Temptation (A Temptation Novel) (30 page)

20

Noah

Life without Rose

I SAT IN
stunned disbelief. This can’t be happening, I screamed in my head as I raked my hands through my hair. She had made her decision and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Sadness, disappointment and anger mixed together to create a tidal wave of emotions slamming into me. I couldn’t cry or scream. All I could manage was to get up in slow motion and make my way to the stairs and out of the barn into the cool night air. With the moon shining down, I made my way through the hay field, half expecting Rose to run up behind me and say she’d changed her mind. That she’d made a mistake.

But that didn’t happen.

Just as I passed the shed, with my head hung low and my thoughts racing, Father stepped out of the shadows. Normally, the sight of him in this kind of situation would have made me tremble with fear, but I was too numb to feel anything. I stopped and met his gaze in the moonlight.

“Where have you been, son?” He voice was barely controlled, a little louder than a whisper.

My throat was suddenly dry, but I managed to choke out, “It’s over, Father—between me and Rose. It’s done.”

Father exhaled, rubbing his fingers through his beard. After a minute, he said almost sympathetically, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I drew a breath and found my voice. “You were right, Father. She didn’t want to leave her world for ours.”

Father did something very uncharacteristic at that moment, stepping over to grab my shoulders and pulling me into a rough embrace. His bear hug did nothing to make me feel better, but at least he wasn’t angry with me anymore.

“Son, how do you feel about going to Pennsylvania now?” he asked solemnly.

Shaking my head, I answered truthfully, “I don’t know, Father. I certainly didn’t want to go before. But now, maybe it would be good to get away from here for a while.”

“It’s up to you, Noah—we’ll not be sending you there against your will now that the relationship with the English girl is over,” he said kindly.

I decided quickly, answering, “I think I’ll stay here for a few weeks and think about it some more before I make a decision.”

“Fair enough, then, and that will give you some time to reconsider Ella Weaver. You know, we’ll be having a picnic dinner here at the house with the Weavers on Thursday. That might give you the opportunity to explore your options.” He winked and threw his arm over my shoulders as we walked to the house.

The numbness was beginning to wear off, and a wrenching pain was filling my insides. I could hardly believe that Rose was no longer mine. She had chosen to turn away from me.

Somehow, I’d have to live with it.

* * *

The week went by in a strange blur. I could hardly recall anything at all from it. I woke, ate, worked, ate, worked and slept. Of course, by Monday, the entire community had heard the news of the breakup. My family walked around me cautiously, not saying much at all, which was just as well because I didn’t feel like socializing anyway.

Mother had given me a big hug and murmured to me in Dutch that everything would be all right. Jacob had patted me on the back a few times, mumbling something I couldn’t understand. It didn’t seem right that it was already Thursday—and up until this moment, the girls had completely ignored me.

Now, uncomfortably, Sarah had followed me into the barn and was quietly watching me nail a shoe on Rumor’s hoof. I pretended she wasn’t there for most of the process, but her eyes boring into my back became too much to take. I sighed in frustration, straightening up, and asked, “What do you want, Sarah?”

She shrugged and replied, “I just wondered if you needed to talk to someone.”

“Why would I need that?” I narrowed my eyes at her, wishing she’d just go away.

Quietly, she said, “I know how much Rose meant to you.”

“And how would you know that?” I questioned in a voice that probably sounded mean to her.

She leaned back against the wall, swirling her bare foot in the shavings on the floor, and said, “I had an inkling something was up between the two of you. I caught you looking at her in a love-struck way a couple of times. Then, when she got hit by the ball, you absolutely gave yourself away.”

Hating myself for it, I asked, “Did she ever say anything to you about me?”

She thought a minute and then nodded her head. “The night we were at the schoolhouse dinner, she got very upset when she heard that Mother and Father might send you to Pennsylvania.”

“Really?”

That was interesting.

“Yes.” She paused, fidgeting with her cap’s white ribbon, and asked in a very curious but hushed voice, “But, Noah, did you really think that she’d become one of us?”

I was tired of keeping it all in. Sarah seemed willing to listen, without being judgmental, and that’s what I needed at the moment. I decided to trust her and admitted, “Yeah, I believed she would do anything at all to be with me—stupid, huh?”

“No, it wasn’t stupid at all. I think she really cares for you, Noah, and she’s so beautiful and full of life. I can see why you fell in love with her. But you shouldn’t take her decision so personally, I think.”

