Surrender to Love (23 page)

“Well, I’m glad you’re taking it so well,” Jules replied stiffly. “Because if I were you, I would be plotting out how long it would take to slash all of his tires before someone realized I was missing from the party.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” Patti said jokingly, but a part of her really wanted her friend to do something heinous just for the satisfaction of seeing his day tainted like hers was
now. She must have read too much into his appearance after all. Maybe those shadows under his eyes were from him losing too much sleep because he’d been too busy screwing his way through the female population while she was at home growing arms for his fetus.

“What in the world?”
At the front of the room, Piper held up a small, cream-colored box with the word Lelo across the top. She smiled curiously, as she opened the lid and peered inside.

“Well, what is it? Show us!” someone in the group called out.

Piper turned the box to face everyone. Inside were four sets of balls. One pair was powder blue and about the size of a golf ball, and the other pair was baby pink, slightly smaller, and set into white rings that were joined in the middle, resembling baby rattles.

“Sheila?” Piper glanced over at their friend in question.

Sheila, who had her head bent toward her boyfriend, Tom, whispering to one another, feeding each other cupcake icing from their fingertips, lifted her head. A wicked smile split across her face. “Oh, you’re going to love those. Their Kegel balls.” Piper stared at her blankly, and then slowly, her face began to take on a slightly pinker hue. “After the baby comes you just pop those suckers in, and then your vag will be as tight as a virgin again.”

Tate snatched the box from Piper’s fingers and inspected them. “Sweet. Thanks, Sheila. We’ll make sure to put these to good use.”

“Yeah, Sheila,” Piper said tightly. “How can we ever thank you enough?”

“Just keep it tight, sweetie.”

Piper’s face turned a bright shade of red, and she turned her attention to another present. “This one is from Patti,” she announced, tearing into it.

“Come on vibrator,” Tate said eagerly, rubbing his hands together and earning a few laughs from the crowd.

“You wish,” Patti snorted. “But I don’t think Piper could get it far enough into your tight ass for it to be worthwhile.”

Tate poin
ted a finger at her and winked as though to say she’d won that round. Piper lifted up a small box. “Plaster of Paris foot molding kit.”

Patti smiled softly. “That way when your baby is all grown up you can still hold his or her foot in the palm of your hand.”

Piper’s eyes misted and she fanned her face. “Thank you. I can’t wait to use it.”

Patti smiled, because that was about all that she could manage with the growing lump forming in her throat. The gift was relatively inexpensive and it hadn’t taken her very long to pick out, but the moment she saw it, she knew it would be perfect. In the few days since she’d learned she was going to be a mother, she had begun seeing the world and the future through a mother’s eyes and, as she’d come to realize, some of the best things came in the smallest packages.

As much as she was looking forward to holding her own son or daughter in her arms, she knew that those days would be short-lived, which was why she’d purchased a kit for herself. She wanted to be able to look back one day, when the memories had grown fuzzy, and hold her child’s foot in her hand and recall just how tiny and precious they were.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jules touched her arm. “You’re not about to cry are you?”

Patti smiled tightly and waved away her concern. “Of course not. I have something in my eye.” She pushed out of her chair. “I’m going to go to the restroom.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” Patti said over her shoulder, already rushing for the door. She could feel the burn of tears in her nose. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

She burst through the bathroom door and locked herself in the first available stall.
It was such a sick twist of fate that she would spend her life dodging love, guarding herself from heartbreak, only to find herself heartbroken and pregnant in the span of a month. The realization that she may have to raise a baby by herself hit her hard, like a sucker punch to the chest, and she broke down, right there in the middle of the women’s bathroom.

“Excuse me, Miss, are you okay?” a woman’s voice called out to her from just outside her stall door.

Patti tore off a piece of toilet paper and wiped her runny nose. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said with a hint of self-loathing. “Baby showers always get me.”

A moment passed where
Patti stared at the toes of the woman’s pointy black shoes and wished she would just go away already. “Do you need me to get someone for you?”

A ginger ale and the father of her baby would be great. “No, that’s okay,” she told her instead.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Patti waited until she heard the bathroom door open and close and the clicking of the woman’s heels had completely faded before she ventured out. The moment she did, she instantly regretted it.

“Hey.” Jon stood there, leaning against the row of sinks, his arms folded across his wide chest, just staring at her.

