Sweet Seduction Shield (35 page)

I glanced out
the window, catching a glimpse of Daisy climbing a tree off to the
side of the backyard. Bare feet, skirt caught in her knickers, as
she scurried up the trunk like a monkey onto a higher branch.

She was happy.
Carefree. She felt safe here, with me and Ryan. Maybe it was mainly
the presence of 'deetetiv' Pierce. Or maybe it was that her mother
was here and she could see what Ryan gave me. A calmness that
stilled the storm inside, a shield that wasn't made of ice. The
ability to get through the day without counting.

Ryan had
turned my world upside down and inside out. And then given me a
rudder to sail straight again. Offered me a shoulder to lean on.
The courage to escape a situation that was not good, nor safe, nor
right.

"You know
what," I said, as I took one of the coffee cups he'd just filled.
He half turned to look at me as he piled some pastries onto a plate
to take outside. "You kind of are a knight in shining armour."

He snorted,
then covered it with a laugh instead.

"As long as
you let me be yours and Daisy's knight in shining armour."

I offered a
wide smile, miraculously feeling the honesty behind it. I'd had a
mini breakdown, almost reverted to old ways, and somehow he'd
steered me clear of the turbulent waters. And given me a lighthouse
to aim for.

We sat down on
the deck chairs and sipped our drinks quietly, taking in the
stunning view, the serenity of the location, the beauty that was
his birth mother's home. I flicked a glance over towards him, saw
where his thoughts had gone, and reached out a hand to grasp
his.

He squeezed my
fingers and lifted his coffee to his lips to sip, his eyes on me,
not the view or the past. I held his gaze drinking my own coffee
and listened to Daisy sing, accompanied by the odd sea gull.

Minutes ticked
by pleasantly, there was no need for chatter. No need to make
conversation when none was desired. Our eyes said it all.

His said,
You're beautiful
.

Mine replied,
You're pretty hot,
yourself
.

His answered,
If we were alone, I'd have my wicked
way with you
.

Mine teased,
Not before I had mine with
you
.

His asked,
And how exactly does that go?

Mine whispered,
Me on my knees, you lost to my
mouth
.

He cleared his
throat, shifted in his seat, and flicked a glance over to
Daisy.

I sniggered
quietly to myself, blowing the steam above my mug, and watched the
world go by. For a moment pretending nothing else mattered, but the
three people right here, and this little slice out of time.

It was
perfect.

Until he said,
eyes staring off into the distance, a small smirk tipping up the
edges of his lips, "Realised you want it yet?"

And then it became
real
.

I was in love
with this man. I wasn't sure if I was ready for marriage, I wasn't
sure if I ever would be again, but maybe it would be OK to find
out. With him.

We spent most
of the day purposely not mentioning the ledger or Roan McLaren or
the tattooed goon and former Detective Andrews. We avoided every
possible thing that would shatter the fragile peace we had. We
clung to fantasy, refusing to give in to reality, and just soaked
up the sun in the backyard, watched the yachts and larger container
ships sail out into the distance, and entertained Daisy.

There wasn't
much for a five year old to do at Ryan's holiday home. I had
stopped calling it his birth mother's home sometime before lunch.
It obviously still reminded him of her. I'd be surprised if he
could ever look at the place and not be reminded. But isn't that
why he purchased it? To have that link to his biological
mother.

I'd catch him
with a empty look on his face, staring at something neither Daisy
nor I could see. So I'd sneak up and kiss him behind his ear, run a
hand over his butt cheek in passing, or make Daisy jump on his back
and beg for a horse ride. Anything to break the trap of memories
he'd fallen into. It worked, he'd offer a lascivious grin and wink
to me, or in Daisy's case he'd start to tickle her, chasing her
about the garden or inside the house.

The rear of
the property was sheltered from the front, but although Daisy
begged to walk along the beach and search for seashells, Ryan had
to gently let her down. We were adequately hidden in the backyard,
but should anyone recognise us in the more public places our safe
house would no longer be safe. So sunbathing on the deck, tree
climbing and butterfly catching around the garden and inside the
odd board game; a good selection of which were stored in a cupboard
off the hall.

