Tangled Webs (30 page)

“Do you recognize it?” Grae asked.

She immediately shook her head. The vile taste of guilt sat on her tongue. Why didn’t she tell him about Nic?

Because then she would have to tell him everything—and somehow she knew that if he found out Nic had set her up for murder, he would be less than understanding.

She
still didn’t quite understand. Nic had vowed that he would never let anyone hurt her, yet he’d let Wild manhandle her. But all the while he’d known that Grae was on
his way to save her. Was he just keeping up an act for Wild? Or was all of this just an act to trick her?

“We could leave London. All of us. My father is willing to move the family someplace safe,” Grae said. “The ship is bound for India. Mother and Sophia have always wanted to go
there.”

“And what would happen to his business? To his ships? He built this for you and Sophia. So that you would have a future. There is no life in hiding, in looking over your shoulder every
single day. Trust me, I know it all too well.”

He sighed and leaned into her hand. The rough stubble on his cheek scratched against her fingertips. It was a sensation she wanted to feel every day for a lifetime.

“You make it hard to deny you anything.” He turned his face and pressed his lips against her palm. “You asked me to trust you once, and I want to. I really do. No more secrets
between us. Tell me everything and we’ll figure this out together. Promise me.”

Arista swallowed. How could she look him in the eye and lie to him? If she did, there would be no going back. Tears burned her eyes and she spun away.

“Don’t. Please don’t turn away from me again, Arista.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself.

“I can’t make that promise,” she said softly.

Grae sighed. His eyes were watery. “Why not?”

She had to take several steps away from him to suppress the urge to throw herself into his arms and promise him anything he wanted. “My entire life is based on secrets and lies. I’ve
done horrible things that I never want to say out loud. Isn’t the fact that I stayed—that I’m trying to help you—enough?”

“No.” He crossed the cabin and pulled her into his arms, against the hard planes of his chest. “And what you’ve done to survive doesn’t matter—not to
me.” He shook her gently by the shoulders, then slid his hands around to cup her face in both his hands. His gaze was hard, intense, but filled with something that took her breath away.
“Damn it, Arista, the fact that you’ve not only stayed alive, but retained your integrity—it proves how strong you are. No one deserves to be happy more than you.”

Nic had told her the same thing. She wanted to believe it more than she’d wanted anything in her life.

“
No one
deserves it more than you,” he said again, holding her head still so she could not look away.

“Why are you doing this?” Her voice came out scratchy and raw. He kept coming back. He kept saving her. But why? Why did he care what happened to her?

“Because I have to.”

Her spine straightened. He thought she was some kind of charity case, then? She tried to pull away, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her against his body.

“I have to because I’m in love with you, and the more I know about you, the more certain I am that it’s real. I would never have asked you to marry me if I distrusted
you.”

Marriage. She still had not gotten used to the idea that Grae truly wanted her for his wife. Her stomach churned and her throat grew tight. “You only feel sorry for me. You want to help
some poor little beggar girl.” The words were punctuated by huge sobs ripping from her chest. He couldn’t really want her or love her. She was nothing. An orphan girl with no past.

She had nothing to offer anyone. She didn’t deserve happiness—isn’t that what Bones had drilled into all their heads, year after year? That they were all unwanted from the
beginning.

Arista twisted furiously in his arms, but he wouldn’t relent. He just held her there, solid and warm and strong.

“What I see is the bravest person I know. You’re kind and compassionate. You care about my family, one you’ve only known for a short time, but you cared enough to risk your
life to help. You could have run, but you chose to stay and fight. That is not what a selfish, undeserving person would do. You have a good heart inside you.
You
are good. You still feel,
Arista—I know you do. And that’s why I love you.”

The pressure in her chest cut off her ability to breathe. He was saying words she had longed to hear all her life. The ones she kept locked deep inside her mind.

“Please stop,” she begged through her tears.

“I will tell you the same thing every day for the rest of your life until you believe it.”

