That Boy (41 page)

Driving to Phillip's house, my insides are churning over my fight with Jimmy, the guitar-playing jerk. I mean I would have stopped dating him soon anyway. I was just sort of planning on keeping him around as a backup. You know, in case things didn't go well with Phillip this weekend.

Shit.

Now it appears I'm flying solo.

Of course I can't be too upset, and well, he was kind of right about Phillip.

I do have feelings for him.

Very strong ones
.

Of course, they are a whole mixed up mess of feelings: confusion, frustration, denial, happiness, sadness and the strongest one of the bunch,
chicken shittedness
.

And that is not like me.

I am
so
not a chicken shit about anything else in my life.

I have rock climbed, surfed, parasailed and bungee jumped. I even drive too fast on a daily basis.

You'd think this would be easy. But instead, I feel like I'm jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.

I mean wouldn't
everyone
be a chicken shit about that?

Jimmy's comment about
cooking with Mr. Perfect
cracked me up, but it also gave me a great visual. Maybe I can get Phillip to cook with nothing on but an apron. Or better yet, maybe I should do that. Do you think he'd notice?

Well, sure he would, he's a guy.

The more important question is, would he like it, and would he do anything about it?

I am so hoping that he will give us a chance. I'm also hoping that
moaning
Monica will not be involved in this whole affair. You know, when Danny told me that he thought Phillip might be getting serious with her, I truly felt like I was going to throw up.

And that is not a very nice feeling.

Last week, I went to the bookstore and bought a hardcover copy of the book,
Our Town
. That's the book we were reading in AP English when my parents died. I have been thinking about the book lately. I knew that the book's main theme is for people to remember to stop and smell the roses. I remember promising myself that I would always try to live life to the fullest, and I think I've done a pretty good job of it so far. But there was something else from that book I know I wanted to remember, and I couldn't seem to remember it.

I had hoped if I thought about it hard enough, I would remember it in a dream because I do that sometimes, but it didn't work, so I had to go buy the book and reread it. I'm glad that I did because I like the story, and I found what I was looking for. It was the part that says,
We waste opportunities at every moment
.

That was the part I was trying to remember.

And now I see why it's been bugging me.

It fits.

I know that I can't waste any more opportunities with Phillip.

I can't, and I won't.

God help me.

I pull up to Phillip's house, get out of the car and knock on the front door. It used to be that I would have just barged right in, but I'd like to think I have grown up
some
. I take a minute to look around at the houses and the empty lot. In one way it really doesn't seem that long ago that I was camping in the back yard, playing dragon fighter with Phillip, catch with my dad, punching Danny in the mouth.

But in another way, it feels so very long ago.

I have so many wonderful memories of growing up here, but I also feel a longing to create a whole bunch of new ones with Phillip. I feel like I'm standing in the doorway of my life, trying to decide if I should go in or not.

God, when did I become so philosophical?

I sound like an old sap. Next thing you know, I will be crying and getting out the old videos.

What in the world has Phillip done to me?

Phillip's mom comes to the door. She's holding a dishtowel and wiping her hands on it. “Hi, JJ! Come on in. I was just finishing up.”

I follow her into the house and sit on a barstool in the kitchen. The kitchen island is filled with all sorts of tailgating equipment and massive amounts of food.

“I was just trying to get everything packed before Doug gets home. We decided to drive down to Lincoln and spend the night. The game is early tomorrow, and we won't have to worry about traffic that way. The Diamonds should have the RV here any minute.”

Our parents always went to a lot of Nebraska games together. When Danny started school there, the Diamonds bought a big RV to tailgate in. And do they tailgate! You have never seen so much yummy food and excessive amounts of alcohol. When we were in college, Phillip and I
always
made sure we stopped by, before we went to the game. It was often our best meal of the week.

“JJ,” Phillip's mom says, “I hope it's alright with you, I made double batches of everything I cooked for tailgating. I thought you could use it for the party tomorrow. Save you two a lot of work.”

“Really?” I'm surprised and thrilled about this. She makes great stuff. Plus, I think naughtily, less time working, leaves more time for play!

“That's so awesome because you know I think everything you make is wonderful. Thank you
so
much for doing that.” I hop up, give her a sincere hug and sit back down. “Oh,” I say, practically drooling on the counter, “did you make any of those yummy little sausage puffs?” I love those tasty little things. “And what about that fiesta dip?”

“I made both of them, dear. I know they're your favorites.” She smiles at me, like she is about to tell me a big secret, and I realize for the first time that Phillip has her exact smile. “I even went a
little crazy
and bought some of those
red
tortilla chips. I hope they taste the same as the regular kind.”

She hands me a spreadsheet of all the food she made, saying, “Here's the list of what's here and how to cook it.”

My, she is very organized. I should make lists because it never fails, when the party is over, I discover something in the back of the frig that I forgot to serve.

