Tempus (14 page)

They were the trees in my dream.

I left Julie taking pictures and wandered toward them.  The shadows were dark beneath them and with the sun still bright, it made it hard to focus on the shifting shapes I imagined there.  I knew it was foolish, but I was drawn to them.  Drawn to
one
of them, at least.

  I knew exactly which tree to go to.  It’s funny how dreams sometimes take reality and change it to an alternate version, entirely different, yet the same.  It’s also funny how, sometimes, they are precise, like a photo, recreating reality faithfully.

As I approached, there was no doubt, this was the tree.  I tried to find something special about it, something that would have made my subconscious mind recreate it, but there was nothing spectacular, nothing special at all.  It was just a tree.

I was on the opposite side of the place I had touched in my dream, and my heart sped up a little as I stepped around it.  I almost expected to see something carved there, a heart, with J + some other letter inside.  There was nothing there, and I couldn’t pretend not to be disappointed.  I touched the bark where it would have been, and something felt familiar about it.  Almost.

These trees were old, some of the oldest in the park.  I didn’t know
how
old, but some of them appeared downright ancient.  I walked around and around them, in and out, lost in thought, until I heard Julie call to me.  She was taking pictures of a birdbath—with a bird in it.

It was a bluebird, splashing away happily.  I approached slowly so I wouldn’t frighten it.  Julie was circling, snap-snap-snapping away.  “What were you looking at?”  She asked, without lowering her camera, continuing to circle and snap.

“If I told you, you’d laugh.”  I leaned over, hands on my knees.

“I can always use a good laugh.”  She snapped a couple more shots.

“I had a dream about those trees.  It was just weird that I dreamed about them.  I don’t normally dream about trees.”  I didn’t give any specifics.

“What did you dream?”

“I don’t remember,” I lied.  “That’s kind of why I went over there, thinking it would help me remember.”

She stood up, put her hands on her hips, and leaned backwards, stretching her back.  “Cool.  I’ll get some shots for you.”  She was already heading toward them before she finished her sentence.

I followed her over, directed her where to point her camera for a few pictures, and then let her take over from there.  It was cool below the giant trees, cool and green and shady.  The slight breeze made the leaves chatter overhead.  The grass was surprisingly thick, considering the lack of light, and it felt inviting beneath my feet.

I didn’t want to soil my new clothes, but I felt like the ground was pulling me down with extra gravity, urging me to lie in the grass.  I seated myself in a velvet green patch, then lay back and closed my eyes with a sigh, letting my mind wander, as usual.

It jumped from subject to subject, never staying long on any particular one.  Steve, the blue-eyed-mirror-boy, the notebook, the new guy at the store, school, my date tonight—then back around them all again.  My musings settled nothing, changed nothing, and discerned nothing new.  Just wandering thoughts, with no purpose except to occupy my mind.  Coupled with the lack of an imaginary heart on a tree, my previous jubilant mood dissipated.

A shadow fell over me, which seemed odd, since I was already in the shadows.  I opened one eye and realized Julie was standing above, blocking the filtered light.  “What do you want to do now?  We could go to B-n-N, maybe.  There’s a new book I want to get.”

I didn’t speak, I just held up my hand.  She grabbed it and pulled me to my feet.  I brushed the grass and dust off myself, and had Julie check my hair.  “Sure, sounds like a plan”

She placed her hands on her hips, giving me a stern look.  “Spill it.”

It was times like these I wished that Julie knew
everything
.  It was obvious my mind was preoccupied, and any explanation, short of the complete truth, would leave her wondering what I was hiding from her, and why.  I couldn’t tell her, though, as much as I wanted to.

“There’s nothing to spill.  I was thinking about Steve, and school, and my dad, and the new guy—and my date tonight.”  All of that was the truth.

Julie’s eyes lit up on the last thing.  “What are you gonna wear?  Do you know where he’s taking you, yet?  If he asks you to be his girlfriend, what are you gonna say?”

