Sweet Dreams (Sunset Dreams Series Book 1) (12 page)

“Well, since I don’t have much time left, are you volunteering your services?” I snap.

Oh Jenna, filter woman, filter.

“Umm…” Jake doesn’t answer.

The silence is deafening.

“Never mind, I don’t know why I said that, but no more cracks about my age. I’m younger then you. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Do you want kids?”

Jake clears his throat. “Yes, yes I do. I love kids. Except I want girls. Two little girls for me to spoil, just like my nieces.”

“Well don’t wait too long, Jake.”

We spent the rest of the night talking politics and music, economy and movies. I must have dozed off at some point in the middle of the night, because I woke up to Jake telling me to go to bed in my ear. Not sure how that happened, but I really hope I didn’t snore.

Jerry and I have been out to dinner a few Fridays after our lesson and I can tell he wants more. I feel so torn about moving forward with him. He’s a great guy. We have a lot in common, but there’s something missing. I know I can’t hold him off forever. When he kisses me goodnight, he’s been giving me this hopeful look, like he wants me to ask him to stay.

Should I take the relationship to the next level or tell him I need space?

Hurting him is the last thing I want to do.

What I do know is that Jake and I are friends. That is all we can be. Every time I talk to him, I like him more and more, but even with all our phone calls and texts, I don’t see how we could ever be together. His life is so different from mine, not to mention the fact that he doesn’t live here.

Today is Friday and after our lesson I ask Jer if we can stay in for dinner tonight at my place. It’s November and it’s getting colder as we get closer to the holidays and having dinner in front of the fireplace seems to appeal to him as well. I’m making pot roast and the cottage is cozy warm. Jer channel surfs on the TV in the living room while I finish up in the kitchen.

“Jer, what do you want to drink?”

“Can I have a glass of red, please?”

I pour him a glass of red wine and take it out to him in the living room. He sets down the remote to take the glass and I clink glasses with him. “Happy Friday, Jer.”

“Cheers.” He’s left the TV on the entertainment network and when I look up I see Jake and Amy on the screen.

Great.

I take a big gulp of wine and listen as the host describes the different photos of them together walking the red carpet of his latest premiere.

“
Jacob Walker and Amy Warren were at the premiere tonight of the final installment of the hit franchise Secret Agenda. The couple looked like Hollywood royalty, arm in arm, on the red carpet. Insiders say there may be a ring on Amy’s finger before long.”

Finishing the rest of the wine in my glass in one big gulp, I watch as they flash pictures of Jake kissing Amy on the cheek. Jake with his arm around her waist. Jake looking down at her with an adoring smile. Jake whispering in her ear… They look completely in love.

I feel sick.

How could he never mention her to me? I thought we were friends.

I need some fresh air.

“Hey Jer, dinner is ready, but I want to let the roast sit for a bit if that is all right. Do you want to go for a walk, I need some fresh air.”

Jerry and I take a walk. The air is cold enough that I can see my breath, but I feel better outside, less like I’m going to vomit. Jerry walks quietly beside me and after twenty minutes, when my teeth start to chatter, we head back inside. Once inside I fix us both plates and we sit in front of the fire eating quietly. I have another two glasses of wine and try to keep a smile on my face. Jerry is enjoying his dinner and smiles at me between bites. He complements me several times on the food and I can’t help thinking how easy it is to be around him. He doesn’t make my heart pound, but I’m comfortable and content. Jerry is so sweet and he is here with me and I know he wants to be.

Jer catches me as I observe him and asks, “Is everything okay? You seem a little quiet tonight and you haven’t really eaten anything.”

Making a decision, I put my glass down and give him a kiss that lingers a little longer than normal. Jer looks up at me with hopeful eyes and I know what he’s thinking.

“Stay with me tonight, Jer?”

His eyes light up and he gives me the most beautiful smile. “I thought you would never ask.”

Chapter Twenty

Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? L. M. Montgomery

I
n the morning I slip out of bed and climb in the shower. As I stand under the warm water, I think about last night.

I had sex with Jer.

He was gentle and considerate. He held me after and he fell asleep with his arms around me, sighing contentedly. It was good. Not mind blowing, but good. Once he was asleep I stayed awake, thinking. I thought I would feel better. I thought I wanted to feel safe and wanted. He’s good to me. We have so much in common. He’s crazy about me.

It isn’t enough.

I slept with him for all the wrong reasons and now I hate myself. Not for what we did; I really wanted it to work. But it didn’t, not for me, and now I feel sick. I feel like I used him somehow. I mean, I basically threw myself at him even though my gut was telling me it wasn’t right; even though I knew something was missing.

