CHAPTER 24
After Ben stormed out of her room, Christina had cried herself to sleep. When she awoke, her face felt hot and her eyelashes glued together. She pried her lids open and stood up to check herself in the dresser mirror. Drew back her head in horror. She looked absolutely awful. Red eyes and chapped lips. No moisture left in her system.
She desperately needed water. At the bathroom sink she guzzled down two glasses.
After that she couldn’t seem to keep still. She paced the room, going ’round and ’round until her legs grew tired and her stomach rumbled. When she sighed herself onto the bench the little gold clock on the dresser read three forty-five.
Christina stared at the carpet, her mind numb. She needed Ben but would never make him happy. Longed for a bright future but didn’t know how to let go of her dark past. Wanted to be loved yet was too scared to freely love in return.
Ben’s words echoed in her head.
“Are you gonna let your awful past ruin the rest of your life? Or are you willin’ to do the work to climb out of it?”
Of course she wanted to climb out of it. But she didn’t know
how
. That was just it.
She never should have come. Never have let Ben take her on that first date. She just wanted to die.
Christina knew she should pray. She’d been going to church with Ben and felt peace in God’s presence. She’d thanked God many times for sending him to her. Had promised to treat Ben right in return. Now look at her. Why should God listen anyway? Why should he want a thing to do with her?
A little tap came through her bedroom door. Christina didn’t answer. Maybe the person would think she was asleep. The knock came again.
She sighed. “Who is it?”
“Lacey.”
Christina barely heard the quiet voice.
She pushed herself to her feet and opened the door. Lacey gazed up at her with a solemn face, Penny in her arms. The Yorkie gave Christina the once-over.
Oh, great. The dog that didn’t like her.
“Can I come in?” Lacey whispered.
Christina opened the door wider and stepped back.
“Close it quick.” Lacey came in and slipped out of sight from the doorway.
Christina shut it. Tilted her head at Lacey. The little girl lifted both shoulders and let them drop. “I’m supposed to be takin’ a nap.”
“Oh.”
“But I already took a little one.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Sort of.”
They looked at each other. Christina wanted Lacey to leave but couldn’t bring herself to reject her like that. “Want to sit down?”
Lacey nodded and plopped on the bed. Penny settled beside her.
Christina hesitated, then sat down on the other side of the dog, some distance away.
Lacey jiggled on the mattress. “Why are you in here?”
“I was sleeping too.”
“Oh. But you’re awake now.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You gonna go out there with Ben?”
“Not yet. I’ll stay and talk to you.”
Lacey grinned. She pushed her lips together and petted Lady Penelope. Christina merely watched. “Guess what we’re havin’ for supper,” Lacey said.
Christina flinched. That was not a subject she cared to discuss. “What?”
“Hamburgers!” Lacey bounced on the bed.
“You like hamburgers?”
“They’re my favorite! Alex’s and Pogey’s too. We’re so glad everyone’s gonna eat ’em. So we don’t have to see those scary fish things on the plates.”
“You mean the lobsters?”
Lacey shuddered. “I think if I saw Daddy eat one, I’d throw up. Or Mama either.”
Well. At least Christina had pleased someone in the family.
Lacey watched her own fingers move through Penny’s fur. “You can pet her too.”
“I don’t think so. She doesn’t like me anymore.”
“Yeah she does.”
Christina closed her eyes. Lacey sounded just like Ben. Why wouldn’t anyone listen to her?
“Why do you think she doesn’t like you?”
“I laughed at her when she was howling. She got mad.”
“Ohhh.” Lacey moved her chin up and down. “And then she went to the corner and pouted?”
“Yes.”
Lacey made a face. “She can pout just like Alex.”
That was certainly true.
“Anyway, it doesn’t mean anything. She gets mad for a while, then she forgets.”
“How do you know?”
Lacey scratched Penny behind the ears. The dog closed her eyes and smiled a doggie smile. “She’s been mad at all of us at one time. Me too. But look at her now. She’s my real friend.” Lacey lifted her hand from Penny’s head. “Go ahead. You try.”
Christina stilled. She didn’t want to try. Because if it didn’t work, if a stupid
dog
wouldn’t even accept her …
“Go ahead, why’re you scared? She doesn’t bite.”
Sometimes words—or doggie actions—bit worse than teeth.
Lacey cocked her head and gazed at Christina. “Are you sad?”
Christina blinked. “Yes,” she heard herself say.
“Oh.” Lacey started petting Lady Penelope again. “I have a sad friend.”
“You do? Who?”
“Kelly.”
“Why is she sad?”
“Her mama died.”
Christina sucked in a breath. “Oh, that’s terrible.”
“Mm-hm.” Lacey’s eyebrows knit. “I try to make her not sad.”
“What do you do?”
“Go to her house and talk to her. Give her a colorin’ book sometimes. Or new crayons. She really likes it when I do that. And for a little while she’s happier, I think. But then she’s sad again.”
Christina watched her gently ruffle Penny’s fur.
“Mama says I can’t really make her happy, no matter how hard I try. Only just for a little while.”
“Because she’s lost someone really important.”
“Uh-huh. But I like to see that little while part. I think maybe one day she’ll feel better. But Mama says it will take a long time.”
Christina couldn’t imagine losing someone who really loved her like that.
Wait, what was she thinking? She was losing Ben …
Lacey looked into Christina’s eyes. “Why are
you
sad?”
“I … just am.”
Lacey bit her lip. “Don’t you like it here?”
“Sure.”
“Do you like me?”