“Why not?” I was beginning to wonder what she might know about Rose that I didn’t.

“Well, for one thing, she’s so young. I certainly couldn’t imagine getting married for a couple more years myself.”

“Normally, I wouldn’t have wanted to get hitched that quickly either, but it was different with me and Rose. We couldn’t have waited for a long courtship.”

“Why not?”

She asked with such naive interest, I had to turn away to keep her from seeing my blush. I certainly wasn’t going to attempt to explain to her the crazy physical attraction Rose and I had for each other.

“It’s not anything I want to discuss with you, Sarah.” I stayed turned away from her while I clinched the nails on the hoof.

But then she got my attention again with her next words.

“I don’t think you should rush into another relationship right now, Noah. If you really cared that much for Rose, you should give her some time to change her mind.”

All week I’d been trying to forget about Rose. Now my sister was stirring up my feelings again. I wasn’t going to have it. I threw her a hard look, and with an angry voice I yelled, “She’s not going to change her mind, Sarah. So just stay out of it.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you, really I didn’t,” she said and ran out of the barn.

What was with all the women in my life crying so much? Well, Rose wasn’t in my life anymore, but what Sarah had said sunk in a little bit, even though I didn’t want it to.

Maybe Rose was regretting her decision?

The clip-clops up the driveway pulled me from my wavering thoughts. I peeked around the doorway to see three buggies carrying the Weaver family park at the hitching rail close to the house.

Running my hand through my messy hair, I exhaled in annoyance. I had almost decided to consider Ella for courtship. It would be the easiest thing in the world to do. My parents and her parents were all for it, and she was the prettiest girl around. If Rose wouldn’t have me, then I had to move on and make other plans. That was the only way I could get by—the only way that I wouldn’t go insane with regret. But I knew that once I announced a courtship with Ella, any chance of getting together with Rose would be gone forever.

It was odd that Sarah would be encouraging me to get back together with an English girl anyway. What was she thinking? I guess she’d been put under Rose’s spell, too. But I wasn’t fooled by the beautiful girl any longer. When given the choice, Rose picked her comfy, materialistic world over me. And even though it still hurt like hell, I knew what I had to do to get over her.

With my mind made up, I sneaked in the back door, hoping I didn’t run into any more family members before I took a shower and washed the horse smell off myself. There was still a heavy weight resting deep inside me, but for the first time in days I felt the stirrings of life under my skin—and I was ready to embrace the feeling.

21

Rose

Consequences

STARING DOWN AT
my calzone, I wasn’t hungry at all, but I managed to swallow the piece I had in my mouth without choking. The little Italian restaurant was cute, I had to admit. The green tablecloths were perfectly pressed and the white napkins were folded fancily. The water was in gold-rimmed goblets and the bread sticks sat in an intricately woven basket neatly. The sparkling chandelier above our heads was close to the table, sending off a dim, romantic light.

I couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to sit in a nice restaurant like this with Noah—alone. That would never happen now. I’d made sure of that when I refused his marriage proposal, then ran away from him crying into the night. I was the one who made the decision. I dumped him, not the other way around, but why was I in so much pain, then? I couldn’t get rid of the twisting knife in my gut. It just kept turning and turning, making it almost impossible to exist. I could hardly eat, sleep or move around. Sometimes I could hardly even breathe. I thought I might just keel over from a heart attack at any moment.

My mind played the scene over and over until my head hurt from the image.

Sometimes panic would take hold of my insides, and I wished that I’d agreed to his pregnancy idea. How bad would it have been? Surely it wouldn’t have hurt as much as the pain that I was feeling now.

Today was the first time in the two weeks since the breakup that I’d been out of the house. After Sam had blabbed to Dad about everything, my father had left me alone, keeping his distance. He probably figured that I’d come out of my depressive state on my own in a few days, but when that hadn’t happened, he’d finally taken the matter into his own hands, insisting that I come with the family out for dinner. I would have refused, but when Dad had threatened to take me to some shrink friend of his in Cincinnati on Monday, I changed my mind. The thought of telling some stranger all my insane inner thoughts about my ex–Amish boyfriend was not something I wanted to do. The threat finally got me up and moving again.

