Talk of the Village (20 page)

'Interfered where 'e shouldn't that's what. Interfered 'e 'as. Like Dr Harris did over me and my snares. Stuck 'er nose in where she shouldn't, and so's he. 'Cept this time it's more serious.'

'Interfered with what? He seems a charming, enthusiastic and very genuine chap to me. Just what the village needs in the church.'

'He is, but this time he's over stepped the mark.'

193

Jimmy tapped the side of his nose with his forefinger and took his drink to his seat opposite the settle to await Pat and Vera and perhaps even Don; a bit of male company would be nice seeing as Willie appeared to have gone into a decline, and was refusing to socialise nowadays.

It was three weeks before Peter was well enough to venture outside. Ralph suggested he came to have coffee with him and Muriel for his first outing.

'Sit down here Peter in this big chair. It's more suited to your frame. I must say though, you've lost a lot of weight.'

'A stone and a half actually Ralph. Caroline is busy feeding me with suet puddings and meat pies trying to build me up, but I've very little appetite for them I'm afraid. I have never been so ill in my life. Never. I've walked from the Rectory to here and feel exhausted.'

Muriel came in with the tray of coffee. 'Here we are Peter, and I've brought some shortbread too, do you think you can manage a piece of it?'

'I think so.' Muriel handed him his coffee. 'Thank you, you're very kind.' He sipped his coffee and said, 'This is lovely Muriel.'

'How are your legs after the accident?'

'Fine thank you. I've been so ill, a couple of very bruised knees paled into insignificance!'

When he'd drunk his coffee and finished the shortbread, Peter asked Ralph if he knew anything about the Charity Fund.

'I'd heard that was what you'd been meddling with.'

'Meddling with?'

'Yes, meddling with. Best leave well alone, Peter.'

'How can I leave twenty-three thousand pounds alone?Just think what we could do with that money. The new heating system, the pointing which needs doing, the organ serviced. It would help us out of a big hole wouldn't it? And Neville Neal would be smiling for

194

once.

'Even Neville as Treasurer wouldn't want you to use it.'

'So he knows why, half the village knows why, you know why, but I don't.'

'No, Neville doesn't know why. But I've told him he mustn't use it even if he gets permission from the Charity Commissioners, because the village will come out in open revolt. Your accident and illness have only served to confirm their fears. If you used it for repairs they would expect the church to fall down on their heads, literally. Make no mistake about that.'

'Will you tell me what it's all about?'

Ralph hesitated and then said, 'No. Partly because I don't know the full story and partly because I can remember my father saying, "The village won't stand for it, so it's best to leave well alone."'

'Is there anyone who
will
tell me?'

'Go see Grandma Gotobed in Little Derehams. She's well into her nineties, but don't imagine for one minute that means she's soft in the head. She rules her two unmarried daughters with a rod of iron and won't even allow them to bake the bread, because she reckons they're too young to get it right. And believe me neither of them will see seventy again!'

Muriel laughed and then said, 'Oh Ralph, how can she know about the Charity Fund? The Gotobeds lived in Little Derehams when we were children.'

'If Peter looks in the old records he'll see that the Gotobeds were originally a Turnham Malpas family. They only moved to Little Derehams towards the end of the First World War.'

Peter asked Muriel if she knew anything about the Fund.

'Nothing at all. My parents protected me from anything and everything, and the nuns told me nothing. I

195

didn't even know how babies came till I was sixteen, and even then it wasn't my parents but a girl in my class at the secretarial college who told me.'

'Quite right too. Children know far too much, far too soon nowadays,' Ralph retorted. Muriel reached across and kissed Ralph's cheek. 'You're behind the times, dear, I'm afraid.'

Peter stood up to go. 'My new car is being delivered this week, so as soon as I'm feeling up to it I'll drive out to Grandma Gotobed's and see what she has to say. Thanks for the coffee, hopefully I shall be back to work next week.'

1%

That same week Sheila called in at the Store to speak to Jimbo.

'Is he in, Linda?'

'Oh yes, I'll give him a call.' Linda left the post office counter and called through into the store room, 'Mr Charter-Plackett, Lady Bissett would like a word.'

Jimbo came bustling through into the Store, raised his boater to Sheila and asked her if she liked the new, scarlet ribbon Harriet had put round it.

'Very smart I must say, Jimbo. You always keep things so stylish here. I like that new display area for the meat. Very "olde world" isn't it?'

'Strikes you like that does it?'

'Mmm, very tempting. You're a good salesman. I've come with another snippet of news for you about the health club.'

'Thought you weren't going there any more?'

'Who told you that?'

'You know how news gets around.'

'Were you told why?'

'No,'Jimbo declared innocently.

'That Venetia was trying it on with Ron in the gym. I soon gave her short shrift.'

Jimbo drew closer, looked around the Store to ascertain whether he was being overheard and repeated,

197

'Trying it on? What was she doing then?'