Her shoulders shook and she tried to pry his arms from around her. She opened her mouth to drag air into her lungs, but a deep sob escaped. More followed, until her entire body shook
violently.

Her legs crumpled and Grae held her upright. Something inside her let go. She clung to him as if her life depended on it. Dug her nails into the back of his jacket while he whispered words she
couldn’t understand through her grief. The years of bottled-up feelings burst free in huge waves. She’d fought against feeling anything for so long that the rush of emotions was
overwhelming.

As the sobs grew weaker, her limbs felt as if they were weighted down with stone. As if he knew, Grae carefully lifted her into his arms and walked across to the bunk, where he deposited her
carefully. He brushed his lips over her forehead and pulled a quilt up over her body. Before she could protest, he sat in the chair closest to the bed. “Rest. I’ll be here when you
wake. I promise.”

She wanted to talk more, but heaviness pushed down against her eyelids, forcing them closed. She would be no good to anyone if she were too exhausted to move. Maybe a short rest, before she had
to do what she still planned on doing…

“Captain, I’ve got a message.…” The knock and the man’s voice came at the same time. Arista pulled away and ducked her head.

“Begging your pardon, sir, I didn’t know you had a guest. This came from your father’s house, and the lad said it were urgent.” The man handed Grae a note and backed out
of the room. The door clicked shut behind him.

“Sorry about that,” Grae said. She could hear the smile in his voice. “My men aren’t used to their captain entertaining women aboard the ship.” His confession
produced a most pleasing feeling of contentment in her chest.

“I should see what it is, though. Father never sends me messages about urgent matters. He comes himself.” Grae slid his thumb under the wax and broke the seal. After a few quick
seconds, his expression changed.

Grae handed the letter to her. “I believe this is for you.”

Her hand shook as she took the letter.

“Who is it from?” Grae asked.

“A friend,” she whispered.

Arista stared at the crudely written words. She’d taught Nic to write years ago, after Becky had taught her, but he’d never managed to get past the basic steps. The letters were
uneven and jagged.

Grae took the note and read it. “Who’s N? Where is this spot?”

“I…” The words died on her lips. She’d told Nic she needed something on Wild. Did this mean he had it?

“How well do you know this person?” Grae asked.

Once, Arista might have said she trusted him with her life. Now? She wasn’t sure. He had saved her by sending the note to Becky, but he was also the one who’d set her up for murder.
Still, he’d warned her about Wild, and he’d given her Bones’s secrets. That must mean he did still care what happened to her.

It really didn’t matter, though, because if he had something that could free Grae’s father from Raffer’s grasp, she’d do anything. Take any risk to get it.

“I know him well enough.” She watched his jaw flex.

“You want to meet him? How do you know it’s not a trap?”

She didn’t. That was the biggest unknown in all this. Something in his eyes at Newgate gave her hope that he didn’t really want her to die.
Next time I say run, you run,
he’d told her.

Nic had been working for Wild. He must have something she could use to blackmail the Thief Taker into calling off Raffer. She just needed
one
secret. Something irrefutable that could be
used if needed. Something that would scare Wild.

But Grae would never understand. She watched as he paced the length of the cabin like a caged tiger. Frustration rolled off him like the waves lapping at the ship’s hull.

“What about your safety? If you leave the ship, you’ll be arrested immediately. They know who you are now. Everyone has seen your face under the mask. It’s too
risky.”

Arista stood on wobbly legs and walked across the room to him. “Grae.” Her hand shook as she raised it to his face. When she touched his cheek, he froze. Neither of them dared to
breathe.

“I appreciate everything, more than you’ll ever know,” she said softly. “But for the first time in my life, I can control something. I can keep people I care about from
getting hurt. I wasn’t always able to do that, and it will haunt me until I die. This is a small way to make amends.”

“I’ll go instead.” He stopped pacing and stood with his arms crossed over his chest. A surge of love filled her, so sweet and overwhelming that it brought tears to her eyes.
This had to work. If Grae’s family fell apart because of her, she would never forgive herself.

