Sweet Surrender, Baby Surprise (15 page)

“And what are your rules, Julia?” he said, with just a hint of sarcasm.

“There's only one rule, so far,” she said. “I deserve to be loved.”

“I can give you almost anything,” he bit out, “but I can't give you that.”

“Even though I know you love me?”

“You're wrong, babe. I don't love you.”

She struggled to catch her breath. He'd never denied it quite that harshly before. But she would get through this. “All right then. I guess that's it.”

“I'm sorry,” he said, rubbing his neck in frustration. “But you made me angry. Look, I don't want to hurt you. Ever. And that's why…” He stopped.

“That's why…what?” she asked finally.

“That's why I'll never tell you I love you.”

She sighed and prayed for patience. “Cameron, you've given me more than fifty thousand dollars worth of jewelry.”

“Exactly,” he said, as if he were praising a bright six-year-old. “Doesn't that prove that I care about you? Haven't I treated you well and given you things to remind you of our good times together? Can't that be enough?”

“All those things are a sign that you love me,” she said pleasantly. “So you might as well just say it.”

“Look, I won't do this,” he said, pacing the room. “You keep going over this same issue and it's never going to turn out to your satisfaction.”

“You're right, and that's why I think we need to separate for a while.”

“No.” His fists bunched up and he gritted his teeth, seeming to struggle for the words that would stop her from making demands while also explaining why things had to be done his way. Finally, he composed himself enough to speak. “Look, I grew up in a bad place. My father was…”

“Your father?” she prompted after a moment.

“Was a jackass,” he said with force. “Violent. Mean. My mother suffered for it.”

She winced. “Did he hurt you?”

He laughed without humor. “Once in a while. Didn't mean anything. Mostly he took his rage out on my mother. And that's a fact I'm not exactly proud of.”

“Why?”

“I didn't protect her, did I?”

“How old were you?”

He shrugged. “Six, seven. Doesn't matter. I couldn't stop him. But the worst part was that every time he hit her, he would yell that he was doing it because he loved her.”

Julia cringed as she finally saw the reason behind Cameron's reluctance to admit love. “That's awful.”

“He
loved
her,” Cameron repeated, his face a mask of revulsion and pain. “And he showed his
love
by beating the crap out of her.”

“Oh, Cameron,” she said, and reached out to touch his shoulder in a move meant to comfort him.

He flinched. “No. Don't.”

“But—”

“Don't you get it?” He stepped back from her. “I have that same violent streak buried somewhere inside me. I know it's there. So I'll never give in. I'll never love. Believe me, I've tried. It didn't work. In fact, it ruined people's lives. I'm a bad risk. Do you understand now?”

“But you're not anything like your father,” she said gently.

“It's not that simple.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “Look, I know you want to hear the words, but I'll never say them. And I'll never feel them, either. I care about you, Julia, but I refuse to hurt you like my father hurt my mother. I couldn't live with myself if that happened.”

Julia would never say it aloud, but she was already hurting. Bleeding. For him. “Do you remember our wedding night?”

He seemed taken aback by her non sequitur. “Of course.”

“I was so angry with you.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, I know. For good reason.”

“I stormed out and you spent the night on the couch, remember?” she persisted. “I think I hit you at one point.”

“You were pissed off.”

“But nothing happened.”

“Well, sure it did,” he said, looking at her as though she'd lost her mind. “The next night we had a great time. You don't remember?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I remember that part. But I'm talking about when I was so angry. I was yelling at you, and I could tell you were angry, too. But you didn't hit me back. And the same thing happened when I painted the kitchen. You were furious with me.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Why didn't you hit me?” she persisted.

He frowned. “Look, you're upset right now, but you've got to know that I would never hit you—”

“That's right!” Her eyes lit up. “You would never hit me because you're so
non
violent, it's ridiculous.”

“No, that's not why,” he muttered, walking away. “I'll never hit you because I don't love you.”

Julia was startled. But then she began to laugh.

“It's true,” he said, then turned and pointed at her in warning. “Don't push me, Julia.”

