Tainted Grace (23 page)

“Of course she’s ok,” said Boggs.
Their voices were distant, my own heartbeat drowning out the clarity of their words.

“You saw what happened with Aldo,” said Gus.
“Emilie, keep your eyes on the woods.”

My arms were black from the innards of the Runner.
I saw my hands trembling.

“Zoe,” called Gus.

I looked up and focused on him.

“Zoe, darlin’, did it bite you?”

“I…I…I don’t think so,” I answered. “But this crap is all over me.”

“Ok hun, I want you to listen, ok?
It’s really important.”

I nodded.

“We need to get you cleaned off. Now. You need to take all your clothes off, but I don’t want you getting that shit in your eyes or mouth. Do you understand?”

“
Yeah.”

“I’m coming over with a knife, Zoe.
I’m going to cut your shirt off. Don’t pull it over your head.”

“’Kay.”

I was already peeling my pants off, the job made difficult by my shakiness.

“Boggs,” said Gus.
“Keep your gun ready, I’m taking the knife over.”

“Gus, is this really necessary?”

“You know it is, brother.”

Gus was a few feet from me.
I held onto one of his arms for support while I kicked my shoes off and slipped my pants the rest of the way off. He must have been the one who helped me stand initially, as I noted corpse scum on his hand and arm. He used his hunting knife to cut my t-shirt from neck to waist, and I shrugged it off. Before long, I stood nude on the beach, shivering. Modesty was the last thing on my mind.

“Zoe, you have to get in the water.
Wash this crap off,” said Gus softly.

“Fuck, Gus, it’s too cold,” said Boggs, who I could tell was extremely agitated.

“I know. I’m going in with her. As soon as she’s clean, we’re heading back to the boat. Zoe, it’s gonna be colder that shit in there. We’ll need to do this fast, get in the raft, and get back. Understand?”

I nodded.
I saw Gus and Boggs exchange a concerned look. Emilie had her full attention on the tree line, and Boggs was dividing his between dangers that may be hiding in the woods and the danger of me turning into a flesh-craving Runner at any moment.

“Gus,” said Boggs.
Gus had already begun stripping from his clothes to accompany me into the salt water. He looked up. “I can take her in.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, brother, but I have cold water experience from the military.
It’s been years, but still. Plus, I have this shit on me too.”

Boggs was quiet for a moment, then nodded.
“Ok.”

I interrupted them both.
“I should go alone.”

“Not happening, Zo,” said Boggs.

“Neither of you should get close to me. What if I turn…”

Gus put his hands on his hips and shook his head.
“Don’t worry your pretty little head about that, Zoe.” He was naked as a jaybird now. It should be awkward for both of us, but under the circumstances I doubted any of us cared.

“Let’s hurry,” said Emilie, who was still focused on the woods.
“This place is creeping me out.”

Gus held a hand out to me, and I took a hold hesitantly.
He pulled me closer to him, bent down, and lifted me into his arms. “You ready?”

I shook my head no.
I looked down at my belly and saw that it was beginning to swell. The green streaks moving upward from my hip were nearly to my belly button now. Gus had kept his shoes on to maneuver the rocky shore, and stepped into the lapping waves. I felt his muscles tense and heard him inhale sharply.

“Gus?” I whispered, looking at his face.

“Hmm?”

“Don’t let go of me.”

“Never, darlin’, never.”

Before I knew it, the cold water of the Pacific was all around me.
Gus had carried me out as far as he could stand without my butt touching the water, and then let me fall into the cold abyss without warning. He had spared me from a slow introduction to the pain of the frigid water. I clung to whatever part of him I could find, needing to breathe but knowing my face was under water. I was quickly panicking. I felt his hands on me, around me, and as soon as my face hit the cold air again I sucked it deep into my lungs.

“Shhhh, Zoe, you’re ok.”
Gus’ voice was soothing.

“S…s…s...so
c…c…c…cold,” I stuttered.

“I know, baby,” he whispered.
“It’ll be over soon. I’m just going to wash this shit off of you and get you back to the boat. Keep your eyes and mouth closed, baby.”

I was already shivering, uncontrollably.
I felt his large hands smooth away the dirt from my face and hair. It felt like he was using sand to help.

“Hold your breath, Zoe,” he whispered.
I did as told, and felt him guide me underwater again. His hands were on my face as I was submerged, but this time I didn’t fight. I was pulled above water again, and he wiped my eyes. “You doing ok?”

I found it difficult to speak, so I nodded while my teeth clattered together.

“Ok, I’m just going to give you a quick look-over before we get out. Try standing, ok?”

I held onto his arms and tried to find the seafloor with my feet.
Jagged rocks threatened to cut my toes. “It’s r…r…rocky,” I said.

“Stand on my feet, Zoe.”

