Surrender (5 page)

4-The Lands of Men

Kaliel plodded along the path away from her elder’s quarters. She thought back to the lake, her solitude and her comfort. She hadn’t revealed to Desaunius the real reason for her desperation. The boy in Orlondir—Krishani, he pressed on her thoughts constantly. She couldn’t shake him, he made her feel warm in a way that made her cheeks flush. There was something unusual about him, something tortured and dark that made him different than the others, more compassionate, less arrogant, and a lot more observant.

She picked up another purple flower that strayed a bit from the path. She couldn’t explain why they bloomed so frequently at her feet. Her touch seemed to invoke the land and they sprouted forth wherever she went. She sighed and nestled the flower into her hair and continued walking towards the House of Kin.

Orlondir drifted into her thoughts. It was a magnificent city that created the central hub of Avristar. Desaunius had told her a lot about Lord Istar and Lady Atara, the appointed sovereigns of the land. They lived at the Elmare Castle of Orlondir. Smaller villages scattered the lands, hiding within their bounds magical secrets and sacred spaces only known to the villagers. Compared to the routine lifestyle in Evennses, Orlondir seemed like an exciting labyrinth of wonder to Kaliel. Evennses was tedious. Nothing of importance happened aside from the journey to the Great Oak, and Kaliel feared the ancient tree.

She paused on the path and heaved a sigh. There was a place off the trail that led to a closed chamber next to a tree she enjoyed speaking with. Instead of returning to the House of Kin, she crossed through the tall trees and stumbled over the forest brush littering the path. She crawled under a thick root and when she came up she saw the tree. The sunlight hit the grass perfectly through the canopy of leaves. She smiled and sat next to the tree. She said nothing at first, closing her eyes to feel the sun on her face.

“I went back.”

Leaves rustled as a wind blew through the confined space. “What did you find, Little Flame?”

Kaliel sighed. “Comfort.”

“Then you are satisfied.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I miss him.”

The tree creaked and shifted its roots. “You still remember him?” A root presented itself to her right and she fell to her side, resting her head on it.

“I remember everything about him.” She smiled; this wasn’t the first time she had talked to the trees about Krishani. She gulped, stifling the urge to say more, explain the longing for his touch.

“You weren’t meant to meet.”

Her heart thumped, nervous. The tree had told her that too many times to count, but her answer was always the same. “Aye, but we did.”

“And now it is no more.”

“I can’t forget him.” She sighed and closed her eyes, letting the image of his mismatched eyes and shoulder-length black hair invade her mind. It didn’t matter how many moons or days had passed, she would always remember exactly what he looked like, exactly what he said, and exactly what she felt when his eyes had combed over her.

“He will marry the land.” The tree grunted.

Kaliel hummed and tried to push that thought away along with all the other truths about Krishani’s Brotherhood, the oath of silence, and his chances of going to the Lands of Men.

“Maybe Avristar will let us be together,” she whispered.

“You will marry the land, too.”

Kaliel piled her hands in her lap and grew silent. Krishani had already worked his way into her heart; it was a feeling that would never leave her. The thought of marrying the land made her sad and angry at the same time, worse than betrayal. “I hope that isn’t true,” she said, fighting off the urge to let the heavy thoughts cloud her mind. She pushed herself to her feet and glared at the tree. “And now I must go find Pux. I promised to pick flowers with him this afternoon.” She didn’t let the tree respond as she darted through the brush towards the main path.

• • •

“What do you think the Great Oak will say to me?” Kaliel asked as she paced through the forests with Pux. He was busy chasing a squirrel around a tree. She watched as it curled around the trunk, climbing higher than his reach.

“Wretch!” He scrunched up his nose as the squirrel escaped into the branches. He turned to Kaliel. “What do you mean?”

She shifted in the grass uncomfortably. “I don’t want to go to the Lands of Men.”

Pux laughed. “I didn’t, did I?”

She frowned. “I still don’t understand why.”

“How did it put it? One step, two step, three step, four, you take three steps and you never learn more!” He recited it gleefully as he looked at the glimmers of sunlight through the canopy. A canary chirped and fluttered around the treetops. He watched it precariously.

