The 17 Day Diet (33 page)

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Jog for four 17-minute cycles.

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Ride a stationary bike vigorously for four 17-minute cycles.

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Shovel snow or dig ditches for three 17-minute cycles.

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Walk moderately for eight 17-minute cycles (about 2½ hours).

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Wouldn’t it be easier NOT to eat the super burger?

Source: Calculations are based on research data from
Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise,
the official journal of the American College of Sports Medicine.

10
Family Challenges

B
eing on the 17 Day Diet
can be satisfying and morale-boosting, especially as the pounds melt off. But do you ever wonder how your diet might affect the people seated across the dinner table from you? You know, your loveable hubby picking at his baked chicken breast and green beans, missing the old days when lasagna wasn’t banished from the kitchen?

A study published a few years ago in the
Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior
shed some light on the plight of the dieter’s significant other. Researchers interviewed 21 pairs—mostly spouses and one father-daughter duo—to understand how one person’s decision to lose weight or eat healthier food affected a partner.

The good news is that for the most part, significant others saw themselves as positive influences on a partner’s battle of the bulge. Other partners, however, acted more like saboteurs, refusing to alter their junk food habits, and in some cases, offering little more than snide comments. A few were openly skeptical and critical of a partner’s ability to succeed.

Bottom line: your loved ones—husbands, wives, your kids, even your mother—may try to entice you to go off your diet even after you’ve made it very clear you’re on it. And they may not even realize they’re doing this.

There are a couple of reasons why this happens. A big one is jealousy. One person may fear that the relationship could change as a partner’s waistband gets smaller, confidence grows and social life changes. It could scare your spouse that you’re losing weight and developing a kick-ass body. He might fear that other men will find you attractive, and you’ll leave.

Another is fear of change. People don’t want to change the status quo in their relationship. Couples often have unspoken contracts that they never articulate. For example, “If you don’t bug me about my weight, I won’t bug you about your drinking. If you don’t bug me about my weight, I won’t bug you about smoking. If you don’t bug me about my weight, I won’t bug you about sex.” Then the wife decides to lose weight, and suddenly the husband says, “Oh, my God, I’m going to have to stop smoking.”

People who sabotage do things like the following: Your partner might sit down and eat a bag of cookies right in front of you. Or refuse to touch your low-fat cuisine and demand that you fix cheeseburgers. Or offer glasses of wine, and cheese and crackers, and you fall off your weight-loss wagon night after night. Or assign himself as the watchdog of your eating habits, telling you what to eat. This controlling attitude might backfire, making you rebel and eat more (especially if he’s not eating the same healthful way). It’s nearly enough to end your commitment to diet and exercise, especially when someone’s actions feel like personal attacks.

Of course, it’s not just spouses or significant others who can throw a wrench into healthful eating regimes. Office mates or friends can be just as destructive. Often, colleagues or friends who have been unsuccessful in their own efforts to lose weight, or office mates who are competing professionally, will be unsupportive. Even so, the biggest challenges come from right under your own roof—from your family—so that’s who I really want to focus on here. Finding ways to get a partner on board is important because such support can play a major role in whether you succeed or fail.

Being the only one dieting in your family is a tough situation to be in. You make up your mind—no potato chips or chocolate ice cream in the house. No more temptations, because you’re determined to change your habits and lose weight. But from talking to patients who want to lose weight, I say that’s often only half the battle.

For those trying to drop pounds or eat healthier, the other half—the more trying half—can be resisting your loved ones’ attempts to thwart your newfound resolve. Here are some thoughts I have on the subject.

Sabotaging Remarks and How to Respond

D
on’t be caught off guard by someone’s remarks. Here are some suggestions for responding:

Saboteur:
You’re wasting away. Are you sure you aren’t losing too much too fast?

You:
It seems that something about me being slim is concerning you (or frightening to you or upsetting to you). But for me, my weight loss is a good and healthy thing.

Saboteur:
Are you sure you can eat that?

You:
My diet is varied and healthy. I eat foods in smaller portions. Or (if such comments persist): Until we can communicate about my food plan in a way that feels good to me, I don’t want to discuss my diet anymore.

Saboteur:
You don’t like my brownies all of a sudden?

You:
I like your brownies very much. But I’m not hungry right now; I’m full. (Or ask to wrap up some brownies to take home, but then toss them out.)

Saboteur:
Here, one doughnut left, want it?

You:
I really am working hard. I’m feeling great, and it would be nice to have your support. Is there anything I can do to help you give me that?

Saboteur:
It’s your birthday. One piece of cake won’t hurt!

You:
Yes, I know. I’m just so full … I’m going to take it home for later.

Saboteur:
It’s great you’re losing weight. I hope you can keep it off this time.

You:
You may feel that your comments about my weight are supportive, but it would help me if …. (fill in the blank with something like “you didn’t remind me of my past diets.”)

Saboteur:
It’s none of my business, but don’t runners get a lot of knee injuries?

You:
You know, I’ve spoken to my trainer, and my exercise habits are healthy.

Saboteur:
Are you still on your diet? Have you lost any weight?

