Taken by Chance (16 page)

Well, after last
night, wasn’t it already complicated?

Lena was a mess.

“I need your
advice,” she said to Lola.

“Well, that was
quick.” Lola giggled. “Oh, wow, ignore me. I’m sorry, these hormones are
just…I’m probably going to cry again in, like, five minutes. Just ignore it.
Ask away, I promise my brain is working fine.”

“You’re one of the
lucky ones that gets to have fun with all this pregnancy stuff, aren’t you?”

“
Shh
,” Lola admonished. “Don’t use the p-word. Just tell
people I’m eccentric or something. Now c’mon, ask away.”

“You know you’re
the reason Chance helped me? With the whole paparazzo thing?”

“You think I’m the
reason he helped you? No,
honey, Chance does what he wants
,
trust me
. And that wasn’t your question.”

Lena sighed. Lola
was obviously just as stubborn as Chance. And Lena had heard she was a switch,
someone who could be both dominant and submissive. She could believe
it—there was something in the tone of that last sentence…

“What’s wrong with
Chance?” Lena asked.

Lola grew quiet,
and Lena could feel the other woman studying her. Like she was evaluating
whether she could trust her.

Again, like
Chance.

“What happened,
specifically?” Lola asked.

“Nothing bad. I
mean, he didn’t hurt me or lose control or anything like that. God, he would
never—”

“I know what you
mean. Go on.”

“He was really
clear that he
won’t
get into relationships because
he’s fucked up in some way, which, I’m fine with that, honestly. I get it. But
last night he had some kind of nightmare. I say it like that and it sounds
stupid, but trust me, if you’d seen him…”

“He’s been
different since he got back,” Lola said quietly. “I’ve been worried about him.
Something he was holding back, something I know is hurting him. He hasn’t
talked to Roman or me about it, but I think something happened on his last
security job. And the only other time I’ve seen him like this…”

Lola trailed off.
Lena could see that she’d asked about something raw, something real, and now
that Lena knew there really was something there, she didn’t know what to do.
She knew what she felt, but she didn’t know what the rules were, whether she
could push Chance, whether she
should
.

“When else have
you seen him like that?” she asked.

Lola sighed. “I
know this is horrible to do to you, but this is something that Chance really
needs to tell you himself. And you need to talk to him about it, because he’s
your Dom. And believe me when I tell you that
I’m
going to talk to him about it, because that is how we roll at
Volare. Lots of redundancies in taking care of each other.”

“Oh, please
don’t,”
Lena
said. “I should have asked him about it
first, and now—”

“Don’t worry about
it. He’ll expect me to be concerned. He would do the same for me if I had
something going on and I was training a sub. If he screwed up with you, even a
little bit, it would probably damage him more than it would you.”

Weirdly, even
though Lena was the one getting tied up and spanked, she could believe this.
Chance would never forgive himself if anything ever happened to her.

And she was
grateful for the opportunity to spill all of this to someone who would actually
understand. Lena let it all just rush out of her. “I don’t know how to talk to
him without crossing a line. I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone
else, but he was so clear about not getting into a relationship, and
I
was so clear about it, and I really am
totally fine with it, and I just…don’t. I really don’t want to cross a line I
shouldn’t.”

“Uh huh,” Lola
said, smiling a little too knowingly for Lena’s liking. “You are fine with it,
and you don’t want to. You’ve said that a few times. Well,
listen,
in my experience these things tend to work themselves out. Sometimes it can
take
way
too long, if someone happens
to be particularly stubborn
,” she added darkly, “but, you
know, it does happen eventually.
Just do what you think is right, Lena.”

“You seem
confident.”

“Yup. And now I’m
going to cry.
For literally just…no reason.
Crying.
Here it comes.”

Lena stifled a
laugh, even as she was getting some tissues. “You know, I don’t know how long
you’re going to be able to keep this a secret,” she said.

“I know,” Lola
sobbed. “But it’s just that Ford says Chance has been so happy lately, and
you’re all worried, and, I just…oh
God
,
seriously just ignore me. I should not be talking right now.
At
all.
To anyone.”

“Would it be
terrible if I used this to my advantage and got you to spill?”

“Yes!”

“Ok,” Lena
giggled, handing Lola another tissue. “I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I promise.”

“Hey,” came a
voice from the door to the terrace. “What’s wrong?”

Chance stood
there, holding a take out bag from the breakfast burrito place he’d seen Lena
frequent every day since he’d moved in, looking like he didn’t know who to be
more worried about.

chapter
18

Chance was
bewildered. First, there was the fact that Lola was here, in L.A., which he was
thrilled about. Except that she was crying.
And talking to
Lena.
Who was…laughing?

And now they were
whispering together?

“Lena,” he said,
going full Dom voice right away. “Talk to me.”

“Don’t pull that,
Chance,” Lola said. “I give her amnesty, she’s talking to me about
my
problems, and she’s wonderful.
Also, I’m just hormonal
,
ignore it
.
Now get over here and give me a hug.”