“I don’t know.  That’s part of the problem.”  Crisis averted, that was a good explanation for my suddenly pensive mood. 

We started walking, and Julie talked non-stop.  I wondered how she did it sometimes; I personally needed more air than she seemed to need.  I listened as she gave me a million reasons to say yes, assuming he asked, of course.  Some were obvious, and some had never crossed my mind.  Food for thought.

As we neared her house, she asked me to give her all my reasons for saying no.  None of them were very good.  She thought my very best one was totally lame—that maybe I should be ‘free and unfettered’ for my last year of high school.  Something suddenly occurred to me.

“Don’t you think if you have to talk me into it, I mean, doesn’t that
say
something?”  I gave her a ‘yeah, now what-cha got to say’ look, very smug.

Her face became serious for a moment.  “Jessie, Steve is a great guy.  I know my judgment is off for myself, but not for
you
.  He would be
good
for you, I just know it.  Whether your dad would admit or not, he knows that too.  He wouldn’t worry about you with Steve.”

I laughed.  “Do you see what you’re doing?  We have a date,
one
date.  You’re getting me ahead of myself.”  That made more sense in my head; I knew what I was trying to say.

“I’m just saying, keep
everything
in mind.  It isn’t always love at first sight, or all sparks and fireworks and goo-goo gaa-gaa.  Love
grows
, you know.  They even write songs about it.”  We both laughed.

We took the porch steps in twos, side-by-side, still laughing.  Inside, Julie grabbed her keys off the peg and we scurried through the kitchen where Auntie was cooking something that smelled wonderful.  As we were opening the back door, she called for us to stop, and we wheeled around in unison.

She was holding a wooden spoon filled with something, one hand below to catch any drips.  “Try this.”  She held it toward us.

We each took a small taste.  “Auntie, that’s delicious!”  Julie said, and I nodded in agreement.  “What is it?”

“A stew my mother used to make.  I found the recipe in the back of one of her old cookbooks.”  She was already turning back to the stove.  “Where are you two headed in such a rush?”

“Mall.  B-n-N.  Want something?”  Asked Julie.

“Nope.  Have fun.  Be Careful.”

Out back, we climbed into Julie’s yellow V.W.  It was nice and clean, even after sitting all summer, and Julie looked at me in surprise.  “My dad and I took it to the car wash and had it detailed, as a welcome home.”  I grinned, and she hugged me.  “We had them spray it with lemon.  Seemed appropriate.”

We talked all the way to the mall, avoiding the subject of Steve for a while.  After we had parked and gone in, I followed Julie up and down the aisles as she searched for ‘the book.’  I was becoming more aware of the time, and luckily, it didn’t take long for her to find what she was looking for.

Historical romance, our passion for ‘pleasure’ reading.  She was telling me a little about it, but I was only catching bits and pieces, my mind was on my date again.

“….When the Duke finds out, he goes after her, risking everything!  It’s so
romantic
!”

“Sounds like a good book.”  I said.

“Have you listened to anything I’ve said?”  She asked as she handed the book to the cashier.

“Yes, I did.  Sorry, was just noticing the time.  I don’t know what I’m going to wear.  I don’t know for sure where we’re going.  He said ‘dinner and a movie,’ but that’s what everyone says.  Even if they mean ‘hiking and bowling.”

“If Steve said “dinner and a movie,’ that’s what you better dress for.  He’d tell you if it was something else.”  She said it with complete confidence.

“But what
kind
of dinner?”  I hoped it wasn’t too fancy.  I didn’t like fancy places with multiple pieces of silverware.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be too fancy.  He likes nice places, but he told me once that, and I quote, ‘A fork is a fork is fork.’  You know, like ‘salad fork’ and ‘dinner fork.’  He thinks it’s stupid, and just leaves more dishes for someone to wash.”  She giggled, and I liked Steve just a little more than I had the second before.

Julie took me straight to my house.  I wanted to bathe and redo my makeup before Steve came to pick me up.  After saying goodbye, and swearing on my life that I would call her afterwards, I unlocked the door and hurried inside.  Everything was a blur all the way to my room.  It was easier to endure if I never let my eyes focus.

