Sweet Trouble (10 page)

“Hey, Jess. How you doing?”

“Okay. Good. Sort of.”

He chuckled. “Still trying to decide.”

“Oh, yeah. Nothing is like I thought.”

“Better or worse?”

“Both.”

“That happens.”

She gave him a brief rundown of her time in Seattle. “I’m going to be staying six months and working at the bakery. I wanted to let you know so you could replace me.”

“I’ll never be able to replace you but I’ll hire someone to take your place.”

She laughed. “You’re a charmer.”

“That’s what my mama said.”

“She was right. And how sad it is that all your charm goes to waste.”

“You appreciate it.”

“You know what I mean,” she said, the argument familiar. “Come on, Bill. It’s been six years since Ellie died. You need to think about dating, finding someone. You should be happy.”

“I tell you the same thing.”

“The circumstances are different.” The person
she
couldn’t forget was still alive.

“Not that different, little girl. Now get off me.”

“For now.”

“I’m going to come visit you. I miss you and Gabe more than I want to admit.”

“We’d love to see you.” She gave him Paula’s address and phone number.

“I’ll be by in the next few weeks.”

“Good.”

“Now go find yourself someone,” he instructed.

“I’m hanging up on you, Bill,” she said.

He laughed and said goodbye.

She pressed the end button on her phone and thought about what he’d said. That she should find someone.

Maybe that was possible in the future, but not now. Not until she’d resolved everything with Matt. She had to get some kind of closure, make sure she wasn’t still in love with him. Only then could she put the past behind her and look into the future.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, her voice sharp. “Don’t you know what time it is?”

Jesse opened her mouth, then closed it, not sure what to say.

“He’s out with someone else,” Paula continued. “Another girl. He’s not out with you. Don’t you have any pride?”

Jesse couldn’t figure out why Matt’s mother hated her. They hardly had any contact. Jesse wasn’t even dating Matt. She was helping him. Not that Paula saw any of that. For some reason the other woman believed Jesse was a threat and attacked every time they were in the same room.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Jesse said and stepped back. “Good night.”

Paula glared at her, not moving from the entryway until Jesse climbed into her car, then the front door slammed shut.

Jesse sighed. Paula and Nicole should get together and start a “we hate Jesse” club. They’d have to fight over who got to be president. They could hang pictures of her and throw darts at them.

The silly image made her smile, then reality intruded and her smile faded.

She wished that Paula wasn’t so determined to have nothing to do with her, because Jesse sure had a lot to say to her. Paula was holding on too tight and that clinging was pushing her son away. Jesse could see it every time Matt talked about his mother. Paula was making him crazy and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to lose her son completely.

“Not my problem,” Jesse murmured as a car pulled up to hers.

Matt climbed out and approached the driver’s side. “Thanks for meeting me,” he said. “Want to come in?”

She eyed the door, then shook her head. “Your mom is still up and she wasn’t exactly thrilled to see me.”

Matt grimaced. “She’s getting worse. Come on. I know an all-night diner. Want me to drive?”

“I’ll follow you.” It would be easier if she had her own car and could just walk away at the end of the meeting.

As she started the engine, Jesse tried not to think about what Matt had spent the past few hours doing. And whom he’d been doing it with. After all, him dating was what she wanted. Her goal had been to bring out all his hidden potential and her lessons were paying off. He’d been on three dates this week alone.

He was exactly the kind of guy women wanted—funny, smart, caring, good-looking and wealthy. Not that any of his dates knew about his money. He’d wanted to keep that information quiet and Jesse had agreed. But even without the millions sitting in an investment company somewhere, he was still a catch.

The changes had been simple. A new wardrobe, an interest in current events, a working knowledge of how to ask a girl out and basic date etiquette had transformed him. There was only one teeny, tiny problem…

She’d fallen for him.

Jesse sighed. She wasn’t about to admit it to anyone and barely believed it herself, but there it was. She liked Matt. She’d liked him geeky and she liked him even more now. He made her feel safe and that was a very unfamiliar state of being for her.

