Temporarily Yours (A Shillings Agency Novel) (Entangled Brazen) (12 page)

Taking a deep breath, he dropped his forehead onto the steering wheel and lowered his shaking hands to his lap. Rage, sadness, and frustration flew through his veins at breakneck speed, even though he knew he’d done the right thing.

He had to cut ties with her. It was better this way.

It had to be.

Chapter Eighteen

An hour later, Cooper pulled up in front of his hotel and got out of his Escalade. Kayla’s words had played on repeat in his brain the whole drive, making him wonder if he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life in walking away from her.

Oh, who was he kidding? There was no wondering about it.

He’d made a
huge
fucking mistake.

But, hell, she’d caught him off-guard when she’d mentioned wanting more from him. Part of him had been elated, and the other part had been more fucking terrified than the time he’d faced down an entire band of insurgents with nothing but his rifle and lived to tell about it. The
last
thing he’d expected from her was her wanting more.

The terrified portion inside of him had obviously won out, and he’d taken full advantage of his fight or flight response by choosing the latter option. It was better this way. He knew it. But she’d looked so broken-hearted.

And damn it, he was, too.

If things had worked out according to their plan, he should have walked away from her feeling sexually satisfied and ready to move on to the next chapter of his life. He should be rejuvenated and ready to go overseas again, knowing that this time, he wouldn’t miss the enemy hiding in the shadows. This time, he wouldn’t fail.

But instead…he felt like utter shit.

After checking in and trudging to his room, Cooper sat on the edge of bed, yanked his collar loose, and flung his coat on the chair by the window. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to miss her already. Though he wasn’t experienced in matters of the heart, he had a sinking suspicion he knew what the aching emptiness inside of him meant.

He wanted more, too.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell. He stared at it, spinning it in his fingers as he debated his next move. He couldn’t be impetuous. He had to think things through. Examine all the puzzle pieces before trying to make them all fit. He already knew he couldn’t start something with Kayla and then leave. But there was one option he could take. One where he could be with her and this aching pain would go away.

It was time to call his dad.

His phone felt even heavier than the weight he carried around with him. The one that had
dad
etched permanently into it. In the month leading up to his interview, his father hadn’t wasted one day trying to shove that damn position down his throat. Every time Cooper mentioned the upcoming interview, his father left the room. He came up with excuses to not have to hear about the opportunity.

Cooper had been certain his father couldn’t stand being in the same room because he was disappointed in him for not staying in the Marines. That he couldn’t stand being around his failure of a son. The same son who’d let his best friend die.

But maybe that hadn’t been the case? Maybe he’d just wanted Cooper to take on his “life’s work,” as Kayla had called it. Maybe it was time they had a heart to heart.

He dialed before he could talk himself out of it, which would have been all too easy. On the second ring, someone picked up. “Hello?”

Cooper took a deep breath. “Hi, Mom. It’s me.”

“Hey!” A smile warmed up her voice. “How’s North Carolina treating you?”

“Great. It’s warmer down here, for sure.”

“That’s good.” She paused. “Though, I guess you’ll be a lot hotter soon. Over in the desert. I saw on the news it was over a hundred degrees yesterday.”

“Well, yeah. It’s definitely a lot hotter there.” He scratched his head, wincing at the memories of the harsh, hot sun. The days he’d spent over there had been hell on Earth. “At night it cools off, though. Sometimes, it’s frigid.”

“But you’re inside then right?”

He massaged his temple, picturing Kayla as she looked this morning, lying in bed and watching him with her bright blue eyes shining. He’d give anything to go back to that moment. Before all hell broke loose. Before he’d walked away. “Yeah, but it’s not like I’m in a hotel or anything. It’s mostly shoddy buildings and temporary housing.”

“O…oh.” She sniffed. “Well, you’ll be safe, right? Promise me you’ll keep safe.”

She sounded so worried about him. For the first time, he felt guilty about that. He’d been so focused on making up for his wrongs, on proving that he could be the Marine he should have been when Josh had died, that he hadn’t seen how it was affecting her.

How it was affecting
him
, too.

“Yeah, Mom. I promise.” He hesitated, still wondering if this was the best course of action. Deep down, he knew the answer was a resounding
yes
. “Hey, is Dad around?”

He could practically see her pull the phone away and look at it, as if she doubted her hearing. The last time he’d “talked” with his father, it had ended in shouting and then dead silence. They hadn’t talked since. “Yes, he’s in his library going over ledgers.”

