Tempus (36 page)

“You’ve explained it to me before? 
When
?”  I was going over in my head when we had ever seen each other.  The store.  My house this morning.  The café.  Here.  The longest we’d ever spoken was at my house,
today
.

He turned and stared into my eyes.  “You saw me in the mirror.  I saw you.  That was the first time we ever met, essentially.  How long ago do you think that was?” 

That was Monday.  Today was Friday.  “Five days.”  Wait.  Had I said something about that to him?

“I’m going to tell you some things, things you may not believe, things you can’t possibly understand.”  He crossed to me, knelt down, and took both of my hands in his.  “All I ask is that you listen, and keep an open mind, Jessie,
please
.”

His eyes were hypnotic.  That electric feeling was jumping from his hands to mine and back.  I could smell his cologne again, and it was so familiar.

“The first time we ever saw each other was in the mirror at your fathers’ store.”  I nodded.  So he knew about that, I couldn’t argue.  “I didn’t know then what you could do, but I knew you saw me.  My father purchased the mirror from the owner of the clothier, and we took it back to his library.  That is the room you always see, my fathers’ library.”

I didn’t say anything, I let him continue.  “You took the mirror home and later fell asleep on the porch swing.  My father and I traveled here, and set the path”
Set the path
, it echoed.

“We found this house.  On Tuesday, my father bought it.  He offered cash if we could move in right away.  While my father worked on setting up the purchase, I went to your house.  Your neighbor was playing the piano, and I walked by, singing.  That’s why I tried it again today.”

I didn’t remember any of that, but it sounded familiar, like I’d heard it before.  “You were on the porch swing.  You came to see who was there, and it was I.  You almost passed out, and it gave me an excuse to talk to you.  You were going to the mall, and Steve was taking you.”  That I remembered.  Steve took me to the mall.

“I went to the mall and I found you.  We had lunch, and I brought you home.  We sat on the back porch for hours.”

I shook my head, “No, Steve picked me up, and
we
went to lunch.”

“Not the first time.”  He said.

A picture flickered in my memory.  Gabriel on the porch swing, drinking lemonade.  It was like remembering a dream.  It wasn’t clear.

“The first time, you did
not
go with Steve anywhere else.  He took you to the mall and dropped you off, nothing more.”

“What do you mean ‘
the first time
.”  I clearly remembered Tuesday.  That was the first time Steve kissed me.  He picked me up from the mall.  It was clear, not fuzzy, not a dream.

“The first time lasted sixty two days.”  He looked so miserable as he said it.  “My sixty two best days in a century.”

“Century” I repeated.  ‘I carved it for you yesterday.  It’s a hundred years old, you know.’

J+G.

Jessie + Gabriel.

“Who are you, Gabriel? 
What
are you?”  I was staring straight ahead.

“I’m Gabriel.” 
Gabriel. 
I could feel the name on my skin.  He took my hand again, pressed it to his heart.  “I’m a traveler.” 
Traveler
.  “I traveled here to you.  I travelled here
for
you.” 

I heard a distant voice shouting “Gabriel!  Gabriel!”  The echo sounded like ‘
Caroline!  Caroline
!’

“Here, Father!” 

He was still pressing my hand to his heart.  It was beating wildly, irregularly.  No simple thump-thump thump-thump.  No.  Like two again.  Thumpity-thumpity-thumpity-thumpity.  I just stared at Gabriel, his eyes boring into mine, willing me to—remember?

I heard Mr. Knight enter the Gazebo, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Gabriel's.  I wanted to know what was happening, but I was also afraid.  He believed he was telling me the absolute truth, I could see it in his eyes, on his face.  Something in me believed him, but the rational part of me knew none of it could be true.  I could remember the last few days
clearly
.

“Gabriel, anything?”  I heard Mr. Knights voice.

“Something, Father, but not enough.  Not enough yet.”  He kept his eyes on mine.