Great,
Lola with PMS.
He had no idea
how women managed it, but they did, something he was eternally grateful for. If
he had to deal with random hormones and the rest he’d lose his mind.

Chance moved in on
Lola with his arms wide open and he caught Lena snickering as he swept his
cousin up in a great big bear hug. His sub would pay for that later.

Just as soon as he
could get the image of her standing over him, worried, caring about him,
touching him, out of his head. Just as soon as he could forget how
good
it had felt to hold her through the night.

Right. Just like
that.

Probably he had
some things to take care of before he involved her in another scene. He was now
doubly glad that Lola was here. He could use some decent advice. He’d avoided
imposing his problems on Lola and Roman, as they were figuring their own
relationship out, not wanting to get in the way of those two dumb kids finally realized
that they were madly in love with each other, but maybe now it was time.

The last thing he
expected was to get blindsided by his little sub first.

“Chance,” Lena
said. “Can we talk?”

“Go,” Lola said,
waving him away. “We have all week, and I want to poke around anyway. And send
someone to go buy pickles. Do you know you have zero pickles? Oh, damn. Don’t
listen to me, just…go.”

Chance wasn’t even
listening to his cousin. One of the first things he’d
learned
as a Dom was that one’s authority was only as strong as it was fair. And Chance
knew in his heart that he needed to care for Lena after what she’d seen the
night before.

So it wasn’t like
he had a choice.

But every dominant
fiber of his being bridled and demanded that he take note and establish the
proper order of the world later. Principally, Lena under
him,
trussed and tied.

But right now,
they could talk.

Chance had tried
to sort through the way he felt about what had happened the previous night. It
had been a nightmare, obviously, one of those terrifying collages of every
shitty thing he’d ever seen or felt or feared. So of course it didn’t make
sense. It had started back in Nigeria, when he’d learned the Asala family was
missing, and then he’d suddenly been back home, watching Jennie get beaten to a
bloody pulp and unable to do anything about it. He’d been frozen in place,
unable to move, something he recognized now as sleep paralysis, but in the
dream it hadn’t mattered. He was just failing to protect her all over again.

And then he was at
Jennie’s funeral, something he hadn’t been to in real life, when everybody
started pointing. Screaming. This time, he was the monster.

Yeah, that had
sucked.

And then he’d
woken up, terrified he’d find himself somehow like
them
, the men he’d beaten up or held down before they killed
someone, just as bad, really a monster. And she was there. Looking at him like
she cared. Like she was worried.

It had made all
the difference.

Holding her,
knowing he had her safe, had made all the damn difference. It was the same way
she’d calmed him, only magnified,
multiplied
. She made
him feel human.

How the hell was
he supposed to explain any of that?

“What happened
last night, Chance?” Lena asked quietly.

“No foreplay?” he
said. “You’ve got a lot to learn about leading, sweetheart.”

“Don’t do that,”
she said. “If I can’t avoid stuff, you shouldn’t do it, either.”

He smiled at her.
She had a point. He could be proud of her and irritated at the same time.

“I’m not avoiding
anything. But don’t forget who I am, either.”

Chance strolled
over to the waist-height wall around the edge of the roof garden. Lena had led
him up here to talk, something he privately appreciated. It was a good space
for her now, somewhere she felt comfortable, safe. He felt good about that.

“Yeah, ok,” he
said, sweeping a palm across the fuzz on his head. Almost time to buzz it
again. “I haven’t exactly worked all this out yet to my own satisfaction, but
you are involved now, aren’t you? The short version?”

“Any version,” she
said.

He filled his
lungs and let it out slowly. Fine.

“So my last
security job was on a pipeline in Nigeria,” he said. “There are bands of…well,
bandits, I guess. The oil companies call them terrorists, but they’re just
gangs with guns who want money and think they can do whatever the hell they
want. Anyway, I became friendly with this family in one of the out-of-the-way
villages. It was because of the kid—he used to play soccer with me. I got
him an actual ball and everything, though, looking
back, that
might have drawn attention to them. Anyway, near the end of my contract I got
into it with some of these gangs, these bad guys.”

Chance looked at
her, tried to gauge her reaction. Her eyes were big, open hazel pools. Well, he
had to tell her.

“The
Asalas
went missing. Gone. Still have no idea what happened
to them. No one would talk to me—like if they did, they would be in
danger. I couldn’t control my temper, went after those guys, and then…”

He trailed off.
There was no point in explaining any further; it was what it was.

“It’s something
that I’m going to have to live with,” he said. “And sometimes it means nights
like last night.”

He turned and sat
on the wall, waiting for her response. Lena didn’t say anything for a moment,
only moved closer and put one soft hand on his chest. The way he’d done for her
before.

Then she tilted
her head critically, and said, “What do you mean, you ‘got into it?’”

“What does that
matter?”

“It matters. You
said you lost your temper—what were they doing? Were they doing something
horrible?”

