Taking the Lead: Lessons From a Life in Motion (24 page)

Take the pressure off yourself. You’re creating a story that hasn’t even happened: you messing up or the audience laughing. Get rid of it. Envision enjoying it and the audience loving it. Create a different image and put yourself in a better place. Enjoy it. It sounds like a cliché to say, “Go out there and have fun,” but it’s true. Whenever you feel that anxiety, catch it, realize what you are doing, then rewrite the story. Think of three things you are grateful for in that moment and go out there and embrace the dance.

I want my grandparents to dance like they used to when they were young. They say they’re too old. Any advice?

Hell, yeah! When I hear people tell me, “I’m too old to dance,” I say you’re never too old! I go to this salsa club in L.A. and I see seventy-, eighty-, and ninety-year-old people dancing their butts off. They are moving and loving it. I recently popped into my grandparents’ place in Idaho for a visit. They’re in their eighties, and my grandpa has had some serious health issues. He’s had a triple bypass open heart surgery. It was midnight, and they were in their pajamas. My grandma tells me, “Derek, every single morning we wake up and turn on this song and dance.” Then she proceeds to demonstrate! She goes over and puts on a song and they start dancing. I’ve never seen them light up so much—they looked twenty years younger. Lesson learned? Your grandparents can and should dance. Even people who are in wheelchairs or confined to bed, can still dance and move. Remind them of that!

I see how dance transforms the bodies of the stars on the show. I need to lose weight—can it do the same for me? I’m so unmotivated!

Absolutely. Dancing you enjoy, so you forget that you’re working out. We associate working out with work and with pain. But dancing is fun and you should go for it if it motivates you to move. All consistent movement helps your metabolism. But I’m not going to say don’t change anything else in your life. You have to be consistent with how often you move, and you need to eat healthily. You can’t dance in the morning and eat cheeseburgers and fries for lunch. What you see on
DWTS
is a combination of people dancing and changing their habits and their whole lives. In order to do the show, they need to be stronger and they need to be fueled. Your body is your machine; you’ve got to make sure it’s well-oiled.

DANCING WITH THE STARS

How difficult was it during the first few seasons of
Dancing with the Stars
when you were competing against Mark and Julianne?

It wasn’t hard for me because we competed against each other growing up. Those days, it was hard-core competition. This felt a little more like fun competition for us. But when Julianne beat us that first season, Mark and I both said, “Well, that feels weird!”

Is it difficult to separate the chemistry created on the dance floor and the real connection you may feel for your partner?

It is by nature an intimate situation when you’re dancing with someone that closely. There have been times when a partner came into rehearsal and told me, “I dreamed about you last night.” We both laugh about it and carry on. People think that you need real chemistry to pull off an emotional or a sensual dance, but that’s not the case. If you have two people and you are each honest with yourselves, then you will create a connection on the dance floor.

Tell us something we don’t know about what goes on backstage at
DWTS
! Any secrets? Anything we don’t see on camera?

I don’t want to divulge
all
our secrets, but here’s a good one: there have been a few wardrobe malfunctions in the past, especially with ladies and parts of their anatomy popping out. Obviously being on national TV, we want to avoid these fashion emergencies, so the women wear these things called pasties. We have an official person, a woman, who’s in charge of pasty checks. It’s her job (I’m not kidding) to makes sure nothing is revealed when it isn’t intended to be.

Is Len as grumpy as he seems? Does Carrie Ann always cry? Can you understand what Bruno says (I can’t)? Do you get along with all the judges?

I knew Len back when I was a kid in London. Sometimes, he’ll come up to me in the hallway after he’s just blasted me onstage and say, “I loved it. That was bloody marvelous.” So much for being tough! He’s a great guy and I think he’s brilliant at what he does. He has a great way with words. I admire all the judges. As for Carrie Ann, good for her for being so open. It makes me happy when I see her get emotional. Bruno’s just crazy. Enough said. As long as he keeps his shirt on, I’m good.

Who has been your favorite guest judge so far on
DWTS
and why?

Cher. The first time she gave a score, she didn’t say the number, she said her name. Carrie Ann says, “Seven;” Bruno says, “Seven,” and she says, “Cher!” I just thought that was absolutely priceless and hilarious.