Surprised to see him, Patti almost tripped over her own feet, but managed to recover before making a total idiot of herself. “Hey,” she said shakily, trying her best to sound upbeat and not at all like she had just been crying her eyes out. It wasn’t working. “What are you doing in here? You do know this is the women’s bathroom, right?”

“
I followed you,” he admitted.

Patti felt completely awkward standing in front of Jon, feeling like a complete mess. She tried to play it off. Skirting past him, acting as though he didn’t affect her, she approached the sink. The second she caught a look of herself in the mirror, fading yellow bruises and black smudges beneath puffy, red eyes, she grimaced. “Damn, someone needs to start realizing that fl
uorescent lighting is nobody’s friend.”

“Why were you crying?”

“Me?” Patti made a face and began washing her hands. “I wasn’t crying.”

She could feel Jon’s eyes on the side of her head. Finally, after a solid minute passed, he reached over and shut off the water. “Yes, you were.” He studied her, and the intensity in his eyes was unsettling. “Does me being here upset you?”

“Everything about you upsets me,” Patti blurted. She wanted to take the words back the instant they left her mouth.

“Fair enough,” he said, tipping his head to her. “Would it help if I left?”

Patti didn’t have to think about her answer. “No. I don’t want you to leave.”

“Why not?”

Patti opened her mouth, the words she wanted to say on the tip of her tongue, but just as she was about to say them, the door burst open. “Oh! Sorry.” The petite brunette, that still managed to be a few inches taller than Patti was, took one look at Jon and tilted her head back to look at the plate on the door. Yep, she was in the right bathroom. “Um, am I interrupting?”

“No,” Patti said quickly. She wiped her hands on her pant leg and turned to leave. “We were just talking. We’ll get out of your way.”

The woman stood aside to let them pass. On the way back to the party, Jon grabbed Patti’s elbow and pulled her to a stop. “What were you going to say back there?”

“I—” The words choked in her throat. “I was just going to say that
you don’t have to leave because…they’re your friends, too—”
Lies, lies, lies
, her brain shouted at her, but Patti had chickened out. Jon was seeing other women. What kind of fool would she look like if she poured her heart and soul out to him now? And the baby? Yes, she knew he deserved to know about it, but just then didn’t seem like the proper place and time to tell him.

She didn’t know when or where it would be best, but she knew that if his answer was anything other than elation, she wasn’t capable of dealing with it
right then. Her emotions were too raw.

Instead
, she blurted, “I’m selling the car.”

Jon blinked several times, too stunned to speak. “Which one, the Toyota or t
he GTO?”

“The GTO.”

His eyes widened slightly in surprise. “How come?”

Patti looked past him, around him, down at her feet. “I thought about what you said, about me being self-destructive and that I was probably going to get myself killed one day, and I realized you were right. Besides, I’ve poured so many hours into making it
what it is and repairing it the last time that I just couldn’t stand the thought of starting all over again.” She shrugged. “It’s time to let someone else do all the work, and get some enjoyment out of it.”

“I don’t think I ever said that you were self-destructive,” Jon said with a teasing smile.

“Well, maybe not in so many words…”

“Patricia, I—”

“There you are!” Jules came dashing into the hall, her smile so broad all of her teeth were showing. She took hold of Patti’s shoulders and turned her around. “Excuse us,” she told Jon absently, then began chattering excitedly. “You won’t believe who I talked to! His name is Travis, he’s a lawyer, and he is totally into me. We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night!” 

Patti held on tight as Jules jumped up and down, jostling her. “That’s great,” she said enthusiastically. “Can you hold that thought? I was talking to Jon about something.”

Jules raked her eyes over him. “About what?”

“About stuff,” Patti said meaningfully.

Jon raised his hands in the air. “It’s fine. You two go talk.” To Patti he said, “We’ll catch up later. Can you come by my place? Say seven?”

“Tonight?” Jules asked, sounding distraught. “But I need you tonight. I need help picking out what to wear. I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my hair.”

“Rain check?” Patti asked Jon hopefully.

“Sure, come by
tomorrow when you get the time.”

Patti smiled and nodded. She watched him as he walked away, feeling relief from the oppressive weight that had been sitting on her shoulders finally lift. Jon was speaking to her, making time for her, and they were finally going to talk.

This roller coaster of a day had just taken a turn for the better.

23

“I need you to vacate the premises tomorrow,” Jon said as he walked through the front door.

In the middle of watching a movie, his sister, Casey, twisted around to look at him. “Hello to you, too. Thank you for asking about my day.” She rolled her eyes. “I guess I was the only one listening when Mom and Dad were giving lessons on being polite.”