“I could have been wrong.  Perhaps I should have let you explain everything, each time.  I didn’t want to shock the poor girl.”  He walked closer.  “Jessie?”

“Yes, sir?”  It was polite.  That’s what you say to be polite.  I didn’t look at him, though.

He knelt down beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.  “Can you walk to the house, dear?  I think you need something to drink, a glass of water would be good for you.”

I nodded absently, still looking into Gabriel's eyes.  I felt like there was something there I wasn’t seeing, like driving in the fog, knowing the road or trees or buildings were up ahead, unseen.

I allowed Gabriel to help me stand, and he placed a supporting arm around my waist.  I was acutely aware of the feel of his body against mine as I leaned against him.  Like it or not, I felt secure, and for the moment, he was both the stormy seas that tossed me, and the anchor that kept me from being swept away.

We walked toward the house.  Gabriel and his father spoke quietly, and though I wanted to listen, I couldn’t make sense of anything they said.  My ears roared like they were filled with fluid, and my stomach knotted into a tight ball.  Everything felt familiar, that déjà vu feeling, but out of step. 
Out of time
.

I didn’t remember climbing the porch steps, but when the front door swung open, I saw the stairs.  My vision doubled, and my arms flew around Gabriel as I swayed, trying to keep my balance.  I felt ill and dizzy for only a second, but a second was long enough.  I made a mad dash through the rooms, jerked open the bathroom door, found the sink, and vomited.

I immediately felt better, until I realized I shouldn’t know where to find the bathroom.  I couldn’t remember the rooms I had run through.  I wasn’t even sure where I was in the house.  I glanced around the small bathroom, and knew I’d lost my mind.  That was the only explanation.

I turned on the water in the sink, rinsing it out, and then splashing my face.  I didn’t have to open my eyes to find a hand towel, I knew where it was.  I patted my face dry and looked up into the mirror.  It swirled a little, and I had to refocus my eyes to see myself.

“Jessie?”  A gentle knock at the door followed Gabriel's soft voice.

I took several deep breaths before answering.  “Yes.” 

“May I come in?”  As soft as before.

“No.”  I took a few more deep breaths.

What was I going to do?  Something was very wrong here.  I had the urge to flee, to find a way out without being seen.  I would run all the way home if I had to.  I suddenly wondered if they were doing something to me, some strange experiment.  That kind of thing only happened in the movies, but someone had gotten the idea somewhere, hadn’t they?

 Even as I thought it, I was sure it couldn’t be true.  I looked around the bathroom again.  What had I touched in here?  The faucet.  It wasn’t very old, and I had gotten no glimpse from it.  The sink, which was newer too.  Everything in here was too new.  There was nothing old.

The mirror.

I looked back at the mirror, and it swirled again, something misty inside, but I couldn’t focus on it. 
But,
I wasn’t touching it.  How could I see something in it if I wasn’t touching it?

I put out my index finger and touched it to the glass.  My eyes blurred and cleared repeatedly, like a camera lens trying to auto-focus.  I added three more fingers, and then pressed my palm flat.  There was a ‘swoosh’ sound.

Gabriel was looking back, but not seeing me.  He was looking at himself, sadness in his eyes.  Then my face, smiling, wiping under my eyes, turning to look over my shoulder.  ‘
Coming
.’  I said.  The empty bathroom, the door closed, a blue cloth on the sink.

I jerked my hand away. 

There was a soft knock.  “Jessie, please open the door.”  It was Gabriel's voice again.

“No.”  I sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes.

I could see Gabriel in my mind.  He was standing outside the door, his forehead and palms pressed against it, eyes closed.  I heard a voice, and I wasn’t sure if it was real or imagined.

“Gabriel, come away from the door, son.”  Mr. Knights voice.

“Father,
please
.”  Gabriel's pleading voice.  “Please help me; I’m carved wholly in two.”

I felt him leave the door.  I didn’t hear him move, I felt it.  I crawled across the floor and pressed my ear to the door.