Still, her job was to help him become what he was always capable of being, not get involved with him. Like now—he’d asked for her to see him so they could go over the date together. Sort of a post-game review. They’d done it before. He’d told her how things had gone and she’d suggested improvements he could make. It was no big deal, except she’d found it harder and harder to listen to the great time he had with other women.

They met back up in the parking lot of the diner and walked inside. When they were seated at a quiet booth in the back, Jesse said, “So, tell me everything. How did it go?”

“Good.” Matt rearranged the flatware on the Formica table. “Kasey is bright and pretty. She was a little too into her dogs, but that’s not a big deal.”

“What’s too into?” she asked, trying not to smile. “Does she dress them in matching outfits?”

“No, but they sleep with her.”

“I’m sure she locks them out of the room when a good-looking guy shows up to do the wild thing.”

Matt grinned. “I’m not so sure. Fluffy and Bobo seem to be her closest friends.”

Jesse snorted. “Bobo? Okay, yeah, the dogs could be a problem. How did it go otherwise?”

“Fine. She’s into music, which I like. She wasn’t turned off by the computer thing.”

“A-plus,” Jesse said, trying not to notice his dark eyes and the way his smile made her insides all quivery. “Any sparkage?”

Matt laughed. “No one says sparkage anymore, Jess.”

“I do.”

The waitress showed up and handed them menus. Matt ignored them and smiled at the older woman.

“Tell me about the pie,” he said. “It seems like a good night for pie.”

The waitress listed what was available. “The marionberry is the freshest,” she said. “Or the double-chocolate. Those are my favorites.”

“I’ll take the marionberry,” he told her. “Jess, you want a chocolate rush?”

“Sure.”

“Great. And two decafs, please.”

Jesse was pleased by the exchange. A month ago, Matt wouldn’t have spoken more than his order. He hadn’t understood the simple pleasure of connecting with someone for a few seconds. Now he seemed to move more easily in the world. She wanted to take credit, but she’d done nothing more than point out the obvious.

“You didn’t answer the sparkage question,” Jesse said, hoping they’d made out for hours. Maybe hearing about him falling for someone else would help her realize that he wasn’t for her.

“I kissed her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“And?”

He shrugged. “It was okay.”

She held in a whimper as she tried not to think about what kissing Matt would be like. He had a great mouth and an attention to detail that was intriguing. Except it was never going to happen between them. Not only was he obviously not interested, but she liked him and liking him made a relationship impossible.

Every time she got involved, things went wrong. Somehow she managed to screw up everything. After a series of disasters, she’d given up on anything serious and settled for casual flings, although lately even they were losing their appeal. She liked Matt too much to risk destroying their friendship. Besides, now he had everything going for him so he would never be interested in her.

“There wasn’t chemistry,” he said. “I’m a guy and she was pretty, so sure, the kissing was nice, but there are degrees, you know? There’s nice and then there’s I-have-to-take-you-now. She was nice.”

Jesse felt a rush of heat. When was the last time he’d had an I-have-to-take-you-now experience? She desperately wanted to ask and didn’t want to know in equal measures.

“Maybe the next one will be better.”

“Maybe.” He looked up. “You remembered to turn off your cell. There haven’t been any calls from Ted or Butch or Spike.”

“I’ve never dated anyone named Butch.”

“What about Spike?”

She laughed. “Once.”

“I knew it.”

She touched her purse. “No calls. I’m between guys.”

In the past couple of weeks she’d ignored her ringing phone. She knew the reason. He was sitting across from her. She even knew what was different. She and Matt were friends. She’d never bothered with being friends before. Had never thought about more than the night. Now she found herself wondering…Talk about terrifying.

The waitress brought their coffee and pie, then left. Matt picked up his fork.

“I think I want something else,” he said, hesitantly.

“What do you mean? Different pie?”

