Thawing A Duke's Heart (Faces of Love Series #1) (7 page)

* * *

I
lay in bed
, waiting for Julia to come upstairs and into our room. I should have been mortified. I should have felt disgraced. All I could do was rub the tingle still on my swollen lips. Mother would never speak to me again, I was sure of it. She would most likely send me away.
To where?
I wondered.

No doubt that the events of tonight would reach the ton by week’s end. I was completely unmarriageable. I should have been happy about it. That meant Mother couldn’t berate me any longer. I wouldn’t have to pretend to be trying. I was strangely disappointed though. I had developed feelings for Gaffton as a friend over the last few months, but tonight was a turning point. It wasn’t just the passion. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I wanted to make him happy, to have a family with him, to be by his side always. My heart had been irrevocably sealed to his.

My heart immediately sank at the thought. He didn’t feel the same. I suddenly realized the hurt that he had felt for Abigail. It was as if something was being torn out of my chest. I curled up on my side in bed, contemplating the fact that I would forever love him, and he would never feel the same for me. He had said it himself; it was lust and nothing more to him.

I had that sudden desire to do anything to make the pain go away, bury my heart, anything possible that I could do to feel nothing. I completely understood him now. I knew he had built his wall to prevent any more heartache, but never realized he was also numbing himself to what he must constantly be feeling.

Julia silently came into the room and began to undress for bed. I laid on my side as tears silently streaked down my face. I did my best to pretend I was already asleep.

Julia wordlessly climbed into bed next to me. She sighed sadly. “Lord Cadwell wouldn’t stop asking Lady Cadwell about what had gotten Mother so upset,” she finally said in the dark. She must have known that I was awake. “So Lady Cadwell finally told.”

That was all Julia said and then she rolled over and went straight to sleep.

The next morning, I didn’t come down to breakfast. I felt emotional and physically drained. My eyes were swollen and red from a night of crying. I finally determined that I would die if I stayed in my room any longer. I put on my simple tan morning dress and made my way downstairs. I had first hoped to escape to my usual retreat in the library, but that room would forever hold a different presence. I was startled to find my sisters outside of Father’s study, desperately trying to listen at the door.

“What are you doing?” I whispered to them.

“Shhh,” Rebecca hushed me.

“The Duke of Gaffton is in there,” Julia explained.

Panic immediately caught in my throat.
Why was he in there? Had Father called him here? Maybe he was yelling at him.
I was froze in place. I so desperately wanted to know what was going on in there, but was terrified at the same time. Suddenly the door opened and Gaffton solemnly stepped out. He was the perfect proper Duke again. He turned and shook Father’s hand gravely. My sisters had fluttered away from the door and were standing off to the side. Gaffton turned and spotted me instantly.

Turning back to my father, he said, “May I please have permission to take Lady Mary on a walk in your garden?”

Father gave a begrudging nod of agreement.

He walked up to me and held out his arm, “Lady Mary, may I please have the pleasure of your company on a turn of your garden?”

I slipped my arm into his. The warm tingles I used to feel at his touch were now like shooting electrical volts. He looked down at me and gave me a weak smile. It was just a smirk really, but it was that peek into the relaxed Duke that I had come to know.

We walked out silently and for a while just strolled around the garden arm in arm. I couldn’t imagine what he would have to tell me.

Finally, he spoke. “We will be married in two weeks.” He said it softly, but matter of factly.

I halted from shock in my tracks, yanking him to a stop also. He looked down at me sorrowfully.

“I don’t understand,” was all I could manage to get out.

He sighed in resignation. “What is there not to understand? I have compromised you. I will do the honorable thing. We will be married.” Again he said this matter of factly.

“I can’t, I won’t.” As much as my heart leaped at the thought of marrying Gaffton, I couldn’t. I couldn’t marry a man because he felt honor-bound to do so.

“Mary,” he said softly. “I have ruined you. This is you only chance. I know we don’t always get along, but I promise you will never want for anything. I will respect your wishes. If you never want to see me after our wedding day, I will understand. I never meant to…I’m so sorry.” He cupped my face with his hand and gently brushed away that troublesome curl.

“Your Grace, I can’t marry you. I told you I will only marry for love, not because someone feels honor-bound to do so.”

He sighed again. I could tell he was struggling to control his temper toward my stubborn determination.