In other words, he was sneaking a cigar behind his mother’s back. It was a running joke, since it was common knowledge that his mom was fully aware of the cigars…but she humored his father anyway. How she managed to pull that off was beyond Cooper. The woman had a stronger sense of smell than a police dog on the scent and everyone knew it.

“Can I talk to him, please?”

“Of course.” He heard her set something down, then open a door. She was probably walking from the living room, down the hallway, then down into his father’s office. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just need to talk to him.” Cooper flopped back on the bed and flexed his arms over his head, stretching his muscles. “Need to straighten a few things out.”

“All right. I’m almost there.” His mom sighed. “But Cooper?”

He tensed. “Yeah?”

“Be gentle with him. It’s always been his dream for you to run Shillings Agency when he retires, so finding out you had other plans hit him hard.” She opened another door. That meant she was almost at the office. “I know he’s been tough on you lately, but he doesn’t mean to be. He’s just…had to readjust his plans.”

“I can see that, now. Being here...” He sat back up and bent over, resting his elbows on his thighs. “It’s opened my eyes some. That’s why it’s time for us to talk again.”

“
Really
?” She made an excited sound. “He’s proud of you, you know. He’s dying for you to take the reins—figuratively, of course—and that’s all he’s ever wanted.”

“I know.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “But Dad doesn’t need to be handled with kid gloves, you know. He can hold his own in an argument.”

“I know that all too well myself.”

His mom knocked on the office door. He could hear her talking to his father, but it was muffled. Paper rustled, and a window opened. He barely made out something about “Cooper…” and “no cigars…” with a dash of “we’ll talk
later
.”

After another moment, the phone made a weird noise, and then, “Hello?”

His heart thumped hard. “Hey, Dad.” What was it about his father’s voice that always made him feel like an errant teenager? But tonight he sounded older. Tired, even. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going. I was in here sneaking a smoke, but Mom caught me.” He snorted. “It’s the fifth time in as many weeks. She might skin me this time.”

He grinned. “Sorry. That one was my fault.”

His dad didn’t say anything to that. “So, what’s going on? I assume you’re calling me at almost ten o’clock at night for a reason, and not just to chat?” He cleared his throat. “That isn’t to say I don’t appreciate the call. I do. I hate that we left things where we did.”

Cooper stood up, his heart racing at what he was about to say. “There’s something I need to know. Why do you want me to work with you so bad? When I left the military, I thought you’d be disappointed in me. That you wouldn’t think I was fit for the company anymore. But then you kept suggesting it, and it started to feel the opposite.” Cooper swallowed hard. “It was almost as if you didn’t think I was qualified to get a job anywhere
else
anymore, so you kept insisting I just take the job with you.”

His father grunted. “It might have felt that way, but I’ve never been disappointed in you over that. As a matter of fact, I’ve never been more proud of you than when you were man enough to admit the military wasn’t for you. I just thought we would start fulfilling your duties at Shillings earlier than planned, but then you said no, and I didn’t know what to do after that. I still don’t know why you’re against the idea of working with me.”

Cooper widened his steps, pacing back and forth in the small hotel room. It was half the size of the one he’d stayed in with Kayla. He stopped walking, just the thought of her name making his chest hurt. “I wasn’t against the idea, per se. I just wanted to earn the position. Get some experience in the field before stepping into the agency simply because we have the same last name. I don’t like taking favors, Dad. If I take a job, it’s because I deserve it. That’s how it has to be.”

“I respect that about you,” his dad said. “I’ve been worried about you, son. Watching your best friend die…that changes a man.”

When the familiar ache pierced his chest, Cooper closed his eyes. The pain had never fully left him since Josh’s death. He didn’t think it ever would. But for the first time ever, the pain wasn’t paired with underlying guilt. Progress. “I’m fine. I’m not good yet, but I’m getting there.”

“No one is
good
when they come home. Going to war can change a man. It can make you feel lost without a purpose to life. I know it did that to me.” His father paused. “I was lost until I met your mother. Then I started working in private security. But until I had that… I didn’t want you to come home and fall into the same destructive behavior I did. I didn’t want to see you make the same mistakes as me, or get eaten alive by the survivor’s guilt.”

Cooper swallowed hard. “I’m not going to. Coming down here, it changed me. I’m not going to lie.”

“Well, good. But you were already a strong man, son.” His father’s voice warmed. “I’m very proud of you, and proud of all you’ve accomplished. No matter what else you might question about me, don’t ever doubt that again.”