You:
I appreciate your questions, but I might take them as pressure and feel frustrated if I can’t report better numbers every time you ask me.

Saboteur:
You know, you don’t seem to be the same since you lost weight.

You:
I really feel confused by that comment; I really want you to be supportive of my accomplishment.

Limit Exposure to Guy Food

Are you newly married? Some newlyweds are surprised to find out that not only do their new husbands own Bart Simpson bubble bath, but also that they love junk food, and lots of it. Ice cream. Potato chips. Foods that you may have forgot existed, because as a single gal, you often subsisted on the four basic food groups: Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice and Slim-Fast.

Exposure to guy junk food can tear down your defenses, even if you’re just trying to lose 10 pounds on the 17 Day Diet. And from experience being a guy, I can tell you, many men do eat differently than women. The stereotypical guy eats heavy, fattening food. But it is possible to lose weight while living with a man.

I believe you must set firm ground rules, like the fact that certain foods are out of bounds, period. Give your husband a special shelf (preferably one you can’t reach) to stash his junk food. Or ask him to hide it. Out-of-sight, out-of-mind is one of the best ways of coping. Okay, every now and then, you might find some Oreos in strange places, like under the sofa pillows.

Eat Less Than He Does

Men eat more than women. It’s just a fact; we eat like linemen. Even the Feds have studied this: According to government surveys, the average American man 20 to 59 years old eats 2,758 calories a day, while the average American woman 20 to 59 eats 1,834 calories a day—about a third less. If you try to keep up with him, you’ll keep putting on weight. Stop matching him bite for bite (you might not even know you’re doing it). Always eat less than your husband does, particularly when dining out. At restaurants, immediately put one-half of your meal to one side and bring it home in a doggie bag.

Exercise While He Watches TV

Not only do we eat like lineman, we like to watch linemen on TV. Whenever you get the chance, put some exercise equipment in front of the TV and do a half hour on the stepping machine or stationary bike while he’s watching sports. This strategy will help you get thin and stay that way.

Take Charge of the Kitchen

If your husband doesn’t believe in, or think he likes, low-fat, low-cal eating, don’t worry. You can fix healthy foods, and he’ll never know the difference (except if his pants start getting mysteriously too baggy and loose). Instead of using all ground beef, use half ground turkey and half beef with spaghetti, for example. Make pasta with fresh vegetables. Cook vegetarian chili with tons of vegetables and beans; just don’t call it vegetarian. Use cooking spray to sauté foods; it’s a great way to cut down on the fat and calories. Done correctly, with the right food substitutions, low-fat meals taste as good—and sometimes better—than their fattening counterparts.

Become Fitness Pals

In all seriousness, the best strategy is to get healthy and fit together. As any expert will tell you, it’s much easier to eat healthy, nonfattening food if everyone around you is too. You can make a big deal out of each others’ success, congratulating yourselves the whole time. Enjoy mealtime conversations again, instead of wolfing down food. Work out together. Invite your spouse or partner to try exercising, to try this diet, or try healthy food. Phrase it lovingly: “I want to spend more time with you because I love being together. Let’s do an exercise program together, like some couple’s training or couple’s yoga, or let’s start bike riding after work. Wouldn’t that be a great opportunity to be together more often?”

The decision to get fit together marks a good time to rethink your definition of love and affection. Sometimes spouses who do most of the cooking feel that they are expressing affection by piling rich food on your plate. To resist might be translated as rejection. You’ve got to renegotiate here. Explain that healthy cooking accomplishes the same end: Healthy cooking = love. Your “reformed” spouse will see that coming up with nonfattening meals is a bigger present than loading you up with junk, especially when he sees all the weight you’re losing and how wonderful you look. Maybe someone should think of adding a line to the wedding vows: “For richer, for poorer…for skinnier and chubbier…”

By sharing the health and fitness experience with a partner, you can help each other stay motivated. Partners encourage one another to move from healthy to unhealthy behaviors. One study found that women who work out with their husbands are more likely to stick to fitness programs than married women who exercise alone. Another found that men are three times more likely to stay on a healthy diet if their wives encourage them to do so.

Sharing the fitness experience gives you something to talk about. Better communication, especially in loving relationships, is always a source of greater closeness.

Find Other Supporters

If you’ve tried your best but can’t get your husband or partner on board, seek help elsewhere, such as with a friend, a coworker, other family member or hire a personal trainer. They can give you encouragement and inspiration. If you don’t get any takers, join a group, such as walking club or a local yoga class. These activities are fun, and you get to meet more fitness-minded people that way.

Having positive support helps you reach your dieting and fitness goals. A team effort works more harmoniously. With two or more of you working together, there’s more stamina, and more motivation to get to your goals.

No matter how challenging your situation, stay focused and remember your reasons for wanting to get slimmer and healthier. Imagine if someone told you that you could live longer and have less pain in your life. Would you listen to what they had to say? Exercise and healthy eating is as close to the fountain of youth as we have today.

Review:

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Being on a diet affects the people around you. It’s important for your success to bring them on board.