“The dating. It’s okay, but every time it’s the same conversation. Getting to know each other, trying to remember if I’ve told that story or not. I want a second date.”

“You want a relationship,” Jesse said, telling her heart it could get pouty later. “That makes sense. So ask someone out a second time. If it’s good, ask her out again. That’s how dating turns into a relationship.”

“I haven’t met anyone who interests me that way. No one I feel comfortable just hanging out with.”

They
were hanging out. She took a bite of pie to keep from saying that. Memo to self—Matt wasn’t interested. He saw her as his teacher, nothing more. She should be happy. And she was…almost.

“Is that stupid?” he asked. “You don’t do relationships.”

“Which isn’t something to be proud of. You know what you want. That’s a good thing.” If only he could want her.

Time for a subject change. “Have you been looking at condos?” she asked.

“Just those first ones.”

“You’ve got to get your own place. It’s time. You’re never going to get laid if you don’t get your own place.”

He grinned. “Who says I haven’t gotten laid?”

There was a confidence in the question, sexy maleness in his voice. A sharp jab cut through Jesse. Jealousy burned hot and bright.

“You’re not going to get laid a lot,” she said, going for normal and hoping she didn’t fall short. “You need your own place.”

He looked at her. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“I was kidding. I haven’t slept with any of them.”

Thank God. “It would be okay if you had. You’re single, they’re single. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

He studied her, as if searching for something. Humiliation heated her cheeks, forcing her to duck her head so her hair hung down, shielding her. She didn’t want him to guess that she had feelings for him. He might pity her and that would be worse than anything.

“I’m a guy,” he said. “I don’t like shopping. Picking a condo is shopping on a grand scale. Come with me. That will make it easier.”

Easier for him, maybe. Not that she would say no. She wanted to spend time with him, to pretend that hey, sure, it could work out.

“Just tell me when.”

“One for you, one for an office, one for guests.”

“I don’t have guests.”

Good point. Because any women spending the night would be in his bed. “Then use the third bedroom as a media room.”

His eyes brightened. “Yeah?”

“Guys are so easy,” she murmured. “Yes. Cram it full of electronics. Make the walls vibrate. But if you’re going to do that, use the top-floor bedroom because it doesn’t have a common wall with anyone and you won’t annoy your neighbors.”

“Good point.”

They toured the kitchen, which was a good size and bright. “Nice appliances,” Jesse said, pointing at the stainless-steal cooktop. “Double ovens. That’s important.”

Matt looked at her. “For all those multi-course dinners I’m going to cook?”

“It could happen.”

They revisited the master.

“Nice shower,” she said, pointing to the frameless enclosure. “Big enough for two.”

“I heard that,” the real-estate agent said as she came into the room. “You’re such a lovely young couple. Are you engaged?”

Jesse had been looking at condos with Matt for the entire afternoon. She’d climbed countless stairs, pointed out pluses and minuses and seen several perfectly acceptable places. But would he pick one?

She was hungry, tired and both happy and frustrated by spending time with him without actually being
with
him. In his mind, she was his faithful friend. Like a dog. She decided it was time for a little payback.

“Yes,” Jesse said quickly, leaning against Matt. “But it’s a secret.”

The older woman smiled. “Congratulations. You seem very happy.”

“Oh, we are.” Jesse batted her eyes at Matt. If she’d been able to reach, she would have kissed him, but he was a little tall and she didn’t think he would cooperate by bending. “Aren’t we, my little snuggle monkey?”

His gaze narrowed. “Snuggle monkey?” he mouthed, then he leaned down. “You are so going to pay for that,” he whispered.

“You deserve it. This condo is great. So were the others we saw. Pick one or I’ll tell your mother we’re engaged.”

He ignored that, but didn’t pull away when she continued to lean on him.

He felt perfect, she thought. Strong and capable. Someone she could count on. If only…

The real-estate agent glanced at her watch. “I have another appointment, so I need to run. If you want to look around a little more, just lock the door behind you when you leave. There are more condos, if you want to see them.”