“So you will spend your whole life a spinster?” I shrugged. I had assumed that I would after last night. “Think of your sisters. I have not only ruined you, but also any chance of them making proper matches. If not for my honor, then do it for your family.”

My shoulders collapsed at this.
He was right. I had ruined us all
. I couldn’t ask my sisters to give up their future for my desires for romance. I would marry the Duke. I didn’t care how much pain it would cause me to be with a man I loved who could never return my love. I would do it for the sake of my sisters, even Rebecca.

“Okay,” I finally gave in. “Two weeks,” I said simply.

He walked me once more around the gardens in silence. Then we went inside and I saw him to the door. He left with a simple bow and kiss on my hand. I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that I could see with my eyes closed. If I looked at him, he would know. He would see that I loved him, and then he would have to tell me that he didn't feel the same. That I could not bear.

* * *

T
wo weeks later
, we were married in the study of his townhouse. It was very simple. Only my family, Dunlop, and Elisabeth attended. I hadn’t spoken much to anyone in the weeks leading up to it. Elisabeth had come over daily. I had poured my heart out to her, but after that, nothing more could be said on the matter. The only eye contact I made with Gaffton was when we kissed at the end of it. He lifted my chin and kissed me softly. It sent such energy through my body that it made me want to crumple and cry.

Dinner after the ceremony was short and relatively quiet. Mother hadn’t spoken a word to me since the night in the library. We were standing at the door, saying our goodbyes, when Mother came and stood in front of me. I had honestly thought she would leave without a word.

She fiddled with the lace of my simple wedding dress for a minute before looking at me. “Well at least you fixed your mess. Hopefully, there will be a chance for your sisters now.”

My heart sank deeper. I would never forgive myself if they lost their happiness on my account. I looked at the three of them. Julia gave me an encouraging squeeze of the hand. My eyes welled up as I mouthed an apology to her.

I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the dam of emotion I had built up inside of me. I felt myself breaking down as a single tear escaped. Gaffton’s hand slipped around my waist and I gratefully leaned into his strength.

I waited until all the guests had left before I crumpled. He embraced me arms and I found myself once again crying in his embrace. “Hush, my sweet Mary. It will be alright.”

“I’ve ruined them all,” I cried. “And you, I’ve taken away your life. I’ve chained you to me. I’m so sorry, Your Grace.”

“They will be fine,” he continued to coo. “You could do worse than being married to a Duke,” he added with a smile. “And if I remember correctly, I had to convince
you
to marry
me
. Anything you want, my sweet, and it is yours. If you want a family, if you don't ever want to see me again, either way, tell me and I will give it to you.” He lifted my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Anything you want of me, I will give. I am yours forever.”

“Your Grace, I can’t ask you to give me what I want.”

“Anything, Mary, please,” he pleaded with me.

I loved the sound of my name on his lips. It was another stab in my heart. “Your love. I have fallen in love with you. But it is something you yourself said you could never give. You have given it away already.”

He smiled down at me. He bent his head ever so slightly and softly kissed me on the lips. I wrapped my arms around him automatically. I could feel his breath on my cheek as he whispered, “I have loved you for so long, my sweet Mary. That moment when Clarisse ripped you out of my arms at the park, I knew. I couldn’t bear to have you taken away from me. I can’t breathe unless I have you by my side.” He pulled back and looked me in the eyes with a devilish smile. “I’m glad I ravished you in the library, or I might never have gotten up the courage to make you mine forever.”

“Gaffton, you don't need to say this, not if you don't mean it.”

He smiled ruefully at me. “Say it again.”

I was confused. “I don't want you to lie to me,” I repeated.

“No,” he said, pulling me in tighter against his chest. “Say my name again. From the moment I heard you moan it in the library, I haven't been able to get that sound out of my head.”

I blushed. He did mean it. He loved me too. A wave of emotions flowed through me as I settled into the realization that somehow I had found my
one
. I stood on my toes and kissed him the way I had yearned to, but never thought I would.

“Mmmm, Mary, please. Say it,” he whispered.

“You are quite the demanding Duke,” I answered jokingly.

“And you are quite the stubborn Duchess,” he retorted. “Say it,” he whispered again. This time he was kissing the soft skin just behind my ear. It felt so good when he began to trail kisses down my neck.

“I suppose you will just have to find a way to make me then,” I replied breathlessly.

I could feel his soft chuckle against my throat. He lifted his head and kissed me on the nose. He eyed me with that wicked gleam. “Anything for you, my love.”