Tear (A Seaside Novel) (9 page)

I couldn’t really speak. I quickly turned around, and my face met the wall. I was an inch away from chipping my tooth.

“Careful.” I heard him chuckle behind me. Jerk.

I felt a blush spread from my face all the way down to my toes. I escaped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

Should I lock it?

No, he was a perfect gentleman, he wouldn’t do anything. Unlike his brother, who would probably find some silly excuse to be in the bathroom at the exact same time.

They were so different.

My original judgment of them had been way off base.

I thought Alec was the brooding weird one and Demetri the bad boy masquerading as an angel, though their looks proved otherwise.

Apparently just because a guy glares and has dark features, doesn’t make him the bad guy. Just like dimples and an easy smile don’t automatically make him an angel.

I sighed and turned on the water.

Chapter Nine

It was a rain shower. The type you see on TV and at expensive hotels. I stood underneath it and immediately felt the stress leave my body as I closed my eyes.

The shower was scary clean.

As in, there’s no way he actually showers in it.

But his body wash looked half used as well as his shampoo. I lathered my hair in the spicy scent and smiled. It smelled like him.

I was a girl obsessed.

The body wash was filled with tea tree oil. By the time I stepped out of the shower my skin was so soft I decided right then and there that I was going to go shopping and purchase everything I just used.

The bathroom was a little steamy so I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror. I looked around for some sort of face wash and finally settled on some store bought brand that looked expensive.

It smelled like a boy too, but it felt good against my face.

I dried off, and threw on the sweats. They were huge on me, but at least I felt more comfortable than I had before in the tiny dress and high heels.

I opened the door just in time to see Alec take his shirt off. I told my mouth to close, but it was pointless.

His body was muscled in all the right places, not an ounce of fat on him. A large angel wing tattoo spread across his right shoulder and part of his collarbone, another one was on his stomach. His one arm had a half-sleeve of different markings. Curious, I stepped forward. He still hadn’t seen me.

I think I scared him as much as I scared myself when I reached out and touched his skin.

“Crap!” he yelled. “Sorry, Nat, I was lost in thought. Didn’t see you.” His breath smelled like peppermint.

I shook my head. “What does this mean?” I touched the foreign writing on his collarbone and traced it until it met another smaller tattoo near his stomach. It was a pair of hands holding a heart. He flinched as if my touch hurt him.

The tattoo wasn’t in English. It spread across his chest and ran into the design on his right shoulder.

His eyes looked sad as he looked away. “It means my heart will be yours forever.”

“Why did you get it?”

He jerked away and looked down. “For my son.”

“You have a son?” I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. How did I not know this? I hadn’t seen anything about it on the gossip sites.

“Had a son. I had a son, Nat. He died.” Alec stepped away from me and went into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

I wanted to cry.

Cry for Alec and the hurt expression in his face, and for the child that no longer had life. I hadn’t lost anyone before. I couldn’t imagine the depth of despair it would be for a parent to lose a child, especially a teen parent. You would feel so helpless.

I sighed and climbed into his huge bed.

Within minutes Alec came out of the bathroom. He turned off the lights and grabbed some pillows and a blanket from the foot of the bed.

He didn’t say a word.

“Alec,” I whispered.

“Yeah?” His voice was hoarse.

“I’m sorry.”

He sighed. “Nat, you didn’t know. It’s fine.”

“Alec,” my voice cracked.

“Nat? Are you crying?”

It was too dark to see, but the bed heaved under the pressure of Alec sitting next to me. I could see the outline of his body from the moonlight as my eyes adjusted to the dark. He was wearing shorts, but no shirt.

“Maybe,” I answered. I couldn’t explain my behavior. I was crying over someone I didn’t even know.

“Why? Is something wrong? Tell me what’s wrong? Is this about Demetri?” His breath was hot on my face.

I shivered.

“Are you cold?” He grabbed a blanket and threw it over me. Great, now I was going to sweat to death.

