Texas rich (54 page)

He helped her mount, holding her firmly by the hips, directing her movements. He fit into her smoothly, snugly, as she slowly descended the length of him, bringing herself tightly against him. His hands were on her breasts, teasing and enticing, drifting upward to caress her lovely face and trace the line of her jaw. She turned her face into the palm of his hand, breathing the scent of herself mingled with his own, feeling the tips of his fingers softly touch her lips.

"Come here to me, Billie, my Billie," he whispered, pulling her downward to meet his kiss. It was then, when she felt the .moistness on his cheeks, that she realized she was crying. Her tears mingled with his and the hungry fulfillment of their bodies was secondary to the needs of their hearts. Overwhelming emotions engulfed her, drawing her body closer to his in an effort to touch his soul. Was it to be? This dream against which she'd hardened her heait? Was this love rediscovered? Was she at long last a part of Moss, the most precious part?

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She heard her name upon his Ups, saw the expression of love in his eyes. Her inner being reached out with long tender fingers, groping through the years of disappointment and darkness, to find him. Her soul seemed to feel him close, so close, closer than a breath away. But before she could reach him he was gone and only loneliness and emptiness were there to greet her. Before she could cry her grief her body conunanded her back to an awareness of the here and now, driving to climax.

When it was over she lay weeping in his arms, hiding herself from him, curving her back and drawing herself inward.

Moss kissed her tear-wet cheeks and cradled her, sighing deeply with satisfaction. He was sated, she knew, and so should she be. Her body had demanded and received. But what of her soul? What was wrong with her? She choked upon her own sobs. Why wasn't it enough that he was her husband, that he cared for her, even loved her? Why must she demand something that perhaps he could never give? What part of her must demand that he also understand her?

"Billie, my own Billie," he was saying as he turned her in his embrace. She saw the tears that still glittered in his eyes as dawn streaked through the curtains. "Don't cry, sweetheart," he soothed. "It was wonderful for me, too. No one could ever love me the way you do."

But do I, Moss? she wondered. Do I really love you? And if I do, what becomes of me?

Maggie would have nothing at all to do with the baby. As soon as the doctor gave his permission, she was out riding at every opportunity and Seth complained that she would ruin the best mounts on the ranch with her carelessness. Her surliness and talent for mischief seemed inexhaustible.

Billie's gentle prompting was met with a stubborn denial. "I never wanted that baby. You wanted me to have it. You take care of it! I don't even want to know it breathes the same air I do!"

The entire Coleman family was at its wits' end and looked to Billie for a solution. They'd already faced down the worst of the gossip and the baby presented no problem. The problem was Maggie.

The solution of how best to help Maggie came about in a conversation with Thad. There was, he said, a very private, very good school in Vermont that operated with a hmited enrollment, and although it wasn't mentioned in their brochures,

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they were known to help emotionally disturbed children.

Billie balked at the term Thad used but had to admit that he was being charitable. Seth and Agnes had far more dire adjectives to describe their granddaughter. Besides, she had to admit Maggie had problems, and she couldn't allow words and labels to stand in the way of what was best for her child. Still... Vermont?

"I can't just send her so far away, Thad! Certainly she needs schooling and, I'll admit, psychological help, but surely a family is important, too!"

"Contact the school, Billie. I'm certain they'll take her. And as far as a family goes, she can board there and on free weekends she can go to the country to my cousins. They've raised four kids of their own, and hell, it's worth a try, isn't it? What other ideas do you have?"

Billie had to admit she was at a loss. She wanted what was best for Maggie and there was the baby to consider. Maggie needed help.

Before mentioning the plan to Moss, Billie checked it out with the school and waited to hear whether or not Thad's cousins would agree. When she was met with approval from all sides, Billie breathed a sigh of relief and went to Moss with the proposal. He heard only "very exclusive, very private, and very expensive." Emotionally disturbed children were something other people had. Maggie was going north for the best education money could buy.