I care about him, but I don’t get that feeling you’re supposed to get. It’s safe and comfortable, but I don’t want that anymore and I can’t lead him on.

I want to feel my blood rush through my veins. I want my heart to pound in my chest. I want that zing when I look into his eyes. That all-consuming need to touch him and be with him. Like with…

Pushing my head under the water, I stop that train of thought right there. Washing my face, I try to figure out the best way out of this.

There is no easy way.

I hope I can salvage a friendship with Jerry because I would hate to lose him as a friend.

Ugh, this is a nightmare.

Stepping out of the shower, I hear a phone ring.

Must be Jerry’s phone, no one I know would call this early on a Saturday.

As I dry off, I hear Jerry’s sleepy voice talking to someone.

Hmm…It sounds like a wrong number.

Taking my time drying off, I stall as long as I can to gather my thoughts. I grabbed my clothes on the way in here so I get dressed and put my hair up in a ponytail. With a last look in the mirror and a deep breath for courage, I open the door and find Jerry with a confused expression on his face.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning, Jen. What time is it?”

“It’s almost seven. You know me, I get up early so I decided to take a shower and didn’t want to wake you. How did you sleep?”

“Really good, thanks. I think I’m still sort of asleep. I just had the strangest conversation.”

Don’t be cruel Jenna. You can’t have this conversation with him while he’s still naked in bed.

I need to let him wake up first.

“I’m going to run down to the café and make sure Laney has everything under control, to give you time to take a shower. Then maybe we can have some breakfast together?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Grabbing my phone off the end table next to the bed, I leave him to himself.

Oh boy, this is going to be hard.

As I walk to the café I check my phone and see I have a missed call from Jake. Checking my voicemail, I have one message.

“Jen, I need to talk to you about something important, call me. I’m going to call back again in a few to see if I can catch you.”

I think about calling and decide it’s better if I don’t. Not right now. I need to focus on salvaging my friendship with Jerry. I don’t want to hurt him.

Why couldn’t it work out with Jer?

Maybe…No!

I can’t think about Jake today.

Chapter Twenty-One

Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another. Thomas Merton

Six Months Later…May

A
t the airport, Jerry helps me with my bags.

“Let me know that you get there safely.”

“I will. Thanks, Jer, for everything.”

“I love you, Jen.”

“And I love you, Jer, but you deserve someone who is in love with you too. Go find her.” Giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek I then turn and walk toward the security check point.

On the plane I smile to myself, happy how my relationship with Jer has evolved. After that night we spent together, I talked to him and explained my feelings. He was really hurt and I felt horrible, but I knew I could never be more than friends with him. After a while he understood.

I don’t know if it was because he was still hoping I would change my mind, but a month later he came by the café and asked if we could still be friends. Happy to have him back in my life, I made it clear I was only interested in a friendship and he agreed.

We started hanging out again. He had great ideas for the café and suggested we start an open mic night. Encouraging the idea, I asked if he wanted to take on the project himself and he accepted. We worked on getting the entertainment licenses the café needed from the county together and made all the preliminary plans. After everything we had been through, I could see how important this project had become to him. He organized everything and set up the local promotion. The café started to become a hangout for the local musicians and I had a whole new set of customers in the evenings. I ended up offering him a permanent position as event manager and he accepted. I still took care of the mornings and afternoons with Laney, but Jerry would take over in the evenings and then plan all the musical events.

We worked together a lot. I knew he wasn’t dating anyone, but I kept encouraging him to do so.

Maybe this is a good thing that I’m going away.

I want Jer to find someone. I want him to be happy.

He’s such a great guy and deserves someone that will adore him.

He’s just not the man for me.

I’m on my way back to Italy and I’m so excited. Flipping through the
Let’s Go Italy
book I picked up, I dog ear the pages of the places I want to see while I’m there. Since I’ve already been to Rome, Venice, and Florence on my previous trip, I decide to start this trip in the south and if I have time, head back north, finishing my vacation in Florence. I can’t wait to taste the pizza in Naples and see if it really is as good as Elizabeth Gilbert says it is in
Eat, Pray, Love
. Jake had said I shouldn’t miss the Amalfi Coast and I don’t plan to.

Jake…

It’s been so long since I’ve talked to him.

After I spent the night with Jer I couldn’t call Jake. I felt like I betrayed him somehow, but I really betrayed myself. I guess whatever he wanted to talk to me about wasn’t that important, because he didn’t call me either. Not until he called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked him his plans and he told me he was spending it with his brother’s family. The conversation wasn’t a long one, but it was nice to hear his voice. I didn’t talk to him after that until I called to wish him a Merry Christmas. He asked me about my plans for New Year’s Eve and we talked about our favorite Christmas memories as kids.