Matt shook his head. “I’ve seen enough. Let me pick one this afternoon, then we can get together and fill out the paperwork.”

“Wonderful. You have my cell number. I’ll be available anytime after four.”

She waved and left.

Jesse stepped back. “You’re serious? You’re going to buy one?”

“Probably this one. You’re right. It has everything I need, so why not?”

“But you haven’t wanted to make a decision.”

“I haven’t wanted to make a change,” he corrected. “You were right about that, too. It’s time for me to be on my own. I’ve taken the easy way out, staying with my mom. She isn’t going to like me leaving, but she’ll get over it.”

“Wow. Great. I think this one is the best of them, but it’s your decision. Imagine the fun you’ll have picking out new furniture.” She moved into the bedroom. It was big enough for one of those massive sleigh beds. With the fireplace in the corner and rich bedding, the room could be masculine
and
romantic.

“The dining room is beautiful, with that coved ceiling. And you can go crazy with your media room.”

She turned and saw him watching her. There was something about the look on his face, something she’d never seen before.

“Matt?”

“I don’t think I realized it until just now,” he said slowly.

“Realized what?”

“That somewhere along the line I became more than a project to you. When did that change?”

She froze, unable to move, barely breathing. Here it was—the one thing she’d wanted to avoid. That moment of total humiliation. Because he wasn’t some poor geek who needed her help anymore. He was masculine and capable and someone she was wildly attracted to. Emotionally, he could crush her like a bug.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said as she started backing out of the room. “Look. It’s late and I should probably be going.”

Except they’d come in the same car. Damn. Now what?

“Jesse.”

The way he spoke her name made her shiver. “What?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared.”

There it was. The truth. All of it, leaving her exposed. What if he laughed? What if, even worse, he said he appreciated her feelings but he thought it would be best if they were just friends. What if—

He crossed the space separating them, cupped her face in his large hands and kissed her. Just like that. Mouth on mouth. Lips pressing, touching.

It was a soft kiss, a gentle kiss, as if he was giving her a chance to get used to being close to him. She raised her arms, then lowered them to her sides. For the first time since she was maybe thirteen, she wasn’t sure what to do back. How to respond. What would be right? What would be too much?

He tilted his head slightly, but didn’t deepen the kiss. Seconds ticked by. She was aware of the pounding of her heart and the heat she felt inside. Heat and wanting and fear. Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore and she pulled back.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

She turned her back on him and folded her arms across her chest. “Because I’m not what you think. I’m not anyone you want to be with.”

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. She let herself lean on him, just for now. In a second she would be strong again.

“You’re exactly who I want to be with,” he told her. “You’re smart and funny and kind. You’re also sexy as hell.”

“You’re just grateful because I helped you see your potential.”

“I’m a whole lot more than grateful.”

He moved her hair off her shoulder, then leaned in and kissed her neck. Immediately tingles rippled through her. He opened his mouth and licked the spot he’d kissed, then blew on her damp skin. He nipped her earlobe, making her jump. She half turned. He put his hands on her shoulders, bringing her all the way around until she faced him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses along her jaw. “That’s what I remember from the first time we met. The sun in your hair, how your smile hit me in the gut. It was the best and worst moment of my life. Best because I met you and worst because of what you’d seen.”

“Matt, I never thought badly of you,” she said, barely able to speak. She was on fire, burning everywhere he touched and many places he didn’t.

“I know. It was amazing to me. You saw beyond what I was on the outside. And every time I went out with someone else, all I could think about was that I would rather be with you.”

He kissed her then, hard and hot. She parted because she didn’t have a choice, didn’t want a choice. She welcomed him inside of her mouth, brushing her tongue with his, feeling her breasts swell.

Her nipples ached, as did that place between her legs. She gave herself up to the feeling of being close to him and wrapped her arms around him.

They pressed together everywhere. He was already hard, which thrilled her.

