Sweet Vidalia Brand (13 page)

The saloon’s back door opened, and someone leaned out, calling, “Dad, you out there?” It was Jason’s voice.

Sighing, Vidalia felt as if she’d been saved by the bell. God knew she was dreading the rest of what she had to confess to this man.

She got to her feet and turned toward the saloon.

He got up too, put his hands on her shoulders. “Oh, no. No, you’re not getting off that easy.” And he turned her to face him again. “Why, Vidalia? Why would you lie to me about that?”

“Dad?” Jason called.

“Why? Come on, Bobby Joe, I was a married woman. A mother of four. I’d committed adultery.”

“No one ever would’ve known.”

She lowered her head. “I thought about telling you then, but you said you were leaving town. And I just...I just thought it for the best to let you go.”

He nodded, was silent for a long moment, during which his son called for him once more. “I wish I remembered,” he said. “I’ve dreamed about being with you like that, so many times. To think I actually had it and was too damn drunk to remember....”

She lowered her head. “Do you hate me for not telling you?”

“I couldn’t hate you if I tried.” He hooked a finger under her chin, lifted her head, kissed her softly and sweetly, and then a little more deeply. When he lifted his lips from hers, he whispered, “I’d sure like another night like that with you, Vidalia.”

“Ohhh, you’re the devil in blue jeans, tempting me like that Bobby Joe McIntyre.”

“I’m noting only that you didn’t say no.”

“I didn’t say yes, either.”

“Then I’m gonna keep on trying.” He kissed her once more, then turning her, kept his arm around her. “But you said there was more.”

“There is. But I think we’d best save it. We’ve got guests to entertain and your firstborn’s not gonna stop bellering until we get back inside.”

“You sure it can wait, Vidalia? It felt...important.”

He was staring into her eyes as he asked the question. She averted her gaze. “It’s important,” she admitted. “But one confession is enough for one night, don’t you think, Bobby Joe?”

“I do, at that.” He tightened his arm around her, pulling her closer to his side, and they walked together back to the saloon.

The next day morning, Bobby phoned to invite her to go Christmas shopping with him, and Vidalia was all too happy to oblige. They shopped all morning long. The man had shockingly deep pockets, and he didn’t mind dipping into them. She helped him figure out what to get for two of his sons by asking him questions about the young men and guiding him from there. For example, Joey, the youngest, had a penchant for video games when he was younger, and they found him an actual arcade version of his favorite old video game. The thing was huge and would be delivered to the saloon the next day. Rob was into the outdoors, so for him, a hand crafted wooden canoe that was so beautiful it took even Vidalia’s breath away. For Jason, they were drawing a blank, and had stopped for lunch to give their brains a rest. Their table was in the food court in the middle of the closest mall, a full hour from home. Holiday music was playing, and the place was decked to the rafters with tinsel and garland, glittery stars and snowflakes. In the distance, a half circle of twinkling trees bordered a jolly old man in a red suit, who sat in a throne-like chair in front of a mile-long line of eager children with wonder in their eyes.

“I wish I’d been around more when my kids were growing up,” Bobby mused. “I was gone so much.”

“I know. You’ve told me. But regrets are a waste of time. And you’re making it up to them right now.”

“How do your girls feel about their...father, now?”

Why did he hesitate before saying the word “father?” Did he know? Or suspect? She pushed the thought aside. She was going to tell him. It was just a matter of choosing her moment. “It’s a different situation, Bobby Joe. He died before he could even try to apologize to them, much less make things right the way you’re doing now with your boys.”

“Still,” he said. “I’d like to know.”

She shrugged. “We don’t talk about him a lot. I think they might still resent that he wasn’t there for them. But they also know that he couldn’t be other than who he was. You can’t hate someone for being who they are. I’ve raised them to know that. And the truth of the matter is, when you know better, you do better. Sadly, he died before he got around to knowing a better way. I think he knows now.”

That comment made him look up swiftly. “You think he...went to heaven? Even with everything he did? Bigamy?”

“I
know
he went to heaven, Bobby Joe. I’ve had extensive conversations about this with Reverend Jackson, who you still need to meet, by the way, and with Selene as well.”

He frowned. “Why Selene?”

“She’s...spiritual. Deep. Sometimes the things that girl spews sound like they’re coming from a hundred year old prophet just out of his cave. She’s a special one, she is.”

He nodded, leaning forward, having forgotten his sandwich and cup of soup. She pointed at it so he’d continue eating. He’d lost a little weight, she thought, since he’d been in town.

He ate, and she talked. “Selene doesn’t believe in an actual Hell. She says if God is love, then a place of eternal torment isn’t impossible. And that makes sense to me.”

He washed a bite of his sandwich down with a drink of sweet tea. “I’m sure your Reverend Jackson doesn’t agree with her.”

“Don’t be so sure. He says it’s a dilemma that’s always troubled him too, for the very same reasons. And that he thinks some things won’t make any sense until we cross over, and that we just have to trust that all is well until then.”

“What do you think happens?” he asked her.

She held his eyes, and her heart ached for the secrets he was keeping, and the worry in her own mind. “I think maybe when we get to the other side, we look back on our deeds, both good and bad, and we see the lessons in all of it. I think we get wiser, and that we heal.”

“That’s a beautiful way to look at things.”

She nodded. “And if I’m wrong, I’ll find out when I cross over.”

He smiled, dipping the final corner of his sandwich into the bit of soup he had left in his bowl. “I guess we all will,” he said softly. And he seemed a little bit grim just then.