I look over the list and see it's pretty extensive. Barbecued brisket with mini dinner rolls, veggie tray, cheese ball and crackers, cheese dip, swedish meatballs, sausage puffs, summer sausage and cheese tray, fiesta dip with red chips, Go Big Red cupcakes and mint brownies.

“I think I'm in heaven. Go Big Red cupcakes
and
mint brownies! You're spoiling me.” And thinking about them, I say like a little kid who wants cookies before dinner, “Can I have a brownie now?”

“Sure,” she says, and gets me a brownie.

I really love this woman.

“Phillip's going to have his work cut out for him tonight, just trying to keep me away from those brownies, but other than that, I don't know what we're going to do with ourselves all night.”

Well, I actually do have a
few ideas
in mind.

She smiles a knowing smile. I hope that mind reading thing doesn't run in the family. But I'm worried because I get the feeling she knows
exactly
what I just thought.

“I thought it might be nice for you and Phillip to spend some time together, without having to worry about the party.” She pauses and then says, “I have a question for you. Have you and Phillip ever thought about dating each other?”

I wonder if she already knows about Mexico. I kind of hope not.

“Um, well, we did talk about possibly dating in May, right before Danny and Lori's wedding.”

“And?”

“And, we kind of had a trial run in Cancun, but things didn't go very well. We managed to stay friends though.”

“Did you sleep together?”

Uh, that it probably not information I want to share with you.

You are his mother, for goodness sakes.

At first I think I'm not going to answer this question on the grounds that it might incriminate me, but I figure in this case, the truth is way cleaner than her imagination, so I tell her the sad truth, “No, we didn't.”

There. End of story.

Now, how 'bout them Huskers?

But she's not done with me yet.

“Have you
ever
?” she asks in a very matter of fact tone, like we're discussing the weather and not my sex life with her son.

Well, lack of sex life, really.

This is getting a little too personal, don't ya think?

But once again, I tell her the truth.

“Uh, no.
Never
.” I shake my head no.

She looks surprised at this news and has a questioning look on her face, like she doesn't believe me.

“Hmm.” She has her finger up to her mouth thinking very seriously about something.

This ought to be good. “You know, JJ, you girls today have it rough. Back in my day, if you really wanted to get a man to marry you, you just seduced him and got yourself pregnant.”

This woman continues to shock me. I mean, I've never thought of myself as uptight about this stuff, but I gotta tell you, I'm feeling pretty tight right now.

Like I can't get any air. I must need some milk and quite possibly another brownie.

As I refill my plate, I stammer, “Uh, yeah, but it doesn't quite work like that anymore.”

She dismisses my statement with a wave of her hand, “Well, it should. And it would work in Phillip's case. He has good values and would do the right thing.”

Is it just me, or does that seem a bit twisted? I mean if Phillip's morals were so good in the first place, he wouldn't be getting anyone pregnant, would he?

Then I put two and two together and realize this is her roundabout way of, not so subtly, telling me that
I should seduce her son
AND get myself pregnant!

I'm shocked. Beyond shocked.

I am, I don't know, double shocked.

Practically speechless.

No, I
am
speechless.

I have my mouth open, and I can't say a thing. I can't even take a bite of this brownie. And it has all that yummy, gooey, red mint stuff on the top. I just stare at the piece on my fork.

It's like we were playing freeze tag and someone just yelled, FREEZE.

And I did!

But I don't have to say anything because she continues with, “You know, I really worry about what would happen, should Phillip decide to marry someone besides you.”

How did we get to babies and marriage from food?

And now she's got him marrying someone else? What's wrong with her?

“What do you mean?” I think I must have got lost somewhere because I'm really not following all of this.

“Well, you know most of Phillip's girlfriends have felt a bit threatened by your relationship with him. And I'm just afraid that if he marries someone who feels that way, well, you need to know that I would have to do whatever makes
her
feel comfortable.”

Then she pulls out the big guns.

“We might not be able to include you in everything, like we do now.”

Oh, that hurts.

That thought makes me want to cry.

I look at her with sad puppy dog eyes and say, “You mean if Phillip marries someone else, you're going to kick me out of the family?”

“Now, JJ, we'd never be able to get rid of you.”

Like I'm a puppy that she's thinking about taking to the pound.

“I am just trying to impress upon you that the situation could prove to be difficult in the future.” Her eyes look warmer.

Apparently we're not talking about the weather any more.

“I'm not sure if Phillip has any desire to date me, let alone marry me. Have you talked to him about any of this?”

“No, but I know how he feels about you. It's quite obvious.”

It is?

Still?

She thinks Phillip might actually want to
marry me
?

I get a brilliant idea. “I know, you could just adopt me. Then no one could complain, and you wouldn't have to get rid of me.”

She's too quick for me though because she says, “Wouldn't it just be easier to give it a try with Phillip?”

“Probably,” I say, telling her the answer she wants to hear.

I know she'd never shut me out of their lives, but she does bring up a good point.

Some of Phillip's girlfriends
have
had a problem with me.