The Accidental Family (25 page)

“But you did tell him, didn’t you,” Wendy hissed. “You did tell him even though I warned you that you would be sorry if you did.”

“What do you mean?” Sophie asked impatiently. “How am I going to be sorry for telling Louis the truth?”

“I’ve been on my own for a long time now.” Wendy’s smile was icy cold. “I’m still young. And I was the first girl Louis ever loved; that’s a powerful thing. Besides, unlike you, I actually am the mother of one of his children.”

“What?” Sophie was aghast. “Wendy, wake up! Surely you don’t think you can just waltz in here and break up Louis and me just to get back at me for telling him about Seth? A week ago you didn’t want anything to do with him.”

“But now I do,” Wendy said. “And he wants something to do with me too, I can see it in his eyes.”

Unaware that she had moved, Sophie found herself leaning over Wendy, her finger pointing millimeters from her face.

“Well, you can forget it,” she threatened Wendy, her voice low and dark. “Because if you think that I am going to let a jumped-up, manipulative little tart like you anywhere near—”

Sophie crashed to a halt as Louis opened the door, his eyes blazing as he caught Sophie bent over Wendy, her face transformed by fury. Wendy’s face crumpled. “Please stop attacking me, Sophie. I’m only trying to look out for my son.”

“What’s going on, Sophie?” Louis asked. “Leave her alone.”

“But I …” Sophie straightened up, feeling her cheeks flushing. “Louis, this is ridiculous. You didn’t hear what she was saying to me.”

“All I want is to find out where our son is,” Wendy sputtered. “I thought that as Sophie has already kept so much information from us, she might be able to tell us a bit more.”

“Louis—that’s not it, she was saying stuff about us, about Carrie!” Sophie looked at Louis, but his face was blank, shuttered off, as if he simply couldn’t absorb any more information.

“Look, I think you’d better go,” he said. “Let Wendy and me sort things out here.”

“
Me?
I’ve got to go?” Sophie was incredulous.

“I think it’s for the best,” Louis said, looking at his shoes. “I’ll call you later.”

“Fine, if you want me to go, then I will go.” Sophie heard the warning in her voice and wondered if Louis heard it too.

Suddenly the door slammed open and the girls appeared in the doorway looking around the room wide-eyed, hoping to find answers in the adults’ faces.

“Why are you shouting?” Izzy asked, one or two Coco Pops still
glued to her cheeks, her usually sunny disposition clouded. “Is this lady being mean to Aunty Sophie?”

“No, no, not at all,” Sophie said as she held out her hand to Izzy, aware that she was countering her own story to calm the child. “No, we’re not shouting, we’re just worrying.”

“Worrying?” Izzy asked, going to her.

Sophie sat down in the armchair that normally only the cats used and pulled Izzy into her lap. The child’s eyes were filled with anxiety. “Is someone dead again?”

“No.” Sophie pressed Izzy’s tousled head into her shoulder and kissed her hair. “No one is dead and no one is going to die, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that,” Bella told her, eyeing her father and Wendy warily as she went to join Sophie and Izzy, squeezing into the chair, next to Sophie.

“Bellarina, sweetheart, don’t worry,” Louis said, crouching down next to the armchair. He put one hand on Sophie’s knee and brushed Bella’s bangs out of her eyes with the other. “Everything is fine.”

Bella tossed her head, brushing off his touch.

“You told Aunty Sophie to go,” she stated bluntly. “We heard you.”

“Only because I have some important things to talk to Wendy about,” Louis said, trying to explain.

“What things?” Bella asked him.

“Things you don’t have to worry about.”

Bella and Izzy exchanged glances. Izzy leaned back against Sophie’s shoulder and stuck her thumb in her mouth, her left-hand finger winding its way into her curls just as it always did when she was either worried or tired.

“We need to know things. Don’t not tell us things,” Bella said unhappily. “Is everything changing again?”

“No, no, nothing is changing,” Louis assured her despite the look that Sophie gave him over Izzy’s head. “Sophie is just going back to the B and B for a bit, aren’t you, Soph?”

Even as she opened her mouth to affirm the statement, Sophie thought of the conversation she had had with Grace last night and her suggestion that Sophie take a break for a few days to clear her head. Feeling cornered by Louis and Wendy, Sophie suddenly couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than to get away from all of this. She looked into Bella’s eyes and shook her head, saying, “No.”