“Are you kidding—I think you’re wonderful.”
Lacey beamed. She considered Christina a moment longer, than put her little hand on top of Christina’s. “Here.” She moved Christina’s fingers toward Penny. “If you pet her, you’ll feel better.”
Christina let her hand hover over the Yorkie, barely touching the soft fur. Then she lowered her fingers. Carefully she started petting. At the different touch, Penny opened lazy eyes and looked up at Christina. Her fingers stilled. Penny’s eyes slipped shut again.
“See?” Lacey smiled. “She knows it’s you.”
Something cracked inside Christina, something small and … earth shaking.
Lady Penelope rolled on her side and lifted her two top legs.
“She wants you to scritch her belly,” Lacey said.
Scritch?
Christina rubbed her fingers across the Yorkie’s little stomach. The dog sighed.
Lacey grinned. “See, told you.”
“Guess you did.”
It was only a dog. And a little girl who couldn’t possibly understand. Still, Lacey had such a huge heart. Christina felt her own warming.
Lacey squashed her lips together. “I wish Kelly could forget that easy. So she could feel better.”
“Me too.” The dog was now completely on her back, all four paws in the air. Christina ran her hand up and down the dog’s belly.
Lacey kicked one of her feet. “You know why Penny forgets after somebody’s made her mad?”
“Why?”
“’Cause.” Lacey raised her hands, palms up. “She’d miss a whole lot of love if she didn’t.”
The words trickled through the crack inside Christina. Dissolved some of the edges. Her throat tightened. She gazed across the room at the bench where she and Ben had sat. Remembered the swirling pain on his face …
Her fingers stilled.
She felt a tiny thump on her hand. Penny’s eyes had opened, her right front paw tapping Christina’s palm—
hey, scritch already
. Christina started petting her again. The dog’s eyes closed in sheer bliss.
The crack inside her widened. Something behind it glowed.
“Lacey?” Sarah’s irritated voice beyond the door made them both jump. “Are you in there?”
The little girl’s eyes rounded. Christina patted her on the arm. “It’s okay.” She slid off the bed and opened the door.
Sarah looked past Christina at her daughter. “I’m so sorry. Lacey, you are not supposed to be in here botherin’ her.”
“She’s not bothering me. Not at all.”
Sarah regarded Christina.
“We were just … petting Lady Penelope. Lacey was telling me about her friend Kelly.”
“Oh.” Sarah’s expression softened. “Yeah. Sad story.” She looked to Lacey. “But come on. You need to come out of there now.”
“Is it time for the hamburgers?” Lacey slipped from the bed. Penny stayed behind.
“Not yet.”
Sarah glanced at Christina—and caught her eye. They exchanged a long look. Christina felt nothing but concern vibrating from her. No judgment.
“You’re comin’ out for supper, aren’t you?” Sarah asked.
Christina hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“Yes you are!” Lacey pulled at her arm. “And sit by me.”
Sarah offered a small smile. “You know I make a mean after-supper latte.”
“No other family will love you like this one—if you’ll just quit pushin’ ’em away.”
Christina shifted on her feet. “Won’t
anybody
else drink one with you?”
Sarah shook her head. “What do they know anyhow?”
Her expression was so open. Inviting. Caring. Christina didn’t know what to do with that.
Sarah reached for Lacey’s hand and pulled her out the door. “Listen, Christina. I’m sorry for laughin’ about the lobsters. I—
we
—were laughin’ at Jess, not you. She was havin’ one of her hissy fits.”
Tears tugged at the back of Christina’s throat. “I … know.”
Sarah tapped her daughter on the head. “Go on into our room. Brush your hair.”
With a final smile at Christina, Lacey skipped away.
Sarah dropped her voice. “Jess wasn’t mad at you either. Not really. I know she acted like it. But it’s because she was havin’ trouble with Tamel.”
Christina raised her eyebrows.
“Looks like they got it worked out now, though. I don’t know the details, and Jess isn’t about to tell. And don’t
you
tell her I said anything.”
“Okay.” How were they even having this conversation? Christina felt more than a little stunned.
Sarah leaned forward, one conspirator to another. “Tell you somethin’ else. But it’s a secret.”
Christina could only nod.
“Jake and I found the
perfect
spot for our family pictures tomorrow.” Her eyes danced. “Jess is gonna die. It’s way better than her bathtubs.”
“Oh.”
“We take the pictures after church. It’s always the craziest afternoon of the reunion. Lots of fun.” Sarah grinned.
Christina’s head bobbed once more. She tried to smile back.
“Well.” Sarah straightened. “I’ll let you get ready for supper. I think it’s in about forty-five minutes.” She threw another dazzling smile at Christina. Nothing fake about it. Nothing forced.
“Okay. I’ll be there.”
Had she said that?
Sarah nodded and walked off. Christina closed her door in a daze.
What had just happened?
She turned around and spotted Penny still lying on the bed. The Yorkie caught her gaze and gave a little wiggle—
come pet me.
Christina walked to the bed and sat down. Picked up Lady Penelope and held her in her lap. The little dog snuggled in.
Staring at the door, Christina pictured Sarah and Lacey, and the rest of the family. Most of all—Ben.
“Your future belongs with me. Nobody else is gonna love you like I do.”
The crack inside Christina opened wider still, and she sensed with a start what the glow behind it was. Hope. She closed her eyes and dwelt in it awhile. Tried to get used to the feel of it. Then she took a deep breath—maybe the deepest of her life. Gently she placed Penny back on the bed and headed into the bathroom to fix her makeup for supper.