Still laughing, she walked right up to him and pushed his chest, hard. He didn't budge. Julia shook her head and wrapped her arms around him, whispering, “I'm pushing you, Cameron, but you would still never hit me. I know you wouldn't. It's not in your makeup.”

Resting her head on his chest, she held him tightly and took a moment to mourn the traumatized young boy he used to be. And she felt herself falling more in love with the strong, generous man he was today. The stubborn, ox-headed man who refused to recognize love when it shoved him in the chest.

After a long moment, she lifted her head and gazed
at him. “Do you remember when you asked me why I always baked cupcakes?”

“Yeah.”

“I told you that after my parents died, whenever it was my birthday, Cook would give me a cupcake to celebrate the occasion. What I didn't say was that Cook told me it would be a waste of time and energy to bake an entire cake just for one little girl. So every year, I got that one cupcake.”

Her shoulders trembled at the memories and he tightened his hold on her.

“One sad little cupcake with one candle in the middle,” she said, and tried to laugh about it. “In my mind, cupcakes began to symbolize my life. And now I can see they symbolized my loneliness.”

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, and rubbed her back.

“Sometimes I would go into the kitchen and beg Cook to let me help with the baking, just to be near another human being in that big old drafty mansion. After a while, I discovered I was really good at baking.”

“You're more than good at it.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I used to bring cupcakes to school sometimes and I saw how they made everyone feel better, especially myself. It was nurturing and fun to bake for other people and it kept some of the loneliness at bay.”

She stepped away from Cameron's embrace and looked him in the eye. “It might've been a brilliant business decision to start a bakery that specialized in cupcakes, but now I'm thinking of changing my business plan.”

“Yeah?” he said, sounding almost afraid to ask what she had in mind.

“Yeah,” she said adamantly. “I'm not going to settle for cupcakes anymore. I want the whole damn cake.”

 

She told him she needed space to think about things, then packed her bags and Jake's baby gear.

Cameron was beyond pissed off that she was leaving and taking Jake with her. “This is absurd, Julia. I don't want you to go.”

“You can stop me with a word,” she said lightly, though he could see her eyes were bright with tears. “No, make that three words.”

He stared at her, his mouth a firm, thin line, saying nothing.

Awash with a sudden wave of grief, she nodded. “That's what I thought.” She put Jake into his baby seat. “Say bye-bye to daddy.”

Jake bounced in his seat and waved his hands. “Dada!”

Cameron stared after them as they drove down the driveway and disappeared, leaving him with nothing but his famous grip on control.

B
arely one hour later, Sally was knocking on his door.

“Come on in, Mom,” Cameron said, holding the door open for her. “You want a beer?”

“Of course I don't want a beer,” she said, dropping her purse on the living room chair as she followed him into the kitchen. “Cameron, what is going on? You two looked so happy. I was so proud of you for finally accepting love into your life.”

“It wasn't what it looked like, Mom.” He shrugged. “We had an arrangement.”

“Oh, don't be ridiculous,” she said, waving his words away. “Arrangements. Good heavens. You kids today.”

“Mom, I don't—”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you are not head over heels in love with Julia.”

He gritted his teeth and stared her in the eyes. “No.”

She narrowed her gaze. “No, you won't tell me or no, you're not in love.”

He folded his arms across his chest defiantly. “I'm telling you I'm not in love with her.”

She blinked in surprise. “My goodness. Well, I guess I'll be going.”

“No need to rush off,” he said, a little desperately. “You want to go for a swim or something?”

“No, I got what I came here for.”

“Mom,” he said, shaking his head. “I'm sorry.”

“I am, too, dear,” Sally said, and collected her purse as she headed for the front door. “Cameron, you know I love you very much.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

“I'm glad, because there's something I need to say to you.” She turned and he could read the disappointment in her eyes. “It's been a long time since you lied to me, Cameron Duke, but you're lying now. To me, and to yourself. You are nothing like your father and you know it. Now, I didn't raise a fool, so stop acting like one. You get that wonderful girl and her darling baby back inside this house or heads will roll.”

