Tall, Dark and Wolfish (40 page)

because I thought you needed it and I felt awful for hurting you. And I am sorry for that."

He continued into the room until he stood before her. "But you're my wife and I've put up with al of this that I intend to. I stayed up al night thinking

everything through, and I cannot believe that you thought to keep this from me. Living separately, keeping secrets—it's over. Al of it. Do you hear me?"

Anger and hurt coursed through her, and Elspeth raised herself up to her ful height. Stil , she only reached his shoulders. "Ye wil na dictate ta me,

Benjamin Westfield. I was runnin' my own life before ye came along, and—"

He hauled her into his arms and kissed her. He pul ed her flush against him and took her breath away. She'd nearly forgotten how wonderful it felt to be

wrapped in his strength. When she sighed against his mouth, Ben's tongue slipped inside hers, tangling with her own.

His hold on her softened, and his hands caressed her back and stroked her arms. Elspeth pressed herself against him and intertwined her fingers in his

hair. Time and place lost al meaning, and only the sound of Ben's breathing echoed in her ears… until her father, clearing his throat, broke through to her

senses.

Elspeth pul ed back away from Ben and gaped at him. He seemed as affected by the kiss as she had been. "Why did ye do that?" she asked, trying to

catch her breath.

"I intend to do it again," he warned her. "Every time you even think of disagreeing with me."

"Then ye'l be doin' it a lot," she mumbled under her breath.

He raised his eyebrows meaningful y. "It's been far too long since I kissed you, El ie. Don't tempt me." He looked over his shoulder at her father and

nodded. "Major, a moment, if you don't mind."

He winked at Ben. "Good luck, my boy."

As soon as the major retired to his room, Elspeth glared at her husband. "Why did ye come here, Ben?"

"Because I love you, and if you don't believe it, I'l say it over and over until you do."

"This is about the bairn," she said as she stepped out of his reach and made her way to her old settee.

"This is about us. You. Me. Our family," he cal ed after her. "I was a fool, Elspeth. Do you want me to yel it through the streets of Edinburgh? If it wil make

you believe me, I'l do so." He fol owed her to the other side of the room and dropped into a chair across from her.

"Ben, ye doona have ta do al this."

His jaw stiffened. "I'm doing this because I love you. I've never met a more stubborn woman, lass. Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way." He leaned

forward in his seat, so close his knees were almost touching hers. "Do you stil love
me
, El ie? Or have I destroyed that, too?"

It hurt to look at him, the emotion on his face, so Elspeth stared at her own hands. "Benjamin, I'l never stop lovin' ye. No matter where ye go or who ye're

with."

"There's only you."

She lifted her gaze to him. He seemed so sincere, so concerned. Yet she hated to get her hopes up. Her heart couldn't take being broken again. "What

changed?"

"Nothing," he said quietly. "I always loved you, El ie. I just didn't want to. I didn't want to admit it."

"Why?"

He leaned back in his seat and raked a hand through his hair. "I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't trust myself not to do so. I cannot control the beast

within me. Not when it's close to the ful moon. I thought if I kept a bit of distance between us, I could keep you safe."

His anguish was apparent and Elspeth's heart ached for him. She could never watch anyone in pain without feeling it herself, but that was especial y true

with Ben. "I'm safe with ye."

He scoffed and raised his eyes heavenward. "I don't know if you are or not, El ie. I hurt you once, and I hurt the girl in Brighton. But I can't live without you,

I've learned that much. So I'l just have to be diligent. More careful."

Elspeth swiped at the tears that began to trail down her cheeks. "You wil na hurt me."

When he heard her voice tremble, Ben lowered his head to look at her. Then he reached his hand out to her. Elspeth moved to his side and he pul ed her

to his lap. "Oh, love. I've needed you."

"I need ye, too." She al owed herself to nuzzle against him, feeling the first bit of contentment she'd felt in weeks. He stil didn't trust himself, but it was a

start.

Ben traced a circle on her bel y. "You were going to tel me, weren't you?"

"Of course. But I could kil Cait for tel in' ye first."

Ben shook his head, his hazel eyes boring into her.

"She didn't tel me anything, El ie. The major figured it out last night in the taproom."

Elspeth blinked at him. She'd been certain he knew. "Oh. Wel , what do ye think about it?" she asked, afraid of his answer.

His smile warmed her from the inside out. "I do wish the little fel ow had waited a bit. I'd like to have you al to myself for a while, but I couldn't be happier,

El ie. And I want this one to be the first of many. I want us to build that sprawling house and fil every room with children."

Elspeth rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. "I suppose ye'l make me hire maids and footmen and a cook and—"

"You can do whatever you want, love. Whatever wil make you happy."

"Ye make me happy." She slid her hand inside his waistcoat.

Ben groaned as though in agony. "Unfortunately, the ful moon is approaching. It's only a few days away. So I can't be close with you right now." He

cupped her chin in his hands and kissed her softly. "Though I want nothing more than to be with you in every way possible."

Elspeth shifted in his lap and felt him hard against her thigh.

"Don't look at me like that, El ie," he growled as he set her away from him. "I am not sure I can trust myself."

