Sweet Agony (Sweet Series Book 1) (12 page)

Seeing Ginny cry over me was the equivalent of a knife to the heart. It killed me every time. Maybe it was a good thing that, with each deployment, a little more of my humanity died. Perhaps, in a couple of years, Gin’s tears wouldn’t affect me at all.

Against my better judgment, I caved in to my mother and sister’s demands. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Gin—I always wanted to see her—but to have what you wanted more than anything in the world within your reach then walk away from it was torture. Not to mention, my emotions were all over the place when it came to seeing her.

My head prayed she still had the same boyfriend with the octopus hands, and they were settled down and happy. It would hurt to see her happy with someone else, but the logical part of me still knew it was for the best. My heart, on the other hand, hoped octopus boy had jumped in front of a moving train and died a tragic death. No man would ever love Gin the way I did.

The truth was that I still couldn’t have her.

Anytime I got orders, there was a good chance I wouldn’t come home. It was what I had signed up for, so I didn’t complain. However, this sort of life wasn’t fair to the women who waited at home for their man to walk through the door, and I refused to put the love of my life in that role.

With all of that in mind, for better or worse, I hopped onto a commercial flight and went home to spend time with the very woman my heart beat for on her birthday.

After I arrived at the resort, we all had a good time, taking in the various activities offered: horseback riding, canoeing, swimming in the lake. This meant I got to see Ginny in a bikini for half the weekend, which resulted in the worst case of blue balls known in the history of man.

On Sunday, we had a big cookout with my dad manning the grill, allowing the rest of us to drink, which I did a little too much of. What was the quote?
Be careful what you wish for
? Well, on the way into this little shindig, I had prayed for alcohol to get me through. After sitting down at the picnic table and being ambushed by Ginny sitting next to me, I knew alcohol was definitely going to be needed.

Our mothers had just gotten up from the table to go inside a cabin to get the potato salad, macaroni and cheese, and other dinner fixings when I suddenly felt a subtle breath on the shell of my ear.

“I need to see you tonight, Lucas.” Ginny’s soft voice sent a tingle down my body.

Turning my head to look her in the eye, I said the only thing that came to mind. “Why?”

A pretty blush spread over her cheeks, and she bit her bottom lip. “I want to … talk with you tonight. So after dinner is over, I’m going to come by your cabin. Okay?”

The question was hopeful, and there was a mischievous gleam to her eyes. Dear Lord, that look could do what nothing in my military career had been able to do so far—bring me to my knees.

Instinctively, I knew she didn’t want to talk. No, the look in her eyes said she wanted to do things a hell of a lot more intimate than talking.

My dick went rock hard at the thought of my hands on Ginny’s naked skin.

It was absolute torture.

I didn’t know why she had suddenly decided to make a play for me again, but my decision hadn’t changed in our time apart. My life was still too dangerous to bring in someone as soft and gentle as Gin. I couldn’t take the chance that, if something happened to me, it would break her.

Getting out of this situation was going to take some deceptive maneuvering. The woman I still secretly loved with every cell in my body would probably hate me again by tomorrow morning, but if that was what I had to do to spare her the heartbreak of being a future military widow, then I would do whatever the hell I had to do.

Pasting a smile on my face, I replied quietly. “Sure, Gin, come on by the cabin after dinner and we can talk.”

Her face lit up brighter than a fucking Christmas tree, and I knew that it might be the last smile she ever gave me. Then she darted in, gave me a quick peck on the lips, and jumped up from the table to walk away. Looking back, she mouthed the word, “
later
” then disappeared into the same cabin our mother’s had gone into.

Looking back at my dad at the grill, I caught his disapproving look.

Shit. By tomorrow, I would be in the dog house with both Ginny and my father. Whatever. A man had to do what a man had to do to protect the ones he loved, even if it meant breaking their hearts.

I got up from the table and headed over to the cooler full of beer. I was going to need about a dozen of these to help me get through today. How was I supposed to know that, in the end, the alcohol was what would end up being my downfall?

The day passed in a blur of food and joking between siblings. My brothers would occasionally ask about my deployments, and I would give them the vaguest answer I could then change the subject. Ginny sat by Olivia the entire day, but I often caught her glancing my way out of the corner of her eye.