 

Damn, they didn't call her the Steel Camellia for nothing, Cameron thought ruefully. After his mother left, he took some time to brood for a while. Sally was wrong about the whole lying thing, of course. But he'd been the good son and had allowed her to say what she needed to say.

Now, alone in the house, it almost felt good, necessary even, to wallow in the pain. It had only been a few hours,
but he already missed Julia like he would have missed a number of key body parts. More, in fact. Somehow, over the last few months, she had become an essential part of his life, like breathing out and breathing in. So now how was he supposed to live without breathing Julia?

But he would do it. And maybe it was better this way. He'd warned her from the start that he didn't do the whole love thing, and she'd tried to change the rules. She was asking too much, making demands. Cameron Duke didn't work that way. Nobody changed his rules but him.

Still, he missed Julia and Jake like crazy.

He was well into his second beer when the doorbell rang again. He wasn't surprised to see Adam and Brandon let themselves into the house, but he was shocked to see Brandon carrying a small white box with the word Cupcake stenciled in navy blue across the top.

“What are you doing with those?” Cameron asked irately.

“I stopped by Julia's store and bought them,” Brandon said with a grin. “Hey, now that you and she are breaking up, I'm thinking she might want to go out sometime.” He took a bite of a red-velvet cupcake and moaned, then slid into a dining room chair. “Holy smokes. You let her and these cupcakes get away? Dude, you're nuts. I'm calling her tonight.”

Cameron started toward him with both hands fisted. “If you want to live, you'll think twice about that.”

Adam grabbed Cameron's arm before he could get any farther. “Don't be a fool.”

“Why not?” Cameron asked. “That seems to be the popular opinion of me right now.”

“Well, a fool is what you are,” Brandon said matter-of-factly, and took another bite of the cupcake.

“And you're a dead man,” Cameron said, folding his arms across his chest.

Adam laughed. “Look at you.”

Cameron glanced down at himself, then snarled at his brother. “What?”

“You're standing there making threats, but we all know you would never hurt Brandon.”

“Don't count on it,” Cameron muttered.

Adam shook his head. “Even when we were kids, you never threw the first punch. Ever.”

“True enough,” Brandon said with a shrug.

“Whereas, Brandon used to get into fights all the time,” Adam grinned. “Remember?”

Brandon smiled at the memories, then glanced at Cameron. “You never fought about anything unless some kid hit you first. Even then, you'd do whatever you could to prevent another punch.”

“Yeah, always the diplomat,” Adam said. “I only remember one time when you were actually forced to defend yourself.”

“Yeah,” Brandon said, then laughed. “And that was only because Jerry Miles was going to beat the crap out of me.”

“I should've let him.”

“But you didn't,” Adam said pointedly. “You entered that fight with grim resignation. There was never any blood lust with you. You never enjoyed it, never got into it. And you never will.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Maybe.”

“No, not maybe,” Adam shot back. “Don't you get it?
You're not a fighter. You're not violent. You're nothing like your old man and you never will be.”

 

That Saturday, Sally brought Jake over to Cameron's house so he could spend the day with his daddy. Julia had an emergency at the bakery, Sally explained, so she had agreed to bring Jake by.

That's when it really hit him how much he missed Julia, more than he'd ever thought possible. So much that it hurt him physically.

He took Jake swimming in the pool. After some serious splashing and laughing, they got out and Cameron dried Jake off. He let him crawl in the thick grass of the yard while Cameron quickly dried himself off. Then he watched in amazement as Jake crawled to the fence and used it to lever himself up off the ground. He stood all by himself in the grass and took his first step.

“Dada!” Jake cried, then plopped back down on his butt. He laughed and Cameron swooped him up with delight.

“Jake, what did you do?” Cameron asked, astounded by his son's ability. “Can you do that again? Can you walk by yourself like a big boy? Here, I'll help you.”

Cameron steadied Jake, who stood where he was for a few seconds, then took a tentative step. He began to wobble and finally fell on his knees. This time, he screamed bloody murder. Cameron picked him up to comfort him.