I thought I'd
get stir crazy. I'd thought I'd systematically dust or wipe down
surfaces to still the panic that would surely be building inside.
But although the ledger wasn't far from my thoughts, I found
myself... settled. Taking the time to play a round of Junior
Monopoly with Daisy, mixing up a smoothie drink for us all to have
out on the deck, making a picnic hamper to share on a blanket on
the grass, or simply reading one of the up-to-date magazines from
off the coffee table in the lounge.

Or just
talking to Ryan.

He went to
school with Dominic and Nicholas Anscombe; Genevieve and Eva's
respective fiancés. His partner Harvey Stone was also in their high
school group of friends. And even to this day they all get together
at Christmas to celebrate their good fortune and the longevity of
their friendship. He told me he'd been ready to settle down for
some time now, watching Harvey with his wife and kid, and now both
Dom and Nick setting wedding dates.

"Hell," he
murmured, while wrapping an arm around my shoulder on the swing
seat, as we watched Daisy play 'house' with a pile of blankets and
several pillows for beds on the lawn. "Even little Katie Anscombe
is getting married now. Never saw that one coming."

"So, this
whole marriage lark you're on is because of some biological clock
ticking?" I huffed out a laugh and swung my feet to make the swing
sway. "I thought that was a female excuse."

He didn't say
anything for a moment, just watched Daisy and helped rock the
seat.

"You
blind-sided me." The words were spoken so softly, I had to strain
to hear them. "I walked into that office thinking I was chasing
another dead end and there you were. For a moment my heart stopped
beating, literally ceased to pump any blood. I think I may have had
to steady myself against the door jam, but thankfully you were too
busy to notice. Untying cords beneath your desk as though your life
depended on it."

He shook his
head and offered me a small smile.

"Completely
stole my breath away and it made absolutely no sense."

We swung for a
quiet moment, the gulls crying above, Daisy verbalising her
house-play aloud.

"Did you
believe in love at first sight?" I asked eventually.

"The second
you turned around and faced me, having crawled out on your knees in
that fucking fantastic tight skirt, and sucked in a breath of
surprise when your eyes met mine."

"Before
that?"

He chuckled.
"For pansies and romance books."

I laughed.
Yeah, I'd pretty much thought the same thing.

"It's electrical," he whispered. "It's... metaphysical. It
can't be explained, or
believed
,
until you experience it yourself."

"And not just
for pansies and romance novel characters."

"Yeah," he
whispered, turning to face me, his hand coming up and fingers
cupping my chin, lifting my face to his for a kiss.

It was sweet
and slow, a soft show of our emotions for each other. Then somehow,
as it always does when Ryan kisses me, the world disappeared and
the kiss deepened and I thought I'd found heaven. His fingers ran
along the edge of my jaw, down my neck, and then back up again. His
tongue delved and flicked and swirled, tangling with mine, tasting
delicious, making my skin tingle and my body arch and my hands fist
into his shirt.

A slow burn
started deep down inside, my legs shifted restlessly as his free
hand twisted fingers in my hair and tipped my head at just the
right angle. He made a sound, which I mirrored; hungry, desperate,
never quite getting enough. My breasts rubbed against his hard
chest and the friction sent electricity shooting through my bones,
stealing my breath, making my heart rate explode in a rush of
anticipation.

I would always
want more of Ryan's kisses. From that first kiss, in Ben and Abi's
backyard under the Cherry Tree, I knew. He could never kiss me
enough to sate my thirst for this man. For his teeth and tongue,
for his touch, for what he made me feel just by pressing his lips
against mine. He fuelled the flames, he stoked the fire, and all
with a delicious, decadent, but thankfully family friendly
kiss.