"I'm no' made of glass, Ben. I wil na break," she reminded him.

"I won't take that chance, love." He lifted her off his lap and to her feet, where he drew her close to him as his hands skimmed over her body. Final y he

groaned and gently pushed away from her. "I'l see you in a few days."

"Must we wait that long? Wil we have ta separate when the moon is ful for the rest of our lives?"

"If that's what it takes to keep you safe, then that's what we'l do." He kissed her once more, his lips touching her cheeks, her eyelids, and final y her

forehead, where he lingered. Then he turned and walked out the door.

Ben had been craving Elspeth for days. Forcing himself to separate from her was the hardest thing he'd ever done. But he'd gladly die a thousand deaths

before he al owed himself to hurt her again.

Typical y, at this time of the month he would be craving a woman to the point of distraction. Any woman would do, anyone who would stroke the beast

within him. But he found himself disinterested in other women. The only woman on his mind was Elspeth. She was the only one he wanted to stroke. To

hold. To love. To take. To… claim. He wanted her desperately.

Avoiding Elspeth was like avoiding a piece of himself. He knew now he could not live without her. How he'd been such a fool before, he wasn't sure. But

he would spend every day making it up to her.

A voice broke him from his reverie. "I received word from Simon today." Wil walked from the forest into view.

"Just how is our big brother doing?" Ben asked as he put down the ax he was using to clear his land and wiped his brow with his forearm. Nothing better

than manual labor to take one's mind off a woman.

"He says life with Lily is wonderful. And that he's extremely happy."

"That doesn't sound like the Duke of Blackmoor." His brother Simon didn't have a romantic notion in his body.

"Al right." Wil shrugged. "It's Mother's translation. But she assures me it's the way Simon feels when he's with Lily."

"I'm sure they're blissful y happy, aside from those few days a month when he has to leave her side and hide out in exile, like a dog that's too dangerous

to tether near home." The ax arched through the air and straight through a log, with much more force than was necessary.

"Mother says that he took Lily to the forest with him last month."

Ben's ax struck sideways when he lost his concentration. The mistake trembled up his arm until he dropped the quivering handle. "You're such a poor

liar, Wil ."

"I'm not lying."

"And just how would Mother know this?"

"She's staying with them for a time. And Mother knows
everything
." Wil spoke the truth. Their mother
did
know everything. And what she didn't know,

she found out.

Ben met Wil 's eyes. "Would you put Prisca at risk like that?"

"My relationship with Prisca is not what we're discussing," Wil hedged.

"Would you?" Ben said. Wil glanced away. "That's what I thought." Wil could never lie about Prisca.

Suddenly Wil reached over and clutched Ben's shirt in his hands, raising him onto his tiptoes. He pushed and clawed to get free, but then Ben saw the

desperation in Wil 's eyes and stil ed. "If Prisca loved me the way Elspeth loves you, I would let
nothing
stand in my way. So quit being a goddamn fool."

Wil released him and stepped away, then walked back into the forest with nothing more than a shake of his head.

Ben took a deep breath and raised his ax again. But before he could mangle the tree trunk before him, another masculine voice cal ed out.

"I see you've done a lot of work here," Major Forster cal ed as he approached.

"I had a great opportunity to work on the land. Since I'm not fit company for anyone else at this time." Ben pointed to the sky, where the sun was just

about to drop below the horizon.

"You look like great company to me," the major said as he sat down on a log.

"That's because you grow hairy and drool at the sight of the moon, the same way I do. To everyone else, I'm dishonorable and untrustworthy. And I bite."

The major picked at a string on the leg of his trousers. "Did Elspeth tel you that?"

The ax struck wood. "No."

"But that's what you believe?"

"It's what I know." He slung the ax again.

"I'm not going to talk to you about my daughter."

Ben moved to interrupt. He real y didn't want to

discuss Elspeth at that moment anyway. But the major held up two hands to stop him. "So I want to tel you about the love of my life. If you're of a mind to

listen, that is."

Ben sighed and tried not to grumble as he laid the ax on the ground.

"Thank you."

"It's getting dark." Maybe he'd leave if he realized night was approaching.

The major just smiled. "I can run into the forest as quickly as you can."

"At your age?"

The major chuckled. "At least you stil have your sense of humor."

"I have a lot of things. Just not my wife. You said you had a story?"

"Aye. You know I've only had one love in my life. Rosewyth. Elspeth's mother. She was my one and only."

"And why does this involve me?"

The major frowned at him. And Ben felt as though he'd been picked up by the scruff of his neck and shaken, like any bad dog should.

"I'm sorry. Continue. Please." Ben took a seat across from him.

"I just need to tel you that when it's right, it's real y right."

Ben just stared at him. That was his story? Forster could use a little practice in tel ing a decent tale.

"A Lycan has one true mate. If you're with that person, even under the light of a ful moon, it can be beautiful."

"But not safe."

"Do you doubt Elspeth is the other half that can make you whole?"

"It's not that," Ben started.

But the major raised a hand and stopped him again.

"It
is
that."

Ben nearly hung his head in defeat.

"I have regrets, Ben. And I don't want you, when you're old and grey, to
wish
you had done things differently."