Have you ever had to change a dance last minute? Why?

Oh, yeah. That’s what a choreographer’s job is—to be very flexible. With my partners, there have been times when we would be too nervous of the step and I’ve had to edit it out right before the live show. Amber is a great example. There was a move where she was supposed to grab me and I did a backflip. In rehearsal, I knocked her in the head. It made her too nervous, so we took it out right before we went onstage to perform it. I’m always changing things last minute, and I base it on what’s best for my partner and the dance. I used to be very set in my routines, but experience has taught me that you have to be able to change things at the drop of hat to get it done.

Do you hang out with the
DWTS
pros after the show? Are you guys friends?

We definitely all get along and support one another, out and about. We’ve known each other a long time. At the premiere of my movie, Val came to the after party. I finished all my press and I said, “Do you want to go watch the end of the movie?” I have a really tough time watching myself on screen so all I wanted to do was get out of the theater. Val could sense how uncomfortable I was and he knows how self-critical I am. He said to me, “Dude, you looked great up there. Are you gonna win an Oscar for it? No! But you’re on the right track.” I thought that was hilarious—nothing like a friend to put it all into perspective for you!

Is the Mirror Ball heavy? Where do you keep yours?

Yeah, they’re pretty heavy—but not very durable. They break easily. I keep all of mine downstairs in my office tucked away on some shelves. I don’t have them scattered around the house—that would be a little obnoxious. When the light hits them at the right time of day, it’s like you’re in Studio 54.

Do you design all the costumes for you and your partners? Has anyone ever not liked your fashion choices?

Mark Ballas is like, “I wanna be a wizard, I wanna be a ninja.” He loves a good costume. Me? Put me in a T-shirt and jeans and I’m happy. But somehow I’ve become good friends with the wardrobe department in all my seasons on the show. I work really closely with them. They let me guide them. With Amy in her contemporary costume, it first felt too sexy. It was peach and I thought the color was a mistake; it made the prosthetic leg look orange. Last minute, I said, “Let’s make a basic grey dress.” I didn’t want to see the costume—I wanted to see her. I actually sketched the costume on a piece of paper. I never thought I’d be designing clothing! But getting the fit right and getting the fabric to do what it’s supposed to do is part of my job.

How has your experience on
DWTS
changed you? For better or for worse?

Definitely for worse—no, I’m kidding! It’s transformed me. I was very much self-concerned in my early career; it was all about me. But this show is not about you, it’s about your partner and bringing the best out in them. I want them to shine. Taking another human being on a journey from no experience to something extraordinary in a short amount of time is a great gift. It taught me patience and compassion. It’s been an incredible experience that I am so grateful for.

Who comes up with those crazy team names—and what has been your favorite?

The fans! I think my favorite has been “Menough Said” for Maria Menunos and me.

PARTNERSHIPS

You have the gift of bringing out the absolute best in your partner, no matter who she is. Any tips for the rest of us? How can we learn to bring out the best in our own partners?

The first time I work with a partner, I’ll put the music on and I’ll watch them move in the mirror naturally. I will choreograph the dance, building on that natural ability. I don’t force them into changing into something completely different than who they are. It’s never “do what I do.” So to answer your question, I say start by identifying something your partner does well—the great qualities he or she already has—and build on them. Don’t try to force someone to be who they’re not. Appreciate what makes them unique and special.

My boyfriend is not great at communicating. How can I encourage him to be more open?

When I go in the studio, I take on a role. I have to be someone who can communicate something so my partner can understand it perfectly. You have to be what you want from people. You have to start with your own honesty and openness to get it back in return.

LIFE IN GENERAL

What makes you so happy? You are always smiling. What is your key to being so happy?

Let’s be clear—I’m not always happy. There are days I want to jump off a cliff. But saying that, even on my bad days, I make a conscious decision to be happy. You have to make that decision every day, many times a day. I want to be happy, so I am.

You have a lot of great motivational quotes, but is there one book that is your favorite? A saying that you always live by?

A book that really resonated with me was
The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle. I was living so much in the future and had such anxiety, and that book came along and those four words were life-changing. The sayings that motivate me change frequently; it’s based on the timing. Right now I like “Follow less people on Twitter and lead more in life.”

