Tethered (The Avenlore Series) (17 page)

The little angel on my shoulder whispered that he did not love her, she was not a choice he’d made.  My actions would likely hurt him.

The little devil argued that he was making a choice everyday he allowed the impending union to proceed as scheduled.

They both made pretty valid points in my mind.  As a result, I remained equally confused, guilty, and wounded.

My eyes followed Nikolas
as he followed my father from the room, forgetting I wasn’t alone.

“He is a remarkable young man.”  My mother said from just behind me.  She’d
crept up on me unnoticed.

I swung around toward her, feeling like I’d been caught stealing.  “Is he?”  My voice was way too high.

She titled her head to the side, sympathy in her eyes.  “Unequivocally so, but I believe you have already reached that conclusion on your own.”

I turned from her as the blush stole across my skin, betraying me.  Pretending to study the map on the table, I shrugged.  “Yeah, he seems like a great guy.”

My mother laughed, but it sounded off, it sounded sad.  “When he learned you had been sent away, he stormed into this very room and demanded that we bring you back.  He held your father at sword point, of course it was a wooden play sword, but still quite a daring act for a small boy.  His parents hadn’t even noticed his absence.  He was so worried about you.”  I heard her breath catch.  “When the sword did not work, he begged.  He told us you were much too small to leave our care, that you would be afraid, that you would be sad.”  Her voice cracked as she spoke and she steadied herself with a long breath.  “He has always been an old soul, wiser than his years.”  

I turned to face her now, fighting back tears.  “I didn’t know that.”  I focused on composing myself.  “Who are his parents?”

“Lord Kenseth and Lady Letha Belmont.  He inherited the lordship from his family and she was one of my ladies.  She was a close friend to me and remained so for many years after her marriage.”  She folded herself into a chair and patted the seat of the one next to her.

I didn’t want to be so close, risk her seeing what I felt when I so much as heard his name, but I sat anyway.  “Where are they?  Are they here, at the castle?”

Sadness was etched into my mother’s expression.  “No, no.  I imagine they are traveling again by now.  We were close once.  The Belmonts spent much of their time here at the castle.  I was happy to have them and considered Letha a dear friend.  And Lord Belmont got on so well with your father.”

I
scooted to the edge of my seat.  “What happened?”

My mother stared at me for a moment, then pressed her lips together and exhaled.  “I finally realized what Lady Letha was.”

I raised my eyebrows in question, but got no answer.  “What was she?”

She looked to the ceiling, as if the answer to the question could be found there.  And maybe it could because she answered after studying it a moment.  One word, but I’d wager there were oth
er things that had come to mind and this was the kindest of them.  “Ambitious.”

“Oh.”  That could mean a lot of things.  “Why?”

“You must not speak of such things to Nikolas.”  She raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to confirm that I wouldn’t.  I nodded.  “From almost the moment you were born, Letha pressed for a betrothal.  You were so young, your father was not at all interested in promising you to someone else and neither was I.”  My mouth dropped open, and she raised her eyebrows and nodded, a silent agreement with my expression.  “She continued to press on until you were sent away and I that point I thought it would stop.  They continued to stay close, though they were not around quite as often.  You’d been gone for five long years and she had the nerve to broach the subject again.  I was enraged that she wanted a promise of marriage when we were not even sure when we would see you again,
if
we would see you again.  So, I slapped her, straight across the face.” 

“I don’t blame you, I probably would’ve done the same.”
  Pride swelled inside me.  She was my mother, my seemingly reserved and ladylike mother, but she wasn’t above dealing out a bitch slap when it was called for.

“Needless to say, it
did not do wonders for our friendship.  After that, she and Lord Belmont departed, in search of new…friends.  They have spent the subsequent years rubbing elbows with the Kingdom’s nobility.”

“Didn’t they take Nikolas with them?”  He would’ve only been about nine when they left, surely they would’ve brought along their son.

The curled ends of my mother’s auburn hair swayed as she shook her head.  “No, no.  By that time, Nikolas had been a squire to Sir Luther Landon for nearly two years.  Nikolas wanted to stay and Sir Landon agreed to care for him and so he stayed behind.  Nikolas has essentially grown up here at Castle Lux.”

That made sense.  There had definitely been a closeness between Sir Landon and Nikolas.  Now I understood why.  Sir Landon had taught Nikolas how to be a knight and most likely, how to be a man.  “I met him, Sir Landon.”

Mother smiled.  “He is quite the character.”

I couldn’t help myself.  “So, his betrothal—“

My mother cut me off, finishing with her own thought.  “—is a tragedy for the poor boy.”  She read my confusion and explained further.  Grant it, I thought it was a tragedy, but I doubt she shared my reasons and I was curious as to what hers were.  “The Wintree family has quite a massive estate.  Lord Wintree is a high Lord, where Lord Belmont is only barely nobility.  Wintree’s Lordship is much more…lucrative than Belmont’s.  Brigitte was sent to court in search of a match and she was instantly smitten with Nikolas.  Her family’s rank made her attractive to the Belmont’s…or Lady Belmont rather.  I suspect this is largely her doing.”

I had a thought.  “I was under the impression it was her family who pressed for the announcement.”

Mother scoffed.  “No, not the family, Brigitte herself.”  She bit her lip as she decided how to best deliver her thoughts.  “She is, well the girl…let us just say it is painfully obvious that Lady Brigitte is accustomed to getting her way.  She has her father wrapped around her little fingers.”

I nodded.  “So, she’s a brat, a spoiled rotten brat.”

My mother fought a smile.  “Yes, I believe that about does it justice.”  She paused and breathed contentedly.  “You know, I do love just talking with you, dear heart.”

A smile spread across my face.  “Me too.”

