Taking Chances (32 page)

Pressing down the handle with his elbow he opened the door to the kitchen and disappeared inside. She heard him call her name, then saw him return to the door and look out. It was a moment or two before he found her, but when he did it was as though the space between them no longer existed, for the immediacy and power of his response leapt through her veins too.

He came towards her, his intense blue eyes drinking in the sight of her. This was the sexiest underwear she had ever owned, and the very first time she’d worn it. She wasn’t sure why she’d chosen now, today, to put it on, except she wanted to do anything and everything in her power to please him – and from the way he was looking at her now, there was no doubt in the world she
was
doing that. The white stretch-satin bodysuit went right up to her neck, where it folded over in a neat little lace collar. The shoulders were cut away, so were the cups of the bra, leaving her breasts completely exposed. From the waist down there was no more to the suit than the long thin triangle that barely covered her pubic hair. The white garter-belt was made of the same white satin, the stockings were also white.

As he reached her he stood looking down at her, his eyes burning with all the emotion she had feared, yet craved. His desire was so intense she could feel it knifing through her too, and the need for him to touch her was growing to a pitch she was finding hard to bear.

Resting his hands on the trees he lowered his head to her breasts and taking first one, then the other nipple into his mouth, he began to suck and pull and bite until he had drawn them out so far they were throbbing. Her eyes were closed, her breath was coming in short, ragged gasps. He stood up and looked at her again, then his mouth came crushing down on hers as he drew her harshly against his erection, and ripped off his shirt so he could feel the hardness of her nipples on his skin. Her fingers were fumbling with his shorts, frantic to get to his penis, wanting it in her hand, in her mouth, and deep inside her. As she found him he groaned, and drew back quickly as a sudden climax threatened to claim him.

She looked up at him, waited for him to steady, then turned so he could see her from behind. Her back was totally covered, her buttocks were totally bare. He ran his hands over the soft, firm flesh, down to her stocking tops and around to the front of her. Kicking off his shorts he pulled her back against him, placing his penis along the narrow thong of her bodysuit. Her head fell back on his shoulder, and, as she looked up at him, he cupped her face in one hand and brought her mouth to his. His other hand had returned to her breasts, lifting them, squeezing them and grazing the nipples over his palm.
Their
tongues were as entwined as their hearts as he continued to kiss her, until finally he lifted his head and looked into her eyes.

‘Do you have any idea how much I love you?’ he whispered.

‘I love you too,’ she said, then moaned softly as he lowered his hands to ease open her legs. Obediently she parted them, then gasped as he suddenly tore open the bottom of her suit and pushed his fingers inside her.

‘Oh God, Michael,’ she murmured, as he began to stroke her. ‘Oh God, don’t stop. Please don’t stop.’

He quickened his fingers, while with his other hand he pushed his penis down between her legs and began slowly to penetrate her.

‘Oh Michael,’ she cried as he filled her. ‘Yes, oh God, yes.’

Her final yes was more of a scream as he rammed himself into her. Very slowly he pulled back, then rammed himself in again. She bent forward, using the trees to balance, but almost lost it as she felt the full length of him plunge right up inside her. His hands circled her waist as he slammed himself in, harder and faster. The sensations were so fierce her knees were turning weak. He held her tight, keeping her against him as he soared towards climax. Then suddenly he pulled out, turned her round and took her in his arms.

She lifted her mouth to his and only broke away to pull the bodysuit over her head. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, the coarse dark hair, the hard muscle and sweat. She could feel the strength of his thighs pressing through the silk of her stockings and wanted them against her too. Quickly she peeled the stockings off, unhooked the garter-belt and returned to his arms.

Naked, they lay down in the grass, eyes locked together, as he entered her again and began to make love to her with such tenderness and skill it brought tears to her eyes. He knew everything about her, where to touch
her
, when to kiss her and how to surprise her. She watched him and touched him and yearned to become part of him. Knowing she was going to lose him filled her with such longing it was as though there was nothing else in her. She looked into his eyes and seeing him smile, she smiled too. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him deeply. Then she rolled him onto his back and sat over him.

