Sweet Cheeks (10 page)

The foyer is all polished boards with white panels halfway up the walls and painted sunflower yellow. It's so pretty. I'd love my kitchen to be like this, all bright and cheery.  A young guy comes out to greet us, dressed in a crisp white uniform.

“Tanning, hey man,” the guy says and shakes Tanning's hand. I smile at him and he gives me a big smile back. He's cute in a Justin Bieber kind of way, and I can't help my flirty nature.

“And who is this?” he asks, his big brown eyes raking over my body. Me being pregnant obviously doesn't faze this guy. I mean even though my stomach is swollen out like a balloon, I still have nice legs, and my boobs are rocking hot in this tight little sundress. Makes me feel good, to think I can still be desired, even if Tanning doesn't want me.

Tanning grips my hand tighter and pulls me a little closer. That's kind of cool and very
unfriend
like.

“This is Jen,” he says and doesn't elaborate. “Can we have a table out back, near the waterfall?”

Shit. Not the waterfall. Jeez, can't I just have one fantasy come true for once.

The guy finishes checking me out and then goes to his booking sheet. “Yeah, sure, we aren't real busy tonight, no one's reserved that table.”

Odd, it's a Saturday night and looks like there a few people already seated, with more cars pulling up outside.

The guy grabs a couple of menus and gestures for us to follow him through the restaurant and out to the back porch, heading straight for the little corner I'd picked out about a million years ago when I came here for that wedding when I was ten, and it's been my dream spot ever since. Apparently that's another dream about to be crushed.

The guy goes to pull out my chair, but Tanning beats him to it, and gives him a stern, hands off, kind of look.
Interesting.
Not sure if he thinks he's being all brotherly protective, like Cam, or if he's actually jealous. I smile flirtatiously at the guy as he hands me the menu.

“This is a beautiful place. I've always admired it when I’ve driven past,” I say, as I slide into my chair.

He inches a bit closer. “Well, you'd be welcome anytime. I can have any table reserved for pretty guests like you.”

His eyes are twinkling with glee, and I'm kind of loving the attention. “Well, isn't that nice. I might just come here more often.”

“Drinks. We'd like to order drinks,” Tanning cuts in sharply.

“Of course, what would you like?” the guy says, but doesn't take his eyes off of me.

Tanning orders the drinks without asking what I'd like, and the guy gives me one last big grin before he disappears.

I watch him go. Can’t help it, he has a nice ass.

“What the hell, Jen?”

I look back to see Tanning frowning again. Oh, so we're back to that. He hasn't looked at me like that for a few days.

“What?” I ask, acting all innocent.

“Maybe I should go wait tables and you can have dinner with Dave.”

“Dave?”

“The waiter.”

“Oh, right. Um ... why do you say that?”

“You were flirting with him.”

I shrug. “He's hot, I'm single. Why not? He doesn't seem to have a problem with me being ...”

I bite my lip so I don't finish that sentence.

“Being what? Pregnant?” Tanning says, glaring at me.

I cross my arms. I'm so sick of his high and mighty ways.

“Yes, Tanning, being pregnant doesn't make me a nun. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. And I don't want Treasure Pot to miss out on having a dad.”

“What about Travis?  I thought you said he wanted to be involved?”

Shit.
I knew that'd come back to bite me.

I fidget with the cute little ceramic salt and pepper shakers, shaped like doves. “Yeah well, Travis is a bit of an unknown quantity, what he says, and what he does, are totally different.”

Tanning taps his fingers on the table, flicking his gaze around, before he settles back on me. “So ... do you want him back?”

Hell no! Not in a million, billion, gazillion years.

“Um ... can we talk about something else? I thought you were going to cheer me up.”

Tanning sighs long and hard, then picks up the menu and runs his eyes over it. “Do you like steak?”

I grin. “I love it.”

Tanning grins back. Good, now I've got the Tanning I love.
Love? What?
I don't love him. Well I mean I could grow to love him. He's smart, he's kind, he doesn't put up with my crap. He'd make an awesome dad and he's hot as hell. He drives my lust filled brain crazy. I look over to the beautiful gardens to get my wandering thoughts off all the ways I love Tanning. Jeez, scratch that,
could
love Tanning.
Could
…

“They have the best steak around. I'll order it for us.”

