A smile split his face. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” she said. “One thing I do know, wolf. When I find my mate it will be forever. No more running.”

He glanced at the priestess over his shoulder. “Then how about it, Chloe? We can make it official right here.”

Her jaw dropped. “You’re willing to sign up for eternity when a few days ago you couldn’t even choke out a couple words?”

“And I’ve regretted it every since. My world shrinks without you in it. I never want to feel that way again.” He cupped her face. “I know you are it for me, whether you want to take part in the ceremony now or fifty years from now. That reality will never change.”

She opened her mouth to argue they should wait, but words failed her. Hadn’t she believed he was it for her even when she’d thought there was no hope? The man of her dreams was standing before her offering her everything she’d ever wanted. A family. A home. A mate.