Oh, we wanted
more. And we could have easily turned the snogging session into an
x-rated show. It was borderline as it was. But we were both
conscious of how quiet Daisy had gone. Of the fact my five year old
daughter had stopped playing house and was watching the grown-ups
play it way better.

We pulled
apart, our eyes locked on each other. A conversation shared in just
one heated, intense gaze. Then licking my lips I turned my head to
look at Daisy. Hers was cocked to the side, eyes narrowed, one hand
fisted on her hip.

Oh, crap.

"Hey,
Daisy-girl," I offered with a smile, untangling myself from Ryan's
arms, only to have Ryan wrap one around my shoulder and haul me
back against his side.

It wasn't
x-rated, but it was on purpose.

OK. We're
having this conversation, are we?

"What's up?" I asked, and almost cringed. God, I'd never had
to have this particular talk with Daisy. Any dating I have done
over the past few years has been well out of her sight and
mind.

"What're you
doing?" she asked.

"Kissing,"
Ryan answered, before I could. I refused to look at him, keeping my
attention on my daughter, my lips frozen shut.

"Why?"

"Because it's
fun," Ryan intelligently replied. I did flick him a glance at that
one.

"Daisy," I
started, but Ryan was clearly on a roll.

"Princess, I
guarantee you, when you get older, you'll want to kiss someone too.
But," he added, making my whole body stiffen and my mind scream to
a halt. What the hell? Stop now! "Make sure he's worth it
first."

My eyelids
closed slowly. This was a train wreck about to happen.

"Oh," she said
on a burst of air. "Mummy?"

I sucked in a
fortifying breath and opened my eyes.

"Yes,
Daisy-girl?"

"I'm glad
you're being nicer to deetetiv Pierce. He's worth it."

I smiled, I
couldn't help it. Sometimes I wish I could see the world through my
daughter's eyes. I imagine it would be beautiful in its
simplicity.

"I think so
too, baby," I said softly.

She looked at
us intently for a moment longer, something working behind those
round chocolate eyes, then offered a smile and spun on her heels to
rebuild her 'house'.

My body
relaxed in slow increments, helped by Ryan's gentle stroking of his
hand down my arm.

"Well, that
went brilliantly," he declared, setting the swing in motion again.
"I'm in!"

The laughter
started slowly, a huff of breath through my nose, then a rock of my
body, my chest rising and falling with increased speed, until I
collapsed against Ryan and let it have full reign. He hugged me to
his side, laid a soft kiss in amongst my hair and let me have my
moment. Realising, I think, that it was as much from humour as from
pent up fear, and my body just needed to let go.

Long after I
stopped my near hysterical breakdown, and the welcoming sounds of
the sea and gulls and Daisy playing filled the air, Ryan spoke. I
guess I had to be content with the fact that he'd waited until the
sun began to dip in the sky to bring it up. But delaying any longer
was not an option, even if I desperately wanted it to be. We'd had
a lovely day together, a family day. Away from danger and angst and
dread and the pain of our pasts.

But although we'd come to Ryan's holiday home to hide, it was
never meant to be indefinitely. Things had been set in motion,
dangerous factors were still in play, nothing had been solved. And
as much as I
loved
the day we'd had,
not finishing what I started would take its toll.

"I need to
reread that ledger," Ryan murmured at my side. The swing seat still
swung, Daisy still played on obliviously, but the world
stopped.

"I know," I
whispered.

"Do you want
to be there when I do?"

I opened my
mouth, then closed it again. Unable to think of the correct answer.
I knew what was in that book. I remembered it all. Graphically. Did
I want to relive it? Watch Ryan's face as he did?

It would have
been so easy to say no.

I glanced
around the deck we were sitting on, looked over at the garden full
of colourful flowers. Realistically, I knew they weren't the same
flowers Ryan's mother had tended, even the house may have been
redecorated and wasn't an exact replica of the home she'd loved.
But there was no denying that when he sat on this deck and looked
at those flowers he thought of his birth mother.

When we had
nowhere else safe to go Ryan faced down his past, despite the agony
he knew would accompany it, and brought us here.