Surrender (The Command Series Book 3) (26 page)

“No,” she said, kicking off a shoe.

“Where?”

“Definitely not in that drawer.” She gestured to the end table, and kicked off the other heel. She’d have to pick everything up and put it away, but she’d do it after. After he finished tearing open the box of condoms she’d felt foolish buying earlier this week, and after everything else she hoped was going to happen tonight. Her hands massaged him through the thin cotton that held him back and his deep moan snaked heat through her veins.

The question formed in her mind, and she asked it before realizing how truly scary it was. “Am I going to wake up alone tomorrow?”

“Yes,” he all but growled. “Almost anything could get me out of this bed.”

He pulled down his boxers and tore open the wrapper. Bathed in white moonlight, she watched him ready himself, and come back to her. His mouth claimed hers in a passionate kiss, not dominating or aggressive, but the one that made her tumble out of control. The nuclear one that had now become her favorite.

“Choose your lies wisely,” he whispered. “You’ve only got two left, and I’m going to start asking the hard questions now.”

“Oh, the
hard
ones?” She gripped him fiercely, and he moaned.

“Fuck, you make me crazy.” He pulled her hands away from him, placing them on his shoulders as he positioned himself between her legs.

“Yeah? Right back at you—”

He slid inside her, stealing her breath. He held still, letting her accommodate his size, and then, movement. Slow, unhurried, and so unbelievably good she was ready to explode.

“Why don’t you do relationships?”

No, this again?
She wrapped her arms tight behind his neck. “Come on.”

Breaking away from her strong hold was easy for him. He rose up on his arms, distributing his weight so he could find her knee and slip beneath the band of lace just above it. “You know, I wanted you to keep these on. Such a shame.” He eased it down below her knee. “You can do the rest, I’m busy.”

He gave a thrust. She gasped and her eyes almost rolled back into her head. The effect of him was overwhelming. She felt delirious. Her hand left his shoulder and yanked the rest of the stocking down, flinging the silk off.

“What is it? Baggage from some asshole in the past?” He kissed her and it tasted like encouragement. Or persuasion. It was getting hard to think.

“No.” She wished it were that simple. That would be easier to deal with and get over. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why don’t you do relationships, Olivia?” His lips moved over her throat.

“Please.” She despised how weak her voice sounded.

Beneath her, the mattress sank as his knees shifted closer. It was so he could rise all the way up but stay connected to her, and strip the last lie from her body.

“Ethan, don’t.” The frustration was red-hot and it threatened to bubble over.

“Tell me,” he half-demanded, half-pleaded. He moved inside her, and her traitorous body responded. She couldn’t talk like this, but dear God, she didn’t want him to stop either. “Tell me,” he said again, chanting it back to her like their first time under the mosquito netting.

“I killed those men on the mountain.”

He slowed to a stop. The only sound was their heavy breathing.

Then, he spoke. “You feel
guilty
about that? Shit, it was you or them.”

“No,” she snapped. “I know that. But since that night, something’s wrong with me. My heart doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. It’s just cold.” The words wouldn’t stop coming. “It’s empty. I don’t feel anything below the surface, like I’m not even alive.”

He took an enormous breath, his gaze unblinking. When she tried to slip away, he seized her waist. “Wait a minute.”

She was shaking with anger. “For what?”

“What you said in the office. What you accused me of doing to you.”

Her heartbeat came to a grinding halt.

“You said that I made you . . . feel different.” He shifted back over her, crushing his body to hers. There was no air left to breath, nowhere else to look. He cupped a hand to her cheek. “Do you feel alive when we’re doing this?”

His nuclear kiss restarted her heart. Holy hell she did, but only a fraction of that made it into her confession. “Yeah. I do.”

“Good. Me, too.” He pushed a lock of her hair out of his way. “So, let’s keep doing it.”

His warm skin was on hers, his mouth urgent and persistent, and the anger evaporated.

“Yes,” she cried when he began to move again, his steady rhythm building and building. Desire poured through her, flowing everywhere and sweeping her away. Her ankles crossed behind his back. Fingernails coursed down his skin, digging in to muscle, trying to get him closer. She’d give him whatever he wanted, anything as long as he didn’t stop. Maybe even her broken, useless heart.

Ethan had one hand under her, holding her in place as he drove into her, powerful and deep, each movement better than the last. His wet tongue stroked hers, sending a jolt of pleasure to her center. The things he could do with that tongue.

“I make you feel alive,” he said. That sexy smile was on his face.

“Don’t be so fucking smug about it.”

She used his amusement to initiate a roll, getting him to turn onto his back. His jaw tightened like he was in pain.

“What is it?” she asked, sitting up on him.

“I’m going to last all of fifteen seconds like this,” he muttered, his hands fumbling for her breasts.

Oh. She smiled and covered his hands with hers. “Let’s make them count, then.”

She ground her hips into him, arching her back and moaned at the sensation of having him this way. The hands beneath hers tensed.

“Slow. You’re gonna . . . ” he said, breathless.

She kept moving, faster and faster. Waves of pleasure shot up her spine, flowing outward as she drew closer to ecstasy.

“Wait,” he begged, his eyes full of alarm.