“That's okay, buddy,” he crooned as he hugged the little guy. “We'll just kiss it and make it better. All better.”

Jake shuddered and sniffled as Cameron soothed away his pain.

“Hey, you're getting to be a real big boy,” he murmured, patting his back. “Come on. It's all better now. All better. And just wait till your mama hears what you did.”

The emotion hit him so fast and hard, Cameron almost fell to his knees himself. Julia needed to know that Jake had walked. He raced into the house to call her immediately. Who better to share this special moment with?

As Cameron picked up the phone, he rubbed his chest, recognizing the heavy feeling. He'd felt it that night at the big party, while watching Julia as she talked to his friend Byron. Now the feelings seemed to come in waves and they filled his chest with so much warmth, he had a hard time catching his breath. It wasn't pain. It was an emotion he'd never felt with any other woman but her.

He stared at the phone for a few seconds, then put it back in its cradle. What would he do when Jake had another special moment? Would he rush to call Julia? And what would happen when Jake started walking for real? If Cameron wasn't there, would Julia call him to describe his every movement, bit by bit, over the phone? Was Cameron prepared to miss all those special moments of their lives?

And what would happen if Jake fell down again? What if Cameron wasn't there when Jake cried? Who would kiss and make it better?

And what if something happened to Julia? Who would kiss her and make her feel better when she was hurt? She'd spent much of her life having no one around to do that for her. He was ashamed to admit that he hadn't come forward to do it for her, either.

Would she find someone else? Someone with the guts to stand by her side and love her as she deserved to be loved? Would some other man move into Julia's life and take Cameron's place?

Would Cameron really sit on the sidelines and let that happen?

“Hell, no,” he swore. If anyone was going to love Julia, it was going to be him.

“Damn it, Julia,” he muttered, grabbing his keys and Jake's diaper bag. “I warned you.”

 

He drove up into the hills above Dunsmuir Bay to Glen Haven Farm, Julia's home. She and Jake had their living quarters in the east wing. It was a nice set-up, with three bedrooms, a couple of bathrooms, a good-size sitting room, as Julia called it, and a great old kitchen. It was comfy and lived-in, unlike the rest of the big old house.

He still couldn't picture the little girl she'd been, trying to grow up in what was more like a fine arts museum than a home. But that was okay, because he was determined to make sure she wouldn't live here much longer.

Holding Jake securely in his arms, Cameron rang the doorbell and waited for the maid or housekeeper to open the heavy double doors.

Instead, Julia showed up, looking beautiful and sexy in jeans, sneakers and an apron spotted with chocolate smears. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Cameron said, and gazed into the dark blue eyes he'd fallen for the first time he ever saw her. He'd settled on a plan of action on the drive over here. He'd worked out all the right things to say, and just how to say
them. But when faced with his fate, he simply blurted, “I love you, Julia. Please come home.”

He watched her swallow, then she bit her lip as her forehead furrowed in a frown. “I'm sorry. I'm not sure I heard you quite right. Could you maybe repeat that three or four more times?”

“I'm in love with you, Julia,” he said. “I love you more than anything in the world. I want you and Jake to live with me and I want more babies and I want a dog. A big one. But more than anything else, I want you back, Julia. I love you so much. Come back home and don't ever leave me again.”

She tilted her head. “Once more?”

He laughed and grabbed her in a fierce embrace and she kissed him with all the love she could muster. “Of course I'll come home. I've just been waiting for you to ask.”

“Mama!” Jake giggled and waved his hands.

Cameron's heart was bursting with joy. “I love you more than anything. Will you marry me all over again? We'll have a huge, fancy wedding. You can wear a designer dress and we'll invite a thousand people. There'll be a gigantic cake. I promise we'll do it the right way this time. Just please come home with me. I love you.”

She kissed him again with her arms still wrapped around him and Jake. “Silly man. You still don't get it. I don't need another wedding, Cameron. I already have everything I've ever wanted right here in my arms.”