Tempered by Her (6 page)

She gasped. “Oh,
God
, yes.”

So fuckin’ tight on a damn finger. The thought of what she’d feel like
wrapped around my cock had my head spinning. I attacked her clit with lips,
tongue, and teeth, while slowly sliding my finger in and out of her.

“More.”

Another fuckin’ command, but I obeyed without thought. She groaned and
furrowed her brow when I pushed in a second finger, stretching her. Filling her
soaked pussy. No safe word.

The frown disappeared as I sucked hard on her clit and slid my fingers
out and back in. Seconds later, the slight scent of blood hit my nose, and I
cursed myself. Couldn’t leave her unsatisfied though. A rotation of my wrist,
and I found her G-spot.

A scream ripped from her lips, and her pussy clamped down on me.
 
When she sagged, boneless and spent before me,
I went to the bathroom and got a wet, warm towel.

She sighed, but didn’t move as I wiped the slight smear of blood my
fingers had caused. “I’m still technically a virgin, right?” she whispered.

“Yes.”

A half-shuddered breath revealed her belief in my words—and her relief.

My balls ached like a mother fucker, and taking care of her and
cleaning her up didn’t lessen the need for release.

Being the selfish prick I was, I finished and stood upright, pushing my
slacks and tighty-whities down to get access to my straining cock. “On your
knees, sub.”

Raquel struggled to push up off the bed. She slid to the floor, with
what I expected was weakness rather than intended grace. I pulled her blindfold
off. She blinked up at me in the overhead light before her attention moved down
to my hand moving up and down my length.

She wet her lips with her tongue, and I nearly blew my load. “Can I
touch you?” she asked, gaze riveted on my cock.

I’d had every intention of jerking off all over her huge tits, but
grunted an affirmative and allowed her hand to replace mine. Soft, tentative
fingertips … God. I sucked in air as she swiped the beaded moisture and
slickened my cock’s head, swirling her palm around and down my length. A hiss
passed my lips, and I tipped my head back, trying like hell to hold off. Enjoy
her untrained hand.

Warm breath caressed my cock, and her mouth closed over me before I
could open my eyes. I fisted my hands in her hair. While her tongue swirled
around me, I slid in and out of her hot fuckin’ mouth, the sight of her sucking
my cock with hollowed cheeks bringing me to the edge. I tried to pull her off
me, but she held tight and took me deep.

I gave her all I had, every fuckin’ drop, and although she gagged at my
initial explosion, she swallowed it down.

Mother fucking perfect.

I should have gone to draw her a bath and sooth her, but my selfishness
won out. I had at least an hour before my cock demanded attention again. I needed
to see all of her. Feel all of her.

I pulled her to her feet and gently removed the rest of her clothes,
laying kisses on the skin I bared. Gorgeous wasn’t a good enough word for the
beauty and curves of Raquel Hawkins. I lifted her into my arms and lay her on
my bed.

Her eyes went dark with desire when I pulled off my shirt. “Holy
sh
…” Her voice trailed off. She gazed down my body and back
up as I kicked off my pants and boxers. I worked hard for what she saw: cut biceps,
prominent pecs, and sculpted abs. On hands and knees, I crawled across the bed
and stretched out beside her.

I caressed her scalp, running my fingers through the tangles of her
hair until her eyelids slid shut. With tenderness I usually avoided, I pressed
my lips to hers, swept my tongue along the seam of hers until she sighed and
let me in.

Her hands ran up my arms and along my spine, tugging me closer. I rolled
atop her and pressed a knee between her legs. She parted them, allowing me to
settle my weight flush against her, chest to chest. Since she was quite a bit
shorter than my six-four, my flaccid cock rested against the bed between her
thighs. Good thing, too. If he felt her satiny curls rubbing against him, he’d
be up and at ‘
em
, ready to go before I wanted him to.

I made languid love to her mouth, nibbled along her jaw, suckled on her
earlobe, drawing sighs and shivers from her limbs before burrowing my face
against her neck. “Are you
sore
?”

She hesitated in answering as though taking stock of her body. “A
little.”

“Other than that, how do you feel?”

It took her another few seconds to answer. “I’m not sure,” she said, a
hint of unrest in her voice although her fingers trailed a path along my arm.

Having no clue what to say, I stayed silent, hoping she’d expand on her
own.