His hands came up to her breasts, caressing them and holding them, before descending to her waist, to her hips and round to her buttocks. He ran them along the insides of her thighs until he reached her and pulled her wide open. Then his thumb was on her, rotating, rubbing and pressing. She fell over him and clung to him with her arms and legs as he laid her on her side and came into her for a long, long time.

Later that evening Michael was on the phone to his mother, then Michelle and Robbie, while Ellen cleared away the remains of dinner and emptied what was left of a bottle of Chianti into the glasses she’d left on the table. They’d eaten outside on the patio, cocooned in the darkness by the burnished glow of citronella candles to keep the mosquitoes at bay. The moon was high and dramatically clear in a black, starry sky and the sound of the waves, soughing up from the shore, swept through the perpetual buzz of crickets and seemed to merge with the wonderfully romantic songs that were playing on the CD.

As she sat down at the table, propping her feet up on a chair, Michael said goodbye to his mother and waited for Robbie to come on the line. Turning to look at Ellen he winked, and pulled a sofa cushion out from behind him. She looked lovely sitting there in the candlelight, her hair clipped carelessly on top of her head, her lightly tanned skin glowing more darkly against the pale peach shades of her shorts and top.

She smiled back at him, then carried in his drink. He was gently biting her thigh and making her laugh as Robbie suddenly exploded onto the line.

‘Dad!’ he shouted. ‘Dad, guess what?’

‘And what would that be?’ Michael said, glancing up at Ellen.

Brushing her fingers lightly over his face she wandered back out to the table and sat down again.

‘I got a commendation for my maths today. That’s the second one this week. And if I get another before the end of next week I can win a red badge. I’ve got a blue one now, because I’ve got two. And Mummy said if I get a red badge we can go to Big Bear camping and I can wear my badge.’ He grabbed a quick breath. ‘And Dad,’ he pressed on, ‘guess what? I’ve got a new poster in my bedroom. Maggie sent it over from the office. It’s really cool. You can see it when you come home. When are you coming home?’

‘At the end of next week,’ Michael laughed. ‘And well done getting the commendation. I’m proud of you. If you get the red badge then Ellen and I should be back in time to come to Big Bear with you.’

‘Oh yeah!’ Robbie cheered. ‘Mum! Dad says he might come to Big Bear too.’

‘How’re Gran and Uncle Cavan?’ Michael asked.

‘They’re OK. Uncle Cavan’s teaching Gran to drive your car and they nearly had an accident today, but they’re all right. Gran said it was Uncle Cavan’s fault because he shouted at her, and Uncle Cavan said he wouldn’t dare to shout at her, because she would hit him. So she hit him anyway. It was really funny.’

Michael was laughing. ‘Just as long as my car is still in one piece,’ he said, ‘or I’ll hit them both.’

‘Oh, got to go now, Dad,
South Park
has just started.’

‘Hey! Do you want to say hello to Ellen? She’s right here?’

Michael’s heart sank at the silence. ‘Robbie? Are you
still
there?’ he said, wishing to God he’d never made the suggestion in Ellen’s hearing.

‘Yes,’ came a small, sullen voice.

Repressing a sigh, Michael said, ‘I love you, son.’

‘Love you too, Dad,’ he replied. ‘Can I go now?’

‘Sure. I’ll call again in a couple of days.’

Putting the phone back on the hook Michael wandered out to the patio and sat down. ‘Sorry,’ he said, looking at Ellen across the table.

She smiled. ‘It’s OK,’ she answered, hurting as much for him as she did for herself.

‘We’ll work something out,’ he said, circling his fingers round the stem of his wineglass.

Ellen looked at him and longed to put her arms around him, as though to protect him from all the pain that was coming – pain that was so much bigger than this it couldn’t even begin to compare.

He lifted his eyes to hers and gazed at the candlelight reflected in her pupils. ‘I thought,’ he began, then took a breath. ‘I wondered, you know, when you threw up a couple of times before the wedding …’

Guilt hit her heart like a stone.

‘Nerves?’ he said and gave a humourless laugh. ‘I guessed, but, you know.’ He looked at his drink again, then picking it up he took a sip. ‘I don’t know if having any more would be the answer for Robbie. At least not right now. What do you think?’