'Making ten times too much fuss helping him with the weights machine, holding his hands and pressing his legs down. Making him work like a maniac at his age, too. I was really angry about it. Anyway, what I came in to say was that this weekend, all the people there were having it free again.'

'Venetia's very liberal with her favours isn't she?' Jimbo laughed.

Sheila giggled, 'Really! You know full well what I mean, Jimbo. I meant they were
staying
there for free.'

'This can't go on, can it? I'll go up there myself tonight and nosy around a bit.'

True to his word Jimbo went to Turnham House with Harriet. Besides them there were only three other clients. The two of them plunged into the pool and swam vigorously back and forth and then went into the Jacuzzi. Venetia appeared wearing another of her miniature bikinis. 'I shall be joining you soon. I'll have a swim first.'

She poised on the edge of the pool and then dived in, scarcely rippling the water.

'Give her her due she can dive.'

'Jimbo, shall I go for a sauna and leave you to her mercies?'

'What a good idea.'

'Find out all you can, won't you?'

'And some.'

'Remember Mother's garden shears though won't you, darling?'

'Ouch, don't remind me.'

Harriet climbed out of thejacuzzi and made her way to the sauna, while Jimbo lazed with his eyes shut waiting for Venetia to strike. When she slid into the water and sat opposite him with her feet touching his, he pretended to be surprised.

198

'Why Venetia, hello. Harriet was just saying how beautifully you dive. Quite spectacular.'

'Thank youjimbo.' Venetia smiled at his compliment. 'I thought with having a pool of your own you wouldn't be interested in swimming here. The gymnasium would be really useful to you though. Have you got an exercise programme?'

'No, I haven't. Are you the one to give it to me?'

'Yes, I will. We do have a gymnast but it's his night off tonight. When you're ready, we'll go in to the gym and I'll take your pulse and things and show you how to pace yourself.'

'In that case I'll get my gear on right now. Harriet's in the sauna so she'll be a while.'

'Let's stay here a little longer Jimbo.' Venetia slid along the seat and sat very near to him. Jimbo nestled close.

Jimbo took his chance. 'How's business then? Looks as if things are going well. I wish I could say the same of Henderson's.'

'Isn't it going well?'

'Comme ci, comme c.a. Not bad, but not good enough unfortunately. You're a businesswoman, Venetia, have you any advice?' Jimbo's leg came in for some sympathetic patting from Venetia who then said, 'I'd no idea things weren't too good. Jeremy could advise you I'm sure.'

'What I need is some sensational happening to create a lot of interest. A customer of mine, who's a member of a health club up in town, was telling me that membership was none too buoyant, until one of the girls in the gym began giving "extra mural" tuition to the men in the sauna, then membership soared. News like that travels fast. The owners were feeling well chuffed and rubbing their hands with glee, till they got a visit from the police and the girl had to be sacked. They came close to being accused of running a brothel.'

199

'That's something one has to be very careful of in this business. It's so easy for clients to get the wrong impression.'

'What is really happening here? Membership wise I mean?'

'It's building up and will soon be a roaring success. Jeremy is very confident, and so am I. These things take time, that's all.'

'That's OK so long as the money doesn't run out.'

'It won't run out believe me. Anyway, you get paid on delivery for what you supply, so you should worry.'

'Cheques are fine so long as there's something in the bank to back them up. I might need to ask for cash soon if I get edgy.'

'You must do that if you wish. Here's Harriet. Bye, I've got things to do.'

Harriet joined Jimbo as Venetia left.

'She is a liar I'm afraid. They are in grave difficulties.'

'That's not what she said.'

'No, I know it isn't, but I haven't worked in the City for years without getting a sixth sense about money. They are mortgaged up to the hilt I bet. No more food Harriet, unless they pay cash. Remember.'

After she'd dried and changed Venetia went to the private office to find Jeremy. He was seated at a desk covered with well fingered files, his latest cheap bodice ripper novel spreadeagled on top, ash trays stacked with cigar stubs and a pile of Snickers, Jeremy's latest craze. He unwrapped his third since tea and sat gloomily reading a letter he'd already looked at innumerable times that day.

'It's no good reading the same thing time after time, Jeremy, action is what's needed.'

'I can't believe that things have gone so badly wrong. I mean, old Arnie having to call in the receivers. He and I

200

have known each other for years. If anybody was to go down I wouldn't have thought it would be him. I can remember watching him getting a huge roll of banknotes out of his back pocket and peeling off a few to give his son to go to the cinema with. Generous to a fault, he was. Now look what's happened.'

'Well, he won't be peeling any banknotes off for us will he? He was our last hope.'

'You know, Venetia, we have got to stop these free weekends, all this entertaining trying to persuade the punters to part with their money. There quite simply isn't the cash for it any more.'

'What the hell are we going to do? We've got so much on HP and a bloody gigantic overdraft. I feel sick, absolutely sick.'