Vidalia reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “What’s wrong, Bobby? Sometimes you look so sad it breaks my heart.”

He met her eyes, unashamed of the moisture that had come into his own. None spilled over. He blinked it away. “I don’t want to tell you yet. Not yet, Vidalia. Don’t make me. We’re having so much fun together. And it’s Christmas.”

Those words sent a shiver down her spine. So it
was
something bad. Way down deep, her suspicion took on more substance, but she refused to look at it or even acknowledge that it was there.

“After the holiday?”

He nodded.

“Right after?”

Again he nodded. “I know it’s not fair, my keeping my secret and choosing my time to share it. And in the very next breath, asking you to reveal the rest of yours. But I am. I have to.”

She drew her hands back suddenly and looked down at the table. “Bobby, I–”

“Is Selene my daughter?”

Vidalia slammed her eyes closed, like slamming a door on the secret she had kept for far too long. But it was too late. It was already out. She drew a deep breath, prayed for strength and forced herself to look him in the eye. “I was going to tell you last night. And I’ve been working up to it all morning. The truth is, Bobby, she might be. But I don’t know for sure.”

“How can you not know?”

She held up a hand to ask him for patience. “John came home only a couple of days after you...after we....after you left. It was six weeks later I realized I was carrying Selene. You were long gone and I hadn’t heard a word. I was mortified and ashamed of myself for cheating on my husband, and I just...I saw no good that could come from digging around in any of it. I just never looked into it any further.” She lowered her head. “To tell you the truth, I was afraid to.”

He sighed heavily. “You should’ve told me, Vidalia. I had a right to know.”

“I don’t deny that. I was wrong, and I’m sorry. But I want you to ask yourself what difference it would have made if you had known? You were as much as an absentee father to your boys as my husband was to my girls.”

“No. Not quite that much,” he denied.

She nodded, unwilling to argue the point. He was right. At least he hadn’t had another wife, another family, competing for his attention. “All right, not quite that much. But still, it wasn’t like you would’ve spent time with her, raised her as your own. Not back then. You were all wrapped up in making your fortune.”

He was silent for a long moment, and then, at last, he heaved a heavy sigh. “You’re right. But I’d have...at least tried to help you support her. I would’ve sent money–”

“And I’d have sent it back. I’m a proud woman, Bobby Joe. One of the things I’m proudest of is having raised those five girls on my own. I wouldn’t have taken your money. If I had, they wouldn’t have turned out to be the women they are, and I’m damn proud of the women they are.”

He nodded. “You should be.”

She looked at her sandwich, half-eaten, and pushed the plate away. “I’ve never told Selene. But if you want me to, you have a right to ask that of me, I suppose. Or if you want some kind of testing done to be sure–”

“I don’t know if I need to tell her or not. I...I need to mull on this a little. It’s a lot to take in.”

Nodding, Vidalia pushed away from the table, picking up her tray and heading for the nearest wastebasket. Bobby came behind her, put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m not angry with you, Vidalia.”

“You should be,” she said. “I deserve your anger. This has been eating at me all this time. I was so wrong–”

“You were a single mother, for all intents and purposes, and you had to put that first. I don’t blame you at all for making the decision you did.”

She set the now empty tray atop the stack of others and turned to face him. “I did wrong, Bobby, and I had every intention of telling you the truth today. I was...working up my courage. But I readily admit that I am desperately in need of your forgiveness.”

“I don’t see that there’s anything to forgive–”

“I need it. And I need you to mean it. So give it some time to settle in, and really think it over, Bobby Joe. This is a stain I’ve been wearing on my soul for a long time, and you’re the only one who can remove it.”

He nodded, leaned down, kissed her forehead. “I forgive you, Vidalia. And I mean it. I’m not gonna change my mind, even if I think on it for a few years. And I’ll tell you why.” He licked his lips, lowered his forehead and pressed it to hers. “It’s because I love you.”

“Oh, Lord, Bobby Joe, it’s too soon to be saying such–”

“Too soon? I’ve loved you for more than twenty years, woman. Listen, I’m a man who knows his own mind. His own heart. At least, I am now. I’ve made a vow to say what I feel to everyone in my life, right at the moment I have the chance, because life is short, Vidalia, and you just never know when you’ll get another shot. I love you. I’ve loved you since I came to work for you a hundred years ago. And I’ll love you till the day I....” He stopped there and swallowed hard.

And then he smiled quite suddenly and said, “A ventriloquist’s doll!”

Vidalia frowned, blinking up at him in complete confusion.

“That’s the one Christmas present Jason ever asked for that I didn’t get him. He got on this kick after seeing an old TV show on a Sunday afternoon that featured Edgar Bergen and his Charlie McCarthy puppet. I looked everywhere. But there were none to be found.”

“Well, why don’t you use that fancy phone of yours to track one down?” she asked. “If you can’t find one on the Internet, then one doesn’t exist.” She was glad the subject had lightened up so much. And grateful that he wasn’t furious with her for the secret she had kept all these years. If only she knew for sure, and if only she could have the courage to tell Selene the truth. But there was one thing Vidalia Brand feared more than she feared the devil himself, and that was losing the love of her daughters. What if they hated her for what she had done? What if they lost respect for her?

And she was worried about more than that, too. Because that niggling little theory about this secret Bobby Joe was keeping from her was growing bigger all the time, and she didn’t like where it was leading her.

God was punishing her, that’s what it was. She was being punished for the sin she’d committed and then compounded by the lie she had told.