Tender Grace (27 page)

BOOK: Tender Grace

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I don’t know how Mary was able to leave Jesus that morning, except that he had asked her to deliver a message. What must she have looked like when she ran to the disciples, breathless, and said, “I have seen the Lord!”

October 2

What would Willa’s buffalo have to say about Hays, Kansas? Well, I can’t worry about that. Hays has a Pizza Hut, and tonight that was enough for me to call it charming. Tom would applaud my stamina on the road today.

I found a
Law and Order
and, for old time’s sake, watched it while I ate my pizza.

Then I checked my e-mail. There was only one message tonight, a short one from Zack: “You’re almost home. I’ll be in Missouri for two weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, trying to get ready for the spring semester. Want to have another shared experience?”

It was a sweet message, and I sat there for a long time trying to think of how to respond. Finally I wrote: “I’m pretty sure I do. Call me.”

I’m so excited about getting home tomorrow I might have to take an Excedrin PM, or whatever PM is in there. Or better yet, I’ll count my sheep one last time on this journey: “I will fear no evil, for you are with me”; “It is I, don’t be afraid”; “I am with you always”; “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Actually, what I read in John tonight gave me another group of sheep to count, the “It’s the Lord” group.

Peter and several of the other disciples had gone out the night before to fish in the Sea of Galilee and caught nothing. Now Jesus stood on the shore in the early morning light and called, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” When they answered no, he told them to throw their nets on the right side of the boat. While they must have been sure doing so would prove futile, they dropped the net and found they couldn’t budge it for the great number of fish.

The minute this happened, John exclaimed, “It’s the Lord!”

Oh, I love that.

And I love this: When John gushed his joyous and obvious conclusion, Peter jumped into the water in order to get to Jesus! (It was going to take that boat a while, towing 153 fish—whoppers, I’ll bet.)

I have some understanding of how both John and Peter felt. God has been at work on this trip. So often I have felt like exclaiming with John, “It’s the Lord!”

A wise woman sitting with me by the Survivor Tree, a young policeman issuing a warning ticket, a cowboy in black rescuing me on the side of the road—it’s the Lord! A little companion helping me tackle seven slides, Ruby and Pearl prying me from my room to share a meal with them, Andrew and I making peace—it’s the Lord! A bathroom needing to be cleaned, Liz Emerson offering me her table, and Zack standing in the sunlight at the top of Santa Cruz Island—it’s the Lord!

Can such good gifts, such tender graces, come from anywhere else?

My last encounter with Tom even seemed ordained. I don’t think it was so much a matter of my showing Tom the view from the top of Santa Cruz Island as Tom and the Faithful One letting me glimpse glory.

Do you see me, Lord, thrashing through the water to get to you? Do you see me falling at your feet in gratitude and joy?

October 3

I can’t believe it!

I’m home.

Mark and Molly have been here. They must have come Saturday or Sunday. The house is spotless, and they’ve planted pansies in the flower beds and put more of them in a huge pot on the porch. When I came into the house, the first thing that greeted me was a Welcome Home banner with a colorful finger paint border made up of the babies’ handprints. What good children I have!

I carried the luggage into my bedroom, unpacked the overnight bag, and decided to leave the rest of the unpacking until tomorrow. As I looked around the room I hadn’t seen for so long, the picture of Tom and me in the gondola seemed to beckon me. I walked across the room, picked up the picture frame, wiped away the dust the kids had missed, and looked at the happy couple. “I’ve been to Coronado Island, Tom,” I said, “and it was just as lovely as you said it was.” After the briefest moment, I put the picture back in its place and picked up
Acts of Faith
and also
Gilead
, another Pulitzer Prize winner I had bought just before Tom’s death and never opened. Bringing them into the living room with me, I put both novels on the side table by my chair to read later and sat down to read the Bible I had laid in my chair when I first came into the house.

I turned to the end of John, a passage full of forgiveness and redemption, and read the whole last section, though Tom had not highlighted it. Jesus and Peter have a sweet encounter that ends with Jesus saying to Peter, “Follow me!” With these words, Peter’s new life begins.

A passage that implies new life seems the perfect ending for John’s book and my weeks on the road. I smiled when I closed Tom’s Bible, realizing that tender encounters with Life and Light have graced my days. I thanked God for all that he had shown me and done for me on this journey from death to life, I thanked him for this record of it, and I thanked him for finally bringing me home.

I leaned my head against the back of my chair and closed my eyes. “Oh, Tom,” I said, “I still miss you, but I’ll see you in God’s good time. And I’ll have so much to tell you!”

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank David Kopp, an editor who encouraged me to write a novel when it seemed as unlikely as winning the Indianapolis 500 or landing a space shuttle or making a quilt. I laughed for years at his suggestion and then, as an act of faith, gave it a try. I would also like to thank Erin Healy, my freelance editor, who has taught me so much. And at Bethany House, I am grateful for David Horton, Charlene Patterson, and Rochelle Gloege—I have loved working with them.

I am most grateful for my daughters, Stacey Myers and Leanne West, and my mom, Dorothy Sublett, who enjoy books endlessly and read with joy and discernment. They have read my manuscripts the same way, always believing I have something to say and encouraging me to say it. And I’m also grateful for several friends (you know who you are) who read this manuscript and offered help and encouragement.

“Woo hoo!” as Willa would say. Or as Audrey might say: “I am blessed.”

J
ACKINA
(pronounced with a long “i” to rhyme with China) S
TARK
recently retired from teaching English at Ozark Christian College to spend more time writing and traveling. During the twenty-eight years she taught at OCC, she traveled nationally and internationally to speak and teach, and wrote many articles for denominational magazines. She has been married to her husband, Tony, for forty-two years. They live in Carl Junction, Missouri, and have two daughters and six grandchildren.

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