Emotion hit him in the chest, hard and mercilessly. He hadn’t realized, until now, how badly he’d wanted to hear those words. To know, no matter what option he chose, that his father approved of him. “Thanks, Dad. I really…just, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” his dad said, his voice gruff. “You keep safe over there, you hear? I’ll be watching the news at the agency, making sure I don’t see anything happening where you are, but still. Keep safe.”

Cooper sank down on the bed again, clutching the phone so hard it hurt. Kayla had been right. And he’d been so horribly wrong to push her away. He didn’t know if he could fix this mess he’d made with her, but he was going to try.

“So tell me…was it a girl?”

Cooper blinked. “W-What?”

“The change of heart.” His father laughed. “Was it caused by a girl?”

“Yeah,” he said with a chuckle. “It was.”

“Your mother might have a heart attack when she finds out you met someone down there. She’s been trying to find a nice girl up here for you, but something tells me she’ll just be happy you finally found someone.” A lighter flicked. His father was no doubt relighting his cigar. “Will we be meeting her when you come home from your assignment overseas?”

Cooper straightened his shoulders and tightened his fingers on his knee. It was time to go all in or nothing. If he wanted to be with Kayla, and he
did
, then this was the way it had to be.

All. Fucking. In.

“About that…”

Chapter Nineteen

This was it. This was the moment where the bride and groom would both say I do, and live happily ever after. Despite her own fake-boyfriend/real-heartache drama, she couldn’t be happier for Susan and Max. Couldn’t be more certain that they would be a statistic…a statistic for the marriages that lasted. They would conquer the odds.

They would live happily ever after.

As Kayla clutched the bouquet of flowers so hard her palms were sweating, Susan regally walked down the aisle, smiling up at Max with love shining in her eyes. Max looked as close to tears as Kayla felt.

God, she was going to cry.

This was one of the reasons she hated weddings. They turned everyone into a soppy, wet mess. She’d held it together when everyone asked where Cooper was. For a second, she debated lying and saying he’d been called away for work, but his boss stood right next to her. He’d know it for the lie it was, damn it. So she’d told them the truth.

She’d told them that they’d broken up.

Her father had been strangely silent through the chaos that had ensued. Her mother had scowled, disappointment clearly etched on her features, and Susan had sworn to rip his nuts off and feed them to the wolves. After way too many minutes, Kayla had shouted at the top of her lungs for them both to stop it. This was Susan’s day. Not Kayla’s.

And then the focus had gone back where it belonged—on Susan.

Her mom and sister were still angry at Cooper and she kept getting pitying glances thrown her way, but now that they were all in public, everyone was all smiles. Southern etiquette and all that crap. You could be pissed—but you had to be pissed with a smile on your face.

Up on the altar, Max tugged on his bowtie and grinned like a fool, filling the role of the lovesick groom to perfection. If Kayla were to describe the most heart-rendering expression on a groom’s face she had ever seen in her whole life…it would be today.

Max really loved Susan. And he really was a great guy.

Cooper’s face swam before her eyes—his startlingly green gaze, his rock-hard body, his sexier-than-sexy smile. Then she reminded herself he was gone, and she shoved the picture away. She needed to focus on Susan, not her own mess of a life.

Her sister had found happiness. True happiness.

How many people could say they’d done the same and not lost it?

“I take this woman, as my lawfully wedded husband—” Max cut himself off, his cheeks going bright red. “I mean wife. My lawfully wedded
wife
. I’m so nervous—I’m sorry.”

Susan laughed up at Max, squeezing his hands. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

Max finished his vows without further issue, and when he finished he whispered three little words that only a few people could see—and Kayla was one of them.

He looked down at Susan and mouthed:
I love you
.

Kayla sniffed and wiped the tears off of her cheeks with the back of her hand, biting down on her quivering lip. Ah, hell. That was the last of her restraint.

Cue the messy tears. Except they were messy tears of happiness for her sister—a nice change to the river of sadness she’d cried last night over Cooper. But enough of that. Today was for her little sister. And Cooper could go back to the hell in which he was so determined to live.

Susan said her vows, then they exchanged rings and kissed. As Kayla held both bouquets, tears running down her face, she realized something. She
did
want this.

She wanted it with Cooper.

After posing for an obscene number of pictures, Kayla sank down into her chair at the reception hall and rubbed her sore jaw. Who would’ve thought smiling would cause so much pain? She relaxed against the back of the seat, taking a second to compose herself.