“I don’t mean to cry, Alec. It’s just. I’ve never lost anyone before, and to think of losing a part of you, a child. I just. I don’t know. I’m just so sorry it makes my heart hurt to think about it.” I reached out and touched his arm. This time he didn’t flinch.

“Nobody’s ever said that to me.” His breathing was slow and calculated. “I mean, nobody knew but Demetri, and as you can see he deals with problems a little differently than I do.”

I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “What was his name?”

“Benjamin.”

“How did he die?”

Alec sighed then slowly lay down on the bed next to me on top of the covers. “It was my fault.”

“How was his death your fault?”

Alec laughed bitterly. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Nat. I haven’t always been so… boring.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Alec repeated. “Let’s just say his mother was a one night stand, but the minute I found out she was pregnant I told her I would help out. We paid her off, to keep it out of the media. It was right when we started getting really big.”

“Ah, the infamous MTV concert.”

Alec laughed softly. “Yes, the MTV concert. We signed with a bigger record label and had to stay out of trouble. I was only sixteen.”

Ouch.

“So how was it your fault?”

Alec was silent for a few minutes. “Benjamin’s mom was in rehab, Nat. She was so messed up, but I was so busy and things were happening so fast for us, that I didn’t really pay attention to her when she got out. I told her I’d visit her, but had to keep canceling when they added more cities to our concert tour.”

The only sound in the room was that of my own breathing and his.

“The night we found out we were nominated for a few Grammys, Benjamin’s mom got in a car accident. Both her and Benjamin were killed on impact.”

Tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I blindly searched for his hand and held it.

He pulled me as close as he could with the blankets covering me and sighed. “Please Nat, please don’t tell anyone. You don’t understand. Nobody knows this. I don’t want my son’s picture thrown around TV. I don’t want him remembered as some bastard child by a punk rock star.”

“Nobody would think that.”

“Yes…” He sighed heavily. “They would. And I refuse to let that happen.”

His story explained a lot. Why he was so distant, so protective. So in control of everything in his world.

“Thanks for telling me,” I said.

“Well, it’s not every day a girl cries over a little boy she didn’t even know.”

“I’m crying for you too, Alec.”

He shuddered. “Thanks, Nat. That means more to me than you’ll ever know.” His lips found my forehead in a chaste kiss. “Now, get some sleep before my jerk of a brother wakes up and tries to break the door down.”

“Okay.” I wanted him to stay with me so badly. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, his breath mingled with mine. He was like a drug, an addiction I was slowly needing more and more of.

Each of the brothers had their demons. Which left me to wonder where I fit in the picture. It made all my insecurities flare to life. What the heck were they doing even paying attention to me? I was nothing — nobody. My own parents seemed uninterested in me. It was nice to have people care about me, even if they were confused rock stars, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was somehow stepping out onto a ledge without any way to escape except jumping.

The last picture in my head before my eyes grew heavy was of a little boy with bright blue eyes, a little boy who looked like Alec.

Chapter Ten

I woke to the smell of fresh coffee.

With my eyes still closed I moaned and stretched across the pillows.

“You have no idea how much you affect me when you do that,” Demetri said.

My eyes flashed open.

He looked like a truck ran over him.

He hadn’t showered or done anything. Purple and blue bruises decorated the side of his eye and his cheekbone.

I hadn’t realized Alec hit him so hard. Immediately my eyes went to the floor. “He’s downstairs making breakfast. He said he’d give me some time to talk to you but that if I make you cry I have to drown myself in the ocean.”

I nodded. “I agree to those terms.”

“Ouch.” Demetri chuckled and looked away. “I don’t even know what to say, Nat. Sorry just seems lame. I’m an ass sounds a little better, but I just don’t know what to say.”

He plopped down onto the bed and ran his hands through his messy blonde hair. “I really like you. I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you. I meant everything I said last night. I want to be with you.”

“And every other girl at Seaside,” I added, suddenly feeling the hurt and betrayal of last night wash over me.