Casey had come to town under the guise
of needing a place to stay while her place was fumigated for bugs—hazards of living in an apartment complex he supposed. However, Jon suspected that it had more to do with his parents and the fit he’d had at dinner the other day, but without evidence, he couldn’t very well turn her away. So he’d given her the spare bedroom. Normally a bachelor like himself would probably find having his little sister in his personal space a real buzz kill, but Jon enjoyed having her around. Sometimes the quiet became too much to bear, so he welcomed the distraction.

Kicking of his shoes, Jon joined her on the couch. “Hello. How was your day? Mine was good. Tomorrow, you need to vamoose.”

“Ugh.” Casey tossed her head back. “For how long?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the whole day, maybe the night. Depends on how well things go.” He winked at her, a devilish smile cresting his face.

Casey’s mouth twisted in a disgusted grimace. “I don’t want to hear about your sexual exploits!” She waved her hands as she got up and headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll see if I can stay with a friend or something.”

“Thank
s, sis, you’re the best,” Jon grinned. “Hey, grab me a beer while you’re out there?”

“I hope this woman knows what she’s getting into,” Casey said, returning with drinks for them both.

Jon accepted his beer and twisted the cap off. “She does.”

Casey’s eyes widened. “You told her?”

Jon didn’t have to ask to know what she meant. “Yeah, she knows about Nora.”

“What did she say?”

“The same as everyone else, that it wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t blame myself.” He gulped his beer, all at once feeling uncomfortable.

“Well, she’s right you know.” Casey regarded him thoughtfully. “You’ve never told anyone else before, have you? I mean, is this it? Is she ‘The One’?”

Twisting the cold bottle between his fingers, Jon thought about it. Patricia was one of a kind. She was kind and smart, funny and sexy, and she was the only person besides his family that he had ever trusted with his past. That she hadn’t rejected him meant the world to him. Then he’d screwed it all up, just like he knew he would, just not the way he thought it would happen. He’d assumed that she would run the other way when she learned his truth. Instead, she had accepted it and even tried to reinforce what everyone had told him for years—that he wasn’t to blame.

If he
weren’t careful, he might start to believe them. A part of him already did.

He wasn’t sure if it
had been overnight change, or if it was a long time coming, but he noticed the difference. It was as though something inside of him had shifted. He no longer felt this gripping sense of despair or the oppressive guilt weighing him down. Oh, it was still there, but it wasn’t as heavy of a burden to carry anymore.

He knew that it had something to do with Patricia and her total acceptance of him.

He hadn’t realized until he’d told her just how much his past had influenced his life. He’d put his future on hold, denied himself one all together, because he didn’t think himself worthy of anyone’s love.

He was wrong.

Nora’s parents were wrong.

If someone like Patricia could find something in him worth caring about,
worth saving, then he couldn’t be that far gone.

That day at his parents’ house,
he hadn’t lied when he’d told his mother that he would think about fixing things with Patricia. He’d thought about it long and hard. While he was mulling it over, he went about his days as though his personal life wasn’t in a complete shambles. He’d made it to meetings on time, somehow managed to stay plugged in during the most boring presentations, and even managed to work in a few interviews for prospective accountants into his lunch hours.

Overall
, he’d kept busy and productive, but it wasn’t until the day of the shower that he’d come to a final decision.

He’d asked his friend, Travis, to come along for moral support
, because he knew Patricia would be there and he needed the distraction so he wouldn’t make a complete fool out of himself.

The moment he walked in, it was
as if his entire being sensed her, and he zeroed in on her. She was stunning in a navy wrap dress with her golden hair left down around her shoulders. He wanted to go to her right then, drop down on his knees before her, and beg her forgiveness, but the look on her face made him restrain himself.

He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but
her strained expression didn’t seem too promising…or welcoming. Somehow, he was able to keep his distance. He tried not to look at her, but his eyes kept straying. He tried not to pay any attention to her at all, but it seemed like the only voice he could hear belonged to her. It was as though he were hyper attuned to her every move, every breath. She consumed him.

The last time he’d found himself seeking her out, he caught her gaze and held. It was like a silent communication, a connection of souls, and he knew he couldn’t wait any longer to talk to her. Then her friend leaned in
, and from the way Patricia looked at him, he knew something was wrong. When she ran off, he followed.