No way.
Her heart was racing, her body aching for release, every last inch of her wanted him to give what only he could. These strange feelings, being out of control, it was so good. And . . . oh God . . .

“Goddammit,” he moaned.

He wrapped his rough hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down to his mouth while his other hand latched on to her hip, guiding her to an even faster pace. They’d both crossed the point of no return.

“Olivia,” he groaned, his body tensing beneath and inside her. Her hands were splayed on his chest, and as he came, his heart pounded as if it wanted to break free from his body. The pulsing inside her, his reaction to her, it all sent her soaring.

Everything went dark and then light. Cold faded to warmth, and she didn’t feel quite so alone in that moment. It was a new kind of pleasure. Connection.

Her body collapsed on his heaving, sweaty chest. As she struggled to breathe, she noticed his head was tilted at an odd angle. Her aching hand revealed the reason. She’d grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head sideways during her orgasm. It had to have been painful. She let go instantly.

“Oh, God, sorry,” she said as his head straightened.

He gave her a lazy smile. “For manhandling me? I don’t mind.”

When her legs started working again, she rolled off of him and stared up at the sky through the window. The panic that gripped her before didn’t make an appearance, but she wondered if maybe it was just dormant. Waiting for the best moment to strike.

The bed shifted when he stood, and it was followed by an enormous bang.

“Fucking hell,” he said, rubbing the top of his head where he’d hit the low ceiling. He went to the bathroom, and reappeared a few moments later, his gaze wary of the ceiling when he climbed back into bed beside her.

“Did anyone ever tell you,” she asked, sliding under the covers, “that you’re freakishly tall?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’d better watch it.”

“Or what? You don’t scare me.”

Even though the bed was big, he eased up against her. His fingers skimmed across her stomach, making her flinch.

“Liar. I scare the hell out of you.”

And she was starting to like it.

-19-

Ethan lifted up on his elbows. Olivia slipped out of the bed and disappeared down the stairs. A cabinet was opened and closed. Something poured into a glass. Quiet footsteps grew louder as she approached, naked and carrying a drink he assumed was bourbon.

If they kept this up, he wouldn’t be thinking about home anymore when he drank, he would be thinking about her.

“I’ve come to collect,” she said, handing him the glass and getting back into bed. “Tell me about hell.”

He didn’t hesitate. “Croatia, about a year and a half ago. I know what Kara said, how she thinks I saved Laurel’s life, but that’s not the case.” He took a sip and passed it back so they could share. “Laurel begged me to kill her.”

“What?”

“The weeks before Jason found her, Juric used all sorts of drugs to keep her amnesia going, including painful ones. My directive was to get close to Juric and gather intel. Absolutely no interference, no action without authorization. So, as that psychopath tortured her, I had to let it happen.”

Juric had been torturing two people every time he sunk that needle into Laurel’s arm. Ethan knew what it was like to see someone in so much pain they begged for death, and he’d been helpless to stop it. After her confession about Gonzales, Olivia knew what that was like as well. Yet another thing they had in common.

“You did what you had to,” she whispered.

“It doesn’t make it easier to live with.”

She set a hand on his cheek. “I know.”

Emotion, foreign and confusing, crept in. His hell paled in comparison to hers. She’d made it through that night on the mountain with all sorts of scars, but she was still standing. He was in awe of her. Like in South Africa, he watched her sip her bourbon and his gaze trailed down over her neck as she swallowed.

“What else do you want to know?” he asked.

A slight smile tweaked on her lips. “Oh, I have lots of questions.”

But she didn’t ask them. She set the glass down and curled up beside him, her fingertips skimming over one of his scars.

“Enough interrogation for tonight,” she said. “I’d like you rested before I start in on you again.”

A laugh escaped from him. “You should strike while I’m weak, not wait for me to recoup.”

“Are you warning me that it’ll be more dangerous?” Her eyes sparked with warmth.

His hand covered hers. “Right, I forgot. You like danger.”

She gave a coy smile. “It makes me feel alive.”

Soft morning light filled the loft. Ethan was half-asleep when a feminine hand stroked him. He was fully awake when the soft, wet heat of her mouth closed around him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” His teasing voice was strangled. Then he realized she’d have to stop to answer him. “Never mind, for the love of God, keep doing it.”

Jesus, this woman was going to be the death of him. She was going to make the days waking up without her more difficult. Beneath the sheet, that mouth slid up and down and in no time he was hard as a rock. Her hands joined in, adding to his pleasure. He stared up at the cloudy sky and tried to focus on the details of the experience.

Couldn’t focus too hard, though. The girl knew what she was doing, and if he didn’t control himself, this wasn’t going to end how either of them wanted.
Think about something else.
He’d have to check in with Daniel this afternoon, and that could lead to a trip to Langley. He blew out a long breath, stabilizing his body, resisting its selfish demands. She was down there for a lifetime, and he couldn’t take another second.

“Okay, you’ve got my attention,” he said.

A chuckle came from beneath the sheets. “Do I?”

“Stop torturing me and get up here.”

The sheet parted and she came into view, climbing on top of him, her green eyes full of lust, her red lips wet and kiss-swollen.