She tried to swallow, but her throat was too tight. ‘It might not be,’ she said in a whisper.

Again his eyes were gazing deep into hers. ‘But it’s not all about Robbie,’ he said softly. ‘It’s about us too, and…’ He stopped and wiped a hand over his unshaven face. ‘Maybe it’s too soon,’ he said. ‘Maybe we should wait a bit longer, you know, with the movie coming up.’

‘Is that what you want?’ she said, barely able to speak.

‘I want whatever you want,’ he told her. ‘I guess I was just wondering, you know, with it not happening, if
maybe
, when we get back, we should go and get ourselves checked out. I mean, I know I’ve got Robbie, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be me. Something might have gone wrong between now and then. Something, you know, that’s going to be easy to fix.’

Her eyes were burning, as she drew in her lips to stop them from trembling. He was trying so hard not to offend her, or to make her feel responsible, or inadequate. She looked at him in the softly flickering candlelight and loved him with every fibre of her being. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ she said, her voice barely more than a croak.

He watched her, waiting for her to continue, but she couldn’t. Dread was taking over everything inside her, rendering her incapable of anything more than the effort to breathe.

‘Are you trying to tell me there’s something wrong with you?’ he said, a sudden fear in his eyes. ‘Something not to do with … Something more serious?’

She shook her head. ‘No,’ she said brokenly. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me either.’

As he waited she could sense his confusion, and wondered why this was happening now when she had tried so hard to avoid it. Two weeks was all she had wanted, and then she’d have told him. She wasn’t ready to do it now. But the moment was here and no matter how desperately she longed to escape it, she knew she no longer could.

‘What is it?’ he said. ‘Ellen, what are you trying to tell me?’

The tightness of her heart was so intense she could feel every beat as it throbbed through her chest. ‘I …’ She reached for her glass, but didn’t pick it up. ‘You recall the night you came back from London? You know, after your last trip?’

She almost felt him become still and knew exactly what was going through his mind.

She tried to smile. ‘I came home,’ she said, her voice faltering on the words. ‘I saw you with Michelle.’

‘Oh my God,’ he murmured. He turned to look out at the night, as though somewhere there, in the darkness, he would find what he needed to say. Then his eyes returned to hers, and she could see his remorse as clearly as she could see the unease. ‘I know I should have told you,’ he said, ‘but … Oh Christ, Ellen, I’m sorry. You’ve got to know it didn’t mean anything. It would never have happened, but …’

‘No, Michael, please, I just want you to listen,’ she interrupted.

He watched her face and started to reach out for her hand, but she shook her head and drew her hand back. She could see how much that hurt him, but it just wasn’t possible for her to tell him while he was touching her.

‘After I saw you,’ she said, ‘I got back in my car and started to drive. I’m not sure whether I knew where I was going … All I can remember is trying to blot out what I had seen, and it was like, if I went back over the route I’d just come then maybe it would roll back the time. I’d been with Tom at the Four Seasons, so that was where I ended up.’ She looked at him. ‘I slept with him,’ she whispered, ‘and now I’m pregnant.’

As the blood drained from his face she could feel the world slipping away. The sounds of the night dipped and rose, the hot, humid air closed around her face like a suffocating sponge. She watched him and felt the brutal tearing of the bond between them as though it were happening as a real and physical wrench. Her hands started to move as though they could somehow put it back together, but there was nothing to touch. They were drifting away from each other, having nothing now to pull them back. She could almost hear the ramifications of what she’d said as they began to crowd in on him, and sensed his bitter struggle for understanding as it sought the steady ground of reason
or
logic. For one awful and strangely light-headed moment, it all felt like a dream, one in which she knew she would wake up any minute, but just couldn’t make herself.

At last he moved, putting his hands to his head and pressing down hard.

‘Oh God, Michael, I’m sorry,’ she said, tears spilling unchecked from her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t …’ She jumped as he got abruptly up from the table.

‘You’re
sorry
?’ he seethed. ‘What, do you think that makes it all right? Because you’re sorry?’

‘Michael, please,’ she begged, ‘let’s at least try to talk …’