I did my best to play along, cracking jokes and making conversation with the family as if I weren’t internally hating myself every goddamn second that passed. We even had cake. A two-layer, homemade one with strawberries and blueberries that made an American flag on top. I bet the cake was delicious, but everything tasted like sawdust to me at the thought of what I was going to do later. Or not do.

After night fell, Olivia and Ginny excused themselves and stated they were going to bed. Everyone wished Ginny a final happy birthday, and she left, giving me the sort of smile I’d only seen her give me in my dreams.

I started pounding back the beers after she disappeared. One after the other.

Eventually, the parents went to bed, and the only people left were me and my brothers. I kept them engaged in conversation until well after midnight, allowing what I thought was enough time to pass for Ginny to get the point that I wasn’t going to meet her at my cabin.

When I was so drunk I started to wonder if I would be able to walk back to my cabin, I finally told my brothers good night and left.

It was a good thing I left when I did, too, because it took my drunk ass probably half an hour to shuffle my feet the short distance to my cabin. Stumbling inside, I barely managed to get my clothes off, accidentally pulling my boxers off with my jeans before tripping over my own damn feet and thankfully landing on the bed. I passed out immediately, only to dream about soft hands petting my chest and abs. And there were soft, silky, smooth legs tangled with my own. I wasn’t the only one lying on the bed now.

“Wha da fuck?” I slurred, finding that sort of funny. Who knew you could be drunk in a dream?

I felt a finger cover my mouth and heard a soft voice whisper, “Sh … It’s okay, Lucas.”

Damn. I knew that voice. It haunted me in my dreams. It had gotten me through cold nights in the mountains and deserts overseas. Maybe this was another one of those dreams where I could have my Ginny and not worry about ruining everything. That was what it had to be—a dream—because my angel would never be waiting in bed for me. I had given up on ever having her in my bed years ago.

Plus, innocent girls like her didn’t do things like this, which was all the proof I needed that I was sinking into one of my many fantasies of her. A sweet torture, these fantasies I had.

“Why yous haunt me, Gin? I swear I sees yous everywhere I go.”

The legs next to mine moved, and she maneuvered herself until dream Ginny straddled my waist.

“You’re drunk, Lucas. I shouldn’t do this or tell you what I’m going to while you’re like this, but if I wait another minute, I’ll lose my courage, and I don’t want you to leave again without knowing.”

“Woman!” I shouted, confused, “Wha are yous talkin’ ’bout?”

She lowered her face until it hovered above mine. God, even when Gin was in my head, she was as pretty as the real thing.

Her tongue came out to lick her bottom lip nervously, and I groaned at the sight. It made me think about what else she could be licking, and I felt myself harden.

Wasn’t that totally fucked up? A man could feel like his cock was so hard it could hammer nails even in his dreams? It didn’t seem right.

“I love you, Lucas.”

Her voice again was soft, but those words of hers rang loud and clear through me. I didn’t care if I was passed out drunk, and this was just a figment of my imagination. Right now, she was giving me everything I had wanted for what felt like my entire life, and I was going to enjoy every moment of it before I woke up and was alone again.

Grabbing her head, I slammed my lips against hers. She ground herself down on me, and that was when I realized dream Ginny was naked. Hell, yeah.

I wandered her body with my hands while she scratched her nails down my chest. Then she brought her body back until she was straddling below my waist.

I probably should have paid attention to what she was doing, but my eyes had caught on to the sight of my necklace wrapped around her neck, lying against the creamy skin of her chest. It looked so right, seeing her bare in nothing except that gold chain and heart-shaped locket, exactly as I had always imagined.

I didn’t think emotions could be this intense in a dream, and that probably should have tipped me off that something was horribly wrong. Of course, then my angel did something else I had always imagined yet never thought I would get to enjoy.

She wrapped both of her hands around my cock, stroking my length and causing me to lose what was left of my mind. Nothing else mattered when I was submersed in her touch, this pleasure.