“You act invalid,” she said.

Pux smiled. “I am invalid. No, I’m happy to live blissfully. Besides, nobody knows what I can do and I prefer it that way.” He listened for the bird. It flew around in circles awhile longer before landing on a branch. When he spotted it he focused and blinked.

Kaliel watched as the bird’s feathers turned from yellow to blue. She shook her head. “You should show that trick to Grimand.”

“Why? He would tell me not to do it.” Then, mimicking the Elder’s deep voice: “Disrupting the natural flow of nature.”

Kaliel sat on a root and watched him as he used his unique gift to turn another bird purple, and a squirrel orange. “You don’t think they’ll notice it if you keep doing that?”

“Why would it matter?” He ran down the path towards the next bend in the forest. Kaliel followed him slowly and he turned back holding a single white flower.

She inspected it. “Sanguinaria.” She recognized it from the morning’s lesson and put it in the basket. It was the first flower they had found all afternoon. “Will you really stay in Evennses forever?”

Pux was a few feet down the path scouring between trees. “No.”

She sighed and idly looked through a space between trees. There was a small yellow daffodil on the other side of the trunk. She reached around and pulled it out. Her thoughts were still on Krishani and Amersil. Part of the journey to the Great Oak meant reaching the boundary between her province and his, and the thought of being closer to him made her warm and nervous at the same time.

Pux backtracked to where she lingered. “Come on Kaliel, what has you so glum?”

Kaliel gritted her teeth and looked at the soil. “I can’t tell you.”

“You always say that.” His expression turned serious. “We’re not like them. You can hear the trees and I can change things. I can’t explain it, but I’m not interested in unraveling the mysteries of the land. Why can’t you accept what is and stop being such a worry wart?”

She grinned. “I’m not
that
different.” She raced towards the tiny bridge that crossed the skinny creek. Frogs swam underneath its murky surface amidst the lily pads and moss. She paused. “I worry because Evennses is too small for me, and the Lands of Men are too big. I want more than this, but I don’t want to lose all that I have.”

Pux came to stand with her on the bridge. He had two more flowers in his hand. He dropped them into the basket at her feet and rested his hairy elbows on the wooden rails. “You won’t lose me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Nay, you are never changing.”

“Never ending!”

She giggled and turned her back to the ledge, resting her elbows on the wood and staring into the trees. “I went back to the lake last night.”

Pux stopped poking fun. All the joy within him seemed to drain away with those words. Without a word he haughtily stormed back through the forest the way they came. Kaliel followed him, unsure what she had done to make him so upset. He stopped a few minutes later and turned to her. “You promised me you would be here today.”

“And I kept that promise.”

“No! You went to the lake again! I thought you were my friend.” He turned and continued storming towards the House of Kin.

Kaliel’s heart dropped. “Desaunius caught me,” she called after him.

He spun around, an astonished look on his face. “Good.” He continued walking.

She ran and caught up to him, stepping in line as he quickened his pace. “I had to try again.”

“Why? Why do you always avoid that question?”

“I like watching the mists.”

Pux stopped and shook his head. “No, that isn’t why.” They reached the fork in the road. The path to the right led back to the House of Kin and the other led further into the forests. Pux took off down the path to the left.

She followed with frustration, self-conscious. “Fine.” He continued walking as though she hadn’t said a thing. “The lake calms me,” she admitted.

Pux turned, bewildered. “You need calming from this place?” His brow furrowed in confusion.

“I can’t sleep until I’ve seen them.”

“I’m lost.”

“Never mind it, then. I told you before I couldn’t tell you why.”

He stopped and sat in the grass beside one of the trees. “You’ve been different since we returned from Orlondir.”

She sat down beside him. “I know.”

“Why didn’t you come back?”

She had avoided this topic as well since their return. She fidgeted in the grass and rolled the edges of her dress. “I saw something.”

Pux waited for her to continue, his brown eyes and hairy face full of questions.

Kaliel sighed and leaned against the tree. She tilted her head towards the sky. She contemplated telling him the whole truth, but settled for a half-truth. “There were creatures in the pond, merfolk I think, like the ones in the lake. I swam with them.”