So here I was, Sam on my right and Justin on my left, squeezed into the couple-size booth across from Dad and…
Her.
She had a name, but not only would I not utter it out loud, I refused to think it also. Glancing up from my calzone, I studied her face for a moment. She was pretty, in a sort of soap-opera way, with her perfectly layered blond hair and her pert little nose. She was being exceptionally nice, too, still in the “
I want to show my new man how loving I can be to his adorable children”
phase. I wondered how long it would be before she grew a tail and horns.

“You know, Rose, Tina drives to Cincinnati twice a week to visit her mother.” I let the fog clear momentarily to glance at my dad. I really hoped he read the
“I
don’t give a damn”
look I shot him.

“Oh, really?” I said with forced politeness.

“Yes, and she’s offered to take you with her each week so you can start up your dancing again.” His face was bright and expectant for my reaction.

Pulling my eyes from him, I looked over at
Her
in concentration. The thought of being stuck in a car with Dad’s plaything for hours every week was not appealing in the least. As a matter of fact, jumping into Lake Michigan in the middle of January sounded better. But the dancing part was intriguing. I had turned into a zombie lately, sleeping all day and prowling around the house at night when everyone else was asleep. I never wanted to have a conversation. Even walking seemed to exhaust me.

The thought of putting on my ballet shoes, stretching my body again and gliding along the dance floor to the sound of music on the tips of my toes was inviting. Especially after the nasty things Noah had said about me dancing. That really made me want to go out and do the sexiest routine I could to some pump-and-grind song.

But could I stand to be around
Her?
I deliberated in my mind while I took a large sip of water, peering over the rim.

“Rose, did your father tell you I used to dance? I was even on a dance team in college for two years, until the practice schedule started to interfere with my other classes,” she said cheerfully.

She definitely wasn’t as pretty as Mom, who had been born with natural, earthy good looks, but I could kind of see why Dad found her attractive. She was one of those people who had a very upbeat personality that made her seem prettier than she actually was. And she did have a dancer’s body, even in her middle-aged years. Of course, it was easier to stay slim and trim when you hadn’t popped out three babies the way Mom did or eight like Mrs. Miller—poor thing.

With the new information, I loosened up a bit. “No, Dad never mentioned it.”

“Well, I want you to know that not only am I willing to drive you to your classes, I would really enjoy watching you. I’ve missed being in a dance studio,” she said in a soft voice. I could tell she really meant it.

My brain must have frozen up or perhaps I was in the middle of a nightmare I’d soon wake up from, because I found myself replying, “Sure, that sounds good.”

“Wonderful. I’ll call Ms. Lily next week to start the ball rolling,” Dad said with uncontrolled excitement.

I, on the other hand, was disgusted by my weak nature. That I could so easily be lured into acting nice to the woman, just because she had been a dancer and was willing to drive me far away from my torturous memories here in Meadow View. The guilty feeling was the worst part. How could I do that to my poor dead mom?

Sometime after my shocking agreement to bum around with Dad’s mistress, I had also agreed to go to the movies with Sam and his new friends. Again, either my brain wasn’t working at all or I was still dreaming.

After we’d all finished our lemon Italian ice, Dad took Justin with him to drop
Her
off while I rode silently with Sam to the theater. I rationalized that at some point during our weekly drives I’d have to say her name, but until then, I wasn’t budging.

When we arrived, I was surprised that the lot was packed, forcing us to park all the way in the back. Watching kids walk by, we waited in the truck like a couple of rednecks until two SUVs and a pickup truck parked nearby and Sam’s friends got out.

Sam had been unusually quiet about the Noah thing for days, hardly bothering me at all. Now I knew why. Jumping nimbly out of one of the cars was a gorgeous blond-haired girl who bounced over to Sam’s window and wasted no time in planting a sloppy kiss on his lips. I now knew how grossed out he must have been seeing me kissing Noah. I had to look away before I threw up. Erin had been a much more reserved girlfriend, keeping all their major kissing sessions behind closed doors.

“Rose, I want you to meet Amber,” Sam said, a little flustered.

“Great to meet you, Amber.” I reached over him and shook the girl’s hand, not able to miss her long pink nails with little yellow starburst applications.

“Oh, I know we’re going to be good friends, Rose. I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone,” her melodic voice rang out, and I had to ask myself if this chick was for real. She seemed more like a life-size Barbie doll than a real human being.