“Yes you are, because Wendy and I have a few things to talk about, remember?”

“I know,” Sophie said, careful to keep her tone even and calm. “Don’t worry, I’ll get out of your way. But I think I’ll be going back to London with Cal for a few days. I’ve got a lot of things I need to sort out down there and now seems like a good time for me to go.”

“Sophie, I didn’t mean you had to …,” Louis began.

“No!” Izzy exclaimed, wrenching her thumb from her mouth. “No, you can’t go, Aunty Sophie.”

“I don’t get it,” Louis said. “That’s not what I meant. You don’t have to go back to London.”

“Don’t I?” Sophie asked him. “This is clearly something you need to sort out with Wendy on your own without me around interfering. I wanted to try and help but …you don’t want me here. So I will get out of the way. And anyway, I need time to think.”

“Think?” Louis and Bella said simultaneously.

“What about?” Louis asked her, his voice serrated with frustration. “Come on, Sophie, this is just silly, you’re seriously overreacting—I mean seriously, you have to do this now?”

“Don’t you love us today?” Izzy asked her unhappily. “Is that why you’re going away?”

“No—I do, I do love you. I love all of you so much. But a lot has happened recently and it’s all happened so fast that I haven’t had time to think. I just need a little time to think. To breathe.”

“But you are going to come back, aren’t you?” Bella asked her. “You will definitely come back?”

Sophie looked into her eyes and felt the weight of a promise she’d made to her months earlier. She had promised Bella she would be there for her always, forever, whatever.

How everything had disintegrated so quickly from this morning in Louis’s bed to this moment Sophie could not fathom, but that was exactly what had happened. All the rushing, she realized, all the excitement and the urgency to be married to Louis had been her attempt to prevent this, her desperate attempt to make their relationship into something solid and genuine before reality came crashing in and smashed their bubble to pieces, and suddenly the truth and strength of their feelings for each other would be tested. Now that they had real problems to deal with, she wasn’t at all sure their relationship could stand it. Louis’s asking her to leave didn’t reassure her.

“Can you give us a minute please?” she asked Wendy without looking at her.

“But what about Seth—” Wendy began.

“Wendy, just wait in the kitchen,” Louis told her without taking his eyes off Sophie.

Seeing that she no longer had Louis’s attention, Wendy complied, closing the living room door softly after her.

Louis turned to his daughters. “Girls, please go upstairs so that Sophie and I can have a talk.”

“But, Daddy—”

“Please, just go.”

Bella whispered something in Izzy’s ear and after a moment the pair left hand in hand, closing the door behind them.

“Sophie,” Louis said, gently taking her hands in his. “You’re angry with me and you’ve a right to be. I shouldn’t have asked you to go. Look, nothing’s changed. I still love you. All this—it’s got nothing to do with you and me.”

“It does, it has everything to do with you and me and how you see me in your life,” Sophie told him. “I’m supposed to be your wife soon, the person who is always by your side and yet—Louis, you never talk to me, you never tell me anything about yourself unless I drag it out of you, and as soon as Wendy turns up on the scene, I might as well not exist …”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Wendy?” Louis asked, incredulous. “For god’s sake, Sophie, grow up! Wendy and I were over twenty years before I even met you. This isn’t about her, it’s about—”

“You might not think it’s about her, but she certainly does,” Sophie said bitterly. “And yes, I am jealous of Wendy, I am jealous of every second, every minute of your past that I don’t know about, because it means that I don’t know you. I really don’t know you at all. And besides,” Sophie went on, “you need to work out what to do about Seth …we both need some time.”

“But you are coming back?” Louis asked her anxiously. “You are coming back to marry me on New Year’s Eve?”

Sophie looked at him, removing the fingers of her right hand from his so that she could rest her palm against his cheek, feeling the stubble graze her tender skin.

“You haven’t booked it yet,” she said simply.

“I’ll book it now, right now,” Louis said. “I’ll make the call now.”

“There are more important things you need to do first,” Sophie told him.

“I want to marry you, Sophie,” Louis said. “You do still want to marry me, don’t you?”