Pux stood. She knew he was comfortable with the safety of Evennses; he liked knowing the lay of the land. For him, mapping a forest was much more rewarding than gallivanting off into uncharted waters. “That frightens me.”

Kaliel sighed and piled her hands in her lap. “I … I can talk to them.”

He chortled. “You talk to everything!”

She shot him a warning glance. “I do.”

“How did Desaunius react?”

“I’ve never seen her more disappointed.”

“So you won’t go back then?”

Kaliel took a deep breath though her heart was breaking. “No.”

• • •

Kaliel stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever. The rest of the day had passed quickly. She saw Desaunius for another lesson and ate dinner in the mess hall with the other kinfolk. When the sun slipped over the horizon she sat outside in the meadow staring at the stars until Luenelle motioned for her to take to her quarters. Her heart was heavy as she tried to resist the urge to see the merfolk again. They were the only reminders that what had happened in Orlondir was real.

She rolled onto her stomach and stuffed her head into her feather pillow. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm herself enough to sleep. Time dragged on for what seemed like an hour but was probably only a couple of minutes. She opened her eyes. Sleep wasn’t possible; her mind was clouded with thoughts of Krishani. She sat up and put on her slippers. Maybe she would sit outside under the stars and listen to the crickets and play with the fireflies in the clearing. She opened her door and shuffled quietly across the floor. When she reached the top of the stairs she saw light from the hearth fire still burning. Carefully, she placed her foot on the step in front of her. It creaked, she winced.

“She told me you wouldn’t listen to her tenet,” Luenelle said from the rocking chair in the common room.

Kaliel’s heart sank. “Did she also mention that I can’t sleep?”

“No, but I knew it was so.”

Kaliel descended the remainder of the stairs. Luenelle had a manuscript across her lap and she was situated right between the door and the hearth fire. She was a few years older than Kaliel, her elongated ears awkwardly poking out amidst her long brown hair. Her blue eyes didn’t move towards the girl as she came and took a seat on a log near the fire.

“What’s on the other side of the lake?” Kaliel asked.

Luenelle took a deep breath and let it out, obviously impatient. “The Lands of Men.” She put the manuscript on the log beside her.

Kaliel sighed. “I mean, what are the Lands of Men like?”

The House Master grimaced and shifted her eyes to the fire. “They’re full of dangerous things.”

“Like what?”

“Left over chaos caused by the Valtanyana,” Luenelle whispered.

Kaliel shuddered. She had heard of them before, always in the cautionary tales, but they were locked away in Avrigost, they were never coming back. High King Tor and the Flames had defeated them, she had nothing to fear. She noticed the embers in the fire dying down. She picked up the poker and opened the gate to the wood. She poked it gently, moving around the ashen pieces. The fire blazed at the motion. She wasn’t satisfied with Luenelle’s answer. If the Lands of Men were so dangerous, why were they expected to go there? The prospects of seeing Krishani again grew bleak and all that settled her soul was the adventurous pursuit of beauty, of wonder. She paused and held the poker in the fire, staring absentmindedly into the flames. They reminded her of her dreams. She shuddered.

“What troubles you, Kaliel?” Luenelle whispered.

The other girl was pulled out of her stupor, turning and looking at Luenelle’s blue dress and the beige quilt on her lap. It fell to the side and landed on the floor. “I want something I can’t have.”

“The merfolk aren’t something you can possess.”

Kaliel shook her head. “Not them. The Lands of Men. I don’t want to go.”

“Relax, the Great Oak will give you clarity.”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

She smiled wistfully. “I’m in no rush to find adventure. When I go, I’ll be prepared for my journey. Nothing will scare me.”

Kaliel put the poker away and sat on the log again. “I can’t imagine life outside of Avristar.”

“You won’t need to for a long time.”

Knots formed in her stomach. She knew no matter what she wanted in her heart, the land would decide her path, its will was something she couldn’t alter. Up to this point in her life she thought the land wanted very peculiar things from her: to listen, to heal, and to hurt. It wasn’t just the bruises that speckled her body—it was the aching in her heart that hurt the most.