Sam had managed to fall in with a large group of good-looking jocks and their girlfriends. Everyone was overly nice to me, making me feel a little bewildered at their automatic acceptance of me into their gang.

My confusion turned to total discomfort, though, when Amber dragged me over to a very tall, attractive guy. Not shocking me, he was the only other person in attendance, other than me, without a date.

“Rose, this is Hunter Braxton.” She nearly pushed me into him. I had to stomp the bottom of my tennis shoes into the pavement to keep from skidding into his personal space.

“Hi,” I said shyly, glancing up to see that he had dark blond ruffled hair and expressive brown eyes. One glimpse and I knew what he was thinking. I had more experience reading guys now. Noah had looked at me like that all the time.

Blushing, I shifted uncomfortably in front of him, wondering how the heck I was going to get out of having to sit next to him in the movie. In another lifetime I might have been thrilled to have such a cute and
normal
guy eyeing me that way. But now I was an emotional disaster, not interested in ever having another relationship again.

“Hey, it’s really nice to meet you.” He had a pleasant voice.

He held out his hand to me. I stared at it for a long second, trying to decide whether I should take it or not. Somehow it just didn’t seem right to touch this strange guy’s hand. Especially the way he was looking at me, openly interested.

In the end, I gave him my hand. I was relieved when his skin didn’t cause any fluttering in my stomach or tremors to my heart. Okay, I felt much better knowing I wasn’t doomed to fall for another guy. I decided that if Hunter didn’t make my belly do flips, then no one else would. Well, except for Noah. So I guess my body would feel pretty bored for the rest of my life.

Even though I begged Hunter not to, he bought me a medium popcorn and Coke, and just as I guessed, he made sure to sit next to me. He wasn’t shy about leaning in close to make small talk either. I was forced to sit as far as I could to the side of my chair away from him, pushing into Sam’s arm. When Sam saw what I was doing, he just shook his head at me. I would have loved to smack the rotten look off his face, but I still didn’t feel quite energetic enough to pull it off.

I couldn’t even have told anyone what the dumb movie was about, just the usual action flick with lots of special effects and no story line. I spent the entire time thinking about Noah. I wondered what he was doing at that moment. Had he already gotten over me? Did he miss me even a little bit? Was he courting Ella Weaver? The last question caused a sick feeling to develop in my stomach and halfway through the movie I left for the restroom. I stayed in there for the next hour, leaning against the wall, crying as quietly as I could. Life sucked even more than I ever imagined it could. This breakup with Noah was hauntingly familiar to Mom’s death. I knew from experience the numbness, the agonizing pain…and the crying would eventually go away, but right now they were killing me. A knock at the door shot my head up.

“Rose—are you in there?” Sam’s voice whispered frantically.

“What are you doing in here, Sam?” I said, completely stunned that the buffoon was in the ladies’ room.

“I wouldn’t have to be in here if you were watching the movie like any normal person. Now, come on and get out of there.” I hid a smile at the fluster in his voice and opened the door to see him nervously glancing toward the entrance door.

Seeing my face, he sighed. “Why are you crying
now?
”

“Oh, I don’t know—maybe because I’m miserable, sad and lonely, just to name a few reasons,” I challenged, annoyed at his total lack of understanding.

“You know, Hunter told me he really likes you. He wants to ask you out.” He said it enthusiastically, as if that was going to change the world for me.

Putting my hands on my hips, I snorted, “Do you think I care? He’s just some guy who’d go out with anyone.”

Shaking his head vigorously, he countered, “No, Rose, he’s a cool guy. You’d like him if you gave him a chance.”

“What—are you pimping me out or something? My love life is none of your concern,” I said, losing any composure I had left.

“You’d feel a whole lot better if you started dating someone else. It would get your mind off the guy with the suspenders and keep you from spending your entire time at the movies crying in the bathroom,” Sam pointed out with the pinched expression of someone who’d tasted something bitter.

We had a stare down for several seconds until Amber pranced in like Bambi and relieved Sam of his caregiving duties. She performed her job very diligently, giving me a superstrong minty piece of gum, drying my face with a paper towel and then brushing some powder over my nose and cheeks to mask the redness.

By the time I walked out of the restroom, I only looked as if I’d been crying for a half an hour instead of a full one. Hunter was waiting in the lobby with Sam. I could have just died when he looked at me with concern.