"I'll never forget this and I'll never forgive you, either of you!" Maggie shouted as the car taking her to the airport pulled away from Sunbridge. Billie's heart ached. Her last sight of Maggie, with red-rimmed eyes and teeth bared, was what she took to bed each night. To her lonely bed. Moss's promise, it seemed, had departed with Maggie. Once again he threw himself into his work, spending long hours away from home. Often, when he crept into their room in the wee hours of the morning, Billie could detect a faint aura of very feminine, very sophisticated perfume. With Maggie gone. Moss obviously considered the family problems solved.

Billie tried to tell herself it really didn't matter. But it did, terribly, and she seemed to spend her days swallowing a dry, hard lump that had become lodged in her throat. What was it she did want? Since the night of Sawyer's birth when she and Moss had made love, she had come to the realization that sexual gratification wasn't enough. Loving wasn't enough. There was

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supposed to be more—there had to be more— but for the life of her she couldn't put a name to it. Even her anger was gone; only a sense of bleakness remained.

Billie's invitation list to the opening of her studio—which was to take place today—was small and select. Two of Jordan Marsh's students with whom she'd kept in touch, Thad, and the family.

For weeks carpenters, painters, and delivery men had thrown Sunbridge into chaos, and the old carriage house was now ready for occupancy. Huge windows and skylights let in blinding amounts of light. Canvases and easels were set up to take advantage of the light at different times of the day. Boxes of paint, brushes, and pallettes were stacked neatly on sweet-smelling cedar shelves. A soft, downy sofa that opened to a bed took up one wall; a small refrigerator, an equally small stove, and a thickly padded rocking chair lined the other. Green plants in tubs stood in all the comers. And Billie had told the carpenters to section off a small room, right next to the sparkling new batbj-oom, for Sawyer's nursery. That way, any sound tiie infant might make would carry to Billie no matter where she was working.

Now Billie held Sawyer up on her shoulder. She was a round, cuddly baby, big for six months, the doctor said. She was bright-eyed and alert, gurgling constantly, to Billie's delight. Soft music played in the background as Billie walked about her new domain. She was excited about her new venture—she was reaching out for something.

Seth and Moss were the first to arrive. Billie handed the baby over to Moss, who reached for her unwillingly. Agnes arrived a few minutes later with Riley and the servants from the kitchen. Billie smiled when she overheard Agnes discussing their cleaning schedule. Never would one of her mother's servants take a cloth or broom to this private place. She would clean it herself. This was hers and she wasn't about to share it with anyone but Sawyer.

The coffee was gone, the Danish finished, and Riley had been driven back to the school. The two students lingered a moment or two longer and then departed behind Agnes. Seth limped off and Moss waited a moment longer. "I think this is wonderful for you, Billie. You should have done it sooner," he said. "I don't know much about art, but I can tell that you've improved since you went into the city to that commercial studio. I'm proud of you, Billie."

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Billie scrutinized Moss's features for some sign that he was mocking her for doing something on her own. When she read the sincerity she had to smile. A year ago, even six months ago, she would have wept in sheer rapture at her husband's approving words. She felt pleased, but she felt more ecstatic at taking Sawyer from her husband's arms.

"I've got to get back to the office. I'm sorry Thad didn't make it. He must have gotten caught up in something. The navy isn't all that concerned about personal lives. I'd really like to see the old boy again. We've kind of lost touch. I'm glad that you've kept up your correspondence with him. Thad is one in a million."

Billie nuzzled Sawyer's neck. "One in a million," she repeated.

Moss looked around. Suddenly he didn't want to leave. He didn't belong in this place that was his wife's, yet he didn't want to leave. His eyes swept around the room, settling on the sofa bed. He'd be damned if he-would depart this place without leaving his mark. The smdio would become theirs instead of hers. "Billie, I want to make love to you," he said huskily, his hand reaching to touch the soft blond fluff of curls that fell against her neck.

Billie raised her head and at the same time gave Sawyer a shght pinch. The infant wailed on cue. "I'm sorry, darling. Sawyer needs to be fed and changed. Later, in our room. I'll wait for you."

Billie loved her new studio. It was the one place at Sunbridge that was hers alone. She wouldn't- share it with anyone, not even Moss. She wanted no memories of him here.

"How long can it take to feed a baby? Can't you prop up the bottle?"