In the midst of all the success that you have encountered, how have you managed to remain so normal and genuine? How do you
not
let fame get to your head?

My family definitely keeps me grounded. Also, I don’t consider myself famous. Nobody is any better than anybody else. We’re all just human beings.

What’s a song that inspires you no matter what is going on in your life?

Everyone has a song that hits them at an important time in their life. Maria Menounos said hers was Madonna’s “Material Girl.” I was like, “Really? Okay.”

For me, that song is “Sweet Disposition” by The Temper Trap. I heard it at a time in my life when everything was becoming clear, and I’m anchored to it. Every time I hear it, I feel hopeful. It reminds me of dusk. It makes me feel happy to be alive.

If you couldn’t dance, what would you do?

I love architecture—I think I’d be an architect. I’d be someone who creates something from nothing. That’s what I do in my choreography as well.

Everyone makes mistakes—so what is your biggest one?

The biggest mistake I make all the time is starting to doubt myself. There have been a lot of moments of doubt, but in particular, it would be the time our record label dropped us. It made me question myself and my talent, and that doubt led me down certain roads until I didn’t like who I became. I had been so sure and confident, and for a moment, I thought, Maybe, I’m not that guy.

I would love to hear about your experience dancing with Brilynn Rakes. You were crying at the end of the dance. She passed away suddenly a week after that spotlight segment aired. I know it was a highlight of her life and it appeared to touch you deeply
.

It was pretty remarkable, and it’s such a gift to be let into someone else’s life in this way. This girl who has no sight decided she wants to be a ballerina—and who says that she can’t be one? She knew her limitations and she defied them. It moved me a lot, and it chokes me up even now when I write about it. For the segment,
DWTS
interviewed her dad for an hour and a half and he said he was so proud of her and how much joy she brought into their lives.
DWTS
sent her family all that footage. Things truly do happen for a reason. Maybe doing this dance gave Brilynn the opportunity to hear her father say these things about her. Now that she’s gone, he has that to hold on to.

Do you have a bucket list? And if so, what are some of the things on that list?

My bucket list is never-ending! I want to get my Indiana Jones hat on and travel the world. I want to take my mom to Paris and paint for a week, and my dad and I have always talked about hiking the Alps (I’ve got to get on that!). I want to try cave diving—kind of like scuba diving, but you go into these massive caves underwater with a flashlight. It would be terrifying, but incredible.

If you could pick one of the following three women for a dance partner, who would you choose and why: Lady Gaga, Michelle Obama, or Kate Middleton?

I’d like to dance with Kate Middleton—I mean, come on, she’s a princess. And you know what? Every time people ask me questions like this, I wind up dancing with the person. So, Kate, I’ll see you soon.

What three words would you use to describe yourself?

Passionate, energetic, blond.

To my family—my mother for carrying me nine months and for introducing me to this world with love. You have always been my cheerleader and such a believer—not just a believer in me, but in everyone who has crossed your path. My father: for being the most consistent man I’ve known. You taught me what unconditional love is. You have shown me through your example how to never waver in my morals and beliefs. To all my sisters—Sharee for being Mom #2 while we were growing up, and for actually bearing six other kids so I have the privilege of being an uncle to them. Thank you for being the first one of the Hough kids to take ballet and lead the way for me to take dance classes! Marabeth: In the past few years, you’ve figured it all out. You’ve been an incredible example of how to choose a happy life and live it to its fullest. Thank you for showing me what I sound like when I talk to people. We make perfect sense to each other, even though no one else understands what we say! Katherine: Thank you for being the light in our family. You light up a room, and you always lead the way in having a great time and bringing so much joy and laughter to us all. As Dad would say, “You’re my Face of America, too.” Jules: Thank you for always being there and for being my partner in crime on this crazy adventure. Your drive and your passion are always inspiring to me. You’re not only an amazing sister—you’re one of my best friends. To all the Hough and Heaton clan: thank you for the incredible memories. A special thank-you goes out to Grandma and Grandpa Hough for giving us a place in Coeur d’Alene to come together as a family and reconnect and build more memories each and every year.