“No!” He grasped my hands and kissed them. “You don’t understand. I only want you. I know I seem like a screw up, and that’s because I am. I can’t believe I’m saying this. I think you’re the forever girl. The one you bring home to your parents, the one you spend Christmas with, the one you have children with. You’re that girl, Nat.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Demetri sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, Nat. What I did was childish and stupid. I got drunk at a party and made out with a complete stranger just because she was in front of me. I don’t even remember who it was. I only know she had blonde hair. I really did think she was you, but when I noticed she wasn’t, I was too drunk too care.”

“Well, at least you’re honest.”

“Honesty sucks.” He exhaled and looked away. “Nat, I want to be with you. Let me earn your trust again. Let me be the guy I’ve always wanted to be. I want to be that guy for you.”

Having a guy say that was like crack for a girl. “I can’t save you, Demetri.”

“I don’t want you to. I just want you by my side as inspiration when I save myself.”

Crap.

I felt my guard crumbling as his blue eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “Please, Nat.”

Demetri reached out and cupped my chin. His touch was warm, gentle, not at all like last night. Desire flared in his eyes, so different from Alec.

I would never have Alec.

But Demetri. He needed me, and part of me craved that feeling. To be needed, wanted. I’d never experienced anything like it before. My parents loved me, but they functioned apart from me.

“Help me be better. I need you in my life, Nat. You’re like my sunshine, my air. I can’t explain it, I just know I’m lost without you.” He kissed my cheek.

“Don’t make me regret this, Demetri.”

A smile spread across his face. “Really?”

I nodded.

“Do you want breakfast?” He pushed away from the bed.

“I’m starving.”

Demetri chuckled and pushed the covers back, lifting me into his arms. “I bet you are. Though a little bird told me you ate quite a bit of Swedish fish last night.”

“I’m going to kill Alec!” I yelled.

Demetri threw his head back and laughed. “I should have warned you how he plays Go Fish.”

“He’s an animal!” I yelled as Demetri carried me down the stairs. I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling. Really, it wasn’t as if I was on my death bed or something, but I had to admit, it was kind of nice to be in his arms.

Though my treacherous body couldn’t help but remind me that it was Alec’s arms that had rescued me last night. I gulped.

“Heard that!” Alec fired back from the kitchen.

I smiled, and then my heart dropped to my knees. What was I doing? I looked at Demetri, his blinding smile was for me, only me. But what about Alec? Was I imagining a connection with us?

Demetri placed me on my feet. I walked timidly into the kitchen. Alec was cooking eggs and bacon. Orange juice and coffee were already laid out on the counter.

“Morning, sleepy head. Did you know you snore?” Alec said, not looking a way from the skillet.

“I do not!”

“Do to,” the boys said in unison.

“You were drunk!” I punched Demetri.

“Drunk, sweetheart, not deaf.”

I glared.

“She’s crazy when she’s hungry,” Demetri said under his breath as he quickly grabbed a plate and began piling it with food.

I willed Alec to turn around. But he didn’t.

Finally, after a few minutes in which I’m sure I lost brain cells trying to use telepathy to get the man to look at me, he turned.

Everything seemed normal.

He gave a small smile and went to the fridge. “I’m gonna go for a run. I’ll see you guys later.”

And just like that he was gone.

“Is he okay?” I nudged Demetri who was eating like he hadn’t seen food in days.

“Who? Alec? Of course, he’s fine. Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“I don’t know.” I nibbled my lower lip. “Did you guys talk this morning?”

“Yeah.” Demetri stopped shoveling food into his mouth and took a drink of orange juice. “He told me I was an ass, and that I was going to lose the best girl in the world if I didn’t get up to the room and grovel. Naturally, I knew all that before he mentioned it, but still.”

Breakfast sat like a stone in my belly. So Alec had encouraged me and Demetri? Clearly I had read every signal wrong. All the protective gestures and weird sensually charged moments. It was all in my head. Alec didn’t want me. Demetri did.

Foolishly, I thought if I lingered a bit that Alec would return from his run. An hour later he still wasn’t back.

“I should go,” I said to Demetri as he finished up the last of the breakfast dishes.