Dave turns up again in record time and puts a rainbow colored drink in front of me, with a straw, an umbrella, and a cherry with sugar round the rim. Wow, he’s gone all out.

“That looks great, thanks,” I say and give a small smile, trying not to annoy Tanning again.

He's being nice, so I should probably play nice too.

“Anything for a beautiful lady,” Dave says and winks at me.

I smile a little and glance at Tanning under hooded lids, while I take a sip. Dave keeps standing there, like he's waiting for my approval.

“Yummy,” I say, and dart my tongue out to lick the sugar from my lips.

Dave's eyes immediately widen and Tanning shoves the menus into his hands, “Two steaks, and that'll be all,” he says sharply.

Whoops, probably shouldn’t have done that, but it was an honest mistake. I really had sugar on my lips.

Dave swallows hard, then leaves, while Tanning crosses his arms and leans back, saying, “You really are a whole world of trouble, you know that.”

I take another sip, then smack my lips together, ignoring his comment. “It is good. You want to try it?”

Tanning narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “No. I believe you.”

I shrug again and put down my drink. “Your loss.”

Tanning leans forward a little. “So ... if we're not talking about your future plans, you want to reminisce a bit?”

I did too much of that today, but I'm not about to tell him. I suppress the shiver that snakes down my spine, thinking about Jason.

“Sure. Talking about old times is always a hoot.”

“Not for me.”

Oh crap, that's right, High School was hell for him. Maybe the weather might be a better topic. I look up to the brewing thunder clouds ... hmmm. Maybe not. Could be an omen of sorts

I try to think of something else, when he says, “Do you remember that day in Senior High when you kissed me?”

I twist my lips. I do. It was definitely one of the best kisses I ever had.

“Yeah, I remember. But I already told you I'm sorry I was such a bitch. What more do you want me to say?”

“Do you know what I was thinking the whole two hours I was left tied to those football posts?”

Crap. Now I feel really bad. At the time I thought it was hilarious.
What the hell was wrong with me?

I play with the straw in my drink, not sure I can look at him.

He leans further forward and trails his finger along my hand. “I was thinking … that despite being beaten up and humiliated ... it was totally worth it.”

Oh Dear God.
There it is again. My racing heartbeat. This guy has got full control over my emotions, with mere words and a mere touch, he can set me from frosty to scorching heat in milliseconds.

I look him in the eyes and I swallow. His gaze is intense, and I've stopped breathing. He turns my hand over and continues to trace his finger along my palm. That is so hot, shit the whole world has just gone fuzzy, I bite my lip hard.

Then he leans in again, so his lips are mere inches from mine. I wish the table would disappear so I could crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around him.

“You are Jen ... you're worth it. You should know that.”

I can feel a tear slip down my cheek. No one has ever said anything like this to me before, and I didn't realize how much I needed to hear it.

Tanning wipes my tear away with the pad of his thumb. “Hey, Sweet Cheeks. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry.”

I take a deep breath and look away from him. “I um ... I just need to go to the bathroom for a minute, I'll be back.” I get up quick and hurry through the tables till I find the rest rooms.

I rush in to the first vacant cubicle and sit on the toilet seat for a minute, taking deep meditative breaths.
Why does he keep doing this?
I know he's just trying to be nice, to be a good friend. Except I don't want him as my friend. I want him in every other way. As a lover, as my safety net, as my comfort, as a dad to Treasure Pot. I need to back away. I need a distraction. I can't cope with this.

I flush the toilet even though I didn't use it, and move to the basin to check my reflection in the mirror. My makeup isn't smeared, thank goodness for water proof mascara. I tuck a few loose tendrils of my blonde hair into my messy bun and straighten my dress, revealing a little bit more cleavage.

Okay. JJ, you're good. You can do this.

I open the door to the bathroom and hold my head high. I need to get back to the old JJ. Not the blubbering idiot I've been the past few days. I plaster the smile on my face and my eyes sweep over the room now full of patrons, enjoying a night out. I spy a nice looking couple in the corner. He's leaning across the table and putting his hand on her swollen stomach, wonderment and excitement written all over his face. The girl is giggling and looking at him adoringly, her diamond wedding ring sparkling in the candle light. A bunch of red roses behind her, finishing off the perfect scene.