Lena was doing it
again. Looking at him like she could see through him. It was the weirdest thing
he’d ever felt—to be
known
like
that.
By a sub.

“They were,
weren’t they?” she said.

“Well, yeah, they
weren’t nice guys, and I didn’t lose my temper over nothing.”

“Were they going
after a woman?”

Now Chance was
really flummoxed. He just looked at her, his mouth open slightly.

“Don’t look at me
like I’m a wizard or something,” she said.

“
Are
you a wizard?” he laughed.

“I’m going to take
that as a yes, they were doing something terrible to a woman,” she said, her
fingers tightening over his shirt. “Look, Chance, you have every right to
grieve, and I can’t even imagine how horrible that is. But don’t beat yourself
up for trying to
help
people.”

~ * ~ * ~

Lena watched
Chance’s face closely. He clearly hadn’t expected her to say all the things
she’d said, but then, he didn’t know that she’d gotten an assist from Lola. She
wasn’t sure what to expect in return. She had challenged his authority, in a
way, but she was right. And he had to see it. In fact, she was sure he did see
it, the look in his eyes—and then there was something else, something she
couldn’t decipher.

Something sad.

“There’s something
you’re not telling me, isn’t there?” she said.

Chance smiled at
her, shaking his head a little. “Look at you,” he said. “Yeah. There’s
something I’m not telling you.”

“How is that
fair?” she asked, starting to get kind of angry at him for his stupid
stubbornness, even though she knew it wasn’t her place—she had no claim
on him. “You require honesty from me because otherwise what we’re doing is
dangerous, but you get a pass? How does that work?”

“It doesn’t,” he
said.

Lena’s heart fell
to the floor. She shouldn’t have said that. That was, in fact, a terrible thing
to say, considering she was still keeping Paul Cigna’s creepy texts from him.
The last thing in the world she wanted was to hear that this arrangement, this
thing that had given her new life, couldn’t work.

“Don’t say that,”
she said.

Chance stood up
from the wall, and carefully, so carefully, took her in his arms. Lena could
tell he was trying to be gentle, which made her feel sick. She didn’t want him
to
have
to be gentle about whatever
he said next.

“But it’s true,
sweetheart,” he said. “I told you, I don’t have this totally figured out yet.
This conversation was…premature.
But this?
This thing
I’m not telling you? This is why I don’t get involved, and I did get involved
with you anyway because…oh shit, don’t cry.”

Lena was trying
so, so hard not to, and she had no idea what was happening to her, just that
this sounded like a breakup. It sounded like a breakup, and they weren’t even
together, and she didn’t
want
the
drama and the inevitable heartbreak that came with all that, either. She
couldn’t handle it. This arrangement had been perfect.

So why the hell
was she crying?

“Hey,” he said,
brushing her tears away. “Don’t cry, ok? I’m not finished. Just listen, all
right?”

He looked so
stricken, those blue eyes cloudy for the first time she could remember, that
she actually felt bad. The last thing she wanted to do was cause him any pain,
and she’d remembered too late that when she hurt, it affected him, too, because
he was her Dom.

Oh God, please let him still be my Dom.

“Ignore me,” she
said, mimicking Lola’s voice. She did her best to smile through the last of her
tears.

Chance grinned.
“You hormonal, too?”

“No, but I’m going
to use it as an excuse.”

His smile was like
a light. “I won’t tell.”

But Lena found
herself tugging at his shirt again, with the anxiety of not knowing rising
within her. “Please, Chance, just…tell me what you need to say.”

“Lena, I want to
say I agreed to this because I wanted to help you, and that is true. I did. And
I do. But it’s
more true
to say… Jesus, Lena, I can’t
take my hands off of you. In a way that’s new to me. I’m not like this with
other subs. There is something that you do to me, beyond the sexual, beyond…
But it doesn’t matter. It’s just not an ok way for this to happen.”

“Why not?”

Chance frowned.
“Look, I would never get into a scene with anyone if I felt I was unable to do
so safely and responsibly. I can’t tell you exactly how it works, but it puts
me in a space…a different place. I’m in control there. I’m aware of my
limitations as a man, and I don’t mess with them when other people are
involved. But there are things about me that aren’t good.
That
are
dangerous. And I don’t know how that will affect things with you,
because you’re different. And there is nothing on this Earth that can make me
put you at risk.”

It was like
someone had zapped her right in the head. Lena fisted his shirt in her hand, as
if she could change his mind or lead him around or anything, really, because
she did not like what she was hearing.

“It can’t be anyone
else but you,” she said hoarsely. “It has to be you. I don’t want anyone else.
I don’t trust anyone else.”

Chance started to
run his hands up and down her back again, in that soothing way that he had, and
she shrugged it off.

“No, don’t
soothe
me, just tell me you can still do
this,” she said, fighting back the tears again. She was clawing at his chest
now, desperate and mindless. “You’re the one I trust.”

“Lena, the problem
is, I don’t know if you
should
trust
me outside of a scene. I don’t know if
I
should trust me. That’s my fucking problem.”