“In one way, I feel glorious. Alive, and like an idiot for waiting so
long to agree to go out with you.”

“But?”

She sighed. “I also feel guilty. Dirty.”

I pushed up onto my elbows and peered down at her. Blue eyes filled
with question and unease knifed my gut. Afraid she’d hate me come morning,
words spewed from me. “There’s nothing wrong with what we did, Raquel. Nothing
dirty, nothing sordid as you’ve probably been told all your life. You’re still
a virgin, safe and sound.”

Her lips pursed, and she paused from caressing my arm as she her gaze
flitted away. “Am I a freak for being aroused by pain?”

“Not at all. Lots of people enjoy the mixing of pain with pleasure.”

She heaved a breath and turned back toward me, lifting her hand to cup
my cheek. Her sad smile stole my breath. “Kiss me?”

I did, and then some, latching onto her like the world’s end loomed. “You
promised to have dinner with me again tomorrow night,” I said a few minutes
later.

“I forgot, but Jenny and I have plans.”

“Break them.”

Raquel peered up at me, sadness lingering in her eyes.
 
“I’m not your sub right now.”

Anger coursed through
me. “But you want to be. Tell me you didn’t crave the pain. The command. Tell
me you don’t want it now.”

“I need to use the bathroom.”

More than anything, I wanted to
make
her answer. Concede to the truth of what she was and what she craved. But, I’d
promised to take care of her, and I knew exactly what she needed.

I climbed off her and turned my head while sinking to sit on the edge
of the bed, offering her privacy to trek across my bedroom. The toilet flushed,
and I scrubbed a hand down my face. I should have said no. Should have fuckin’ kept
my goddamn hands to myself.

Chapter Ten

I called in sick the next morning, exhausted from crying for hours and
afraid to see Zane. Jenny had pounced on me the second I walked through the
door, and I spilled it all out, every detail, every perfect second replaying
through my mind. She scoffed at my tears and pretend swooned with jealousy.

Me? Guilt seemed to swamp me in mire and muck, ruining what had been
the best night of my life.

“Shit.”

My new favorite word flitted across my lips for at least the hundredth
time, and I rolled over and punched the pillow beneath my head. The clock read
10:15 a.m., and Zane had already tried my cell. Twice, notification of a text
chimed, but unable to get my emotions in order with my mind, I ignored those as
well.

One night with Zane had wrecked me for anyone else. While some might
still consider me a virgin, I would one day enter into a marriage tainted,
already touched, already used. Our hours together also revealed what I’d feared
about myself—I got off on pain, and would experience difficulty in finding
satisfaction in marrying some nice guy, parent and church approved.

With a sigh, I clenched my eyes shut. There was no way on God’s green
earth I would be content with a boring man and missionary position sex. I
wanted more of what Zane could offer. I wanted to lose myself in his world, in
his touch, in the pain that brought pleasure.

I wanted to do what pleased him and watch him finally lose control.

Sicko. What you need to do is
go to church, repent, and find a normal man.

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. Again. I needed to get ahold
of my desire and squash it for the sin it was.

****

The next day being Saturday, I stayed in bed way past my usual time.
Zane tried calling me five times throughout the day, all of which I ignored.
Sunday morning, I skipped church, and he called twice before I even made it to
the kitchen to get myself some coffee.

An hour later, a knock sounded on the door.

Jenny hopped up and peered through the peep hole while I held my breath.
She turned, her eyes wide as she bit back a grin. “Told you he wouldn’t be
denied.”

I hopped off the couch and hurried to my bedroom. “Tell him I don’t
want to see him.” The door clicked shut behind me, and I pressed in the lock
before thumping my forehead against the jamb.

Murmuring reached my ears, but no distinctive words. I heard the front
door shut, and Jenny’s footsteps came toward my room.

“He’s gone,
Raq
,” she said from the other
side of my bedroom door.

“Thank God.” I pulled it open to find Jenny scowling.

“What the heck are you doing? The poor man looks like a puppy kicked to
the curb. Tears in his eyes and all.”

“Tears?”

“Yes.” She shook her head and turned away. “I hope you know what you’re
doing. He obviously wants more than a one night stand with you. If I were you,
I’d grab hold of that man for as long as I could and hope for the best.”

I followed her down the hall back toward the living room. “The
best
being finding myself used up and
discarded with only gifts his money bought me?”