Jeremy buried his head in his hands and groaned. 'When I think how much time and money I spent greasing the palms of pathetic councillors to get planning permission for this place, God I could weep. They're all sitting pretty, safe as houses grinning all over their faces while we're in queer street and no mistake. All the time it took convincing people to lend us the money too. They'll be after me like rockets once I stop paying the interest. There must be a way out.'

'And there was me going round telling everyone you were rich.'

'You shouldn't have done that. Most of it was borrowed. Added to which the alterations all cost far more than we thought they would.'

'I only did it to give everyone confidence you know. Well, you're supposed to be the business brain, get thinking.'

'My brains have dried up completely. All I can see is us being saddled with a massive debt for the rest of our lives.'

'You'll be saddled with it, Jeremy. Not me. It was

201

your idea.'

'We went into it together.'

'I know we did. But you borrowed the money, I didn't.'

'I did it for you.'

'Yes, but none of it is in my name is it? Remember? It had to be all Jeremy. The big I am. "Look what I can do for the little woman." I can walk out of here tomorrow and no one can touch me.'

'Look, Venetia ..."

'Don't you Venetia me. You signed all the papers, you talked to the bank. Second class citizen that was me. It's all yours lock stock and barrel.'

Jeremy leant forward and lowering his voice said one word.

'Fire.'

Tire?'

'Shush, don't talk so loud.'

'What do you mean?'

Jeremy beckoned her closer. 'I mean, we'll start a fire. Burn the place down and then collect on the insurance.'

'Jeremy you wouldn't.' Venetia peered closely into his face. 'You would, I can see it in your eyes. You can't do that to this lovely place it would be sacrilege. To say nothing of the risk you'd be taking.'

'We d
be taking. We'd have to be very clever. Being a listed building there'd be an awful lot of investigation. Look at the chap who came a couple of weeks ago. Went through the place with a fine tooth comb to ensure we were attending to the upkeep as we should. He spent ages poking about at that west corner. His report should be here soon, let's hope he found nothing too serious. It's not a question of setting fire to this place and doing a runner, then they'd know it was on purpose. We've got to be around and need to be rescued or even to ring the fire brigade when it's all too late. No staff here, us out for

202

the evening, back about two in the morning to find the place in flames.'

'Surely it won't come to that?'

'We'll keep it in mind anyway.'

'How do you start a fire?'

'They're so clever nowadays, a pile of rags near the curtains and petrol poured on won't do at all. They'd soon tipple to that little scheme. We've got to be more subtle. Much more.'

'Let's hope it won't come to that. Surely the recession won't last much longer.'

'It will. Our game is a luxury not a necessity and businesses like ours go under first.'

'Oh God! Whatever are we going to do?'

'Like I said, put a match to it. Well, not literally but almost.'

'If we get found out you'll go to prison.'

'Oh, will I? And what about you?'

'They wouldn't send someone like me to prison, now would they?'

'Yes.'

'Would they?'

'Of course. Why not? This whole thing was your ridiculous idea in the first place. I should never have listened to you. You aren't in the right class for this kind of enterprise. Turnham House is a far cry from 'Let Pam Pamper You' unisex salon in Soho. If the police had had anything about them it would have been closed down.'

'They couldn't very well, half the clientele were senior police officers. That was the reason we didn't get shut down.'

Til do some thinking and see what I come up with.'

Jeremy and Venetia's regular food order at the Store for the following weekend had to be cancelled now that freebies were out. Jimbo had to come to some decisions

203

of his own.

'Harriet. Council of War, my darling, if you please.'

'When the children are in bed, Jimbo. We don't want them worrying their heads about money, that's our problem.'

'Fine. Eight thirty sharp then, in Sadie's office, then we'll be well out of hearing.'

A little before time he carried a tray in. There on it were Harriet's usual gin and tonic and a whisky and water for himself. He began his drink while he waited for Harriet to come in. He'd done his figures and he knew what he was suggesting was the only valid solution.

'There's no other way Harriet. Last month we lost nearly a thousand pounds in Henderson's, and now the health club is apparently on its way out. Jeremy says it's only a blip and things will come right but you and I know different, so we've lost that income which did help a bit to offset the losses. The areas where we are actually making money are with the mail order, with the catering side and to a lesser extent with the Store. Rather than bleed those areas to death supporting a restaurant which is failing, I propose we close it. Much as I hate admitting defeat it will sink us if we don't. What do you think?'

'As a director of Charter-Plackett Enterprises I agree. But what the blazes do we do with the building?'

'I very much doubt we could sell it as a going concern. I propose we sell the kitchen equipment and the tables and chairs and, hold your breath here, re-vamp it into a house again and move in. That would give us more living space there and more room for the catering side and the mail order business here. You would be the first to admit we are very cramped in here anyway, we've always said that.'

'You mean use the whole of this building for the business and live separately over in Henderson's?'

'Yes, what do you think?'