When he nudged her backward, she went willingly. They moved until she bumped into something. Then he picked her up and set her on the bathroom counter.

She parted her thighs and he moved between them. His hardness nestled against her. Then they were kissing again, his hands moving up and down her back.

She touched his shoulders, his chest. He was all muscle and far too much a gentleman. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts. His breath caught as he cupped her curves.

It would be so easy, she thought sadly. She knew the drill. She could slip off her jeans and panties. He could be in her in seconds. Here, in the empty house, they could be together. They could fuck. And then what?

Tears burned in her eyes. Regret choked her. She pushed him away, jumped to her feet and ran.

He caught her by the front door, grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“Why are you running away?” he demanded.

She did her best not to cry. “I can’t talk about it. I’m sorry. Let me go.”

“Jess, no. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

She forced herself to look at him. Maybe it was time to tell the truth. She could get it over with now. It would be like cutting off an arm. One quick slice and it would fall away. Then she could get used to being without him.

She pulled free and thought longingly of the door. Then she squared her shoulders. Time to sharpen the blade.

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “You’re a lot more than a project. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted to make a difference, you know? To do something right. I saw you and you had so much going for you. Then we started hanging out and I realized you were even better than I thought.”

“You adore me and I like being adored. So where’s the bad?”

Despite everything, she laughed. “It’s not you, Matt. It’s me. I’m not who you think.”

“You’ve said that before and it’s not true. I know you.”

“No, you don’t. You know who I’ve let you see, but that’s not who I am. I’ve always been wild. My sister calls me a professional screwup and she’s right. I started drinking when I was twelve. I got into drugs when I was thirteen. I got bored with both when I was fourteen, mostly because I discovered boys.”

She walked to the window because looking out at the trees was a whole lot easier than staring at him and watching the disappointment fill his eyes.

“I learned very quickly that putting out was an easy way to be popular. I also enjoyed the sex itself. Mostly to be close to someone, to feel like I mattered, even if it was just for a few minutes. I was the school slut all through high school. Nicole found out and put me on the Pill so I didn’t get pregnant. I was lucky, because I never got any diseases. But there were guys, Matt. A lot of guys. There are some I don’t even remember.” She swallowed. “Those guys who call? I sleep with them. All of them.”

She fought tears. “And then I met you and you were great and it was easy and suddenly there I was. Wanting more. Wanting to be different so you would want me. Like me. But so what? You can do a whole lot better than me. I’m completely drifting. I don’t have any direction, I live with my sister, I can’t seem to commit to my future. You don’t need that. You need someone as focused and great as you are.”

There. She’d said it. All of it, or close.

“Are you done with the other guys?”

She bowed her head. “Yes. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want—a lot of other things.”

He walked toward her. She braced herself for the attack, but he only turned her toward him, then put his arms around her. She kept hers folded protectively across her chest, but he just held her closer.

“Don’t you know none of that matters?”

She stared up at him. “You can’t mean that.”

“Do I look as if I’m lying?”

He looked like a man who was very sure of himself. He looked like someone she could trust.

He touched her face again. “Jess, your past changes nothing. You’re the one I want to be with because of who you are right now.”

He was making it too easy.

“I want to believe you,” she whispered.

“Then try. Give it time. I won’t let you down.” His mouth twisted. “And I won’t push you sexually. Even though I want to.”

She smiled. “If anyone should be holding back, it’s me.”

“You don’t scare me.”

How was that possible? “I mess up a lot. I destroy relationships that matter.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Matt, you have to listen.”

“Jesse, do you want to go out with me? Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then be with me. The rest of it will work itself out. I can handle whatever you throw at me. Do you believe that?”

“I want to.” More than he knew.

“Then trust me. Just a little. I’m not going to let you down. I swear. No matter what. Just give me the chance to prove myself.”

She nodded because she didn’t have a choice. Walking away was impossible to imagine. Maybe he was right. Maybe she could trust him. Wouldn’t that be a miracle?