She rounded on me, hands on hips. “A ring. Marriage and possibly
happiness. Heck, from what you said about the pain/pleasure thing, maybe even
fulfillment.”

I pulled up short as though she’d slapped me. “With
Zane
?”

“Yes. Hot as all get-out, kinky, mad-for-you Zane Risso.”

My tongue refused to work, and I stared at her.

“I’m serious,” she went on, her face stormy yet covetous. “He’s been
after you for months.
Months
. Who
does that? I’ll tell you who. A man who is so far gone on you, he asks you out
every day, relentless and determined to make you his own. He was even going to
ask your father for permission to court you, for crying out loud!”

I thought back to his seriousness and the sincerity of his tone I had
questioned when he’d told me that. “You think he really meant it?”

“In my opinion, if he thought he stood half a chance, he’d fall to his
knees and beg you to be his for the rest of his life.”

Something had changed from the earlier days in my office when he’d
corner me and whisper naughty, panty-wetting things into my ear. His words and
the usual intensity in his eyes had definitely lost a bit of their playfulness
in the previous week.

My phone rang.

“Answer it, or I’m kicking you out of this apartment,” Jenny said,
pointing to my room.

I scurried back the hall and grabbed up the phone.
Zane
. “Hi.”

“Raquel.” Relief filled his tone. “Please don’t hang up. I’m sorry.
Sorry for not having the strength to say no to you. Sorry for fucking up and
taking things too far. I should have known better. Should have listened to my
conscious—”

“What we did was
my
idea.” I wasn’t
one for interrupting, but I couldn’t allow him to blame himself. “I’m the one
who suggested we go to your place. I’m the one who asked you to show me a taste
of your lifestyle.”

“Yeah, but I should have said no. I was determined to be a changed man
for you, give all that up in the hope we might find something together.”

I slumped onto my bed, snapping my gaping jaw shut. There it was
again—confirmation he wanted more than my body in his bed, but I focused on the
final thing he’d said, a knife twisting in my stomach. “People with kinky
tastes can’t have a real relationship beyond the sex?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, sure they can. I just never imagined in a million
years you’d be into anything more than vanilla.”

I chewed on the inside of my lip, having the same thought about myself.
“I’ve always been turned on by reading about pain giving pleasure, but I never
believed I’d actually like it.”

“You don’t sound too happy about that confession.”

Even though he couldn’t see me, I shrugged. “Hopefully it’s just a
phase.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, if you need it, you need it.”

Silence settled for a few seconds while my thoughts swarmed like a hive
of bees. Time to pull up my big girl panties and figure out what was what, and
where we were headed. “Were you really going to try to change for me?”

“I was.”

“So it’s possible to give it up.”

“I said I was going to
try
to
go vanilla for you, but I knew I’d see my handprint on that hot ass before
long.”

His words sent a shiver down my spine as images of the spanking slammed
into my mind. Instant lust had my sex clenching. I slumped and shut my eyes. “What
could have possibly triggered my love for pain? It’s like … like I’ve got some
sickness—”

“Don’t you dare say
that.
” He sounded mad.
“Millions of people misunderstand the BDSM lifestyle and might think that, but
trust me, there is nothing wrong with you.”

“But the idea, the memory of the pain…” An involuntary moan escaped me.

“Christ.” His tone lowered, all sexy and rumbly, dampening my panties. “Have
dinner with me tonight, gorgeous.” Ever the Dom, telling me what to do. I liked
it.

My father’s words, “bad news,” whispered in my brain, while my body craved
to be near Zane again, craved the pain. The pleasure I knew he could give me. I
bit down on my lip, my mind and lady parts at war.

“Raquel?”

Good God, the way he said my name. My traitorous body won out. I wanted
more. Another taste.

I inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it escape my parted lips. It was
time to own up to what I wanted. No more living a lie, living the life my
parents expected of me.

“Yes,” I whispered, pushing up my glasses.

“Was that a yes?” Zane asked.

“Yes,
Sir
.”

He groaned. “Goddamn, woman, you stir my blood.”

I smiled, pleased as peaches my simple words of submission could
inflict such need in his voice.

“My place. Six o’clock. And Raquel?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“Don’t wear any panties.”

He hung up, and I peered down at my phone. Arrogant Dom. He’d stolen my
heart months earlier, and I prayed he didn’t leave it in shreds once he tired
of me.