My bedroom door was open, and I routinely closed it.  I wouldn’t have thought much about it, if not for my earlier experience.  I felt as if the notebook was trying to draw my attention, like a magnet draws metal.  It was a physical sensation, but I knew it was all in my head.  “I don’t have time for you,” I grumbled toward my pillow.

A bath, a blow-dry, and a new face later I was standing before my new wardrobe, in nothing but a towel, arguing with myself about what I should wear.  The time was ticking by in a rush.  I grabbed things, tried them on, yanked them off, and threw them in a pile on my bed.  I liked everything, but nothing seemed to be exactly what I was looking for.  I was getting exasperated!

Up until now, I had been avoiding a couple of shirts still on hangers, and I knew why.  I yanked the black one out, and went to find a fitted black camisole in a drawer.  I jerked on a pair of  washed out black denim jeans and my boots, letting the towel fall to the floor.  I pulled the camisole over my head, and then slid my arms into the crinkled black silk chiffon blouse and began to button the
dozen
buttons.  Why had I bought
this
!

As soon as I faced my mirror, I remembered why.  The sheer fabric glistened as I turned in the light; the satin trimmed neckline plunged in a deep scoop.  It was sleeveless, with the exception of soft ruffles lightly brushing my shoulders, and the bottom had ruffle-edged trim, barely falling below the upper edge of my waistband.  If I were to reach up, my stomach would show.

I was glad these pants were made of stretchy fabric, if I ate much, it wouldn’t hurt so bad.  Guys always complained that girls wouldn’t eat in front of them, and
that’s
why.  Either we eat well and squish ours stomach, or stay a little hungry.  We mostly choose the latter option.

It was getting close to six-thirty, and I had expected Dad to be here by now.  I never worried about my dad, but you could typically set your watch by him.  There were sometimes exceptions, but not often.  I grabbed my phone and called the store, it had closed at six.

I waited for the machine to pick up and said “Dad, it’s Jessie.  Pick up if you’re there.”  I heard the unmistakable sound of the phone being jostled.

“Jessie!”  It was Dad’s voice.  “I was going to call you, but I knew you would be getting ready to go out.”

“Why are you still at the store this late?”  I asked.

“Like I said, I knew you’d be busy getting ready.  I thought I would head over to Vivienne's about seven and eat there since you won’t be home anyway.  I figured I’d use my time wisely until then and finish cataloging some things.”  His voice had just enough of an odd sound that I noticed.

“Is everything okay?”  I wasn’t alarmed, but I was curious.

“Fine, fine.  Have a good time with Steve tonight, and don’t get in too late, okay?”

“Sure, Dad, it won’t be late.  Just having dinner and a movie, I think.” 

“Be careful, and I love you.”  His voice sounded slightly emotional.

“I love you, too, Dad.  Bye.”  I hung up and wondered what was bothering him. 
Something
was.  My guess would be that he was worried about me going out with Steve.  My further guess would be that he remembered how I acted after that birthday. 

We had gotten in a big fight the next day because I refused to go to the store with him.  I didn’t want to go, because I didn’t want to have to face Steve.  I also refused to tell him
why
I wouldn’t go, for two days at least.  When I went on the third day with no fuss at all, he figured out a little about the problem.  He asked me what Steve had done to me.  I couldn’t let Steve get in trouble for something he didn’t do, so I confessed the whole, humiliating incident.

He had tried hard not to laugh, and he didn’t laugh, specifically.  He had chuckled, but not in a degrading way.  What he
did
do was much worse.  He tried to explain the birds and the bees and relationships and love.  I tried to explain I had learned it all in health class, but he was unrelenting.  It was awful.

I started downstairs and had just reached the bottom landing when I heard a vehicle pull in.  It wasn’t the Monster.  I rushed to the door to see who it was, no one else was supposed to be stopping by. 
It was Steve
!