Ten Times Guilty (20 page)

Maybe just a sip, to stop his hands from trembling. Unscrewing the top, he raised the bottle to his nose and sniffed. He felt a tingle under his tongue and his mouth watered. “Damn.” How he wanted it.

But right now, he was more clear-headed than he’d been in a year. If he took a sip, would he be able to stop?

Before he could rationalize otherwise, he stuck the bottle back into the cupboard and slammed the door shut. He needed to know it was there. Just in case he had to have it. That’s how he’d gotten through the past several months:  putting it away and not having a drink that night. He didn’t think he could get through life thinking he couldn’t ever take a drink. But for now, he’d put it away and have something else.

He took the orange juice from the fridge and drank right from the carton. Not as satisfying, but at least an hour from now he’d know his name.

Chapter Twenty-Five

The next morning Tracy stared blankly at the TV screen, going over and over what Sergeant Sanders had said last night, remembering those people at the meeting, all of whose lives had been touched by some form of sexual assault. She desperately wanted Karr behind bars, but what if they didn’t find him right away? She just couldn’t do it, couldn’t risk her son’s life.

But what if another woman were raped? Could she live with herself knowing she might have prevented it? Back and forth she went, trying to make a decision she could live with and still keep Ritchie safe.

If Karr had truly left the city, she could tell what she knew and wouldn’t have to worry. But no one knew for sure. He could be lurking nearby, just waiting for a chance to...? A chance to do what?

No matter how she tried not to think of it, the picture of Karr accosting another woman, punching and kicking her into submission kept intruding on her thoughts. As a human being, could she allow it to happen to someone else?

Getting up, she searched the bedside table for the business card Sergeant Sanders had left, and made a decision. She would talk to him if he could promise police protection for Ritchie and her. She had learned that much from TV shows.

First, she called Diana.

“I can’t explain right now, but please, just do as I ask. Keep Ritchie inside. Do not, under any circumstances, take him out of the house. And make sure the windows and doors are kept locked.”

Although Diana sounded bewildered, she agreed.

Then she called the number on the card. Reese was out right now, but the duty officer took the message that she wanted to see him right away.

Tracy sat back, rehearsing what she’d tell him. But she would tell him nothing until after he had guaranteed Ritchie would be safe.

From the end of the corridor, she heard the rattle of the cart carrying the lunch trays, and she realized how empty she felt. Maybe something to eat would help.

A teenage volunteer came into her room carrying an envelope.

“Mrs. Michaels? This came for you this morning.” She smiled and left.

Tracy looked at the envelope. It felt like a card and she wondered who had sent it. No return address. It opened to a plain white card with a message printed on the front.

“Just to let you know I’m thinking of you.” Tracy smiled. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

The inside was blank, no verse, no signature, but a folded piece of paper fell out. Puzzled, she picked it up and read the typed message:

                    Now Tracy is a broad

                    who likes the rod

                    shoved up her cunt so far -

With a quick intake of breath, she dropped the note as if it had burned her. Karr! It had to be. He hadn’t gone, he was still out there!

Feeling sick and not even wanting to touch the paper, she picked it up with the tip of her fingers and started to tear it up. She hesitated. Maybe there was something in it, something she should know.

She forced herself to read:

             Now Tracy is a broad -

                        who likes the rod

                       shoved up her cunt so far,

                      But then she hollers

                      And me she collars

                   My life she’s trying to mar.

So now her little boy

Who she says is a joy

I can make disappear in a flash,

Maybe now you’ll think

Before you fink

It’s his life I can trash.

But if to me you are true

     Even though we did screw

          I just might spare the little son of a slut.

          Although I say die,

          You might say, Oh my,

          AND KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT!

“DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR KID IS TODAY?”

Tracy barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up. Sinking to her knees in front of the stool, she retched until there was nothing left but dry heaves. Lowering the lid, she rested her burning cheek on the cool porcelain.

She had to get Ritchie. Her legs trembled and she felt weak, but she quickly rinsed her mouth, wiped her face and went back into her room. What if Karr had already taken him?

No, she would have heard.

Maybe Karr was on his way now. Her hands were shaking so much she kept missing the buttons on the phone. Finally it went through.

“Honey? What’s the matter?” Diana said when she heard Tracy’s voice.

“Is Ritchie with you?” Tracy tried to keep her voice calm. No one must think she was being hysterical or they would want to know why.

“Yes, honey, he’s okay. He’s right here with us. What’s wrong?”

“I’m coming to get him,” Tracy told her, “so please have him ready. Pack some things he’ll need for a few days. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“But Tracy—”

“Please, do this for me. Please. I’ll explain when I get there.”

She saw the note on the floor. She could barely force herself to touch it, but she had to make sure she didn’t miss anything. After scanning the page, she tore it from end to end and threw it into the trash.

She could no longer stay in the hospital. Just by being there, she was putting Ritchie’s and her life at risk. She had to leave, but she didn’t want to answer questions from the hospital personnel or from Reese.

She glanced down at her slippers and her hospital gown. How was she going to get out dressed like this?

She stood thinking, and an idea took form.

***

The duty officer found Reese in the squad room and hurried over to him.