"I wish it were that simple, darling," Billie said sweetly. "However, Sawyer is now eating food that has to be warmed and then she takes a bottle that also has to be warmed. Then she needs to be changed from the skin out. The little love is a messy eater. At least an hour. If you want to wait." She made it sound like the question it wasn't.

"I can't wait. I have a board meeting. Good-bye, Billie. I'll be late this evening."

"All right," Billie called over her shoulder.

Moss stormed out to the garage.

Billie cooed to the baby. "It was necessary, sweetie. Forgive your grandmother." Sawyer gurgled as Billie placed her in the

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new crib. She wound up a colorful musical toy and within minutes the baby was sleeping soundly.

Now she was alone in her own place, organized and decorated by herself. It was what she wanted, the way she wanted it. It was hers. All hers!

The cigarette she lighted gave her something to do with her hands as she walked around the studio. Today was for looking and enjoying. Tomorrow she would get down to work. She was standing by the huge north window when she saw the plane flying low overhead. She knew who it was instantly. Thad would never forget. Now her perfect httle place was complete. She watched the plane circle and then come in low, landing perfectly. She quickly checked Sawyer and then changed her shoes. If she ran like the wind, she could get to Thad before he took off in search of a ride to the main house.

As she ran across the field, her hair billowing out behind her, she kept saying over and over to herself. Oh, God, what am I doing? She didn't care.

At first he didn't see her and then the sound of his name circled around him like an exaltation of larks. He turned and watched Billie run to him. Then he was running toward her. "Billie!"

Billie skidded to a stop two feet from Thad. He pulled up short and both of them burst out laughing.

"Thad! I'm so glad to see you. I thought you weren't going to make it. I waited and waited. Now the day is complete. They're all gone. All except Sawyer and she's sleeping. Where were you? Why are you late? I'm so glad to see you. I've missed you." She was babbling but was unable to stop herself. How wonderful he looked. So fit and... and so... ready. ' "Billie! I'm sorry I'm late. Last-minute check of the plane turned up a small defect. I was out on the field and couldn't get to a phone. I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't have missed your unveiling for anything. How are you? You look beautiful. You always look beautiful. How's the baby? How do you like being a grandmother?" Jesus, he was babbling just the way she was. He wanted to reach out, to take her in his arms. But it wasn't the time and it sure as hell wasn't the place.

"I'm so glad to see you. So damn glad." Billie laughed as she linked her arm in hds. "Hurry, I want you to see Sawyer. She's sleeping. I left her alone for these few minutes. I shouldn't have done that. Run, Thad." Laughing like two children, they raced back to the studio.

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"Billie, this is wonderful! It's so sunny with all the windows. Now I can picture you here working. I'm glad you invited me."

"You ain't seen nothing yet, Admiral," Billie said, drawing him into the little mininursery. She stood back proudly as Thad stared down at the pink-cheeked baby. "Well, what do you think?"

"What do I think? I think she's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, next to her grandmother, that is. Is she as perfect as she looks?"

"Admiral! Surely you jest. Would a Coleman be anything but perfect?" Billie teased. "Yes, she's a good baby. She's gaining weight rapidly and sleeps through the night. I just love her, Thad."

"I wouldn't have known if you hadn't told me," Thad teased back. "Have you heard from Maggie?"

"No. But I write and I send pictures of Sawyer almost every week. I tell her everything. I called a week ago. She sounded fine. She hasn't forgiven me or her father, but we're living with it. The school mails out a progress report at the end of every week. It's not exactly glowing, but her teachers seem to have a positive outlook. Now, tell me about you. I'll make some coffee. I saved some Danish in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case you made it after all. Did I tell you how happy I am that you made it?"

"Yes. But tell me again."

Billie laughed as she measured coffee into the percolator. "I'm so glad you could come. I've missed you, Thad. I think of you more often than is good for me. How's Solomon?"

"Ask a man about his dog and you have his heart. He's fine. His owner isn't all that well. I think of you more often than is good for me. I have to be honest with you, Billie. I wasn't going to come today. I was going to call you and say good-bye. Then I realized how cowardly that would be, so I hopped in the plane. I have new orders. I'm leaving tomorrow."