“Gabriel, she can’t remember.  She may never remember, and we are causing her pain. 
You
are causing her pain.”

“But she loves me.”  It was a whisper.  “And I love her.”

“She
loved
you.  Let that be enough, Gabriel.  Let her go.”

“I don’t think I can.” 

“This is the last time.  I won’t do this again.  If it resets, if it goes back, I refuse to be a part of it.”  Mr. Knight voice, sounding angry.  “I’ll try to find the information about her mother still, it may be important to us, but I won’t help you interfere again.  If it’s written, you will know eventually.  If not, there is nothing you can do except cause her pain and destroy yourself in the process.  I won’t take part in that.”

“I won’t go back.”  Gabriel's voice, a hint of defiance.

“If you think so.”  Sarcasm?  I heard the sound of heavy footsteps retreating.

I leaned away from the door.  Nothing I had heard made sense.  They had to be talking about me, but what did it mean?  I felt Gabriel move closer to the door.

“
Jessie
.”  It was a touch, not a sound.  “I’ll tell you
everything
.  Come out to me.”

My mouth would not say no, even after my brain told it to.  I moved my lips, but my voice made no sound, not even air would pass until I deliberately forced it out with all my concentration.

“I feel you there.”  He said.

The air hummed, and I felt like something was pulling me closer to the door.  I silently reached up and placed my hand against the door.  I felt his palm come up on the other side, and I knew he was touching right across from me.

“If you can tell me you don’t feel that, I will walk away from this door and I will let you go.  I will leave, and never come back.”  The tone of his voice was different, bordering on terrified, but I knew he meant his words, and panic shot through me.

“Don’t go.”  My voice sounded strange to my ears.

“Unlock the door, Jessie.” 

I moved my hand from the wood, turned the lock on the knob, and scooted as far away from the door as possible.  It opened slowly, hesitantly.  He was on the floor, like me, on his knees.  He didn’t stand, he crawled inside, and it would have been funny under other circumstances.

He closed the door behind him, pulled his legs up, and leaned his back against the door.  The bathroom was small, but the distance between us seemed enormous.  We were as far apart as the space would allow.

“I know you are confused.  I would be, too, if I couldn’t remember anything.  I don’t have that luxury.  I would take the confusion over what I feel right now, though.  I hurt entirely.”  The pain was real; I could feel the agony in his words, even if I didn’t know what he meant, exactly.

I found my voice.  “I don’t remember you, but I feel like I should.”  There were tears in my eyes.  I felt the sting.

“Will you come out with me?”  He pushed himself up slowly, cautiously, and I stiffened.  “This is your chance to try and understand.  I’ll tell you
everything
.”  His voice was soothing, coaxing.  “I’ve never told you everything before, not even the first time.”

He held out a hand and I stared at it. 

“They weren’t dreams, Jessie, they were memories.”  My eyes snapped away from his offered hand, up to his blue eyes.  “I carved a heart for you, in a tree.  Do you remember the tree?”  I felt my eyes widen.

“I wrote in your notebook.  I wrote the words ‘Too old,’ because I listened to my father and he said give you one more day, and Steve stepped in.”  He looked angry and hurt for a second.

“You are wearing the same shirt you put on the day you took the mirror home.  You fell asleep on the porch swing.”  I looked down at the white eyelet shirt.

“I pushed you on the swings in the park.”  He continued.

Apex
.  “Apex.”  I said.

“Yes, Jessie, apex.  You said it sounded silly.”  He moved closer to me, just a little, and I didn’t move away.

“I showed you how I travel.”  I could see him in my mind, holding his fathers' hand, stepping into a mirror.

“You showed me the portrait you drew of me.  I told you it looked nothing like me.”

“No you didn’t.  You said it was remarkable.”  Why did I say that?  I didn’t remember it, but I
knew
he had said it.  I hadn’t shown it to him.  I didn’t
remember
showing it to him.