Mother stood and I did the same.  “I have some planning to do for the ball, would you like to join me?”

“Thank you, but I think I’d just like to take a look around the grounds if that’s okay?”  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I wasn’t a party planning type of girl and I really did want to look around.

“Certainly, dear heart.  This is your home, one should know their home.”  She said, smiling.

“I do have one more question though.” 

“By all means, ask it.”  My mother said, tilting her head curiously.

“How is someone so young leader of all those knights and head of the Royal Guard?”

My mother smiled at me knowingly and my blood rushed to fill my cheeks in response.  “Nikolas is trusted by the men, an excellent strategist, smart, brave, true, loyal down to his very bones…all the things a man in such a position should be.  You cannot place a man in a position and expect him to become what he needs to be just because you have placed a title upon him.  You must choose someone who already possesses the qualities you seek.  They choose him to lead them because of who he was, not who he would need to be, or how old he was.  The most important qualities in a leader are not things you acquire with age.”  She smiled again and kissed me on the head before turning to walk towards the door.  “Oh and Dani?”

I looked to see her standing at the door, hand upon the knob.  “Yes?”

“When the time comes and you are choosing a man to fill the post of your husband, remember that the same applies.  You must choose a man who already possesses the qualities you seek.”  She said, then winked and disappeared through the door.   

Once I was alone in the room, I sank
onto an abundant ottoman that resembled a giant cream puff. 

I knew my mother wasn’t an idiot.  I knew she noticed me all but salivating over Nikolas.  I would have to work on tamping down the obviousness of my feelings because right now, they were about as unnoticeable as an army of flashing neon signs would be
sprouting from the top of my head. 

But maybe my feelings should just be buried.  Nikolas wasn’t free and even if
she
wasn’t his choice, the fact remained…he was not free. 

And…if I pursued him in anyway, what
kind of person did that make me?  And besides, I kissed Liam last night or let him kiss me, or whatever, I wasn’t going to split hairs.  There was a kiss and that was enough. 

Good Lord, who had I become?  I felt sick again, like the skin I was wearing didn’t fit.  I needed air.  Now.

As sweat started to bead on my forehead, I knew I needed to be alone, the heartsickness was taking over.

I made my way, as fast as I could without drawing too much attention to myself, to the nearest exit.

I emerged from the castle into an opulent garden with clumps of trees, beautiful flowers, and twisting paths that disappeared into thick greenery that went on and on. 

It was perfect.

You could get lost here and that is what I intended to do.

Chapter 20

I roamed around the garden, passing deeper and deeper into the beauty that surrounded me.  I followed the flowing waterways that wound through the massive flowers and shrubs. 

I tossed around the pros and cons of my dilemma in my head as I walked. 

With Liam, he was gorgeous and mysterious and I did feel something for him.  I just wasn’t sure what that something was.  He wasn’t betrothed and that made him available.  And that kiss, well, it was completely swoon worthy, but the earth did not move, no clouds parted, no angels sang.  Before Nikolas, I would’ve gone full tilt into pursuing something with Liam and happily so.  But...then came Nikolas and now I was existing in the dreaded gray area, no black and white to be found.

With Nikolas, I was blindsided by feelings that appeared as if they’d always been there.  He had th
is elusive quality, a draw to him from something that existed in his core.  He was the flame and I was the poor sap of a moth.  Nikolas was spell binding, the way he moved, the way others responded to him, his ability to command a situation, his sense of duty, his unmoving loyalty, and…the way he’d comforted me, held me.

Nikolas’ con was that he was taken, betrothed.  The word rolled around in my head like it was covered in slime.

Liam’s con was that…well…he was not Nikolas.

This situation sucked on multiple levels.
 

Rounding a patch of trees, I came upon an occupied bench, buried deep in the garden.

Its occupant was none other than Nikolas.

He didn’t hear my approach as he sat
with his back to me, quietly folding and unfolding his hands.  I should’ve turned around and slipped off unnoticed. 

I didn’t.

It took a few seconds, but he sensed me watching.  In one fluid motion, he was on his feet and pivoting to face me.

When our eyes met, I could feel the air charge.  My heart ached for him, begged to be closer.
  It took every ounce of self-control I commanded not to oblige. 

I had to speak, the tension had to be broken.  “What are you doing way out here?”

He sighed, looking slightly ashamed.  “Hiding.”

Further explanation wasn’t necessary, I knew he was hiding from Brigitte.  “Don’t you think she can find you out here?”

Nikolas scoffed.  “She is not especially fond of…” He paused and spread his arms wide for emphasis.  “…nature.” 

“But, this is like a dream!”  I
said sticking my arms out and spinning in a circle like a child.

Something in his eyes changed and he regarded me for a few breaths before he spoke.  “A beautiful dream.”  He uttered quietly
.

I tore my eyes away, pretending to be fascinated by the foxglove planted nearby.  “
There is going to be a ball, did you know?  I’ve never been to a ball.”

“I am sure you will capture the attention of the room.”
  Nikolas offered in a tone that was almost sad.

“Hardly.”  Shaking my head, I turned back to him.  “You don’t have to do that.  I won’t tell anyone if you
’re not constantly showering me with praise.”

A
resonant laugh emerged on the breeze.  Eyebrows raised, Nikolas ran long fingers through his waves and jerked a thumb toward his chest.  “Do you think that is what I do?  You think that is one of the duties I’m expected to perform?”  He asked as he ambled slowly toward me.

I blinked at him and shrugged.  “I don’t know, really
.  What are your duties?” I cocked my head to the side.  “Ah ha.  Saving damsels in distress!  Is that one of them?”

Nikolas chuckled and inclined his head toward me once.  “It is one of the advantages.”  A wicked grin
curved his mouth and he prowled closer.  “Do you feel you are in danger, Milady?”