 I crumble inside. I can't stay here. Seeing that scene is like a knife twisting in my gut. I've cried a river of tears today, and thought I was spent, but seeing that nearly finishes me. Because I know that scene will never be mine. It was supposed to be. I had it all planned, and apart from the red roses, so cliché by the way, that should be me and my Mr Wonderful.

I spin around, the tears burning once more and I'm about to leave, when arms wrap around me and hold me tight. “Come on, let's go,” Tanning whispers, next to my cheek. “I shouldn't have brought you here.”

No he shouldn't have, but I'm glad he's taking me away.

Places like this are reserved for the lucky people. The better people. Like I once was. Not anymore. People like me don't belong in places like this, and the sooner I stop trying to grasp at that impossible, improbably dream, the better off I'll be.

TWeLVe

_________________________

We haven't spoken much all the way home and I'm glad. I'm a little tired of trying to explain myself to Tanning. I'm also a bit spent at all the emotions I've experienced this weekend. Tanning has tipped the axis of my world on its head and I need to right it again. He'll be gone in a couple more days and then I can get him out of my system and concentrate on more important things. Or so I tell myself. Truth be told I'm not looking forward to him leaving. I want him to stay.

We reach the farmhouse and Tanning brings the car to a stop, but doesn't switch off the ignition.

I look across to him and frown a little, wondering what he's doing.

He sighs and glances at me. “I ... ah... I'm going home tonight. The pest people gave mom and dad the all clear and they want me home.”

Must be nice.
 

“Oh. Okay. Sure. I bet they've missed you.” I know I already do and he hasn't left yet.

“Yeah they have. So ... um ... I guess I'll see you around.”

“Yeah. And um ... thanks ... for taking me out. Sorry I wasn’t better company.”

Tanning licks his lips and I hone in on them like a bee to honey. My heart rate increases and I know I have to get out of his truck before I try and do something I'll regret.

I turn and push down on the handle, when Tanning puts his hand on my knee. “JJ ...”

I swallow and continue to push down on the door handle. I really can't stand to hear anymore placating or sympathetic comments from him. He exerts more pressure on my knee, and I stop moving, taking a big breath.

“I
really
will see you around,” he says softly and takes his hand off my knee.

I give him a small smile and get out of the car as quick as I can, and I don't look back. I can hear the car idling as I make my way into the house and shut the front door. I blow out a big breath and lean against the door. Wow, that was intense. But it's a good thing he's gone. Really good.  I couldn't be more pleased. Not having to see his rocking shirtless body, not having to see those gorgeous green eyes sparkling at me or even looking at me with disdain. Yeah, I won't miss that or him at all.

I am such a liar.

I take a few more breaths thinking about how tonight affected me. No, how I
let
it affect me. I've ignored those feelings till now. I've ignored how much it hurts to know I don't have anyone. That my parents have abandoned me. That my grandma died. That I let myself sleep with someone I didn't like and got myself pregnant. And most of all, that I opened my heart to have real feelings for Tanning, and hoped, that maybe, just maybe, he might feel something for me. That’s what hurts the most. The constant rejection.

I am the world's biggest idiot. Thinking I could keep ignoring all that. I want the guy who looks at me adoringly, who loves Treasure Pot, and who wants us the way we want him.  I want someone to share the joy and the hardships with. I want it all. There's just one problem: I don't know how to get it. I thought I did once.  Now I'm flying blind and it scares me.

I hear laughter coming from the living room, and I smile. I actually smile. Bailey and Cam sound happy. They must have sorted through their problems. Lucky them.

I walk slowly down the hall and open the door to the kitchen. I call out, “Hey,” just to make sure they know I'm home.

Cam comes into view, he's making dinner. Dressed in his standard worn denim jeans and white t-shirt, he sure is gorgeous. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking that, but when I look at him now I don't see him the way I used to, like a commodity in an expensive store I just have to own. Now I see him for the good friend that he is, and I don't want to lose that. He may be my only real friend. And let's face it, I'm going to need him. I can pretend I can do this alone, but when I face the reality of being a single mother, it's not exactly appealing knowing I have no one to share that with.