It killed him to listen to her crying in the women’s stall, and he knew she wouldn’t want him to be there to witness her pain, but he was glad he was. He wanted to be there for her, in whatever way he could, even if he
were the cause of her pain.

In the end, he was glad he had been, because he wouldn’t be seeing her tomorrow if he hadn’t followed his heart and chased after her.

He knew the answer to Casey’s question. Taking her hand, he gave it a squeeze. “Yeah, she’s ‘The One’.”

Squealing, Casey launched herself into his arms and hugged him tight. “I am so happy for you, big brother! Are you going to propose?” she asked, pulling away.

He shook his head and leaned forward to place his empty bottle on the table. “One step at a time, little sister. I haven’t even found out if she’ll take me back yet.” He frowned down at his hands. “I really screwed things up with her.”

Casey rubbed small circles into his back. “
If she’s coming over, then I’d say she’s already forgiven you. I suggest you lock it down before she comes to her senses and realizes you’re the same beer drinking, golf playing, football watching meat head as all the rest of them.”

“Oh really?” Jon said, twisting around to grab her hands. Casey squirmed, laughing as she brought her feet up between them.

“Don’t you dare!”

“You think you’re so funny,” Jon said, restraining his own laughter.
He dug his fingers into her armpits, ripping a shriek out of her. “This coming from the girl who’s dating an ex-football player.”

“Jon,” she panted, struggling to fend off his attack. “Stop, I’m gonna pee!”

“Then I hope you remembered to wear your Pull-Ups.”

***

“I want everything to be perfect.”

Patti watched Jules shift from side to side in front of the mirror, admiring her perfect figure and stunning good looks. If she had even half of her natural beauty, well, she’d still be sitting her
e on the bed watching her friend get ready for a date. Despite going out with her friends on a regular basis, she wasn’t really a social person. She enjoyed her friends, she enjoyed having a good time, but she wasn’t a partier. She’d never be able to do what Jules did, which was pick up random guys. With everything she did in life, Jules possessed more confidence in her little fingers than Patti did in her entire being.

“Would you quit fussing?” Patti flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Everything
will be perfect, and you know it.”

She heard the subtle swish of fabric as Jules crossed the room to lie down beside her. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” She couldn’t imagine anything having to do with Jules being less than perfect. It seemed to be her theme in life.

Jules took her hand and squeezed it. “Thanks.” She turned her head to look at her, and Patti did the same. “So what about your guy? What did I interrupt earlier?”

Patti shrugged. “Nothing. He followed me when I went to the bathroom.”

“Shut up!” Jules slapped her thigh, her eyes widening. “Did you pull a Piper? Did you two do it in the ladies’ room?”

“What?” Patti screeched, incredulous. “Jon isn’t a man whore,” she claimed, her thoughts straying briefly to their first date when he’d pinned her to the side of her house and turned her body inside out with just a few simple touches.

“Every man is a man whore if given the right place and the right opportunity.”

“Well, Jon isn’t. He’s a gentleman.” Patti sniffed.

“I’ll just bet he is.
” Jules snorted. “So what happened, besides sex, when he followed you?”

“Like I said, nothing. We just talked.”

“Did you tell him about the baby?”

Patti chewed her lip. “Not yet.”

“Then when? You can’t put this off forever you know. These things have a way of getting found out,” Jules chided. “You know, right about the time your stomach blows up like a balloon, or, if not then, when you show up one day with a squirming human in your arms that shits its pants. Kind of hard to sweep something like that under the rug.”

“I don’t plan to sweep it under the rug. In fact,” Patti said with more confidence than she felt, “
since Jon invited me over tomorrow, I’m going to tell him then.”

Rolling on
to her side, Jules propped her head in her hand and smiled brightly. “You know what you should do? You should totally pick up something that will make this surprise bigger and better.”

Patti’s brows pinched together. “Like a present or something?”

“Well, yeah. Get him something that says, hey, you, guess what? You’re going to be a dad! Then, when you’re thinking about backing out of the deal, because I know you and you totally will—” she leveled Patti with a knowing look, “—then you can just pop out the prezi and drop it in his hand.”

Patti thought about it and knew it was an option that she could definitely exploit if she found herself getting cold feet. “And then what do I do, walk away?”

“If you’re a complete chicken shit, sure. But at least he’ll know he has a kid on the way.”

Sitting up, Patti sucked in a breath and propped her fists on her hips, feeling empowered, like superwoman…or a mom. “I hope you’ll be fine here tonight, because it looks like I have some shopping to do.”