Reese was exhausted. He hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours.

Sitting with his collar button open, his legs propped on his desk, he sipped his coffee and barely raised an eyebrow when the young officer hurried to his side.

“This came in for you, Sir,” the officer said, coughing nervously. “Sorry I didn’t get it to you right away, but, uh, we’ve been swamped.”

“That’s okay, kid,” Reese said, taking the pink message slip. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve all been busy.”

Reese scanned the note, then nearly overturned the chair in his haste to stand. “Shit! How long ago did this come in?”

The officer, his face turning pale, stammered, “Uh, sir, I think about an hour, possibly two hours ago.”

“Christ Almighty!” Reese roared as he bolted out of the room. “I hope to hell it’s not too late.”

***

Tracy crept to the door of her room. If she remembered correctly from when Suzy had brought lunch, the nurse’s lounge should be around the corner, just past the nurse’s station to her right. It seemed a hundred years ago that she had laughed and relaxed with Suzy. How could she have known then that her ordeal was just beginning, that the worse might be yet to come. Ritchie was in danger and she had to get to him. She couldn’t afford the wasted time if she were stopped.

One nurse was writing something on a chart, while another sat in front of the computer. Two aides were talking to people standing at the desk. Good. Maybe they were too busy to notice her.

Keeping to the side of the corridor next to the rooms, she casually strolled past the station. Her back prickled and her face felt hot. Would they see her and wonder what she was doing? Would they come after her?

She wanted to look back, but she kept on walking as if nothing were out of the ordinary. Another twenty feet ahead was the hall curve and she would be out of sight. Every instinct screamed to run, but she kept her pace steady, as if she were merely walking for exercise.

If they stopped her, that’s what she’d say. She was just walking to increase her strength. She risked a look behind her—no one was running to catch up. Her legs almost buckled in relief, but she forced herself to keep going
for the next step in her plan.

The nurse’s lounge was deserted. Lockers lined the further wall. The first door she tried was unlocked. Inside she found extra uniforms and a pair of tennis shoes. Even though they were too large, she quickly donned them and dumped her gown into the trash.

At the door she checked the corridors, then headed away from the nurse’s station, toward the elevator bank.

She got off at the lobby. In the front of the hospital, she nodded to one of the cabs parked along the street and stepped in without a backward glance.

***

Reese got off the elevator on the seventh floor and took the hall at a sprint. Nodding to the nurses at the station, he turned into Tracy’s room. She wasn’t there. Perhaps she was in the bathroom; he crossed to the closed door and stood listening. Nothing. He opened it. She wasn’t there either. He began to get a familiar sick feeling. Maybe she had stepped out for a moment, or maybe Suzy had taken her down the hall or to the cafeteria.

He checked with the nurse’s station and found out Tracy had been in her room this morning, but no one had seen her in the past two hours. With mounting anxiety, he asked about Suzy. She hadn’t been seen in the hospital today. How about Sharon? A nurse picked up the phone to make some calls.

Back in Tracy’s room, Reese started searching. For what, he didn’t know. But Tracy had left the hospital. He was sure of it. Cursing under his breath, he went back into the room and sat down heavily on the bed.

Something spooked her and she ran.

He took a cigarette out of his shirt pocket and searched his pants for the lighter, kicking the waste paper basket shoved against the bed. He had seen it earlier and had given it a perfunctory glance, but now he noticed a torn piece of paper stuck on the plastic liner. He bent down, pulled out a tissue, and saw more torn paper. He took the basket to the middle of the floor and turned it over, spilling out several pieces of paper.

Cigarette forgotten, he sat down on the floor and picked up a few pieces at random.

“—ttle boy,” was typed on a small section, and checking through the others, he found, “disappear”, “cunt,” and “shut.” Carefully gathering all the pieces, he headed for the nurse’s station for some tape and an envelope.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Tracy sat at Diana’s kitchen table holding Ritchie on her lap. After hugging him once more, she put him down to play with Joey, Diana’s four-year old son, who was stacking building blocks and knocking them back down. Ritchie picked one up and tried to stuff it into his mouth. Tracy took it and put it on the floor.

“But where are you going?” Diana asked.

“I don’t know, just away from here. The man who attacked me knows where I live.”

“Stay with us.”

Tracy shook her head. “Thanks, but I can’t. I’m sure he probably knows about you, too.”

“But you can’t just go, out there...” Diana gestured wildly. “You don’t have any money and you’re not well. You’re in no condition to take care of a baby. You shouldn’t even be out of the hospital.”

Tracy gripped her glass of soda. “I don’t have a choice.”

“But why? What is he after?” Diana asked. “It’s almost as if he knew you and had something against you.”

Tracy flushed.

Diana leaned over to pat Tracy’s hand. “Well, whatever reason his insane mind has, I just thank God he didn’t kill you. We’ll figure out something.”

Tracy sighed loudly, and rested her head on the table.

“You must be exhausted,” Diana said. “Before you do anything, just get some rest, at least the rest of today and tonight. That’ll give us both a chance to think. I’ll put you in Judy’s room. It’s okay, she won’t mind. That way, you’ll be down here with us. And safe.”