“I don’t know,” Sophie said very softly. “I know that I am so in love with you and that I love Bella and Izzy more than anything. But honestly? I don’t know yet if the way we love each other is enough, if it’s strong enough or real enough to make a marriage work.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Louis said. “Only a few hours ago we were—”

“Please don’t go, Aunty Sophie.” Izzy spoke softly from the front hallway. Bella was standing next to her. “Please can we still get married? I want to wear my wings.”

“I know,” Sophie said, walking over to the girls. “And I’m so sorry, darling, but I have to go.” She cupped Bella’s cheek in the palm of her hand. “You understand, don’t you, Bella?”

Bella looked at her for a long moment and then ever so slowly shook her head.

“This is all your fault,” she said to Louis without a trace of anger or childish petulance. “You’ve ruined everything again.”

She pulled away from Sophie and raced up the stairs, the pounding of her feet the only external clue to how she was feeling. Louis turned his back on Sophie.

“Right,” Sophie said, a sense of unreality washing over her as she kissed Izzy on the head. “I’ll see you really soon and you can call me anytime. Remember my number?”

Izzy automatically recited Sophie’s cell phone number, which she had taught both girls during the summer when all the beaches were packed with holidaymakers and it would have been very easy for a small person to get lost.

“Good girl. I’ll see you soon.”

“How soon?” Izzy asked. “How long will you need to think? Do you think you will have finished thinking by Wednesday afternoon?”

“I don’t know,” Sophie said. “I’m not sure.”

“But you will come back?”

“Of course.”

“To live forever and be our …,” Izzy started, then stalled.

“What, sweetheart?” Sophie asked her, glancing at Louis, whose shoulders were hunched as he stared out the window.

“Be our sort of mummy,” Izzy finished, looking anxious, as if she’d just asked for something she knew she was not allowed.

Sophie pressed Izzy’s small body into hers and held her close until, as she always did, she wriggled to be free.

“I will always, always be there to look after you in every way that your mummy would have, I promise,” Sophie told her.

“Yes, but …if you don’t marry Daddy, then there won’t be any rings and I won’t be able to say it, will I?”

“Say what, sweetheart?” Sophie asked her.

“Say ‘Mummy’ to you,” Izzy told her, unable to look her in the eye.

“I am coming back.” Sophie felt her throat tighten. “I’ll speak to you tonight. Now go and give Bella a hug from me and tell her I love her.”

Sniffing and wiping her nose on the back of her hand, Izzy padded up the stairs.

“I’ll call you tonight,” Sophie said to Louis’s back. He turned and crossed the room in one stride, catching her in his arms and pulling her to him.

“I love you, Sophie, and you love me. Please don’t go.”

It took Sophie a huge effort of will to take a step back from his arms.

“When you got back from Peru, you wanted everything to be okay again as quickly as you could make it happen. You wanted to win over the girls, you wanted a job, a home …and maybe you wanted me because I was the nearest thing to Carrie that the girls— that you—were ever going to get.”

“No, that’s not it at all,” Louis told her. “I wanted you because you are strong and kind and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Because I fell for you, because you make me a better man. I want to marry you because I love you with all of my heart. But if you don’t want to marry me, then …I don’t think I could be with you knowing that you didn’t feel the same way.”

Sophie took a breath, feeling as if something inside her was tearing ever so slowly.

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have let Wendy push you out—”

“No, you shouldn’t have. Look, the last six months have been intense and wonderful and magical, but I don’t know if they have been real. I think we both just need a bit of space to find out how we really feel.”

“I know how I feel,” Louis protested.

“I’ve got to go.” Taking a step forward, Sophie kissed Louis on the cheek. “Please tell the girls about Seth, they need to know they can trust you; if they find out some other way, then I don’t know how they will react.”

“It feels like you’re going forever,” Louis said as she headed toward the door. “Are you going forever?”

Sophie didn’t know what to say, so she closed the front door behind her without saying anything.

Thirteen

There is actually no good reason why I can’t stay with you,” Sophie said as she and Cal drove into London just after eight that evening.

“Yes there is; my flat is very small and you are very large,” Cal said.

“I’d let you stay with me,” Sophie said miserably. “God, I miss my flat. I wonder if the woman I let it to is in …maybe I could go round, you know, for an inspection or something, and then maybe we could become best friends and then maybe she would invite me to stay with her. I did leave her a very nice sofa …”