My feet searched for his, and before long I found his wet shoes. I placed my feet on top of them, and steadied myself.

“That’s right, Zoe, there
ya go. Let me see one arm at a time, and we’ll be done soon.”

He inspected both of my arms, my chest, my shoulders, and my face and head for any signs of bites or scratches.
Finding none, he ended by searching my eyes with his. I felt him lift me again, and carry me to shore.

“Boggs, come help me with her.”
I could feel Gus shivering now as well. “Wrap her in my jacket and get her to the raft.”

“Is she ok?” asked Em.

“I’m going to assume so. No wounds. Clear eyes.” He was having trouble speaking. “Get her in the raft, Boggs. Sorry Bud. You’ll have to row.”

My vision was narrowing, dark in the periphery like I was looking down a long tunnel.
I was so incredibly cold. I could feel my heart beating, but it sounded so slow and far away.

“It’s hard to see,” I managed to whisper as Boggs took me from Gus’s arms.
His body was so warm.

At my words, Boggs stilled.
“Gus? She says it’s hard to see.”

“It’s just the cold, Boggs.
Get her to the raft. Em, we have to go.”

I was too cold to look back for Gus, but worried he might have trouble walking.
The muscles in my abdomen were clenching and I was having waves of shuddering tremors.

“Em, grab my clothes?” asked Gus.

After those words, it grew quiet, aside from the return of the clicking from the woods.

I felt Boggs running with me in his arms, and suddenly I was lying down in the raft.

“Gus, get in. Oh my God…go!” screamed Emilie.

Gunfire followed.
I found myself unable to open my eyes. Someone was beside me now. Half lying on me. By lack of warmth, I figured it was Gus.

“Em, get in!
Fuck, Em, get in!” The raft was bobbing in the water now as gunshots continued. I heard splashing, followed by the feeling of more weight added to the raft.

“Duck, Emilie!
Fuck, no…” It was Boggs’ voice.

The sound of the oars breaking the water and Emilie crying was the last thing I remembered.

I woke colder than I can recall ever being.
Everything was swaying. All of my muscles ached. Memories of the beach came back to me in a sudden wave, and I opened my eyes.

“Hey there,” I heard Emilie say in her sweet soft voice. I looked at her and blinked to clear my eyes.

“Em, where are we?” I asked. I tried to sit up.

“Easy,” she said.
“Don’t try to sit just yet.”

“Did we all make it back?” I asked, fearful of the answer.

Emilie placed her hand on my forehead, stroking my hair back from my face. “We did, but barely.”

“Gus?
He’s ok?” I asked.

Boggs walked up behind Emilie.
“He’s fine, Zo. Pretty out of it like you, but he’ll be fine.”

“It was so cold,” I moaned.
“What happened after the water?”

“We can talk about that later, kid,” said Boggs.

“I ache all over. Especially my stomach,” I said. I was lying down now, having taken Em’s advice.

“You’ve been asleep for about twelve hours,” said Boggs.
“Gus said you’ll both be sore from your muscles reacting to the cold water. He says you should both be fine.”

“What about the baby?” I asked.

Emilie and Boggs looked at each other, for a split second too long.

“Is the baby ok?”
I tried to sit up again.

Boggs sighed.
“When Nathan and I pulled you into the boat, you were bleeding, Zoe. Down there.” He sighed again, trying to think of what to say. “Gus says we have no way of knowing, but he wants you off your feet for a few days. He says you’re still measuring farther along than you should be, even more so now.”

I felt a surge of sadness, thinking that my baby might not have made it.
“How will we know if it’s ok?” I asked, trying to not fall apart and cry.

“Gus says time will tell, sweetheart,” soothed Em.
“The bleeding’s a lot less now. I’ve been watching it while you’ve been asleep. Want me to have Gus come talk to you?”

I nodded.
She kissed me on the cheek, stood, and left the little bunk room to find Gus. Boggs stayed at my side. He held my hand and stroked my hair, and I allowed him to.

“Boggs, why couldn’t I sense them?” I asked.

His face was close to mine, resting on my chest. He looked me in the eyes. “I’m not sure Zo.”

“The whole point of me going ashore was to warn you all.
And I couldn’t even do that.”

“None of us understands why you can sometimes sense them, and sometimes not.
It’s not your duty, Zo, you know that, right?”

“I’m so sorry, Boggs.
I heard you and Em while we were leaving the beach. What happened?”

“It was horrible, Zoe.
They came out of the woods. They were communicating with each other somehow. We haven’t seen anything like it before. It was like they could all hear each other at the same time. They were decorated.”

“Decorated?” I asked, not understanding.

“Mud, plants, some of them had bones sticking out of their arms and faces. Bones that weren’t their own. They came at us so fast. Emilie had to shoot while I got the raft off the beach. One almost got her, Zo. It had her arm, just for a split second.”