“Hey, sweetie,” her father said, his voice coming from somewhere behind her. “Can we talk?”

Kayla peeked over her shoulder. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”

“I’m sorry Cooper left.” He sat down. He looked older tonight, for some reason. Maybe because he’d just watched his baby girl get married. “I know you liked him.”

“I know you didn’t,” she replied lightly. “But I’m fine. Today isn’t about me.”

“It might not be about you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.” He sighed. “I want to see you settled down and happy.”

He smoothed his tie and glanced over his shoulder. Susan was dancing with Max, and Kayla’s mother was dancing with Uncle Frankie. Everyone looked joyful and carefree. She hoped to God she had done a good enough job appearing to feel the same way.

She picked up her glass of water and took a sip. “I appreciate that, Dad. But I’ve always been fine alone. I like being alone. I’m happy alone.”

“Then why were you with Cooper?”

She could admit the truth. Say he’d been pretending to love her so that the focus would be on Susan instead of poor, single Kayla…but then Uncle Frankie would know Cooper had played them all. And that might affect him badly. Kayla wished things with Cooper could have been different—wished he’d been less afraid to take a chance on her—but she wasn’t going to end his career because he chose to leave her.

She bit down on the side of her tongue. Cooper had told her she should just be honest and open, and that her parents would accept that. Maybe it was worth a try. She sighed and lifted her hands in submission. “With Cooper, I was different. He’s the one guy I didn’t mind giving up my freedom for. But the rest of the time? I prefer to be single. I don’t want to settle down and get married. I don’t want to pop out three kids before I’m thirty-five. I just want to live, and let life take me where it will.”

Her father nodded. “I know.”

“You do?”

Laughing warmly at her, he said, “Of course. Do you honestly think your parents don’t know you at all?”

She felt her jaw drop. “Yes. I mean, no. I mean…”

“It’s why you’ve been single most of your life, and it’s why you moved to Maine.” He shrugged. “You’re independent. I think it’s one of the things I admire most about you.”

“Then why are you always trying to get me to settle down with a nice man?” She felt completely at a loss for words. “You’re always pressuring me to get married. Always asking if there’s a special guy in my life.”

“That’s because I was waiting for a guy like Cooper to sweep you off your feet.” Her dad took a drink of water, then met her eyes. “I’m not going to live forever. I’m just looking for someone to take care of you when I’m gone.”

“I can take care of myself, Dad.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “And you’re not going anywhere. I forbid it.”

He smiled, but it looked sad. “I would love to obey, but some things are out of my control. No one lives forever.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. She didn’t even want to
think
about that day. “I’ll be fine, Dad.”

He kissed her temple, then pulled back. “What happened with Cooper?”

“He broke up with me.” She averted her gaze. “He’s…he’s leaving, and he didn’t feel right leaving me to worry. He’s scared that if something happens to him, I’ll fall apart.”

“He told me that last night. But I didn’t think he’d break it off with you.”

She sat up straighter. “Wait, he told you he was going to break up with me? Why would he tell you that?”

“Not in so many words, but he expressed his concern for you after he shipped out.” Her dad rubbed his jaw. “I told him you could handle it, because I was trying to be supportive. But honestly? I think you’re better off this way. I think he’s right.”

She stiffened. “I could have handled it.”

“Yeah, you could have.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “But you deserve so much more.”

“I’m so sick of people telling me they made the right choice for me.” She curled her hands into fists. “I can make my own decisions.”

“He’s been scarred by his friend’s death and the role he irrationally thinks he played in it. Not to mention the responsibility of watching over his friend’s fiancée—a woman who, I’d bet anything, is struggling to adjust to life without her fiancé. He doesn’t want to put you through the same thing. Is that such a bad reason to end things?”

“Not letting me decide for myself? Yeah.” She lifted a shoulder. “But the motives behind them? No.”

“Sometimes the worst actions come for all the right reasons, no matter how wrong they might feel.” He finished off his drink and then set it down. “Do you understand my motives for being concerned about your welfare?”

“I get where you’re coming from, yes.”

Her father nodded. “Just remember that he and I aren’t that different.”

She tilted her head. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. He’s scared you’ll be hurt if he leaves.” Her father stood. “And I fear the same. Not so different after all.”

He left before she could reply. And honestly, she didn’t know what she would say anyway. He’d kind of blown her mind. When he put it that way, she saw everything—her family, Cooper, her own life—in a whole new light.