I bucked, but she pushed me down with her weight. If this were real, and I was sober, my tiny, little angel wouldn’t have had a hope in hell of holding me down. Anything was possible in my dreams, though.

It felt like she was rolling something down the length of me. A condom, maybe? It would make sense that dream Ginny would be as smart as my real Ginny. Although, my dream Ginny had never used a condom before in my fantasies. Strange.

That thought niggled at me, and the back of my neck tingled with some kind of warning, but then all of my doubts were lost as she started to slide herself onto my throbbing cock.

“I don’t want this dream,” I stumbled over my thoughts in a raspy whisper. “I don’t want to stop. Ginny,” I dragged out her name as I fought the urge to tell her all my secrets.

It was slow moving, and we struggled a little because she was so tight. I wanted to love her good, make it the best she would ever have, dreams or no dreams, but my patience was shot, and the fuckin’ room was starting to spin. There was no damn way I was going to pass out into oblivion before I finished this fantasy.

Flipping her over onto her back, I accidentally slid out of her, losing what little progress we had made. That was okay, though, since I was sure as shit about to fix that.

Using my hand to guide myself into her, I felt her wetness on my fingertips, only spurring me on to hurry. She was obviously ready. I sure as fuck was ready. There was no need to wait. Any sort of waiting meant I could wake up, and this would all be gone. I never wanted it to be gone, so I had to hurry up. That way, I could hold on to the memory of it forever.

I slammed home, shouting out at the grip she had on me. Dream Ginny shouted, too. For a moment, though, it sounded more like a cry.

“Fuuuuck, you feel better than anything I’ve ever had.”

“Lucas,” her voice hitched.

“Sh … honey. I’m gonna move, ’kay?”

“O-ok-kay.”

Then I started sliding in and out of her.

“So fucking good. So sweet. Ginny,” I rambled on. “I don’t ever want to stop. So tight, my sweet Ginny. Mine,” I growled. “Every dream with you gets better and better. You keep the nightmares away.” I thrust into her over and over.

This right here, even if it was a fuckin’ drunken figment of my imagination, was everything I had wanted from before I was even smart enough to realize it. The sweet angel who had grown up across the street from me was spread out below me, around me. I could touch and taste the sweetness of her innocence, and her moans sounded better than any music I had ever heard.

Running my lips over her skin, I moved until I met the single tear track on the side of her face. I pressed my lips to the damp skin there then made a trail of kisses back to her plump lips. Her tongue felt velvet soft against my own, and she tasted like the rich, sugary birthday cake I had eaten earlier.

As I slowly moved in and out of her, the sensation of her surrounding my hard length was enough to make me wish I could die just like this—surrounded by her touch and warmth, loving her.

When she moved her hands up to grab my shoulders, her nails pricking my skin in their fierce, little grip, it almost sent me over, which just wouldn’t do.

I was wrapped up in heaven right now with the angel of my dreams moaning against my lips as I made love to her. This couldn’t end. I needed to make it last as long as I possibly could because, when I woke up, I would be inundated by the hell that was my life without her. It was time to show dream Ginny what I longed to show my real live Ginny …

I owned her
.

Mind, body, and soul.

And this fantasy wouldn’t end until I was damn ready for it to.

Grabbing her hands, I forced them to the bed on either side of her head, lacing my fingers with hers, locked together as one exactly as we should be.

“Lucas!” she sobbed. “I—” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know what to do.”

Leaning down so our lips were touching, skimming as we breathed each other’s air, I gave her the simple truth.

“I’ll lead; you follow. I’ll command; you’ll obey. Gimme all of you, sweetheart, and I’m gonna take it, but I’m also gonna give you back so much you won’t miss what I take. Understood?”

She bit her bottom lip uncertainly yet nodded. It was all the permission I needed, but I wanted more.

“Gimme the words. I wanna hear you say it.”

With a timid look, she asked slowly, “Say what?”

“Say you’re mine.”

“I’ve always been yours.” No hesitation. No doubt.

It was so close to how I knew the real Ginny would answer that I almost stopped what I was doing. I refused to let this dream go, though, so I pulled out until my tip was at her entrance then surged forward inside of her, reveling in the way I felt complete for the first time in my life.