We sat there together, quietly, until Gus joined us.
Emilie wasn't with him.

“Hey, Zoe,” he said with a smile.
“How’re you feeling darlin’?”

I wanted to smile but couldn’t find the will.
“Been better.”

“Em says you’re pretty sore?”

“Yeah. And pretty worried.”

“The baby?” he asked, trying to clarify.
I appreciated that he didn’t try to beat around the bush.

“
Yeah. Boggs, do you mind if I talk to Gus alone?” I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but saw the disappointment in his eyes. “I just don’t want to get upset in front of you, Boggs. That’s all.”

He squeezed my hand and gave me a half-smile.
“Sure Zoe. I’ll wait up on deck with the others.”

Gus stood at my side until Boggs was gone, then walked to the single door to the bunkroom and closed it.
He slid a lock in place.

“I should probably examine you, hun.
I just don’t want anyone walking in.”

“Gus, what’s going on with my baby?” I asked.

He sat down next to me in the chair that Emilie had occupied for hours while watching over me. He took a deep breath.

“It may just have been all the action and stress.
The shock of the cold water. It’s hard to say, Zoe. You lost some blood, vaginally.” He sounded like a nurse now. As much as I needed a friend, I also needed this side of him more than anything. “I’ll be honest. I have no way of knowing what’s going on inside. If this had happened before the world changed, you’d be in for an ultrasound by now, listening for a heartbeat, blood work. But we don’t have any of that now.”

I looked down at his hand, which was now holding mine, and watched as he stroked my skin with his thumb.
I didn’t say anything, just listened.

“Emilie and I have been checking
your bleeding for several hours and it seems to have lightened up a lot. That’s a good sign. The best we can do is look at growth as time goes by. I want you on bed rest for at least a couple days. No sex.”

“What about the baby measuring big?”

“I’m at a loss with that, Zoe. A total loss. Remember we looked you over at the river?”

I half-laughed.
“How could I forget?”

He frowned at me playfully.
“Be serious.”

“’Kay.”

“Your belly’s bigger now, just a couple days later.”

“Gus?”

“Hmm?”

“What if there’s something wrong with the baby?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when, and if, we need to.”

“Has the thought crossed your mind, though?”

“A hundred thoughts have crossed my mind about you, Zoe.”

I threw his words back at him.
“Be serious.”

“I am.”
His eyes told a story of just how serious he was. My broken heart skipped a beat.

“What if whatever I’m infected with…what if it’s done something to the baby?”

“One of the bridges we’ll cross if we need to. I’ll be there to get you through the good and the bad.”

My eyes filled with tears, and he wiped them away with his thumbs.
“I need to look you over, ok?

“Sure.”
I forced my tears away.

“I’m not going to do an internal exam, just look at your belly and hip.”

“’Kay.”

He unzipped the sleeping bag I was in.
Someone had put a t-shirt and a pair of underpants on me. I also noticed there was a rag folded in my underpants to absorb any lost blood.

“I’m still so cold.”

“I’d like nothing better than to climb in the sack with you to keep you warm,” he said as he pulled my t-shirt up. “But, the others would find that odd. Give me your hand?”

I held my arm out to him, and he took my hand in his.

“Feel here?” he asked me as he placed my hand low on my abdomen.

“It’s hard.”

“That’s your uterus. Just below your belly button. If you look down you can see it.”

I lifted my head and peered down to where his hand sat over mine.

“I shouldn’t look this pregnant yet,” I said.

“I agree.
You’ve lost weight in the past couple months, like the rest of us, so you’d be likely to start showing earlier than some. But not like this. Your uterus should still be really low.”

“I’m scared, Gus.”

“I know. Try not to be.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Ok, roll over just a notch? Let me see your hip?”

I turned toward him, offering my hip into view.
He traced some of the lines with the tip of a finger, lightly. It caused ripples of electricity deep inside of me. I suddenly longed for him to touch me all over. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes. I hadn’t realized my breathing had quickened until his lips were near my ear, his hand caressing my side.

“Zoe, baby, you can’t do that to me.”
His lips found my mouth and he kissed me deeply, bringing a hand up to one of my breasts. He was gentle, and his hand felt hot against my still cool skin. I wasn't able to answer him, my mouth busy entertaining his. “I was so afraid we’d lost you earlier today,” he said as he broke our kiss momentarily. “So afraid you were gone.” He looked into my eyes, only inches from my face. His eyes were red, and I guessed he was fighting tears.

“Boggs said Emilie came close…”

He hung his head. “That’s right. It had a hold of her arm. If Boggs wouldn’t have shot that fucking monster when he did, it would have gotten her.” Gus looked angry.

“I’m not sure I could live without her,” I said.

“I feel the same.”

I knew he meant it.
I knew he loved her. I knew his heart was in agony.