She stood up and smiled at her sister, who approached with a dreamy look in her eyes. “Hey, sis.”

“Hey.” Susan hugged her. “I have a surprise for you.”

“For me?” Kayla squinted at her. “It’s your wedding, not mine. You’re not supposed to surprise me.”

Susan peeked over her shoulder, her whole body vibrating with excitement. “I know. But this one is a good one. Trust me on this.”

“Oh, God. You’re not going to try to marry me off to one of the groomsmen, are you?”

“Would you go for it?”

Kayla scowled in response, causing Susan to burst out laughing. “I didn’t think so. Look, sis, I know you don’t want what I have, and I know you’re happy. We picked different paths, and that’s okay.”

“O…kay.” Kayla studied Susan. “Where the heck is all this coming from? How much did you drink?”

“Enough.” Susan giggled and grabbed Kayla’s hand with a surprisingly strong grip. “Come this way.”

Susan practically tugged Kayla across the room. And like a good Southern lady, Kayla kept the smile on her face, as if it wasn’t weird that her bride sister was dragging her across the freaking reception hall or anything.

When they reached the men’s bathroom, just outside the hall, Kayla dug in her heels. “Why are you taking me in
there
? I assure you I’ve seen one before—it isn’t pretty.”

Susan laughed. “Don’t worry. You’re not going in there. You’re stopping right here. Just stand still.”

And then Susan was gone.

Kayla scanned the room around her. The bathroom was to the left, and to the right was a sitting room of sorts. Gold couches, potted plants, dark wood tables and a mirror completed the décor. Oh. And
Cooper
.

Cooper was there, too.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, taking a step toward him and then stopping. “Why did you come?”

He gave her a tentative smile. “Can you come in?”

God, she’d missed him
. “No. I’m staying here.”

“Fine. I’ll come to you.” He reached her side, but stopped a few steps away. “I missed you.”

“It’s been a day.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s hardly long enough to miss someone you barely know.”
But it was
.

“You think I don’t know you?” He raised a brow. “I think I know you better than anyone else in that room. They might know the ‘you’ that you show them. But they don’t know the real you. Not like I do.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not supposed to be here. We were done, remember?”

“What if I changed my mind?” His eyes locked on hers, green and irresistible. “What if I’m here to tell you I want to be with you?”

Then she would be speechless. But after talking to her father, ironically enough, she understood where Cooper came from with his determination to cut ties with her. And she didn’t want him worrying about her worrying about him.

And she surely didn’t need him making all of her decisions for her. “What if I changed my mind, too?” she said, her voice coming out as little more than a whisper.

“You’re angry at me.”

“I’m not anymore. I was.” She pursed her lips. “But I get it now. You have noble intentions, and I do, too. You deserve to leave without having me dragging you down. You have a job to do…and I have a wedding to enjoy. So if you’ll excuse me?”

“Wait!” He stumbled forward and tried to grab her hand, but she backed out of his reach. “I want to—”

“Kayla, are you okay?” her mom asked, coming up behind her and hovering like an anxious mother hen. “Why are you here?”

Cooper flinched. “I needed to talk to her. I got Susan’s permission first.”

“Well, you don’t have mine.” Her mom crossed her arms. “You can take yourself right on out—”

“
Mom
.” Kayla shooed her away. “I’m fine. Just let him talk to me, and you go have fun. I can handle myself.”

“Fine.” Her mom’s eyes narrowed on Cooper. “But I’ll be watching you.”

Cooper nodded. “I know.”

When they were alone again, Cooper heaved a sigh. “Where were we? Oh, right. I was about to tell you—”

“It doesn’t matter what you were going to say.” Her heart twisted. “We’re done.”

He held a hand out. “Please. Don’t say that. I’ll stay for you. I
want
to stay for you.”

“Stay?”

Her breath slammed out of her chest. He would give up his job for her? That was exhilarating, wonderful…and horrible, all at the same time. Because she wanted to say yes so damn badly. Wanted to be selfish and let him stay.

But it’s not what he wanted. He’d been pretty damn clear about that.

And what about next time his demons over losing Josh reared their heads?

“Is everything okay over here?” her father asked.

Kayla closed her eyes and counted to three in her head. By the time she hit three, she was ready to talk again. She opened her eyes and then managed a smile. “Yes, Dad, everything is fine. We’re just talking.”

Her father scowled at Cooper. “I’ll let you talk, but I’ll be—”