“We can go together,” she finally conceded. “But I need Becky. Tell her to bring me the traveling bag that’s in the back of the wardrobe. It has everything we’ll
need. I can’t leave London without it or her.”

“I’ll take care of it myself. You can stay here on the ship. It’s safe and you can rest. My men won’t let anyone on. I’ll be back very soon and we can finish this
business and then…” He leaned closer. His kiss was soft, gentle. “We can set sail and start our lives together.”

Grae meant it to be a brief, parting kiss, but she realized it might be the last time, and her hand snaked up his arm and held the back of his neck. She tangled her fingers into his hair. When
he started to pull back, she moved closer and deepened the kiss. Desire and sorrow twisted together inside her, fueling the burning need to be as close as possible to him. Just one last time, in
case things went bad.

“Arista,” he murmured against her lips. Her tears threatened to spill over, so she closed her eyes. They sat like that for a few precious minutes. When he finally tore himself away,
his chest rose and fell with his rapid breaths. There was a soft look in his eyes. She could see the love in them.

“I love you.” His lips curled up in a tender smile that almost undid her resolve. He did. She could see it clearly. He really did love her.

It took all her strength to smile back. Her lips trembled with the effort. When the door closed behind him, the tears finally slipped free. She brushed them aside.

This was not the end.

In Grae’s wardrobe, she found several jackets hanging neatly side by side. She took the one that looked most well-worn. Grae’s familiar scent of cedar and exotic spices enveloped
her. She slid her arms into the sleeves and turned the collar up. The sleeves hung well past her fingertips, and the shoulders hit halfway down her arms, but it would have to do.

She couldn’t help burying her nose in the fabric and inhaling deeply before she reached for the smallest-looking set of trousers. She paused at the sound of movement near the cabin door.
She pressed her back against the wall and waited. After only a minute, whoever-it-was left, and Arista heard steps going back up to the deck. The air whooshed out between her teeth.

Arista walked around the cabin, running her fingers along the shiny wood surfaces, committing every detail to memory. Everything was neat and orderly—the heavy wood furniture built into
the walls and secured to the floor to prevent movement when the ship was at sea. The spicy scent of cedar and salty sea air filled the space. Grae smelled exactly the same.

She would never forget the combination.

He’d sat in that chair. Worked at that desk. Slept in that bed. A shiver of excitement danced over her skin at the thought. She ran her hand over the quilt they had both laid on. Her pulse
quickened, and she removed her hand hastily. She could spend all day simply touching things that belonged to him. But that would not solve her problem.

With one more quick check to make sure the door was locked, she unlaced the corset and threw it onto the bed, then pulled her stained shirt free from the waistband of the skirt.

A noise outside the door had her scrambling into the stolen clothes. She waited, her heart in her throat, but no one tried to enter the cabin. Arista gathered her gypsy disguise and tucked it
under the mattress. Carefully, she slid the lock free and opened the door. The hall remained empty. She started out, then realized that she had not remembered to take a cap. Anyone with eyes could
see she was a girl. Grae had to have one somewhere.

She checked the cupboards and the built-in wardrobe, and found nothing except more clothing. A smaller chest sat at the foot of the bed. It was the only place that she hadn’t checked,
because it was locked. But people were predictable, and she went to the desk to check for the key. Sure enough, in the second smallest drawer, she found the key that fit the lock.

Before she opened it, Arista hesitated. No one kept their hats under lock and key. What if she found something inside that changed her opinion of Grae—that proved he wasn’t as
sincere as she thought? What if his darkest secrets were inside this chest? Her hands shook as she lifted the top.

On top of a stack of papers, the first thing Arista saw was a black raven feather. It was the one she’d lost from her mask the night they met. Becky had fussed mightily over it, too. The
feather was still sleek and soft, and she ran her fingers over it. A smile teased her lips. Grae had kept this as a memento of her.